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Important chapter!
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Author~
Jungwon was currently home alone. Waiting for when his boyfriend would come back from work. He didn't enjoy being alone due to his anxiety, but after a while of Jay working from home and being stressed, Jungwon told him he didn't mind as much anymore.
He felt like he was holding him back a little and he didn't like that at all. He was in the middle of healing still, so there was ups and downs in his mood and mindset.
He still had flashbacks of things he never wished to remember again. But somehow, hearing Jays heartbroken voice and sobs hurt the worst, even more than the physical pain he went through.
And he still noticed how his friends do still act normal around him, but there are times he realize they don't do certain things or talk about certain things around him, they stopped making harsh jokes to him, and when he's too quiet they got worried although they tried not to show it.
He wasn't as severely depressed, but it was kinda still there. He doesn't think about taking his life anymore, he promised he would never try or think about it again after realizing how much he hurt people, and especially how he endangered Jays life that night as well.
He lets out a sigh as he wiped the tears that suddenly started to fall. And he felt even worse because now, Jay isn't able to have a more sexual relationship with him, Jungwon always got nervous about it now, and even when he didn't, Jay never let it get to far since he's obviously keeping in mind what Jungwon went through.
Jungwon basically was becoming afraid of Jay leaving him one day because he isn't as bold as he used to be, not as cheerful, and especially not as social.
There been news articles that Jungwon has seen about people that find Jay attractive, and how they feel bad for Jay because he's dating someone like Jungwon.
They said he was too crazy, suicidal, depressed, anxious and a bunch of other stuff. But what made Jungwon the most upset, is when someone said Jay risked his life to save someone as trashy and replaceable as he was.
He wasn't special or one of a kind, he was just a suicidal freak who murdered another freak.
The only reason it hurt, was because he already didn't feel like he was good enough to be called Jays lover or boyfriend. He didn't feel worthy enough for Jay to tell him he loved him. Jay could do better, better than someone like him.
Jungwon really didn't like that he could never tell what was going on with Jay either, he couldn't know if he was actually satisfied with him or not despite how much Jay said he made him happy.
It was just hard for Jungwon to believe due to his own trauma he couldn't get over. It's not that he didn't trust Jay, he just was making up excuses as to why he wasn't good enough for Jay to be with.
Because in his opinion he wasn't.
Because he didn't feel like listening to his stupid thoughts anymore, he cuddles into bed underneath the covers, ignoring how he was missing Jays body being there with him to make him warmer, without that he was kind of cold.
***
Time skip: 2 hours later
When coming into his home, first thing Jay noticed was how quiet it was. Yes, usually Jungwon is quiet normally, but he didn't hear any clatter or small music, slight singing or any tv, nothing.
So he figured he fell asleep as he goes upstairs. And like he thought, as he entered the room, the younger man was asleep, cuddling against his big pink stuffed bear Jay bought him a bit ago.
He smiles before quietly going to place his work suitcase beside the dresser. He goes into the walk in closet to fetch out more comfortable clothes before he's going to take a shower.
He always loved a nice hot shower after work, made him feel refreshed and clean. After about 24 minutes, he gets out. First putting on moisturizing lotion before his clothes. He dried his hair, putting the blow dryer on low with the door closed to not wake his adorable sleeping boyfriend.
He soon leaves, going back into the main bedroom and throwing his dirties in the grey hamper before closing it.
He then walks over to the bed, and getting in beside Jungwon. He grabs gently onto the teddy bear in his arms and started to gently remove it from him, when he did, he put it on the other side of him before gently pulling Jungwon closer to him.
Immediately, the younger male wrapped his arms around the man's neck and pushed himself closer to Jay, most likely enjoying the heat coming off of him.
Jay let out a light and quiet chuckle as he wraps his arms around the males waist and laid his head down on the pillow. As he looked at the youngers sleeping face, he realized his eyes seemed a bit swollen. And there were tears streaks on his cheeks.
That immediately made him frown as he wondered what he had been crying about. Jay really hated leaving Jungwon alone, he wanted to be beside him at all times and remind him how much he meant to him.
Jay knew Jungwon had low self esteem and low confidence in himself and his performance when it came to their relationship. But he always reminded him that he was the most beautiful person he had ever laid eyes for and complimented him all the time to help boost his esteem, and it was working.
Jay closed his eyes and took a nap for about an hour before he's woken up by the feeling of Jungwon moving around, he must've been waking up too.
Jay opens his eyes first, then Jungwon. "Hi baby. I missed you." Jay tells him with a small smile as he kissed the boy on the cheek, immediately making Jungwon smile, showing off his dimples, and when the dimples showed, the smile was more genuine than ever.
"I missed you too." Jungwon said as he pressed his forehead against Jays chest. "I know. You have anything to talk to me about?" Jay asked him as he gently rubs him on his back, a way to help Jungwon relax.
"What do you mean?" He asked looking up at his older boyfriend. "Kitten, your eyes are puffy, I can tell when you aren't feeling the best." Jay says gently, he didn't want to make him try to basically shut him out.
Jungwon stayed quiet for a little as he frowned, he didn't like making the man worry. "What were you thinking about that made you cry, hmm?" Jay questioned as he rubbed Jungwon on the cheek with his other hand.
"I don't like forcing you to talk about it, but you have to. Communication is important, I want to know what you're thinking." Jay urges agin as Jungwon lets out a small sigh.
"People keep saying I'm a freak... and that you deserve better than me. I kind of agree with it." Jungwon said in a small voice, but it only got smaller at the last sentence, if Jay wasn't so close he wouldn't have been able to hear it..
Jay sat up, and pulled Jungwon to do the same before he's placing the male on his lap. "Jungwon, those people do not know you personally. They just know what they see on the media about your case. They don't know how much I care about you, they don't see why I'm in love with you because they don't know you like I know you. You're not a freak, you just went through things you shouldn't have had to. I've dated other people before, but I've never loved anyone but you, and there's a reason for that, so stop doubting yourself ok? That makes me feel like you're doubting me too." Jay told him seriously but still very gently as he rubbed his hand gently through the males hair.
Jungwons frown only became bigger as his eyes starting to water, he felt bad now that Jay put in the perspective of him doubting they're relationship, because he knew he personally could not go on if Jay left him, so the older man most likely felt the same way, or else he would have never risked his own life to save his.
"I'm sorry." Jungwon said and immediately the tears began to fall as Jay sighed, he hated seeing him cry, "It's ok darling, you don't have to be sorry. I understand you aren't fully healed yet and that ok. That's why I'm here, to help you work on it, and so you know I love you. So stop crying peach, you did nothing wrong." Jay said as he kissed away some of the tears on his cheek before wiping the rest away with his thumbs.
Jungwons nose was red and his cheeks also a bit red as well. He sniffed before Jays kissing him gently on the lips, immediately making Jungwons stomach fill with flutters as he kissed back.
He was literally so in love with this man. And he loved every touch, small or big, ever word, whether it was random or not, his smile, he loved everything about him.
But he what he loved the most was how he expressed his feelings without any care, to anyone, stranger or not he didn't care. He'd always tell people he only loved him, and Jungwon just now realized that fully.
Without meaning to, Jungwon makes the kiss deeper, he wanted a little more, he wanted to feel every feeling the man could give him.
Jungwon pushed his tongue into the man's mouth, shocking Jay a little as he chuckles but decided to go with it as he takes over, and Jungwon lets himself be submissive.
Jungwons body was burning with desire, missing something he hadn't felt in a while, pleasure. They hadn't kissed this intensely for three months, Jungwon almost forgot how good it felt for Jays hands to be feeling all over his skin, making them pop up into goosebumps anytime his hand made contact.
His heart was pounding, and his senses filled with desire and passion, he wanted nothing more than to be full. He wanted to be filled with anything Jay could give, mentally and physically.
His body tingled when Jay sucked slightly on his tongue, just to test the waters a bit. Jungwons hips jerked as he let out a low moan into the man's mouth, making Jays body fill with pleasure at the sound.
But he didn't want to get ahead of himself and go too far, so he pulls away, leaving them both panting and hot. Jungwons pupils were blown away, his cheeks rosy, lips swollen and his eyes lidded. So tempting, but Jay knew not to take it too far.
"Hyung, I didn't want to stop." Jungwon tells him in a tone that made Jay let out a sigh as he was on the verge of popping a boner. It was so soft, and definitely filled with some type of arousal.
"I didn't want to take it too far. I'll kiss you again, but not like that." Jay told him as Jungwon raised a brow in confusion.
"But.. I love it when you kiss me like that." Jungwon says as he stared intensely into the man's eyes, Jay let out a low grumble as he punched the bridge of his nose.
"I know, but it usually has a certain outcome that I don't want to get to yet." Jay tried to explain to the younger male.
Jungwon stared at him for a bit before he's dipping down and kissing Jay on several spot of his neck, making the man let out a groan at the feeling of Jungwons plush lips against the skin of his neck, or how his hot breath made his skin arise in goosebumps.
"Jungwon.." the man called as his hands gripped on the boys hips, he was trying very hard not to get hard, he didn't feel like taking a cold shower.
"Peach." Jay called trying to get the males attention again before he's gently pushing him away from his neck. "You have to stop." Jay said once they were locking eyes again.
"Jay, I want you." Jungwon said as he cups the man's face with both hands. "I know you do-" Jay started but he's cut off by Jungwon kissing him for a brief second before pulling away again.
"You don't get what I mean. Hyung, I want you in me. I love that you've been holding back for me but I don't need that, I don't think I ever did. Now that I think about it, being with you in that way could never make me have an episode because I know it's you, I know how you feel. So please? Stop holding back when I want it too." Jungwon told him in a serious but still needy tone due to his arousal as his heart pounded.
Immediately, Jay became hard, and Jungwon felt it too. "If you would've said something sooner I would've been stopped, I was waiting for you to tell me darling." Jay tells him sweetly as he kissed the boy on the neck, even just that small amount of touch made Jungwons stomach full with pleasure.
The two started to passionately kiss as Jay started to take off Jungwons shirt, pulling away for a moment to pull it over his head and throwing it somewhere before he's dragging his tongue over the males left nipple, immediately making Jungwon let out a moan with his back slightly arching as the feeling brought tingles to that spot.
Jungwon was already leaking in his pants by the time Jay had ripped off all of their clothes while throwing small sessions in between.
As of now, he had Jungwon lying down on his back as he had the male in the warmth and wetness of his mouth, he kept his eyes on his boyfriend as he bobbed up and down slowly, watching as the younger males back arched off the bed and how his chest heaved up or down as he breathed heavy breaths mixed with those pretty moans.
He watched as his body twitched or how he threw his head back when he circled his tongue around his sensitive tip, he was making him loose it, and he didn't mind the fact Jungwons hands clawed deeply at his hair.
"Hyung, it feels so good." Jungwon moaned out as he looked down to see the man staring at him as he was kissing his thighs before purposely keeping that eye contact as he pushed the male back into his mouth. "Fuck!" Jungwon moaned before he's cumming into the man's mouth, his stomach knotting as he thrusted up and down, but Jay didn't care, too busy watching him enjoy his own pleasure.
Without thinking twice, he swallowed and continued to suck him off, this time a little faster, and because the male was sensitive, he was squirming all over the place, telling Jay to wait as his moans increased in pitch as he started to let out short whimpers as his eyes rolled back.
Jay hollowed his cheeks as he purposely made it to where Jungwons tip rubbed against his inner cheek making the boy tremble as he held his waist down on the bed.
He finally pulled off, leaving the male a panting and overstimulated mess, Jay loved this sight more than anything. Jungwon knew this was way different from the first time they did anything, it was slower, and Jay focused solely on Jungwons pleasure.
He watched as Jay slicked his fingers with lube. "Hold your legs baby." Jay told him in that deep and raspy voice of his, it was demanding and Jungwon loved that.
He immediately hooked his hands underneath the bend of his knees and raised them. "You listen so well, good job baby." Jay praises as he eased his finger into Jungwons hole, making the male let out a low gasp, it had been long so the feeling was a bit new.
Jay fit in three fingers before he's fingering him deeply and quickly, brushing his fingers against the tender ball of nerves that had Jungwons legs shaking as he moaned.
Jay loved watching the males face morph into a pleasured one, his mouth hanging open to moan before biting his lip, his eyebrows knitted and close together, his eyes glossy and kissed, and how his body reacted to the pleasure Jay gave him.
"Hyung, put it in please, I want it so bad." He said through pants as Jay groans, he takes his fingers out before he's reaching over to grab a condom off the dresser, but Jungwon stops him by grabbing his wrist.
"No, I want it raw, I want to feel it better when you're in me." Jungwon told his as he suddenly placed his feet(they're clean ok), around Jays con and pushed them back and forth, making Jay let out a low moan at the feeling.
"Ok." The man says in a pant but Jungwon started to move his feet faster, making Jays hands grab a bit tightly onto Jungwons ankles as he lets out more moans and started to thrust into the space between them now.
Jungwon found this extremely hot, he didn't know he could pleasure the man using a different part of his body, but it was obviously working.
He loved how the skin moved up and down along with his movements, or how the tip showed more when he pushed the skin back again, Jay was soon dripping with precum as Jungwon was smirking.
He finally stops, actually wanting him to put it in now, and that's exactly what Jay does. Pushing in slowly, making them both let out a grunt at the slight discomfort.
Jungwon was tight, and not used to it yet.
Soon Jay was thrusting in and out slowly, kissing the male at the same time to keep his mind off any pain or discomfort until they both got used to it.
When they did, Jay hooked his hands under the boys knees, spreading them and pushing them down some before he's thrusting in and out at a faster pace.
Both of them letting out louder moans, specifically because it felt even better due to it being raw, they felt it more than usual.
Soon, Jays thrust became fast and rougher, drawing out even louder moans from them both. Jungwon scratched hard into Jays skin on his back as tears of pleasure fell from his eyes and down to his pillows.
The sound of skin slapping became louder and the room hotter, both of them panting hard from their quick movements and feelings of pleasure. "Fuck! Hyung!" Jungwon moaned loudly as Jay fucked hum deeply.
"You feel so good baby, I know you can moan louder for me can't you?" Jay praised and encouraged as Jungwon let out a long whine as he came again, gasping as he did so.
Jay pulled out and turned Jungwon so he was face down and with his butt up in the air before he thrusting back in, and even rougher than before, Jungwon moaned even louder as his eyes rolled to the back of his head as he was drooling now.
Jay gripped hard onto the males waist as he watches Jungwons hole take him all the way in, or how his butt bounced when his hips slapped against his ass.
The bed started to creak as Jay got even rougher, starting to get close, he grabs Jungwon by the throat, making sure he was ok with it before keeping it there as Jungwon let out multiple curse words or moans or whimpers as he begged Jay to keep fucking him.
"Fuck! Yes Jay, harder." He moaned loudly only fueling his boyfriends desires as Jungwon grips onto the wrist that Jay had with his hand around his throat.
"You really like it rough don't you? What's my name baby?" Jay asked in a raspy tone as he grunts loudly as he thrusted into him even harder making Jungwons toes curl as he started to cry, but in pleasure, they went over their safe word earlier, so Jay knew it was ok to keep going even though the male was basically moaning and sobbing at the same time.
But he found it sexy, that must've meant he was fucking him good so he kept it up. "Jay." The male said through his multiple choked moans or slight sobs.
"My other name baby, I know you didn't forget." Jay said deeply into his ear as Jungwon let out a whine as his other hand was pushing against Jays hip as his eyes rolled back again and his mouth opens but he didn't let out nothing but a strangled high moan.
"No running baby, I know you can take it. Say my name kitten." He whispered huskily into his ear as he pushed Jungwons hand off of him, "Oh! Daddy! I'm going to cum!" Jungwon warned as Jay smirked letting out a deep chuckle into the males ear, sending Jungwon butterflies in his stomach.
"Cum for me baby." Jay said thrusting in one last hard time before they were both releasing at the same time, Jungwons body spawned, and Jay was twitching as he let out loud short, but quick moans with labored breathes, Jungwon let out low hums as he soon stopped, and soon Jay was done filling Jungwons ass with his own semen.
He pulled out, watching as Jungwons hole twitched and how his semen started to drip out of him. He smacks the males ass slightly but gently as he lets out a small chuckle.
"Ahhh, no no." Jay said realizing the male was trying to fall asleep. "We have to get cleaned for peach." Jay tells him as he picked him up, making Jungwon whine as his body was tired and wanted to rest.
He then started to carry them to the bathroom, turned on hot water for a bath, before going to grab water from their small mini fridge and getting Jungwon to drink some before he drink the rest.
He then placed them both into the warm bath. Both of them letting out a relaxed sigh as the hot water soothes their tired muscles.
They stayed in and cleaned up for about an hour. When they got out it was like 12am now, they started fucking around 9:40, so they had been at it for a while.
"I love you." Jungwon said to Jay with a small smile, that Jay luckily saw due to the moon shining through their window, illuminating the room just enough.
"I love you too baby. I always will, remember that ok? I'm going to marry you one day." Jay claimed making Jungwon become super red as he covered his face while blushing at the thought of it.
"So shy." Jay said with a chuckle as he slips his hands under Jungwons shirt, placing his hand on his back, making Jungwons body become a little warmer.
"I wasnt expecting that. Would you really marry me?" Jungwon said uncovering his face as he kissed the man on the jaw. "I wouldn't want anything else. Would you tell me yes?" Jay asked.
"I guess you'd have to wait and see love." Jungwon told him making Jay smile and laugh a little. "Love? I like that." Jay said as they closed their eyes getting ready to fall asleep happily in the warmth of each other.
"Good night hyung." Jungwon uttered tiredly. Jay kissed him on the forehead softly as he brought him closer to him.
"Good night my love." Jay responded sweetly...
-End of long Chapter-
This was soooooo cuteeeee!!!!!
How did you guys feel about this chapter?! I love it personally.
I added more detail to the smut scene because it's a bit important lol.