"Bye!", I shout as I pick up the car keys from the little bowl.
"Where are you going?"
I turn around when I hear my mom's confused voice. I see her holding some novel in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other.
Maggie who's sitting near the kitchen island doing her homework, looks from me to my mom as though we're going to have a showdown.
She's not too wrong...
"Out. With my friends", I emphasize the friends hoping that that would be enough for her to let me go.
She sighs and briefly glances at Maggie and I already know where her brain is going.
"Maggie honey, can you please go to your room?.", My mom asks and I drop my head and put the car keys into the bowl.
This is going to be one long conversation...
"But, I came here fi—", Maggie begins but stops when my mom gives her a stern look.
She closes her books, and stomps off to her room muttering something along the lines of "I can't even get my homework done peacefully."
"I heard that.", my mom shouts but Maggie doesn't respond as she's long gone to her room.
"Yes?", I ask wishing that this conversation is not going to go the way I'm thinking it would go.
"Matt...Baby...You know how much I love that you've got great friends and I'm really happy for you...", Okay, this new, I don't think I've ever seen her this nervous to talk to me about anything, "But...", she hesitates and my brows furrow in confusion.
"But what Mom?", I ask.
She takes a deep breath and looks at me guiltily, "Sweetie, It's just...I feel like you've not been spending enough time with Maggie."
"Wha-What?"
"Listen to me.", she sighs heavily and drops her voice to a hushed whisper, "I've been getting calls from school saying that she's being unusually quiet and it's going to the point where she doesn't even answer in classes."
"But she's getting good grades right?"
"She does but that's not what I'm talking about. She's extremely lonely here. The girl rarely talks to anyone but us and I'm worried. She doesn't go out to play, she prefers sitting at home doing her work or watching movies. I'm worried that—", she stops abruptly.
"She's being isolated by her classmates. I don't want that for her Matt."
"How long has this been going on? It's probably just a little fight...", I reason but she shakes her head.
"Right from when school started. I've seen it myself, Matt. Days when I go and pick her up she always asks me to hurry and ushers me into the car before I even get the chance to meet anyone. I didn't read too much into it, I thought that's just her being embarrassed but I just got the call a few days back where her homeroom teacher asked me to look into her silence."
I'm gobsmacked by this information.
"I've asked her about it but she dismisses it every time I bring it up", she says and I can see her glossy eyes, "I don't know what to do. A part of me is saying that this is just temporary but the bigger part of me is afraid that Maggie is going to be lonely at school and home. She doesn't hang out with anyone and that's why I'm relying on you. At least you can be the person who she can probably talk to about these things."
I stay silent not knowing how to respond.
"I f-f-feel like a terrible mother," she says and I immediately shake my head vigorously.
"No, you're not. Stop saying that. J-Just, I'll spend time with her mom, don't worry. But I'll talk to her about this soon. She needs to be with friends her age. This will be a temporary thing. So stop thinking too much about it, okay?", I say, pat her hand awkwardly, get up from my chair begin walking towards the stairwell that leads to my room.
"Where are you going now?", My mom asks with a small smile.
"Up. Going to spend time with Maggie?", I say but my reply comes out as a question.
"Don't go now silly. She'll know we'll be talking about her. Go meet your friends, for now, they'll be waiting. Don't cancel them. Try spending time with Maggie tomorrow okay?", she says and I nod my head tentatively.
I'm so clueless and it's making me angry. I wish I was a better brother. How could I not see Maggie being lonely? I always assumed that it was Maggie's choice to stay in and binge-watch Netflix. I never thought that it was because of her lack of friends.
I feel super guilty for leaving her now.
"Don't feel bad Kay? It's not your fault. How would you have known? But like I said, just try spending more time with her. I'm only asking you 'cause she never talks to me about school. So maybe you should try?", my mom says as though reading my mind and I smile a little.
That doesn't make me feel better.
I turn the knob of the door and enter Anne's house with a flourish, "Hey!", I shout making everyone except Matt...huh...turn around and give me a huge smile.
Where is he?
"Where's Matt?", I ask as I continue to scan around the room.
A stupid grin forms on everyone's face but they soon mask it when I glare at them.
"He should be here in a while...I think. You know him, he rarely looks at his phone. He's probably driving" Anne suggests but I feel a small hole form in my stomach.
What if he's not coming?
Nah. He won't do that.
For once my subconscious is being more supportive than my conscious brain.
I convince myself that he's probably held up with something but would sooner or later turn up.
I hope.
I look around the room and I see Anne sitting on Jacob's lap in the armchair, again, and Sam sitting on Nathan's lap on the futon.
Wow.
"It's only for you and Matt to sit comfortably", Sam says with a faint blush as though answering my questioning look at the couple.
I was this close to saying that the floor was free but decided against it...They might make me sit on the floor.
No matter how much Sam may deny it, Nathan and her are definitely becoming the public-display of affection couple.
"If you say so...", I sing song and sit at the farthest end of the futon.
Almost twenty minutes pass by and Matt's still not here. I sneakily glance at my phone hoping he'd send some message but...Zilch.
All of them ask me about my health and I confirm that I'm feeling much better. I'm grateful that Anne and Sam did not tell the guys about my mom's death anniversary and my own personal sob-fest. It's not that I don't trust the guys but I just like to keep these things to myself.
After what seemed like an eternity, I hear the sound of the doorbell and instantly shoot up from the couch.
I open the door, expecting Matt but I'm deeply disappointed when it's the Pizza guy—Dave
"Hi Dave", I mumble disappointedly and collect the six pizza boxes.
That's a lot.
"How much did you buy? This could feed the whole city", I ask Anne who is now standing beside me with the money in hand.
"We're six people and trust me. This will be just enough.", Anne says and hands Dave the money, which the latter accepts and happily skips down the stairs.
Happy guy...
"Are you sure it's six people?", I ask feeling mildly irritated.
Anne looks at me with raised eyebrows as she settles down the pizza on the kitchen island. "Woah woah woah...Is Sasha feeling annoyed that Matty is not here yet?"
I glare at her and thankfully she shuts her mouth.
"Pizza!", Jacob shouts as he jumps from the armchair followed by Nathan and Sam.
"Not now", Anne whines and swats away Jacob and Nathan's hands.
All of them begin their bickering and I immediately feel left out.
I silently make my way to the futon and sit comfortably as I reflect on the phone call earlier today.
I didn't say anything wrong did I? For him to skip today?
He's probably busy...
But just as I'm about to lose all hope, I hear the doorbell ring for the second time, and like the first time I shoot up from the couch in anticipation but now I'm not disappointed. In fact, the sight of him puts an enormous smile on my face.
You know how they say that the way to a woman's heart is through sweet treats?
I don't know if that's the actual saying but it's something my mom often told me when I used to date Paige...
And she always taught me to never show up empty-handed when I go to someone else's house...
Combine the two...
That's the story of me standing in the longest queue in Walmart's history.
All I wanted was four tubs of Ice cream and a candy bar.
But some people had different plans.
After standing in the queue for nearly fifteen minutes, I finally had to pick out a new batch of ice cream cause I was pretty sure mine would have melted by now.
I run out of Walmart in record time and drive towards Anne's house and by the time I reach, I'm already an hour late.
Oops?
Anne's condo complex as wonderful and fancy as it is has the slowest elevator, so I decide to run up five flights of stairs and by the time I show up to Anne's door, I'm panting and breathless.
While I wait for the door to open, I crouch down a little and rest my hands on my knees. But I don't wait for long because the door opens to reveal an extremely beautiful-looking Sasha.
Damn...
She's wearing that purple top that I really really like. I'm very sure that it was unintentional outfit choice but it doesn't matter because I'm a goner.
Oh dear god.
"Hey", she says with a very pretty smile which I'm seeing for the first time. It's the smile that shows all of her teeth.
She never smiles like that.
I love it.
"Hey..."I say and pat myself on the back for not sounding like a dork.
There's also something about her that's different. I can't pinpoint what it is but she looks so much more beautiful than she already is.
What could it be?
"Did you cut your hair or something?", I blurt out making her eyes widen but her shock is quickly replaced with a small smile.
"No, I didn't... I did wash it though.", she says while touching her hair a little and making way for me to enter.
As I pass by I get a whiff of the coconut smell that I've come to love and associate with her.
"You finally showed up", Nathan says with a smirk as he lifts his head from Sam's shoulder.
"Yeah yeah...They had the longest line in Walmart", I show up the Walmart bag and everyone eyes it with curiosity.
"It's ice cream", I clarify and I'm immediately greeted with a wide range of compliments and praises for being a great friend.
Anne and Sam run up to me and enclose me in their bear hug.
"You're a wonderful person Matt", Sam mumbles and I chuckle.
"I hope that hug is only platonic", Jacob and Nathan say together making Anne and Sam roll their eyes when they pull away from the hug.
"I don't know babe. There's you who comes empty-handed and there's Matt who brings ice cream.", Anne says and holds up one hand at a higher level than the other, "See where I'm going with this?"
"We did not come empty-handed, we bought flowers...", Nathan mumbles.
"And I appreciate it baby...", Sam says and kisses Nathan's forehead.
I will never admit it to their face but Jacob & Anne and Nathan & Sam are the most amazing couple I've ever seen.
I turn around to see Sasha standing by the closed door and wringing her hands and I get the most brilliant idea ever.
"Where's my hug?", I ask and outstretch my arms.
Her eyes snap to mine and looks at me with raised eyebrows but nonetheless takes the necessary steps to reach me.
My heartbeat quickens as the distance between us decreases and before I know it, her arms go around my torso and her tiny hands settle just below my shoulder blades.
Jesus.
I regain my wits and move my arms towards her waist. I can feel her shudder at the sensation and electricity passes through me as my hands form a complete loop around her small waist.
I'm so glad that she's tall enough to reach my neck because she'll not be able to hear the loud sound of my hammering heartbeats.
We pull away after a good three seconds, enough to be considered friendly but I want more of that hug.
That's the best feeling and sensation I've ever felt in the longest time.
My eyes flutter open and all I can see is darkness.
Where the hell am I?
I look around and make out the sleeping form of Anne on the bed with her leg on mine and Sam having her hand sprawled on Anne's back.
Cute.
I pat the little table on my right to find my phone and soon enough I find it and see the time; 3:45 a.m
Such an ungodly hour.
I try going back to sleep but I stay wide awake.
Events of yesterday come to me and a small smile graces my lips.
We had a ton of fun watching movies and we were halfway through Minority Report when we noticed that Sam was fast asleep on Nathan's shoulder.
We agreed to call it a night and Anne suggested that everyone could stay here and gave each of the guys a room and a sleeping bag.
Anne is like Mary Poppins, you'd never how she magically produces necessities.
I must've been asleep with my mouth open, for my throat feels parched. I decide to fetch myself some water to ease my sore throat.
I slowly remove Anne's leg and Sam's hand from me and make my way to the kitchen.
I groggily walk into the kitchen, pull out a bottle of water, and begin chugging it instantly. I finish the entire bottle and just as I'm about to throw the empty bottle in the trash can, I see a figure standing on the balcony.
My first instinct is to scream, but I don't. I shift a little to the right and see the moonlight outline of Matt.
I could only see his back and that in itself was a beautiful sight. He looked like a model as his curls swayed slightly 'cause of the cool night wind and his arms folded together on the railing. He looked so perfect.
But what was he doing out here this late?
I walk up to the threshold of the balcony and before I can move further I make the smart choice to smooth out my wild hair and lick my chapped lips.
He continues to look straight ahead with an impassive face and I consider not bothering him. He has been slightly distracted today so maybe I should give him his space?
But maybe he wants someone to talk to?
"Penny for your thoughts?", I ask gently and his head immediately swivels in my direction.
He looks shocked but soon regains his composure. "What are you doing up?", he asks curiously and takes a few steps towards me.
"I couldn't sleep.", I say and place both my hands on my hip and stretch myself a little.
"Same", he says and chuckles a little but he immediately stops when he sees my nightwear.
I'm wearing the longest grey T-shirt my mom ever owned and paired it with a pair of shorts that reached just below my knees.
I probably looked ridiculous.
But it's for sleeping in!
"You w-w-weren't wearing this before.", he states and I can see a small blush form on his cheeks as his gaze discreetly travels down to see my legs for a quick second.
I silently thank my lucky stars that I made the wonderful decision to shave them.
I suddenly feel shy, something I have rarely felt, and he probably sees me silently fidgeting with the hem of my shirt because he stops checking me out and meets my eyes.
There is a small silence and before things get awkward between us, I decide to break the silence.
"You've got a good eye. This is a beautiful view.", I complement him and walk towards the railing and fold my arms over it just like he did.
He joins me and right now we're standing side by side, looking at the circular bright lights that emanate from cars and buildings.
"Aren't you cold?", I ask immediately feeling the cold air prickle my skin.
He shrugs and rubs his hoodie-clad arms with his hands.
We stay silent for a while and I get an idea.
Whether it's good or not only time will tell...
"Hang on.", I say and I'm already jogging towards the little cabinet where Anne keeps her blankets and pillow covers. I next move to the freezer and pull out the rocky road ice cream, the courtesy of Matt, and the candy bar that he also bought.
His eyes widen once he sees everything I managed to carry but he sends me a huge smile which I return with my own.
I place everything down and motion for him to sit on the carpeted floor and he does so with a questioning look.
I pick up a thick blanket and swiftly put it over his shoulders and I rub his arms a few times. I hear his breath hitch and I give him a small smile as he continues to look up at me with an impassive face. Like really really look at me.
We are so close that our noses are only a few inches apart. Hoping to not make things awkward again, I immediately move away, very much to my dismay, and pick up my own blanket and put it over me.
I pull the cold ice cream tub and the candy bar towards me and look at Matt who is already looking at me with an amused expression.
"What's with the ice cream? Weren't you the one who was feeling cold?", Matt asks and I roll my eyes.
"Come on Matthew. Live a little.", I say and open the tub happily.
I put my spoon into the chocolatey goodness and it immediately melts in my mouth.
"This is so good. Thank you so much", I say with my mouth full.
He looks at me with a simple smile but soon looks around and his brows furrow.
"Is this one to share? But I don't see a spoon. Or are you purposely leaving me out?", he asks with amusement.
I fake gasp but push the candy bar towards him, "You wound me Matt. You think I'm that bad to leave you out after you bought this? No No No..", I take a huge spoon of ice cream and enjoy the feeling of the marshmallows in my mouth, "That's for you. You're lactose intolerant aren't ya?", I ask and continue stuffing my face.
I don't hear any response so I look at him but he looks at me with an extremely shocked expression, "How did you know?", he asks like a curious kid which makes me chuckle.
"Remember the time Jacob took us out for milkshakes?", I ask and he nods his head, "Well, I may or may not have heard you ask that cute waitress if there was something lactose-free. So I took a wild guess. But I promise it was unintentional and I hope I don't sound like a stalker. It's just something I happened to hear.", I say and hope he doesn't think that I'm kind of pathetic person who just goes around listening in to people's conversations.
"But...", I begin and he looks at me again, "I am confused. If you are lactose intolerant why did I see a small sticky note on one of the Breyers tubs warning people not to touch it?", I ask and he laughs that beautiful laugh that I don't get to hear often.
"That one is for my sister.", he says and I smile with my mouth slightly open.
"Oh my god! Really? That's so sweet. You're a wonderful brother." I say and his smile falters a little.
Oh oh... Did I say something wrong?
He takes the candy bar, unwraps it, and bites into it.
We stay silent for a while and now and then I sneakily glance at him and every time I look at him, I can see that his eyes are contemplative and his mouth chews on the candy bar slowly.
I've ruined it all didn't I?
But what did I say wrong?
"Hey, is everything okay? Did I say something wrong?", I ask and he immediately looks at me like I lost my mind or something.
"No no, absolutely not. Why would you think that?", he hurriedly shakes his head and I let out a small sigh of relief.
"I don't know...You just became pretty silent and I was worried I messed up something. I've been known to do that a lot."
He has a confused look on his face and his eyes bore into my own.
"Nothing you ever do can mess anything up, Sasha. Never think otherwise.", He says and I'm beyond shocked at his words.
When he normally says something that's not usually light-hearted, he manages to make it light-hearted by ending it with "Muffin". But he's calling me Sasha now.
Does he mean it?
"T-Thank you", I reply lamely and slowly lower the ice cream tub.
Things went through a 180 just like that.
"Can I ask you something?", He asks after a small silence and I nod my head with an encouraging smile.
"The other day", he begins and looks at me nervously, "In the parking lot when Anne and Sam asked you something about you being bullied, Sam said something like "again". Uhmm, Can you tell me what happened?", he asks and I'm taken aback.
I was not expecting that question.
I was thinking he'd ask something like why Rocky Road is my favorite ice cream.
Not about that day.
Curse his sharp memory.
Shoot.
"You don't have to answer if you're not comfortable. I understand.", he says but I don't look at him.
At this moment all emotions, insults, news in headlines, everything comes crashing down and it all replays in my head like a movie.
"Look at her...She's rich enough but can't do anything to fix that face."
"Like mother like daughter"
"Rich on the outside, poor on the inside".
"She's so uptight."
"What point is she trying to prove by wearing all these hoodies when she can afford more expensive clothes?"
"She thought she had a chance with Ryan... I would feel sorry for her if it weren't for her horrible family."
"Sasha you need to work harder. You're barely passing in these tests."
"How long will she use her lack of mother as an excuse? There are so many people out there who don't have half the money her family has and don't have a mom as well. We don't see them being all sad and whiny."
"Why can't she pay for tuitions to improve her grades? What's the point in having all that money if she can't even count the dollar bills."
"Hey hey, is everything okay? Sasha?", Matt asks as he gently takes my shaking hands in his own.
I fight back the urge to cry but immediately feel conscious. I remove my hands from his and I begin massaging my clammy hands.
"Are you okay?", He asks uncertainly but I don't respond to him.
Be polite, and respond to him. He's trying to be nice.
"I'm okay.", I say but it comes out much harsher than I had intended.
He doesn't look too affected by my outburst but he does look concerned. His eyes pierce through my own as though he's trying to read my mind.
I look away from him and towards the city view. I hear some shuffling but my eyes remain trained to the busy movement on the streets below. I don't blink hoping that the tears dry up before they can leave my eyes.
He's going to leave... I was being so weird.
But a small whimper escapes my lips as I feel Matt's hands on my waist and he pulls me in such a way that I'm facing him completely and our knees our touching.
"Can you look at me please?", Matt's beautiful voice makes it hard for me to not comply. So I look at him.
His face turns from worry to anger to sadness in a span of a few seconds. "Fuck, you're crying. I'm so sorry. Don't cry, please. I'm very sorry", he apologizes and I chuckle a little looking at his panicked face and wipe away the tears, I didn't even realize had rolled down from my eyes.
"It's okay, it's not your fault.", I say and pat his hand in reassurance.
"No, it is. I should have never asked you something that's obviously private to you. You were being so sweet the whole time and I managed to wreck it.", he says and his jaws clench and unclench.
I smile at his worry and I make the bold decision to tell him.
Fuck all this secrecy and trying to be brave and stuff. I have so much to get out from my chest and maybe Matt wouldn't be the one to judge me.
I don't want to tell what I'm dealing with Anne or Sam or Georgina or even my dad.
Because there's always that moment when you see that person who you know would try their best to not hurt you or get too hurt themselves.
And that moment is right now.
I don't care that I've only known Matt for less than three months because it doesn't matter. I knew from the day he ran into me in the hallway, that he was the best person to have stumbled into the small confines of my life.
He makes me laugh and makes me feel special. He makes me forget that I was a constant subject of ridicule for all the years I've stayed in this school. Maybe it's because he doesn't know of my past.
Things may change now that I'm going to tell him something unconventional, something that might scare him off but every part of me, for once, screams in synchrony that the guy before me deserves to see the ugliest parts of my life.
Because it's easy to show people your best but it's fucking hard to show them the worst.
I reach for his hands making him stop his mumbling and take a deep breath.
"I'm going to answer your question Matt...But—Can you at least try to not avoid me after I tell you this."
Hey. Hey. Hey!
What did you think of this one?
I personally love this chapter more than any other chapter I've ever written. I'm not sure if you guys feel the same, so let me know :)
Also, There is, obviously, more to this chapter but I'm not not going to do a part 3 because come on, It's going to be a drag...
But the continuation of this chapter will be chapter 26...If that makes sense?
Question for the day! Who's your favourite character in the book so far? (Yes, I'm making the question about my book. Yes, I'm a narcissist like that.) and why are they your favourite character?
One more thing!! I'm now on Instagram, so please please reach out to me there and talk to me please !
I know all my chapters, now, have a little banner at the end detailing where you can find me but I just recently created my own IG. That would be one explanation of the lack of posts or lack of followers and stuff like that. The other one is that...I just don't have that many friends (Sigh).
So let's form a Serendipity committee and you can certainly promote your own books/essays/digital art ,anything on there. It's yours as much as it's mine.
So yes, please reach out to me there and let's bond over "the first line on the blank page blues" or The Office. Your pick!
And finally,
Love you all so so so much!!❤️❤️