Ari
"I love this." I run my fingers over the fabric, tracing the hemline. It's beautiful. I can't even imagine myself in a dress like this.
And what for?
The only possible occasion would be a school dance, but without any friends or date who's age appropriate—or not my English teacher, it won't happen.
This whole trip was supposed to be fun. Freeing.
Me and Abel in our own little private world, and yet I cannot stop thinking of the negatives.
But they're there, and they aren't going away any time soon.
I think it's clear to both of us.
"Ooh me too, girl. Try it on." Hailey, like a reflex, grabs the dress off the rack and just as quickly snags my wrist to pull me off to the changing room area.
"I don't know—"
"Oh, come on, we have all day. I want to see you in it too." She drapes the dress over my arm and shuts the door on me, leaving me to stare at my reflection in this tiny box on every wall I turn to.
I drop my dress off my shoulders and slip into the beautiful, satin one I was just obsessed with and now regretting even bringing up.
Angling myself in the mirro, I can see how well it hugs my body. Like nothing I've ever worn before, not even my rocket Rudy's skirt which I always thought was so flattering and honestly was one of the reasons I wanted to work there in the first place.
I love this dress even more on me than on the hanger, and a sharp pang hits me in the stomach as I remind myself that a dress like this doesn't need to be on a girl like me.
"Let's see it, Ari," Hailey urges, outside the door, "Don't be shy."
I smile to myself before peeking out at her, and feel suddenly stuck in place when she eagerly raises her brows.
"Well?"
I step out in front of her and see her eyes brighten even more.
"It looks so perfect on you, Ari. What do you think?"
"I love it, I just wish I had a reason to wear something like this."
"Create a reason." She shrugs, coming toward me. "I'm sure Abel would love to take you out or something. Come on, every girl needs a few good staple pieces hanging in her closet."
Closet? More like stuffed in her backpack, which is where it will end up.
"Hm, maybe." I feel her eyes on me as I look at myself once more in the reflection. Taking it all in like I've got a camera behind my eyes, ready to store the image to think back on later.
Hailey walked off like something else snagged her eye just that quickly. I stepped back into the dressing room and changed into my clothes, hanging the dress on the hook in the little square room and leaving it there.
I joined her at another rack, just as she unhooked a silky looking blouse and held it up to get a better look at it.
I stood by while she continued browsing, nodding at everything she said, just pretending I wasn't totally zoned out.
But I can't stop thinking about that phone call from Thomas.
Hailey's been a good distraction, and so has Abel.
So has knowing I'm far away from home. From him.
But we'll be back in a matter of days and I'll have to face whatever he has in store.
Thomas scares me so deeply my skin crawls. And why? He doesn't have power over me, but he's always made me feel that way. He's always gotten his way no matter how hard I kicked and screamed. No matter how far or how often I ran.
He always caught up to me.
Graduation is less than 6 months away.
Finally. The finish line I have been trudging toward my whole life, but not without Thomas trying one last attempt at ruining it for me.
At keeping me stuck here. With him.
"Hailey, no," I blurt out as she hands the woman the dress I swear I left hanging on the rack in the changing room. I almost didn't notice.
I didn't expect it.
She must have picked up another in my size when I was battling my raging thoughts.
She shakes her head at me promptly, swiping her credit card and my eyes bulge at the outrageous grand total on the small screen. "Me and Ty totally crashed your birthday getaway. It's the least I can do, seriously."
My lips part, ready to go to defense. Ready to talk her out if it, tell her no because I really can't stand to take anything from any one.
But I let out a breath and instead, a small thank you.
"Happy birthday, Ari."
I held that shopping bag firmly to my side the rest of the outing. I don't have an entire wardrobe as it is. Just a trash bag of clothes that get me through each week, and my Rocket Rudy's uniform.
I remember going to Maya's and envying her walk in closet.
"I literally have nothing to wear," she'd say, spinning in circles and pushing around beautiful dresses and blouses and coats and everything else normal people usually have in a closet.
And don't even get me started on her shoes.
Hailey takes a big spoonful of lemon chicken and rice and her eyes just about roll back in her head. "Yummy. Oh my God, try this."
She pushes her fork in my face, and I hastily bite off the single piece of chicken. "Yeah, it's pretty good."
"Sorry, it's just...usually I don't have much of an appetite, but since I've gotten pregnant food is just amazing."
I smile faintly, watching her scarf down her meal and wonder if we'll actually make it back to the lake house before she needs to run to the bathroom again.
She has to know it's going to come back up, right?
But the way she's devouring her bowl, it's almost like she doesn't care.
I really like Hailey. I'm actually glad that they came, even though I know Abel isn't exactly ecstatic about it.
Becoming friends with his sister is probably top of my birthday gifts. Feeling welcome, feeling like I could be apart of a real family someday.
Feeling like Abel and I could actually have a future.
Maybe.
"You know, I love my brother." She smacks over her food, reaching for a napkin. "I really do, and we have such a great relationship, but I've always, always, always wanted a little sister."
Me too. Really just a sibling, period.
To have someone else around to get through life with. Someone who probably gets it, because they've been there. They've seen it, they experienced it.
There not only to share the burdens, but to share the split seconds of laughter I never had. Maybe they would have been the laughter, or the light.
I always thought having a sibling would have made things better. Or at least more bearable, but then again it's probably better that it's just me. That it's one less person who had to live this life I've lead.
"I would have killed for one," she continues, taking a beat as she practically sucks her spoon clean before diving in for more. "And maybe that's why I've been so pushy about Abel finally settling down with someone. None of his girlfriends ever really fit in. He tends to date all these snobby bitches, and I don't get it. He's so sweet. It's really a wonder why he's only ever attracted those types."
"Like Shyla?" I quiz, almost regretting letting the words slip past my lips. But I'm curious. I've been so curious ever since he even brought her up the first time. "I mean, from what he's told me she didn't seem like the best match for him."
"That's the understatement of the century. Between you and me I couldn't stand her. It was just something about her that rubbed me the wrong way. Like she had some type of ulterior motives toward my brother, I don't know."
"Well, good thing she left him."
Hailey and I finished eating and made it back before the sun even thought about going down. And just as I thought she would, Hailey lost her lemon chicken as soon as she stepped out of the car.
She only had enough time to run to the trunk so that I didn't have to witness it first hand, but I stayed by in case she needed me.
By the look on her face, I knew she'd be running straight to Tyson and maybe even tucking away in the downstairs bedroom they'd been staying in for the rest of the night.
When I made it up to our room, Abel simply glanced up at me from behind the screen of his laptop. He gave me a smile that was even brighter than usual because of the light beaming on his face.
"Working? We're on vacation," I tease, sliding onto his lap and forcing him to give me attention.
I use the term force loosely, because it didn't take much.
His lips meet mine almost immediately, and I feel myself oozing over him when his warm hands slide against my thighs.
"I know, I just have so much grading to do. Cross was right. It's easy to let it pile up." He sighs, and I feel guilty.
It's my fault. Everything is.
He'd never admit it, but I've cause him more stress than I could ever bare to know. And yet, he continues to keep giving to me.
Loving me, and keeping me around even though it's hard.
I've never had that before.
"I know this is annoying, and I did want to put it off but since we're on the topic of school—"
"I don't know, Abel. I don't know if I want to go to college. And why do I have to decide now? Can't I take a year off?
"Of course you can, you can do whatever you'd like. But I've known so many people who have let one year turn into five years. Then in the blink of an eye you're twenty eight years old, just flipping burgers in grease stained clothes for minimum wage and shitty hours, and I just think you're worth so much more than that."
"What if I want to wear grease stained clothes and work shitty hours..."
He quirks a brow at me and I begin fiddling with the top button on his polo shirt.
"What if...I don't really have to work shitty hours, because Stacy is giving me ownership of Rocket Rudy's next year?"
"What?" He perks up. "Ari, are you serious? That's amazing. Why you didn't tell me?"
"I don't know, it's kind of overwhelming...and since Stacey's sick, it's not exactly something to celebrate."
"Of course it is. You'll be an eighteen year old business owner. Besides, I'm sure Stacey would want you to celebrate."
Stacey would want me to. If she weren't so ill, she'd celebrate with me. She'd be the only one.
I haven't seen her in a while, and I really need to as soon as we get back home.
"Well I think it's a great opportunity for you, but I don't think it should be your end all be all. You should always have options."
"Do you?"
He stops looking at me to ponder in thought, and I can sense some regret. It was evident the moment he brought up his grease stained clothes and minimum wage fears.
"No. I sort of put all my eggs in this sort of English teacher basket...but I can always go back to school. I can always explore other options within the school district..."
"For what it's worth I think you made a good choice. You're a great teacher, Abel."
He stares into me for a minute like he wants to doubt my words. Like he wants to argue against it.
Maybe even indirectly blame me for the fact that he'd been so distracted his first year teaching, but he doesn't say another word.
Instead his lips press against mine and I bat my eyes closed, warm in his arms. On his lap. In his presence I feel nothing but safety.
Love and safety.