(Hiiii🥺✨️💗 how are you? I hope the bestest you can 🫂✨️ we are three chapters from the end 🥹 it feels far and yet so close, I hope to be able to close their story as prettily as I can🥰 wishing you a good reading ✨️ take care 💗 love you 💗)
Vegas was looking at Kinn with, for the first time of his life, a small amount of pity. He never thought that he was able to even have the slightest positive feeling towards his cousin but it seemed to have changed.
“Where did you find this?” Kinn asked, the letter in his hands burning him.
“It was in Gun’s locked room, where he kept everything important.”
“Vegas, are we as disgusting as those men?”
Vegas stared at him, weirded, Kinn acting as if they were the same or even as if they could share a normal conversation, this was new. The only idea they agreed on is to not use the word “father” anymore to talk about Gun or Korn. Too much happened, way too much for them to feel comfortable with it.
“I guess that we might have been but they killed each other before it happened, or we might be like them and what I said is an utopia we think about.”
“You’re not helping.”
“I never said that I would be of any help.” He smirked before walking away from Kinn’s office.
The boy looks at the letter. He didn’t know what to confess to Porsche first, what he did with the loaners or the fact that he had in his hands a letter from the boy’s mother. He couldn’t read it, not at all. He felt that this was more important, in a way, he could give the letter and it wouldn't look like he was apologising with it, he was overthinking it all.
Kinn never had been scared to lose someone like this, even Tawan, even for him it wasn’t like this. Because of him he had tasted the flavour of betrayal and he had lost hope in it, but now that he found it again, he wouldn’t stand to lose it.
He had no choices, if Porsche had made him develop one thought in his life, it was that his own ego, his own voice weren’t enough anymore to love someone. He needed comprehension and communication. He couldn’t back down anymore.
–
“To my children Porsche and Porchay,
Boys, mom is sorry, mom is sorry to not be able to hug you now. Mom is sorry to not be able to draw again with you, to kiss your forehead, to tell you that I love you. I am so sorry for my precious children. Know that I will always be above you, I will always protect you. How is my strongest little one? Porsche, my admirable big brother. My sweetest little one, my oldest baby. I hope that life isn’t that hard and that it won't be too hard in the future. I hope that whoever is taking care of you two is doing it well, I hope that life will welcome you more kindly than it did before. I am sorry Porsche that I can’t be here, I am sorry that you are now mostly the only one to protect Porchay, our Chay, our smallest one, our cutest little boy. I am sorry that I can’t even be here for your first steps in life, that I can’t take both of your hands walking home after school. I am so sorry that it turned out that way. I have a crazy family, it has to be said, and I will never regret anything, not you , not your father, I am just feeling guilty that my existence is putting yours and your dad’s one in danger.
I can never recover from his death but please take care of each other, please, I am begging you to not let the world have the best of you two.
I am often witnessing from the window of my tower my not biological nephews. They look so happy, they play so adorably in the garden and I wonder why this isn’t both you, why this isn’t part of your life… those children did nothing wrong but you also didn’t do anything wrong and I am scared about the logic of this world.
I am sorry and know that I love you both, forever, I love you so much my children, my Porchay, my Porsche, I love you more than anything.
Hoping that this letter can reach you one day.
Your mother, Namphueng.”
Porsche’s hands were shaking when he finished reading it. His eyes were crying and he couldn’t control his shaking body. It was so hard to find a letter from his mother, to see her handwriting, to reach again a part of her life, of her alive life. But what felt even more suspicious was the way Kinn was next to him but not hugging him, next to him and showing his concern but not as comforting as he could be.
“Where…did you find this?” He asked, and when Kinn’s hand touched his thighs, Porsche finally relaxed.
“Vegas found it…in Gun’s office.”
“So she was…locked in a room or?” Porsche’s voice broke saying it.
“Yes…Vegas…Vegas asked one of the workers…at that time, the only one Gun kept. Your mother…died from sadness…she couldn’t stand this.”
Porsche nodded. It seemed logical to not want to live in a cage when her life was outside. She had loved birds, this was why she also gave the phoenix symbolism to Porsche. She wanted him to fly high, always.
“What do you have to tell me? Don’t stare at me like this, I know you too much.” Porsche chucked.
“I just…I didn’t know about that letter before wanting to confess…confess that…”
“Kinn, just say it.” Porsche kissed his cheek and he felt stronger.
“You know when you disagreed to be my bodyguard…I literally…I worked with the loaners to make you accept the offers.” Porsche’s face is breaking down hearing this. He thought about it, the information running in his mind. Kinn had manipulated him, the same way Kim did with Porchay. He sighed, he bit his lips. He needed to control his emotions.
“I swear if it was before all of this you would have crawled to have me back!” He menaced him, pinching his nose, making Kinn whine. “But…we are past this right? Damn I look mature saying this…what I mean is that in the end, you love me and I know about it…However, you better try to win my intimacy again because I am pissed off about how manipulative the Theerapanyakul are! I swear! You all suck with your lover! I can’t stand this! That better be the last lie you reveal!” Porsche stood up, walking away and letting Kinn alone in that room, confused but not worried.
He understood what Porsche meant. He understood how he tried to control himself and to not throw a punch at him. Kinn might have preferred to be scolded, to be spit on, for Porsche to be so angry at him that he would run after him and explain his emotions, trying to get him back. He knew that he still needed to make him feel better about this whole situation but he also knew that they might be passed this because they trust each other enough for one mistake to not make their castle fall.
—
“One, two, three! One two three!” Kim said, training Porchay with the punching ball, at the main house. The boy was learning fast, he was dedicated to this and Kim liked to witness him get more confidence in his body, knowing how to move, how to control it, and did wonders to his boyfriend. “Stop.” He said, his head appearing next to the object. “Let’s have a break.” He smiled widely, when Porchay nodded, leaning closer to peck him.
“Is this my salary?” Kim laughed, walking to the bench and not letting Porchay sat on it, pulling him by the waist for him to sit on him.
“P’Kim!” He giggled.” Well, it can be…” His voice died down when he read the message Porsche sent to him. “P’Kim, do you also have more secrets?”
“Kinn talked with Porsche?”
“He did…oh so you knew.” Porchay turned around, straddling Kim with a judgmental expression.
“Just some time ago…Kinn told me.” Kim pouted, putting his hand on Porchay’s waist. “I swear.”
“And do you have more secrets, Mister Theerapanyakul? Should I be worried about the truth coming out one day?”
“I do…” Kim whispered, making Porchay shiver. He leaned closer, whispering in his ear. “When you were sleeping deeply after the loaners got you, I watched you, for hours, and I couldn’t let go of you…I couldn’t close my eyes or walk away after crossing your existence, so soft, so small on this bed and I was full of anger for who did this…”
“P’Kim! Not this.” Porchay panicked, blushing. “ I meant a bad, a dangerous, a hurtful secret.”
“Though this was quite a big secret.” Kim smiled, kissing him deeply and longly. He liked to witness Porchay’s shy expression and the way he felt satisfied hearing about his emotions. He knew how much the boy loved to hear it.
“They- they also found.” Porchay tried to say, breathless because of those lips.”My mother’s letter.”
Kim’s playful gaze disappeared in one second. “Do you want to go see it? Should we move? How are you?”
“It’s okay P’Kim, I am okay. You know…I am a little scared to read it but in the end I never really met my mother or my father, I was too young when they died, my memories are surely invented, partly…so I am not running to it, I am not because being with you is what I want now. I will go to Hia after. I am not- I guess that I am frustrated to not have been able to receive her love but I can’t do anything about it…”
“I kinda feel the same…” Kim confessed, engulfing Porchay in his arms, it was better for him to be able to talk. “It’s different but when my mother died, I was also too young and I don’t remember a lot from her, or more like I remember from Kinn's or Tankhun’s memory.”
“It’s not that different, P’Kim.” Porchay caressed his hair softly. “We can get each other, that’s great.”
Kim smiled, hidden in Porchay’s chest before being surprised by loud sounds, the sound of guns. He felt his boyfriend being frozen on him.
“It’s okay Chay, it seems like it’s coming from the training room…”
“P’Kim, didn’t you say that no one was going to train with weapons today.”
“That’s the program…I guess that some people might want to just try it themselves without any planning.”
“But wouldn't it be…someone like P’Kinn? But he was with Hia some minutes ago…”
“I am going to see. Stay here.” Kim said, standing up and putting Porchay back on his feet.
Kim was aware of Porchay’s hard time towards violence. He tried to play strong but he wanted to show him that it was alright to stay behind, that he could just go to see and it wouldn’t be a problem. He was surprised when the boy grabbed his shirt, looking uncertain but with a determined gaze.
“I…I will come…” He quietly said, making Kim so proud of him. He took his hand in his own and kissed his forehead before walking towards the next room. The environment was quite big and from the moment they began to walk and the moment they arrived more gunshots were heard.
Standing in front of them, Tankhun was holding the weapon in his hands. His body was curling up on itself each time he shot. Every time he was breathing heavily but doing it again, and again, and again. It looked as if his brain was telling him to do it but his emotions were making him reject his own actions.
Kim and Porchay squeezed each other’s hand tighter and Porchay closed and opened the lights to let him know of their presence.
Tankhun stopped everything turning around abruptly and when they saw his teary eyes and his complicated expression, Porchay had only one need, hugging him the tightest possible in his arm.