As odd as it sounds, I know I've heard people say that the feeling is true, but I never thought I had more love in my heart. I thought all of it was for Willa and Joe. I had found myself worrying about whether or not I'd have enough for another baby... I mean, how could I possibly muster up any more love to give to another human being without taking away from either of them? Fear. It's the other thing that had been placed on my mind... and in my heart if I'm being honest. Fear for feeling the same way with the new baby as I did with Willa. A disconnection. A need for more. However... I didn't have time to think about any of that, honestly. Not with how chaotic my second labor ended up being. How quick It was, and how erratic I felt, I don't remember the majority of it, if I'm being honest. Just pure chaos, fear, and overall joy when finding out our sweet girl was out and healthy. Perfect.
"Are you ready, my love?" Joe asks, the car seat ready next to us on the floor.
I nod, reaching for his offered hand and standing up, letting out a small breath as I sit in the wheelchair the nurse has waiting for me. "You got her?"
"Yeah, I got her." Joe nods, grabbing her out of the bassinet she was sleeping in and buckling her into the car seat.
"All ready?" the nurse asks the both of us.
Joe starts to walk in front of us as she wheels me behind him, ready to get home to our other little princess.
Once we're downstairs, Joe puts the car seat in the car before helping me into the backseat next to it, rounding the car and getting into the driver's seat afterward. I notice him grin at me from the corner of my eye before he begins driving, though my sights stay on the little girl snuggled into her car seat, sleeping peacefully.
Before realizing, the car is in the driveway, Joe opening my car door for me and helping me out.
"Wait," I tell him, grabbing my phone and dialing Jessica's number.
"Hello?"
"Hey, girl, where are you guys exactly?"
"The backyard," she says.
"Okay, I just wanted us to be able to get in before Willa saw us."
"Oh, okay!" she says. "She's so excited, she's been asking for you both."
"We've missed her too, we're going to the living room."
"Okay!"
We hang up and Joe grabs the car seat, the three of us walk inside and I settle on the couch before Joe takes the baby out, handing her to me.
"Alright, you good?"
"Can you just grab me more water?" I ask, gesturing to my cup.
He takes the cup, going over to the kitchen, and filling it before returning it to me.
"Okay, now I'm good," I tell him. "Go see our other little princess."
He grins, walks towards the back door, and opens it, quietly exiting into the backyard where I can see Jessica and Willa playing.
I watch as Willa giggles, a huge smile on her face as she runs across the yard to him after calling out his name, her arms raised in the air.
He picks her up, giving her a massive hug before she pulls away and I see the words leave her lips.
"Where mama?" she asks.
He answers her and before long, the two of them enter the house, Willa giggling.
"Mama!" she says.
"Hi princess," I greet her softly, a smile spreading across my lips.
"Baby!" she squeals, pointing to her little sister in my arms.
"It is a baby!" I tell her, nodding. "It's your little sister, do you want to meet her?"
"Yeah!" she says excitedly, squealing afterward.
Joe sits her down before following her over to the couch, crouching down next to her as she looks at the baby in my arms.
"Hi baby!" she says, waving at her.
"She's sleeping, princess," Joe tells her.
"I have?" she asks, putting her arms out.
"You wanna hold her?" I ask.
"Yeah," she nods.
"Okay, sit next to mama," Joe says, pointing at the couch.
She quickly climbs up, giggling as I lay the baby in her arms, holding onto her still, of course.
Joe and I can't help but smile, Willa giggling as she looks down at her little sister, her feet kicking lightly in excitement.
"Are you happy?" I ask, laughing lightly.
"Yeah!" she exclaims, continuing to giggle.
The baby starts to squirm a little, becoming uncomfortable and probably starting to get hungry since it's been a while since I fed her.
"Okay, mama's gonna take her back now. She's getting a little sad, okay?"
"Tay mama!" she says, smiling and continuing to kick her feet.
"Mama's gonna feed baby, do you want to go play with daddy outside some more?"
"Yeah!" she exclaims.
"Okay, princess, come on," he says, putting his hands out that she immediately jumps into. "Mama, I'm gonna send Jess in to hang out with you in case you need anything."
"Sounds good," I reply, the baby starting to cry now, leading me to position her and begin to help her latch.
That's the one difference I can tell you already. Willa had no problems breastfeeding. She did it like a champ. This baby, however, has given me a little bit of a harder time. She'll still latch, it just takes us a few times first which is a little frustrating when it's the middle of the night and she won't stop screaming. But that's to be expected.
"Hey," Jessica says softly, walking in as I attempt to get her to latch for the second time.
"Hey," I grin through concentration, finally getting her to latch. "Okay," I take a breath, looking over. "Hi. Come, sit, hang out, please."
Jess smiles, walking over and sitting on the opposite side of the couch. "How's she doing?"
"She's having a bit of trouble latching, but good for the most part," I grin, letting out another breath.
"And you?" she asks.
I smile gratefully at her. "I'm okay. I'm exhausted already, but I'm happy and I'm grateful that she's here and healthy."
"That's what matters, honestly," she smiles.
"How was Willa with us gone?" I ask. "Like, really."
"Honestly, she was okay," she nods. "Until she wasn't."
I raise my eyebrows.
"She struggled. Big time. Especially with you not being here too. Like, I think by now she's used to daddy leaving for a couple of days sometimes, but you never have. So I think that just threw her for a loop. Like, she was great the first morning but by the end of the day she was struggling. She was calling for you, crying. The whole nine yards. But, I mean, I expected as much 'cause you've never left her."
I nod. "Yeah, I figured she would struggle with me not being here. But, I mean, you managed. She's well, you seem well. Are you?"
She nods. "Yes. I am good."
"Okay," I grin. "I knew I didn't have anything to worry about with you being with her."
"Aw, that makes me feel good that you trust me so much. Especially with where you started. You never wanted to hire me in the first place."
"And here we are, it's one of the best decisions we've ever made," I smile.
"Aww," she says, pouting a little. "Thank you."
"And now you get to help us take care of our second one too," I grin. "Wanna hold her?"
"Of course," she starts. "Do I get to know the name now that she's finally here?" she asks, wiggling her eyebrows at me before laughing.
I grin, picking her up and burping her. "I think you're gonna find it a little odd, Kev and Dani were not expecting it when we told them."
"Try me," she says, winking.
I grin, laying her in Jess's arms. "This is Delphine Amelie Jonas."
"Shut up, that's so pretty," she says, pouting again before gazing down at her. "She's so precious. Where did you guys come up with the name?"
"We honestly were just kind of scrolling through a ton of names and it was between that one and one other one. We just felt like Delphine was the one. The further I got into the pregnancy; the more Delphine just felt right."
"I kind of love that it was just random," she says, laughing lightly.
I nod. "It's not a deep meaning, we just liked it."
After a while, I find myself with the baby back on my chest again, enjoying the cuddles as I scroll my phone, looking at all of the reels I've missed and even a couple of articles that suspect we've had baby number two. How do people even know?
Jess sits on the other end of the couch, watching her phone and staying present in case I need anything while Joe stays outside with Willa, probably trying to run as much energy out of her as he can.
The doorbell rings, making me lay my hand protectively over Delphine, my brows furrowed as my stomach twists.
"No one should be here, we asked for no one to come for a few days until we get settled," I tell Jessica as she stands, confused as well.
She walks over to the front door, opens it, and soon walks back with a vase of flowers.
"Oh, is there a card?"
"Yeah," she smiles, handing it to me and walking to the kitchen to place them in the center of the island.
I look down at the card, my heart dropping into my stomach and my stomach bottoming out of my body.
Congratulations on the newest addition! I'd hold little Delphine extra close if I were you.
-an old friend
I gulp, licking my lips, shoving the note into my phone case, yet the words replay in my mind.
An old friend. So it must be someone that I've known in Texas. That's the only thing that I can think of if they didn't want to sign the card with their name. They want to stay hidden, they want me to wonder who they are and worry about it, even. I guess they're accomplishing their goal. I mean, they know her name. How do they know her name? We haven't put it anywhere, we haven't been in public, aside from the hospital. We've only told our closest friends and family her name. Who is this?
"You okay?" Jessica asks.
I nod. "Yeah, yeah. I think the exhaustion is just catching up with me. It's almost dinner time, can you go ask Joe what he plans to give Willa? See if you can start getting it ready while he runs her out?"
She nods, walking out the back door.
While she's gone, I find myself staring down at the smallest human on my chest, my mind wandering off into a pit once again, the door slamming shut grabbing my attention again.
"Sorry," she says. "Were you dozing off?"
"No, no, you're good."
"He said he's going to come in and make her some pasta so I'm going back out to be with her and then he'll be in," she tells me.
"Sounds good," I nod.
She exits the house again, Willa starting to cry as Joe enters, Jessica reassuring her that daddy's just going to make dinner and not leaving.
"You okay, my love?"
I nod. "Yeah, I'm okay."
"Who were these from?" Joe asks, gesturing to the flowers as he goes to the pantry.
"I'm not sure, the card just said congratulations."
"Oh," he nods. "Nice."
"What are you making?"
"I'm gonna make some quick spaghetti," he says. "Not homemade, but something."
"That sounds good," I grin.
He smiles. "I can make you something else if you want, my love."
I shake my head. "No, no, spaghetti sounds good, babe."
He nods, starting to cook.
"Alexa," I start, making Joe grin. "Play Italian cooking music."
Joe smiles as the music starts playing in both the living room and kitchen, working his way around the kitchen while I lay my head back, closing my eyes and enjoying the soft music and newborn cuddles.
Once dinner is done, Joe sits in the kitchen with Willa as she eats, my plate now sitting on the coffee table as Delphine sleeps on my chest, my eyes closing as I doze in and out as well.
Ding dong!
My eyes open, brows furrowed as Joe enters from the kitchen, a confused look on his face as well as he approaches the front door, swinging it open.
"What are you guys doing here?" Joe asks, annoyance laced in the words.
"What do you mean?!" His mother's voice is heard, making me look over to see her push her way into the house, his father following behind, a sympathetic look already on his face as he makes eye contact with me. "I'm here to meet your new baby!"
"Mom, we asked for everyone to not come for the first few days after we got home so that we could adjust. Now isn't a good time, please leave."
"What?" she asks.
"Denise, let's just go. They asked for no visitors, we showed up unannounced or invited, and Joe has respectfully asked us to leave," her husband says, placing a hand on her back and gesturing to the door.
"No," she shakes her head. "I came to meet the new baby and to see Willa. I haven't seen Willa in such a long time and at the Fourth of July party she was stuck to her mother's side."
"Yes, because she is her mother, and she loves her mother and wants to be with her. Not to mention, I made it very clear that until you're able to respect Addison, you will not be spending any time with Willa," Joe starts.
At the mention of Willa, I force myself off the couch, the baby curled in my arms still lying on my chest as I enter the kitchen.
"Hi mama," Willa says.
"Hi baby," I grin. "Is your spaghetti yummy?"
"More," she says, signing.
"Okay, baby," I tell her, noticing the amount on her plate is gone. I place more spaghetti on a plate before roughly cutting it with a fork with my free hand and placing it in front of her, grabbing her water cup and filling that up as well.
"I can't believe you won't let me meet the baby or see Willa. I'm already here," Denise says angrily.
"You're here disrespectfully after we made a direct request asking for no one to come meet her for a few days until we've settled in being at home. So, no, you will not be meeting Delphine today or getting to see Willa for that reason has already been discussed," Joe responds.
"She has completely brainwashed you, Joseph, this is ridiculous. I am your mother."
"Who clearly has zero respect for me or my wishes at this time," he says. "So, I am going to ask you once again, please leave. I was trying to peacefully eat dinner with my daughter after not seeing her for two and a half days."
"Come on, Denise," Kevin Sr says. "He's made his decision quite clear; we need to respect it."
"This is ridiculous, absolutely ridiculous. She has completely stolen my son from me!"
I roll my eyes. The dramatics in this woman, I swear.
The front door shuts and I hear the lock before Joe enters the kitchen, giving me a look of disbelief.
"Can you believe that?" he scoffs.
I nod. "Yes."
He raises his eyebrows.
"I expected it, actually. I figured she probably wouldn't respect our request. She probably assumes it was simply up to me and I didn't want anyone to come so I could hide something."
He frowns. "I'm sorry."
I shake my head. "No, don't you dare. None of this is your fault. I have tried to make myself clear to your mother. She's blind with hatred. I don't know what I ever did to make her hate me this much."
"Nothing," he shakes his head. "I'm not sure where it came from, Addie, but you didn't do anything to deserve what she has put you through for almost a year now."
I shrug. "Oh well, there's nothing I can do about it anymore. There are more important things to worry about. We have two beautiful little girls that need our attention. I need to focus on them."
He smiles, walking over and kissing me. "I love you."
"I love you. I gave her more, she asked. I'm going to sit back down though."
"No mama!" Willa cries as I start to leave the kitchen.
"Baby, mama's just going to sit on the couch, mama's hurt," I tell her.
"No, mama, no!" she cries, tears starting to fall.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," I say gently, walking back over. "Hey, hey, baby look at me."
She reaches out for me to pick her up, making me sigh.
"Mama can't lift you right now, Willa," I tell her, wiping her tears as more cascade down her face.
"Willa, baby," I sigh. "What if mama stays until you finish eating, is that better?"
She continues to cry.
"I don't know what to do," I say, looking at Joe.
He sighs. "Go sit, I'll get her."
"But-"
"Go," he tells me gently. "It's okay. We knew it was possible she'd react like this."
"Okay," I sigh, kissing her head before going back to the living room and slowly sitting back down.
Later, after Willa's asleep in her room and Joe and I have settled in our own, the baby sleeps in the bassinet beside our bed while we lay side by side, Joe's phone ringing suddenly.
"It's Kev," he says, putting it on speaker. "Hello?"
"Hey man, how are things going?"
"Good, actually," he responds. "Baby's sleeping right now, she just ate. Willa's sleeping, Addie's right here, trying to rest. We're just kinda sitting here, hanging out. I'm surprised we haven't passed out already."
"Adrenaline is still up there, probably," Kevin chuckles. "What happened with mom today?"
Joe looks over at me, the two of us exchanging a look. "She showed up, her and dad. Uninvited, no warning, nothing. So I made her leave. We said we didn't want visitors for the first few days."
"Okay, 'cause she showed up over here and was just so upset with you but wouldn't tell us why. So, I was trying to figure out why the hell she would be upset with you after you just had a baby."
"Yeah, no, she disrespected a boundary, and I didn't let her get away with it. That's why she was just so upset," Joe says, rolling his eyes.
Kevin chuckles at the sarcasm, probably glad Joe caught on to his own. "I can't believe she showed up there. She was talking about it and we reminded her about you guys asking no one to come, too."
"Oh, no doubt," Joe shakes his head. "Not to mention she knows how I feel and my boundary about her not being around my kids as long as she can't respect Addison. Addison is my wife and their mother and I'm not dealing with the disrespect."
"You have every right," Kevin says. "I know I'd feel the same way if it was Dani. Anyways, I'll let you go, I just wanted to see what happened with mom."
"Yeah, man, we'll talk soon. Love you."
"See ya, man, love ya," Kev says, hanging up.
Joe sets his phone to the side, sighing. "She's fucking ridiculous."
"I know, but hey, let's just try to get some sleep. The baby's gonna wake up soon to ea-"
The cries start as if taking a cue from my words.
"Now," I sigh, rubbing my face before grabbing her, pulling down my shirt, and trying to help her latch for the first time, sighing heavily as she won't. "Come on, Del," I tell her, trying again and then a third time before she finally latches.
"Friends?" Joe asks, grabbing the TV remote.
"Mmm," I hum. "Stranger Things."
He chuckles, opening Netflix and starting the show, leaning back, and watching it with me.
"No, go to sleep, whether I'm up with her or not, you still have to be up with Willa."
"I know," he sighs. "But I'll stay up with you for this feeding and then I'll go to sleep," he says, smiling at me.
"Okay," I grin, letting him reach up and kiss me. "Oh, man, babe, we never set up the snack station and fridge."
He nods. "I realized that earlier. I'll get Jess to run out and grab some stuff tomorrow so I can set it up."
I nod. "Okay, thank you."
"Of course. Do you want me to grab anything from downstairs and bring it up for the night now?"
"Um, maybe a couple of snacks? Salty and sweet. And then just fill up my big thing of water one more time? If I need more water tonight I can always go down and get it."
He nods, grabbing my cup and leaving the room before coming back up with a multitude of snacks and a full cup of water.
After the baby is asleep again, Joe rolls over, beginning to fall asleep as I lay in the dark, the small night light shining some light on Delphine as I try to close my eyes, exhaustion wanting to drift me into sleep while my anxiety gets the better of me, my eyes opening every few seconds, it seems, making sure she's okay and still breathing.
Oh, how I forgot the newborn stage.
**
Hello helloooo!
Baby Delphine is here!
What do you think? Favorite part? Least favorite? Let me know!
all my love,
shan:)