I woke up today with a sigh
Wishing I never did
Sleep is so so peaceful, and quiet
Just as death is, isn't?
You're some steps away from your dream
Then why aren't you happy?
Just what did it cost you? Maybe time?
But isn't that important for that dream?
Then why don't I feel happy?
Why do I feel like I don't deserve it?
It cost me time? It cost me more than that
Dreams are supposed to make you happy,
But again, maybe this is a nightmare
It cost me my entire mental health
It cost me my smile
Those unshed and unseen tears
That beating heart which I lost
Oh.. maybe that's why you feel like this?
You don't feel happiness?
But you feel something, something right?
A emotion or motivation?
Ha! Yeah maybe I do feel
I feel the fear
I feel numb
A empty hole inside my chest
What's my goal you ask?
I don't know maa, I don't
How am I supposed to know?
When I don't even know myself anymore?
....
I just don't want to disappoint them or anyone
But they will be, because of you.
I- but- I don't want that, never
Then work for it.
Again...? There's nothing left of me
I am scattering like autumn leaves
In different places, floating away in wind
How more should I do? And give?
....
Do I really deserve it?
I'm a step away
The next step will determine my fate
Either way, if I achieve it
Or not,
Do I really deserve either of the outcome?
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Don't give up, and try more they say
Until when?
Until there's nothing left of us?
Until we lose ourselves?
Writing made me feel better atleast.
~love ya all