A faint beeping and soft snores in the distance was the only thing she could hear. Her eyes scrunched together before they cracked open just a peek- just enough to get a clue as to where she was.
She brought a hand up to rub her eyes, surprised to feeling a tugging on the back of her hand. Her eyes opened again to find an I.V. hooked up to her, pumping medicine throughout her body. Medicine for what? A dull ache in her stomach had all the memories crashing back.
"Slow down, Sophie. You're okay." A deep but gentle voice soothed her, followed by a hand on her shoulder.
She opened her mouth to respond, nothing but a raspy squeak coming out. Sully got to his feet and held a cup of water up to her mouth, assisting her to drink it to help her speak.
She swallowed and tried again. "Is he okay?"
He blinked, caught off by the question. "Your husband just tried to kill you and you're asking if he's okay?" He exasperated, softly.
She bit her lip, trembling. "Yeah..." she sighed.
He eyed her, bewildered at the human. He noticed her tremors and the way she anxiously wrung her hands together. Tears were gathered in her eyes, wide and panicked, but she fought them off. She knew once she started to cry, she wouldn't be able to stop.
"He's fine," he responded, finally.
"And everyone else?"
His eyes softened. "Everyone is okay... thanks to Cillian, actually."
Her head tilted at the statement, her expression pleading for him to continue.
"After he stabbed you, it was like he snapped back into reality," Sully further explained. "He realized what he had done and just.... Lost it. He made sure you were taken care of and then single handedly took out at least half of their men. Makes sense considering he knew where all their explosives and weapons were. With the additional packs we had with us, we were able to take every last one of them down."
"And he's okay?"
"For the most part, physically, yes."
Her eyebrows pinched together. "What aren't you telling me? Why isn't he here?"
His gaze fell, his jaw ticked in thought. "He sends his love from... from afar."
Her jaw became slack and a single tear traced down her cheek as she realized, "He doesn't-" she swallowed hard, her throat closing with emotion. "He doesn't want to see me?"
It had been going on three weeks now since that conversation between Sully and Sophie.
For short periods of time, and from a distance, Sophie would catch glances of Cillian- but that was all. Because of the distance between them, their health had begun to deteriorate, but they were able to still function throughout the day. They were just exhausted, miserable, and empty versions of themselves.
Sophie knew why he was avoiding her, and she believed he was an idiot for it. She understood his fear of hurting her again, considering he almost killed her, but she still loved him. She still wanted him. She knew that wasn't him.
He had been going to a phycologist weekly, working on his trauma and fear conditioning. He had grown expeditiously, but still didn't trust himself.
She learned all this through everyone but him. Darcy, his mom, Sully, even Carlos. They all tried their best to convince him to at least speak with her, but no avail.
Finally, Sophie had enough. With Darcy's help, she had a plan.
"She's hurt?" Cillian exasperated into the phone, Darcy with her incredible acting skills on the other end. "Where is she?"
"The pack house kitchen. Please hurry! I can't carry her!" Darcy fake cried.
That was all he needed to take off to the house and burst through the front doors.
He found Sophie, uninjured by the kitchen sink, and was immediately met with her heated gaze. His eyes quickly did a once over her, found no injuries, and realized he had been setup.
The longer she held his gaze, the quicker her expression melted to one of sorrow and heartbreak.
"Are you okay?" He found himself asking- pathetically.
She frowned at the suddenness of his question. "What did you just ask me?"
He anxiously shifted from foot to foot, feeling rather small despite his towering frame. He cleared his throat and slowly repeated, "are you okay?"
With a click of her tongue and her hands on her hips, a sharp breath escaped past her lips. "Wouldn't you like to know." She said rather shortly.
He went quiet a moment, his jaw ticking as he processed what she said. With a thoughtful hum, he quietly replied, "I would."
She rose a brow, challenging him. "Funny. I thought you supposed to be there for people who you care about. But you know what I've learned? I've learned you can never completely depend on others." She snapped, glaring at him. "People will only let you down... even if they looked you square in the eye and promise you that they'd be there for you forever, you can truly never guarantee it."
His gaze fell, his heart heavy. "I understand if you hate me, Soph-"
"I don't hate you," she responded. "But I'm tired, Cillian. I've tried so hard to make things right with you and you have had close to zero interest in me anymore. I'm tired of being let down. I'm tired feeling like my heart is being ripped out of my chest from not seeing you everyday." She exclaimed, anger that she's been holding back rising to the surface. "I am shocked how you have the audacity to ask me if I'm okay."
The room went silent, but they were just getting started.
She took off her wedding ring and held it up for him to see. "Does this mean nothing to you? Are you done with me? I need you to tell me if you are because I can't go on like your rejection isn't killing me everyday for the rest of my life."
He shook his head, his voice quiet. "I haven't rejected you."
With her tongue in her cheek, she let out a bitter laugh. "Really? What do you call this then? Why don't you want me? Should I just leave?"
"No," he exasperated. "You can't just leave me."
And that's when she snapped. "You left me!" She yelled, like the chain that was mentally holding her back suddenly shattered.
Just like that, all of the suppressed hurt, rage, guilt, and pain came flooding out in a single sentence, "we went through hell on earth together and..." her voice wavered and she brokenly rasped, "and you left me."
Guilt flooded his chest, tightening it- making it hard to breathe. He looked visibly pained, tears gathered in his golden eyes.
That wasn't enough of a reaction for her. Though she never argued with her fists- her words packed a powerful punch. Carefully spoken, without drama, her words had an air of finality to them and no matter how hard Cillian railed against them, nothing would change her mind. She was like glass, in a sense. No, not fragile, but in the sense of if you break her, you'll be the one that's bleeding.
"My whole world was flipped upside down, and you were there for me." She started off in a broken whisper, but as she went on her voice raised in volume with every sentence. "I was thrown into a world I didn't know existed, but that was okay, because I had you by my side through all of it... I'm wanted and hunted down by some of the most sadistic, evil people to ever exist, but you promised me you'd never leave me!" She was shouting now, hot tears flowing freely down her face.
His jaw ticked, her words like daggers in his heart.
"But now you're gone! You don't say you love me anymore, you don't touch me, I enter a room, and you leave!" She screamed at him. "I don't care what you did to me because it wasn't you! I'm okay! I'm alive because of you!" She gritted through clenched teeth, her finger pointed at him. Though she was crying, her gaze was harsh and unwavering. "Stop acting like I'm the one who left you. I chased after you and reached out to you for so long, even when you were giving me clear signals you didn't want me. Stop acting like I'm the crazy one."
He said nothing, processing everything she threw at him. Frankly, it pissed her off so she filled the silence with more of her rage. "I was going through hell itself and your solution was to leave!"
"You think I didn't feel like I was going through hell too?" He shouted over her, surprising them both. "You think I don't hate myself for what I did to you!? You think I don't think of what I did to you every day!? You think I don't know what I lost with you? I miss you, Sophia!"
"Then stop leaving and stay with me!"
A heavy silence filled the room, the only sound being heard was the occasional sniffle and the loud beating of their own hearts.
He closed his eyes as a tear fell down his face and he whispered, "I blamed myself, it was my fault." He leaned back against the countertop to support himself and hung his head, like the weight of his grief was weighing him down. "While I didn't have control of what I was doing in the moment, I remember it all. I remember shoving the knife into you, I remember twisting it, I remember ripping it out of you."
He swallowed the lump in his throat, his teeth grinding together before he said, "I remember hearing the breath escape your lungs, I remember you going limp in my arms, I remember snapping back into reality, desperately trying to keep you from bleeding out. I remember..." he paused when his voice wavered, his eyes red with emotion. "I remember your blood all over my hands. I remember the fear and betrayal in your eyes directed at me... I almost killed you, and if I would have... I would have never been able to live with myself."
Her eyes flickered across his face, studying him. She remained quiet and just let him get everything out. His mouth opened and closed a few times, struggling for the right words to say. His lip finally began to quiver.
With an exhale, he slowly drew closer. He lowered himself to one knee in front of her, his hands placed on her hips. "I...I'm so sorry, Sophie. For everything. And when I wasn't there for you, it was because I thought I'd only make things worse for you. You looked so scared of me and I was ashamed of what I had done." Finally, with tears streaming out of his red puffy eyes, he locked gazed with her. "And I couldn't face you like that. I'd only hurt you more."
She wordlessly stood before him, so much to say, but her brain couldn't compute it all to form the proper sentences.
Instead, she closed the gap between them and wrapped her small arms around his neck. His strong arms wrapped around her in return, hesitant, but ready. He felt warm and familiar. Solid and safe. "It's not your fault. We can't think of the what ifs. I never blamed you for this... I just want you." She whispered.
He felt her body press in, soft and warm. He inwardly thanked God for bringing her back into his life and in that moment, his arms squeezed a fraction tighter and she breathed more slowly. She let her body melt, her muscles become loose.
In that embrace she felt her worries lose their keen sting and her optimism raise its head from the dirt. Perhaps the hope had been there all along, but without some love it was trapped.
They had a lot of work set ahead of them. Lots of healing, repairing, and rebuilding. But right now? Right now she had gotten her Cillian back, and that was all that mattered.
•••
Please don't forget to comment, follow, and vote! Thank you so so much for 180,000 reads!!
I'm so sorry if this chapter isn't the best or rushed. I just wanted to get one out to you so you didn't have to wait anymore!
Y'all, I think I might do like one more chapter?? I'm not sure what else I can add! I can't believe this book is almost done! Thank you to everyone who stuck around and read the whole thing!