note: your thoughts on these two chapters of pre-crash yj/agami's backstory are highly welcome
[1992]
Climbing to the uppermost level of high school society would be easy if you possessed at least one of the three things: the talent, the look, or the brain.
At an early age, Agami Dickinson learned how to do art. She walks around the house or sometimes the whole neighborhood, armed with a pencil tucked behind her ear and some scratch paper in her pocket, so she can sketch anything she finds interesting at any time. It was the thing that kept her busy during her lonely childhood.
Agami was ten when she learned how to play the flute. Relatives from Providence visited them months after her mother died to check how she and her father were doing. Luke, her cousin, had a flute with him and was told by his mother to keep Agami company.
She never liked Luke. But she was amazed by his skills and the sound the flute produces, so when he left to buy Skittles, she hid his flute in one of her drawers and stormed out of their house to avoid questions.
When she came back, her aunt was scolding the crying Luke for losing his flute. Agami wanted to apologize and return it, but she was too scared of her aunt to even get near her.
Despite the ruckus happening, her father is passed out on their couch with a beer in his hand. They left and didn't come back again.
Her father never knew about what she did. How could he? He was too busy grieving to notice her daughter's little crime. Regrets were there, but the desire to learn how to play the flute was stronger, so Agami taught herself how. Two years later, she mastered the instrument.
At thirteen, most of the girls her age are starting to change. Putting make-up on their faces and styling their clothes.
Then there was Agami, wearing his father's old flannels and sweaters, paired with thrifted pants, to school. She wouldn't say she's completely ugly. It's just that she never actually tried to do more than be presentable and decent.
Agami knew what she was lacking—confidence.
Upon entering high school, Agami dared to put her name on the list of those people who are interested in being a member of the school's art club. She stood in front of the bulletin board for an hour thinking about it, and when she made a decision, it was as if she forgot how to write her own name. She took that as a sign to drop that attempt.
Agami then thought of joining Wiskayok's band, knowing that she plays the flute, but she didn't. She might mess up and make a fool of herself in front of many people. Besides, who watches the band in every game match they go to support and cheer for the school team? Surely she never did.
Then there's the plan of befriending the newly hatched Wiskayok's queen bee from their batch, if there's even any, and inviting herself to parties whoever senior would throw. But out of every shenanigan she thought of, that's the one that didn't sit right with her the most.
Who was she kidding? People are annoying and she's never been a social butterfly.
So here she was, walking in the loud corridor wearing clothes that might be older than her and pretending that she was listening to something on her dead walkman just so people wouldn't find her pathetic as she walked alone.
Two weeks after entering Wiskayok High School, she's still sitting at the back of their class and not talking to anybody.
Not until today.
On the first day of their third week, she found a girl occupying the seat on her left side that had been empty since the school year started.
She was pale with jet black hair, probably a few inches smaller than her, and slouched on her seat as she watched the teacher in front with so much boredom while chewing gum.
"Hey, got a paper?" the girl asked her. "A scratch will do."
Agami quickly tore the page she was drawing on and gave it to the girl without saying a word, who then stared at her weirdly after accepting the paper.
"Dude, I said a scratch is fine. Not with a sketch," she said to her.
"It's cool," Agami replied in a flat voice.
"If you say so," the girl shrugged, spitting out the gum on the paper and crumpling it, then throwing them on the bin on the other side of their room as if she were doing a three-point shot.
Agami raised her eyebrow as she stared at the girl, prompting herself to ask a question.
"Got a name?" she asked the girl, who immediately shifted her attention back to her.
"It's-"
The girl was interrupted when the teacher, who was currently doing the roll call, yelled.
"Natalie Luisa Scatorccio!" said their teacher.
"HERE!" the girl beside her yelled back in annoyance as a response. "And it's pronounced Scatorccio! Do not roll the fucking 'r'!" she corrected the teacher, whispering the last part to avoid detention.
Natalie shook her head, still annoyed.
"Why does he have to include my middle name?" she complained.
"Luisa is so Catholic," Agami remarked.
"Exactly," replied Nat. "And nobody likes the fucking Catholics."
"I am a Catholic," said Agami.
Natalie leaned back a little upon hearing that, contemplating whether or not she should apologize or just claim what she said was a joke.
"...though I'm neither devoted nor religious," Agami added to her statement after seeing Natalie's expression. "You're fine."
"Oh," was all that Natalie could say.
That made Agami smirk, quite entertained.
"So, why did you attend the class just today?" she asked Natalie.
The girl shifted her body forward, making sure the teacher wouldn't catch them talking.
"My parents didn't know school had already started," Natalie replied.
Agami chose not to ask more about it because she's not that dumb to not get a hold of the girl's situation. No responsible parent would forget or wouldn't realize that their child's school had already started. It just means Natalie didn't come from a lovely home, so she simply nodded at the girl's response and focused on the class.
"Hey, what's your name? I'm not listening to the teachers unless my name gets out of their mouth," Natalie asked.
"Agami Dickinson," she responded in a low voice.
"Holy shit," she caught Natalie looking at her again with a huge grin visible on her face.
"Fucking Dick."
Having someone to talk to in class and feeling not totally alone was great. Although it's mostly 'hey', 'hello', 'g'morning' and the exchange of nods as greetings in the hallways between her and Natalie if they see each other outside the classroom, it's better than not saying a word at all in school for half of her day.
After spending two months in Wiskayok High, Agami finally got used to her boring weekday routine: greet Natalie, eat alone in the cafeteria for lunch because Natalie always disappears during that time for some reason, then say her goodbye to Natalie once the bell rings.
"See you on Monday, Scat!" she told Natalie, then sprinted out of their room quickly without waiting for the girl's response.
For Agami, today was a great day. Her father, who's finally starting to clean up his mess and pick himself up again, got a job at the pharmacy in their town and received his first paycheck yesterday. He promised to take her to Vintage Vinyl after school and buy a record of her choice. She already had something on her mind, Classic Queen, which is why she was excited to go home.
Things were going so well until she bumped into someone in the corridor and literally flew for at least two feet back from so much force.
"Fucking Christ," Agami whimpered.
"Shit," said the boy in front, who was in the same state as her. "my ass,"
Knowing it was her fault, Agami started to pick up the boy's stuff scattered on the floor as she apologized.
"Sorry 'bout that," she said in a regretful voice.
"It's fine," he said, finally helping Agami gather his own things.
His eyes landed on a little project beside Agami, which also fell on the ground when they collided, and he was certain it was an activity given to all freshmen.
"You're a freshman too?" he asked Agami, who only nodded and didn't say a word.
Getting that response, the boy swallowed all the timidity in his system and shoot his shot.
"Already in a club? Do you want to join The Guardian?" he asked Agami, slightly stuttering.
"What the fuck is that?" asked Agami in genuine confusion.
The boy picked up one of the papers on the ground and showed it to the girl.
"It's the newspaper club. We're still looking for members and-"
"And I'm in a hurry," Agami told the boy, cutting him off.
Although a little taken aback by Agami's frankness and just him being his sensitive self, the boy tried again.
"Please?" he begged. "Spare me a minute, then you decide."
Annoyed, Agami shoved back his personal stuff. "I'll pass."
"Or I could report to the guidance about my fractured ass-"
Agami snatched the paper from the boy, which she had read earlier as a membership form for the said club, and was forced to fill out the two important parts—name and signature—in a hurry.
"I'll finish the rest on Monday," she simply told the boy and went back to running, not giving a single care about what he was saying as she left him standing like an idiot in the middle of the corridor.
"Tell Mrs. Alpert it was Everett McLeign that recruited you!"
True to her word, Agami searched for The Guardian's office on Monday and finished the form she gave the boy by filling up the parts she left blank. She could only curse to herself upon hearing from the adviser about the responsibilities of the club.
"And if the seniors made you two freshmen do their work, tell me so I could scold those little bastards," said the old woman, obviously not scared to address the students with such names.
Being a member of their school's newspaper club wasn't so bad if you're not a freshman and your seniors are not a pain in the ass. She finally gets to hold a camera and even print the pictures herself.
"I got a job for you, Dickinson," said one of their senior members as she threw her a small notebook.
"Details of the Yellowjackets' last soccer match. Congratulations! You leveled up. I'm letting you write the article for it."
It was not her job though. She's assigned to feature and literary, not sports. But of course, she doesn't have the right to refuse because they'll just double the work.
The Yellowjackets are full of entitled bitches. That's what she thought about the team.
She once accompanied Rhett to get the details from their captain who simply ignored them, leaving them with no information to use for their article coming directly from a Yellowjackets' member and forced to get information from students who watched the match.
"Finally," Agami celebrated as she read the Yellowjackets' loss over their opponent in their last match from the notebook.
It was already the last month of 1992, and the days had only gone colder. In her three-month stay at Wiskayok High, Agami could say she made acquaintances with two people already—Natalie, who was starting to talk more than before, and Rhett, who didn't know how to shut up every time they were together to do their club tasks.
Her day was supposed to be normal and fun given that it's their last day before the winter break starts, if it wasn't for her dream. The heavy feeling on her chest upon waking up was familiar.
It was the same thing she felt when she dreamed of her mother's death.
An abandoned building. Her, standing on the edge of the rooftop. A girl.
Those were the three things that she was sure she saw in her dream this time. She knows the building where it happened. Agami was certain it was her that was about to jump because she felt it.
It was the first time, after so many years, that Agami felt the same terror she never thought she would experience again. Memories of her mother's bloodied hand and her father's cries upon receiving the news of his wife's death replayed in her mind.
Agami didn't want to leave her room. She was scared of what could happen to her once she's out of their house, yet she wanted to do it. She wanted to prove something.
And so Agami mustered the courage and left her home, cutting classes and going straight to the abandoned place.
She was there on the rooftop, for she didn't even know how long. She made multiple attempts at standing at the edge and waiting for the girl to come, but she didn't. Agami was more than relieved about that. She was finally at peace.
Her mother's death had nothing to do with her dream before, which meant that it was never her fault.
Before leaving the place, Agami stood on the edge of the rooftop for the last time to feel the cold breeze. But she almost lost her balance when the door burst open.
There, she saw a girl wearing a yellow overall standing, catching her breath, and holding a bag of T.J. Maxx.
"Don't jump!" the girl screamed with her head down and a hand on her chest, letting out heavy breaths before speaking again. "You're gonna crack your skull!"
And when the girl finally faced her, Agami finally got to see the once blurry face of the girl from her dream. No, it wasn't about the girl's appearance that made her freeze on her spot.
It was the strange feeling that crawled on her chest the moment she met the girl's eyes.
What was it? Agami had no idea. All she knew was the fact that she wasted her chance to ask the stranger's name because she was busy spacing out and didn't even realize that the girl had already left.
***
[1993]
Her freshman year ended without her noticing. In September 1993, another school year started. Their club's assholes of senior members finally graduated and got replaced by new ones that slack off, which, in Agami's opinion, was a lot better than having dickheads around. She and Rhett are trying their best to guide the newly joined members of their club and earn the respectable senior badge.
Not having Natalie as her classmate was a downer. Her classmates right now are all unfamiliar if she doesn't recognize the one girl sitting in front of her. Heck, she hoped she didn't know the girl instead.
"I think I see you in the church sometimes," said the blonde girl talking to her. "But we never actually talked, so the name is Laura Lee."
All she could offer the girl was a fake smile as she introduced herself.
"Agami," she said in a flat voice.
Laura Lee seemed to not notice Agami's disinterested expression in having a conversation and went on and on with her story. All Agami could remember were the first few sentences that the blonde girl said as she zoned out after that.
"I was in a Bible camp last summer and hurt myself. Do you see this scar on my forehead? I bumped my head after diving, and everybody thought I was gonna die. But you know what I saw the moment I opened my eyes again? Him. The Lord saved me, and it's like I heard Him calling to me."
Lunch in the cafeteria was no longer a problem for Agami. She and Rhett finally got a schedule for the same free period.
The boy already met Natalie, and she already met Kevyn Tan, whom Natalie said was her friend since middle school, which turns out to be the person that Natalie was always with every time she disappeared from school.
Agami and Rhett were a little startled when their table shook from the force that Natalie made after slamming her bag onto it. Sensing a different mood, she gave Rhett a knowing look first before talking to Natalie.
"Why the long face?" she asked the clearly annoyed girl.
"The principal offered me a deal. Join that dumb sports team or they will push my expulsion," Natalie explained.
Two weeks ago, she received news from Natalie that the girl might get expelled for a reason that Natalie didn't bother to tell her. Agami was surprised to hear about it and was worried about her friend actually ending up leaving Wiskayok High.
"What team?" she asked further.
"That fucking girls soccer team," Natalie responded irritably, snatching the apple that Rhett was about to eat and biting on it before the boy could even complain. "The Yellowjackets."
Agami could only share the same sentiment that Natalie was feeling at the moment upon hearing that.
"Their players are beyond tolerable," she replied. "What are you gonna do about it?"
"Join, obviously," responded Natalie, rolling her eyes. "I can't afford to leave this school. Not right now."
The match season finally started. For the first time, Agami watched a soccer match, not because she had to write an article for them but to see her friend's play if she ever got to the field. Most of the players in the field were juniors and seniors because she recognized those same bitches's faces.
Agami was about to leave when the coach called for a sub and put Natalie on the field. She was the only sophomore playing, and the coach probably put her in because of the remaining few minutes, and their opponent was far from catching up. Surely it was a test for Natalie's usefulness in the field.
And seeing Natalie make the final goal for the Yellowjackets, Agami cheered alone for her friend.
A week later, Agami was back on the field. This time she had to interview a Yellowjackets member again about their match because Rhett, who was supposed to do it, left the school earlier than usual for a job interview.
So there she is, roaming around and looking for either Natalie or Laura Lee, whom she was surprised was a Yellowjackets' member. Unfortunately, both are nowhere to be found.
She sat down on one of the benches, drinking a bottle of water, and cursing everyone alive for the torment she was feeling.
"Hey, you," she heard a voice calling for her. "Don't look stupid over there or you'll get a ball flying into your face."
A few feet away from her, a girl was sitting across from her. She was wearing the same shirt that she once saw Natalie wearing.
"Have you seen Scatorccio or Lee?" she asked the girl.
The girl crossed her arms and raised her eyebrow.
"Are you a friend of hers?" the girl asked Agami, who didn't give her a response to her question. "She's not here today. Honestly, she hardly attends practice or games. And Laura Lee left early. We don't know where Jesus told her to go."
"Ow-kay," replied Agami in awkwardness. "Thanks. I was just gonna interview her for the school paper about the match."
Suddenly, the girl lost the dismissive expression on her face.
"Was it because she was the first sophomore among us to enter an official match?" she asked her.
Agami shook her head slowly. "Not really. It's just about the game in general and the details I'm going to need for the article."
"Then why her?"
"Well, your team's starting line-up is filled with entitled bitches. Talking to them was the last thing I wanted to do."
Instead of being offended by what she just said, the girl only smiled at her, and Agami could tell there was a meaning behind it.
"I'm Taissa Turner, and today is your lucky day because I'll give you all the information you need," the girl introduced herself.
Agami stared at the girl suspiciously.
"Yeah, that look on your face says that it's not for free," she told Taissa.
And from that day forward, Taissa Turner was branded and sold to the students of Wiskayok High School as the most promising member of the Yellowjackets, according to The Guardian's publication.
Her job became easier whenever she had to substitute for Rhett in writing the sports section. All she had to do was go to Taissa for an interview, and she'd give her the details she needed and sprinkle them with a little exaggeration by mentioning the girl's name on the article and her skills in return.
Then it was the end of November 1993.
Agami was on her way to the library and Natalie was about to attend their practice in the school field. They were walking together to their own place to be in silence when a familiar, tall brunette greeted Natalie.
"Nat!"
The girl approached Natalie excitedly, even making little jumps as she walked in their direction.
"Oh, hey," she heard Natalie greet the girl back.
"Let's walk together. I'm late, you're late. Tai is gonna be mad, but at least I'm with you."
"As if we're even needed in there," Natalie sighed.
She then looked again at Agami to bid her goodbye.
"Dick, I'll go," she told the distracted girl.
Natalie snapped her fingers to get Agami's attention when the girl didn't respond. "You good?"
Agami exhaled loudly as if she hadn't breathed in the past few seconds the whole time Natalie was talking to the girl.
"Who the fuck was that?" she asked Natalie, watching the girl disappear after taking a left turn.
"That fuck was Charlotte Matthews," responded Natalie, confused as to why Agami was tense. "Why?"
Agami didn't reply after that and simply tapped Natalie on her shoulder as a goodbye, walking in the long hallway ahead like she was in a trance.
It's been almost a year since that incident on the rooftop happened. Agami never saw the girl again after she left the abandoned building, and Agami was certain she'd never see her again.
But here she is, in the same school as her. They could be eating in the same cafeteria every day, bumping into each other in the hallways, or simply standing a meter away from one another every time she's on the field, but Agami Dickinson didn't know how to look.
The girl was always there and she was Charlotte Matthews.