"You alright?" Poppy questioned from my right, brushing her mousy hair from her fragile face.
"Hmmm?" I hummed, slowly meeting her eyes with the fake smile I seemed to have mastered these past few days.
"Well you and Sebastian Sallow seemed to be having a stare off for....well, four days now?" she asked, pointing straight where my eyes were and I refused to follow her finger now. I had a feeling the chocolate eyes were still on my face.
We were in the library for study hall on the last day of classes for the week. Poppy had come to sit by me before either of the boys could so we sat there and compared Transfiguration notes for a while, but not before I kept catching Sebastian's eyes from the table across the room. We hadn't really talked since that night after we saw Anne and the tension between us was at an all time high, waiting to explode. With another visit to Anne approaching, a top was surely going to blow soon.
"I don't know what you're talking about," I whisper innocently, slowly gathering my parchment together and stuffing it messily into my bag.
"Oh please, you two have been brooding for days now. Lovers quarrel?" Grace Pinch-Smedley scoffed from the end of our table and both our heads snapped to hers. She hadn't said more than hello to us since she sat down, but now we had her full attention. She had a smirk on her lips, leaning back in her seat. "You can cut the tension between them with a knife in the common room, Sweeting. Imelda thinks they've broken up," Grace informed Poppy.
Poppy, to her credit, shook her head. "Rumors, that's all it is. They aren't together."
Grace trained her eyes on me instead, quill tapping on the table. "Is it? A rumor that is?"
"Sebastian just has his head too far up his own ass," I shrugged, not caring how loud my voice was. "That's all. No quarrels or lovers."
She chuckled, shaking her head before returning to her work. "Whatever you say, Grey."
"I have Arithmancy next, Poppy. Want to walk with me?" With a smile, she gathered her things quickly before we headed out, nodding a quick farewell to Grace. I felt a pair of eyes burning the back of my neck as we left the library. I didn't spare a glance back. If he wanted to talk, he knew how to reach me. This is on him. Poppy questioned me a few more times on our walk about what was going on between us, but I just brushed it off with some well rehearsed words and a smile. After a bit, she sighed and gave up before parting with me to head to Beasts class.
The rest of the day passed slowly. Arithmancy was just as mind numbing as I remembered it, with Professor Flint continuing to look at me with disdain but this time it was probably because I spent most of the class rubbing my temples to try and ease the ache that never eases. I have been pulled aside three times this week due to my magic being stronger than usual, twice by Professor Weasley and one by Professor Hecate. Today was no different when Professor Ronan pulled me aside when I ended up turning two other students purple as well as the object I was given to practice on during our review of color changing charms. It seems he took Professor Weasley's advice and will be giving me a private space to practice until I hone my magic.
After classes, I had about three hours before I needed to meet Sebastian and Ominis to go visit Anne so I decided a walk around the grounds was exactly what I needed. Honestly, this visit is something they probably should be doing without me. I didn't really know Anne that well, I can count on my hand the times I've spoken to her including earlier in the week. The only reason I have been so caught up in curing her was mainly because of Sebastian and I can't even begin to explain the fire he fuels in my because I don't understand it myself.
Selfishly, I didn't want to see her because watching her suffer and Sebastian suffer, the magic burning under my skin feeds off of it and threatens to destroy me the more my own emotions become attached to what is happening around me. I was grateful that last visit we had managed to keep it pretty light for Anne's sake, but every time I looked into those dark eyes and saw the devastation in them, it was sending striking pains to my cells. The fight after with him? I puked most of the night in the bathroom stall from the pain and anger that was filling my body. Mainly anger and feeling neglected. Why was everything so complicated with Sallow, why did he constantly get these emotions swirling out of control with just a look?
"Watch out!"
When did I end up in the quidditch pitch? I must have been so lost in my own thoughts I didn't realize where my feet had taken me. Why was someone shouting-
Bam!
"Fuck!" I cursed, jumping back as the bludger shot back up from the ground after missing me by mere inches. At least, it looked like a bludger as my quidditch knowledge isn't very expansive. My heart was racing, eyes widely searching around as Garreth Weasley lowered his broom and quickly dismounted.
"Pause! Let's run shooting drills real quick," I heard Nelly shout from above as her team chattered and giggled about the near miss.
"Jeez, Jo, we were in the middle of quidditch try outs. You alright?" He asked while rushing over, his eyes scanning my face for any sort of injury.
Glaring, I nodded my head. "I'm fine. I thought there wasn't any quidditch this year?"
"According to Aunt Matilda, Professor Black reinstated it since Madam Kagowa wrote to the Ministry about it. Long story short, Black had no choice but to reinstate it. But when he brought it up at the feast he made it seem like he had a sudden change of heart," he scoffed. "Were you not listening to his whole spiel about it?" The look on his face assured me he thought I was insane for not paying attention to this.
"No, I wasn't. I tend to tune Black out most of the time," I shrugged as nonchalantly as I could.
That got a laugh out of him. "Okay well, can't blame you there." Running a hand threw his red locks, he shot one last winning smile at me before mounting his broom again. I couldn't help but smile back, honestly, it was infectious. "Well, back to practice. Off the pitch, Grey, before any of these inexperienced and not as handsome as me kids take you out with a bludger again!"
With hands raised above my head, I nodded as a laugh escaped my lips. "Still full of yourself Weasley?" I called, backing up.
"Of course. You've seen me! How could I not be?" he quipped just as fast with a devilish smirk before flying back up to Nelly for the rest of the try outs.
Chuckling I turned around and exited the pitch, only to stop in my tracks right outside the entrance.
A little grey owl sat perched on a nearby tree and once again, an owl sighting has seemed to take all the breath from my body. "Gregory," I rasped as I moved closer and removed the parchment tied to his legs. The second it was gone, he stretched his wings and flew off without wasting any time.
There was the familiar scribble of a handwriting I could recognize on my death bed.
___
"To be honest, I thought you would be too pissed to come," Sebastian said, his voice sounding relieved at the sight of me entering The Undercroft.
"Well, I figured it would be nice to hear you grovel," I smirked, but I didn't move much farther in. I stayed near the door, pulling the sleeves of my green jumper over my hands before wrapping my arms around myself. "You may proceed."
He chuckled, shaking his head before his expression went somber. "I am sorry. For this week, for Feldcroft, hell for all of it. I was stupid to ignore you all summer. But Jo.... what you did for Anne and me," he broke off, running a hand threw his mousy, tangled mess of his hair before beginning to pace the room. He always seemed to do that when he was stressed. "I didn't deserve that. You watched me with Solomon," his voice broke on his uncles name, "and you still took a power that could have killed you. Knowing another lifeless form was because of me-,"
"I wasn't lifeless," I cut him off in a small voice. He stopped pacing, his eyes full of fire as they searched mine.
"If you weren't you were pretty damn close. Worse than I've ever seen Anne look. You had blood everywhere, Jo. Running out your nose, mouth, eyes. It haunted my dreams for months after." My breath hitched. "It was all my fault. Again. I just couldn't face it again." His pacing picked up again, fingers twisting together and his voice was as heartbreakingly honest as his words. "What did you mean you were dying all summer? I thought you were on the mend after that last day."
"Well, if you would have written me back, I could have told you. I wrote you every day. All summer." An ache pulsed through my head at the awful memory. I should have stopped writing when I stopped writing Ominis. But, I just couldn't. It's hard to give up a bad habit.
"Tell me now," he said softly, slowly approaching me. He stopped just inches away, close enough that the scent of old books and cinnamon enveloped my senses and made it hard to concentrate on why I was angry. The smirk slowly curving on his lips about did me in before he spoke."Do you think my balls are up to your standard now to ask?"
I bursted out laughing then. Twice in one day has got to be some sort of record these days and the magic under my skin recoiled, as if repulsed by it. "That's yet to be determined. But you might want to sit, it's going to be long." I motioned to the stack of blankets we still had down here from their makeshift bed they made me last year.
As we sat across from one another and settled in while I relayed to him everything he has missed starting from the moment he walked out to the meeting in Sharp's office with Ominis. His eyes went dark at that, but I ignored it and pushed on explaining how this magic is tied to my emotions somehow and that I'm still reliant on the potions Sharp and Nurse Blainey give me for pain management, how it's different than Wiggenweld.
"So any time you're angry or upset..." he trailed off, eyeing me.
"It's like a grown man has a knife to my skull and is cutting it open, depending on the severity of the emotion I'm feeling," I clarified, my head nodding.
"Shit."
"It's been an adjustment." I agreed. Shifting in my spot, I watched as the gears in his mind were working overdrive, trying to process all the information I've given him. I started awkwardly pushing a strand of my pale, nearly white hair behind my ear when I finally couldn't take the silence any more. "Your turn. Tell me what you've been doing because from the state of that cottage, it hasn't been lived in much in a while."
"What? Oh no, it's not that exciting. I'm more curious as to what the Keepers are going to say. If they have an ideas on how to control this or how to use it. When are you going there?"
I raised my eyebrow at the diversion. He clearly did not want to answer and judging by how stony his eyes were right now, and the fact that we were finally tearing down this wall we both had built, I decided to let it slide for now. "I have to go before the end of classes Monday. To be honest, I'm dreading it. I haven't set foot in there since Fig..." I broke off, shaking my head.
"I know," he spoke softly, voice wrapping around me like a warm hug. I caught my breath as he inched closer and placed a hand on me knee. "I can come with you, if you'd like."
That sent a cold shiver down my spine and I bit my lip. Everything that happened down there, I did for this boy sitting beside me, the one bold enough to grab my knee and have his fingers stroking it softly over my stockings. I bit my lip a little harder to snap me out of whatever daze he was putting me in. "No," I said a little too quickly. I breathed slowly through my nose and spoke a little slower this time. "No. I need to face them alone. They probably don't trust me anymore and bringing anyone else in might keep them from even showing up at all. It needs to just be me." Especially knowing why I did it.
Slowly he nodded. "Alright. What if I helped you come up with questions? Maybe ask them how you can use it?" he trailed off, eyes lit and burning but I felt cold. I know what he was thinking. Could it cure her?
Well this is why I took it, right? To help Anne, to save Sebastian. Helping her would surely save him, right? I shouldn't feel hallow at his continued search. "I'll be honest with you, they won't give me an answer. I have gone against everything they have taught me. So to trust that they would help navigate me on how to deal with this magic? That's a fools hope."
"Well, in that case we will have to figure it out ourselves," he shrugged. Suddenly he removed his hand and pushed himself to a stand before offering it back to me. He had a sad smile curved on his full lips. "Truce?"
Like a fool I took it and heard my voice say, "Of course."