☄. *. ⋆ 'CAUSE ALL I EVER WANTED WAS TO BE ENOUGH FOR YOU
olivia rodrigo
MATT
I WATCHED her eyes flick to the screen in a matter of seconds, like it was her bodies natural instinct at the echoing of his name. And in that moment, that small hope that maybe things had changed, were crushed between my fingers.
"Do you guys still talk?" I couldn't help but ask. Truthfully, I didn't know if I wanted the answer.
Stella snapped her head back to me, humming with a shake of her head. "No, actually. We haven't spoke in a few years."
"Looks to me like you're not over it." I raised my brows at the dirty blonde.
Stella exhaled, groaning softly. "Sometimes I feel like I am. And then, it just creeps back. It's fucking exhausting."
I slid my drink closer to her, nodding towards it. "Looks to me like you need something stronger. But, I get it."
"You do?" She asked, taking my glass to her lips as she took a sip, scrunching her face up at the taste of the liquor.
"Yeah, I do." My voice came out with a crack. God, I was fucking pathetic. "I...I felt that for you for a long time, Stells. However, when you realize no matter what you do, you'll never work it. You just have to force yourself to get over it."
Stella covered my hand with hers, sending jolts of electricity up my arm. "I'm so sorry, Bolds."
"What for?" I chuckled, playing it off. "You apologized a million times already."
"It still doesn't feel like enough." Stella pulled her brows together, keeping her hand over mine. I didn't dare to move. "I wish it could've been easier, you know?"
I chuckled, placing my thumb on the outside of hers. This all seemed too friendly. "You mean, you wish you liked me more than that dickhead? I'm flattered."
Stella rolled her eyes playfully at me. "Oh, shut up."
She paused, face falling. "I feel so pathetic when I think about it."
"Why?" I asked, my curiosity getting the better of me.
"Are you sure you want to talk about this?" Stella questioned given the obvious. "I don't want you to feel..."
I cut her off before she could give me the bullshit reason. "Do you have something better to talk about? No offense, Stella, I don't think we have any catching up to do."
Stella shifted, her hand coming back to her side as my skin immediately felt cold from the loss.
"I did all of that, I was willing to give up anything to be with him, and he just leaves. He just fucking gives up." Stella began to pour out. "I feel pathetic because I just let him walk out of my life. I should've...I should've listened to you."
Never in a million years did I think I'd hear those words leave her lips. And the selfish part of me, wanted to say 'I told you so.'
"You can't blame yourself for wanting him to stay." I shrugged. "I was hurt, Stella. I was trying to say anything to make you choose me."
Stella blinked, sighing. "No contact is a bitch."
"Hey, at least we're in contact." I nudged her side gently. "That's something, right?"
"Best of friends." Stella shot me a wink, finishing off the glass as she blew out a breath. "I just wish I knew how he could walk away that easy."
I licked my lips, searching for words in my scrambled brain. "Did Jack ever tell you he came to see me?"
"Yeah." Stella nodded. "When you guys, like, made up."
I shook my head, watching her face contort with confusion. "He came to see me the night we got drafted."
"Wait, what?" Stella searched my face for answers.
"I should've told you." I admitted, feeling the weight lifting off my shoulders as I began to spill. "He told me he was going to end it. He wanted me to know that he was sorry and that...that if I still wanted you, I had full permission to go for you."
Stella stepped back from me, like it was too much for her to handle. She placed her fingers over her lips, soaking it all in.
"I'm sorry." I spoke, taking in her silence. "I just didn't know how to tell you and I didn't think you'd believe me."
Stella glanced at me, her big eyes filling with tears.
"Do you ever wish you didn't feel so hard to love?" Stella finally spoke, her tone trembling and it felt like we were the only two people in the room.
I linked my hand with hers, dragging her from the business of the bar and up the stairs leading to the roof. Perks of being a player for the Wild;special treatment.
The wind blew at both of us as we stepped out onto the cobblestones coating the top of the building, Stella pressing her palms to the railing as she looked downtown towards Saint Paul.
"How do you know this spot?" Stella turned her head to me as I joined her side.
"Guess that's a perk of playing for the Wild, right?" I cocked a brow, turning my head to stare at the skyline. "To answer your question, Stells, I don't think you're hard to love. At all."
I could hear Stella release another shaky breath, like she was trying to believe me.
"I did it quite easily." I admitted, my lips pressed together in a faint line. "I loved you. It was the easiest thing I've ever done."
Stella stepped towards me, her body heat burning through my sweater as I felt like a teenage boy.
"I'm sorry that I didn't choose you." Stella swallowed thickly. "Sometimes, I wish I did."
I wanted to believe her, apart of me did, but the bigger part, knew that in every lifetime, she'd always pick Jack.
"Things happen for a reason, right?" I flicked my eyes down to her, swiping my thumb beneath her eyes to wipe the fallen tears.
"Yeah." Stella nodded, leaning into my hand. Stella moved to wrap her arms around me, engulfing me in the tightest hug I could remember.
She leaned her temple against the side of my face, feeling her beating heart against my chest.
In another universe, I find you again and you love me back. In another universe, there is no other guy, it's just me. But in this universe, I hug you tight tonight because that's what friends do. And that's all I will ever be as long as he exists.
oh matty :(