Content warning: Mentions of death by cancer.
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Sometimes, you have to think about whether you hate your demons or if you want to keep them around for comfort.
William and Paul waited for Rory, falling into an easy conversation that flowed like a river.
Andrew walked out of the room he had entered a few minutes ago, now wearing different clothes. After announcing to his father that he was going out, he gave a glance to Paul.
Their eyes met in an instant, and as soon as it started - it was over. Andrew walked right past them and out the door, closing it behind him.
William looked at Paul, a questioning look plastered on his face. Paul turned back to William "What?" He asked, swallowing hard.
"What's his problem?" William asked, leaning back on his chair. Paul simply shrugged, looking down at his bracelet. "No idea." He muttered under his breath.
William eyed Paul skeptically, feeling as if his best friend wasn't being truthful with him. Paul avoided looking at William, not wanting to somehow be caught just from the guilty expression that was plastered on his face.
William leaned closer to Paul, "Are you sure?" He pressed. Paul looked at him after taking a deep breath "Yeah, no idea honestly." He shrugged, "He's always acting like that." He added.
William nodded slowly "That's true." He shrugged, moving on from his previous suspicions. Paul nodded quietly, letting out a sigh of relief.
After 15 more minutes, Rory was done getting their teeth checked and cavities filled.
After dropping Paul off at his house, William and Rory went back home, mainly in silence, as Rory was still in a bit of pain from getting their cavities filled.
Rory walked first into the house, holding a hand to the side of their mouth, rubbing it a little. The pain was going to subside soon, but until then it all was quite overwhelming, so they just wanted to go back to their room and lay down.
William followed behind, holding both his and Rory's backpack. He closed the door behind them both and leaned their backpacks against a wall, in the hallway. He took his shoes off, leaving them next to Rory's, before walking to the kitchen.
His mom looked over at him with a smile "Hey, Will, how was school?" She asked, continuing to stir into a pot filled with soup. "Hey, mom, it was good," William responded, sitting down at the kitchen table.
Laura nodded, "Cole is coming home soon, did you take your sister to her dentist appointment?" She asked, glancing at him. William nodded, "Yeah." He responded shortly.
Laura smiled, "Set up the table before you get changed." She mostly ordered him, pointing at the cabinet where the dishes were all put aside very neatly, for later usage.
William began setting up the table with no complaints, knowing better than to comment on his mother's words. As he finished up, he heard the front door open, the sound being followed by heavy footsteps.
Laura wiped her hands clean with a kitchen towel before walking to the hallway, "Hey, dear, how was work?" She asked her boyfriend, watching him take his shoes off. "It was good." Cole smiled at her.
Laura stepped closer, kissing her boyfriend after he was done taking off his shoes. William recoiled at the sight, scrunching up his nose. He didn't like the fact that his mom had a boyfriend, but he couldn't do anything about it.
Cole had been living with them for a year and a half now, the two having been in a relationship for 3 years. Them kissing wasn't an unfamiliar sight, but William still couldn't get used to it no matter how hard he tried.
After the two were done kissing, Cole looked at William, his smile not leaving his face "Hey, William, how was school?" He asked, looking down at William's backpack, which was leaning against the wall. "I'll assume you wanted this," Cole said, picking the backpack up and handing it to William.
William nodded promptly, "Yeah," He muttered, grabbing the backpack from his mom's boyfriend. "Thanks," He said a little louder, having ignored Cole's earlier question, before making his way to the staircase and upstairs.
William walked past Rory's room, and paused, making a few steps backward and stopping in front of the door that led to Rory's room. He knocked a few times before walking in. A pillow was instantly thrown at him and he shielded his face with his hand.
Rory turned to him, "What do you want?" They asked, turning in their bed entirely just to face him. "Mom's boyfriend is home now." William revealed, "Just thought I'd let you know." He said, his tone neutral.
Rory sighed and nodded, "Thanks." They mumbled, sitting up in their bed. William nodded, "Sorry for leaving your backpack in the hall, I can go get it for you." He said, shrugging.
Rory shook their head, "No, it's fine, I'll get it after I get changed." They said, looking up at William. Their brother nodded, "How's the pain?" He questioned, not leaving the doorway.
Rory shrugged, "It's getting better, I'm just.." They paused, trying to find the appropriate word for their feelings while snapping their fingers. "Overwhelmed?" William added to their sentence.
Rory nodded immediately, pointing at William, "Yeah, that!" They said, before sighing. William walked into the room and closed the door behind him, "Yeah, I get that." He nodded, holding his backpack by its strap.
Rory smiled a little, "I fucking hate going to the dentist." They revealed. William chuckled, nodding "Yeah, I do too." He said, "One time I thought I had a cavity, but it turned out to be just a piece of salad stuck between my teeth."
"Are you serious?" Rory began laughing, shaking their head. "God, yeah, man!" William joined his sibling in the laughing fit.
After a bit of further talking, William opened the door to walk out. Before he stepped out, he turned to Rory "If you want to, I can go downstairs when you go." He suggested, still holding his backpack on his shoulder by its strap.
Rory got up from their bed and nodded, "Yeah, that'd be nice." They agreed, giving their brother a small smile. "Now get the fuck out of here, I want to get changed." Rory chuckled, flipping him off.
William laughed, flipping them off back and walking out, leaving the door just slightly open. "Fuck you!" Rory said louder, closing the door entirely. William couldn't help but continue laughing as he walked to his room.
He made his way into his bedroom and closed the door behind him, dropping his backpack next to his bed. He let out a deep sigh, looking around, his eyes falling on a framed photo on a shelf — a photo of his father and him.
William picked up the photo with slightly shaking hands and looked at it, his face betraying no emotion. The photo was a cruel reminder of better days — of days when William didn't have to worry about life as much as he did now.
His parents had divorced when William was 12 and ever since then, he felt like his life had only gotten worse and worse. Court meetings, the custody fight between his parents, the weekdays spent with his mom, and weekends spent with his dad — it all was tearing him apart at such a young age.
William set down the photo and shook his head, "Whatever.." He muttered to himself as he went on to change his clothes into more comfortable ones.
He stepped out of his room afterward and waited for Rory to come out of their room so that they both could go downstairs together like he said they would.
A few minutes later, Rory walked out of their room, their arms crossed across their chest. William looked at them, putting his phone into his pocket. He made his way downstairs, Rory following after him, both making little to no noise as they walked.
Once William neared the kitchen, he let his footsteps become louder to announce his presence — and Rory's in the process.
They found Cole and their mom at the table, talking about something. Cole had his back facing the door, but he turned around as he heard footsteps. He smiled at the sight of the two teenagers "Hey, Rory." He said in a soft voice.
Rory waved slightly, walking to their usual spot at the table and sitting down. William helped his mom with putting food in the bowls chosen and as they all sat down, Laura grabbed Cole's and William's hands with each of her hands "Let's say grace."
William nodded quietly, grabbing Rory's hand with his other hand, and Rory grabbing Cole's hand with their free hand.
After saying grace, they all dug in, beginning to eat in silence. Cole was the first one to break the silence. "How was school, Rory?" He asked, before taking a spoonful of soup and sipping it.
Rory glanced at their mom's boyfriend for a moment before looking back down at their bowl "It was okay." They shrugged, straightening their back a little.
William looked between Cole and Rory, continuing to eat without saying a word. Cole nodded at Rory's words, "Any kids giving you trouble or anything?" He asked, trying to find out more.
Rory shook their head, "Not really." They responded curtly. Cole nodded, sighing a little at the short responses he kept getting from Rory. He turned his attention to William.
"How about you, William?" Cole asked. William looked up from his bowl, his eyes widening slightly "What?" He questioned after swallowing the soup in his mouth. "Is anyone giving you trouble at school?" Cole asked, keeping his tone calm and neutral.
William shook his head, "Not really, no." He responded, "I'm not that popular to get enemies around the school." He joked, earning a smile from his mom's boyfriend.
His mom had been quiet all this time, only looking from time to time at her children. Her gaze felt like a stab in already wounded flesh — distressing, and penetrating. But William and Rory had gotten used to it by now.
Cole nodded at William's words, "Well, it's better to be unpopular and have good friends than be popular and have a lot of enemies." He remarked, already finishing up the soup in his bowl.
William nodded in agreement, his eyes falling back to his own bowl in an attempt to disappear from his mother's penetrating gaze and Cole's constant questions.
The minutes went by, the words exchanged between the four family members being way too little to be accounted as genuine conversations. Once they had all finished eating, Rory got up and helped their mom with the dishes, washing them for her.
William cleaned up the table, as his mom assured her boyfriend that he didn't have to do anything and that he should go rest. Cole, however, insisted, and after Rory washed half of the dishes, he joined them near the sink, but with the drying of the cleaned dishes and cutlery with a towel.
Once everything was cleaned and done, William and Rory rushed upstairs, Rory holding their backpack in their arms, too lazy to hold it on their shoulder.
The two parted ways once they were upstairs — Rory going to their room, and William making his way to his own room, closing the door behind him once he was inside.
William picked up his phone from his pocket and called Paul, throwing himself in his bed with a sigh.
Paul responded, "What's up?" He asked, questioning his best friend's reasons for calling. "Man, I can't stand my mom's boyfriend." William jumped straight into his rant.
Paul couldn't help but chuckle at his best friend's words, "What did he do this time?" He questioned, "Acted like a father figure to you again?" He teased. William rolled his eyes at Paul's words.
"He's just annoying, he's always asking Rory and me things about our day," William complained, leaning against his mattress. Paul shook his head, even if William had no way of seeing it "Maybe he just cares, have you considered that?" He asked, taking a drag from his cigarette.
William huffed, "I never asked him to care, I don't need him to care." He responded, his tone laced with annoyance and spite. "Well, you don't need to ask someone to do something, for them to still want to do it," Paul remarked.
William scoffed, "I don't get why my mom likes him so much.." He muttered, however loud enough for it to be heard through the phone by Paul.
"I told you, maybe he just wants to be your friend, man," Paul repeated words he had told William a thousand times before. William was so sick of them — he wanted someone to validate his anger and his spite towards his mom's boyfriend, but he was always met by Paul's rational advice.
William shook his head, "It's so easy for you to say, man, your parents didn't get a divorce." He scoffed. Paul chuckled, "Yeah, well, I think death is a more efficient type of separation than divorce." He said, his eyes darting to the photo he kept on his nightstand of him and his mom. "I think my mom had the same opinions about it." He joked lightly.
William sighed, immediately feeling guilty "I didn't mean to say it like that, I'm sorry." He said, his tone no longer annoyed, but remorseful.
Paul smiled at the apology, "It's alright, really." He insisted, taking another drag from his cigarette. "I won't hold it against you."
William nodded, "I just wish my mom hadn't started dating Cole, it feels like.." He sighed, not ending his sentence, leaving the words to hang in the air and through the phone line.
"Like he's replacing your old man?" Paul asked, dropping some ash from his cigarette into the ashtray near him. William nodded, "Yeah, man." He agreed.
Paul shrugged, "At least give him a chance, dude." He suggested. "He's never forced you to call him dad or to act like he's your dad, he's been in your life for 3 years now." Paul continued.
And Paul was right, Cole had never forced him or Rory to call him 'dad', unlike his mother — she often insisted on them doing that, no matter how much they refused to do so.
William nodded mindlessly, "What do I even do though, I don't know what I'm meant to do or say to show that I am trying to get along with him." He complained.
Paul smiled a little as he sensed his best friend's walls going down a little more when it came to Cole, "Just be around him more, don't act like it's annoying you to just be near him." He suggested, dropping the rest of his cigarette in the ashtray.
"I guess I could try that then." William nodded, his eyes darting around his room as if searching for more answers. Paul smiled wider, "That's all you wanted to talk about?" He asked, lighting himself another cigarette with the lighter William had bought him, all while holding his phone between his face and his shoulder.
William chuckled, "Yeah, that's about it.." He smiled, "Thanks for listening, dude." He added, his tone appreciative.
"Of course, man, I owed it to you for the lighter." Paul joked, before taking a drag from his cigarette and exhaling the smoke towards the open window near his bed. Paul dropped the lighter on the bed and went on to hold his phone with his hand again.
William chuckled, "You didn't, but fine, suit yourself." He responded, sitting up on his bed. "I'll talk to you later, man," William said, running his fingers through his hair.
Paul nodded mindlessly "Alright, handsome, can't wait." He joked, earning himself a laugh from William. Paul hung up, his gaze remaining stuck on the wall.
He gripped the cigarette between his fingers, biting his bottom lip slightly. Thanks to the conversation he had earlier, he was now doomed to think about his mom, who had died a few years ago.
He was barely 10, a bundle of joy on this earth, and the happiest kid ever according to his parents. His world came crashing down when his mom was diagnosed with lung cancer, thanks to her smoking addiction.
And just in a few months, she was gone — leaving him a shell of the kid he once was.
He promised himself on the day that she died that he would never smoke, to not end up like his mother. Yet here he was now, with a cigarette between his fingers and with his lungs filled with smoke — the same smoke that killed his mother all those years ago.
Paul exhaled the smoke that he had stolen from the cigarette he held in his fingers, leaning his head back. "Sorry, mom." He muttered, his gaze now fixed on the ceiling.
Paul eventually finished his cigarette, dropping the rest of it in the ashtray. He made his way out of his room, and to the kitchen, where he found a note on the fridge, held in place by a plain magnet.
He walked up to the fridge, picked up the note, and read it with his inner voice.
Working late, don't wait me up. You have fries and a burger in the fridge if you're hungry. And pizza also.
You can have Will over if you're bored, but no girls.
I love you.
Paul smiled a little at the sight of the last 3 words. His father wasn't one for showing affection, let alone telling him anything remotely similar to parental love. Getting told 'I love you' by his father was like receiving Christmas presents as a little kid — the best thing ever.
Paul slipped the note in his pocket, planning on putting it inside his phone case to always have those three words with him. "Alright, let's see.." He muttered to himself as he opened the fridge.
That's how Paul spent a lot of his days and nights as of lately — all by himself, with his dad stuck at work and trying to make ends meet.
Days went by, all of them as normal as they ever could be. As usual, Paul and William were always hanging out, along with Erika and her two girlfriends — they were all getting along quite well.
And so Friday finally made an appearance, much to everyone's relief and excitement.
It was around lunchtime, and Paul was in the cafeteria, drinking his coffee at the table he usually sat with his friend group — a friend group that grew when Polly and Makayla began hanging out with them more.
He was all alone with Erika, who was playing with the food in front of her, seemingly bored. William, Polly, and Makayla were getting their food still, probably being unable to decide between the multiple odd-looking foods that were 'edible'.
Paul had gotten himself a slice of pizza, which looked a lot better than the one he had a taste of on Monday, much to his excitement. But first — he wanted to finish his coffee.
Erika kept on glancing at Paul, which Paul didn't give much thought to, but it definitely confused him. Eventually, he broke the silence between them "Do I have something on my face?" He asked, fully serious, but with an amused smile on his lips.
Erika giggled and set down the plastic fork that she was holding in her hand, "No, I was just thinking.." She trailed off, leaving her words to hang in the air between them.
"Thinking about?" Paul questioned her, before taking a sip from his plastic cup of coffee. "Well, I really like the way your hair looks," Erika said casually, crossing her legs underneath the table.
Paul smiled at the compliment, "Really?" He asked, running his fingers through his hair. "Thank you, I've been trying so hard to grow it out a little more, I just didn't like how it looked a few months ago." He began explaining excitedly while pointing to his hair.
Erika listened with a smile on her face, nodding at his words. When he was done, she picked up her plastic fork again "I've always liked guys who know what they want." She casually said again, before picking up some of the imitation of mashed potatoes with her plastic fork.
Paul chuckled, nodding "Will can be a little indecisive sometimes, but he's really confident in what he wants when he wants it." He remarked, continuing to take small sips from his coffee, enjoying the feeling of the warm semi-bitter liquid running down his throat.
Erika shrugged at Paul's remark, "I guess so." She mumbled, holding her chin with her hand, with her elbow being pressed on the table. Paul frowned a little.
"Is something wrong?" Paul asked, stretching a little after setting down the now empty plastic cup. Erika shook her head, now lazily chewing on her bite of food. Paul stared at her for a bit before turning his attention to his own food.
He felt Erika's eyes on him, burning through him — as if she was trying to make her way into his soul and pull strings to reach further in his life. But Paul didn't pay it much attention once more, chalking it up to her simply admiring his hairstyle.
And soon, the three missing people from the friend group showed up, each with their respective food. Makayla had also brought herself a coffee from the vending machine, taking after Paul. Seeing Makayla with a plastic cup filled with warm coffee made Paul laugh in an instant.
As they all fell into an easy conversation, Paul couldn't shake the feeling that he was continuously being stared at. When he looked at Erika, she didn't seem to be looking at him, so who was looking at Paul was a mystery to him.
Paul looked around the cafeteria casually, as if seeking answers that he couldn't find at his own table. His eyes fell on Andrew and Nathan, who were talking and eating at a separate table, but Andrew didn't seem to be paying much attention to what Nathan was saying — but rather to what Paul was doing.
They hadn't spoken since Monday — not a single word had been exchanged between them, but the glances and the staring were mutual whenever either of them was around the other. It was inevitable, they were simply dancing around the situation that seemed to consume them with each passing day.
Paul decided to focus on his friends rather than on someone he used to know — and he looked away, his mouth moving rapidly as he told a story about him and William from middle school, soon earning laughs throughout the table he was sitting at.
And Andrew remained staring at him, his mind drowning out anything his friend was saying — at least, until Nathan punched him in the shoulder, not holding back too much on the force he used.
Andrew groaned in annoyance, looking at Nathan "What the fuck, man?" He asked with a thicker accent, in disbelief at what his friend had just done.
Nathan let out a scoff "What the hell are you even staring at?" He questioned Andrew. "Did you even hear anything I just said?" He added, gripping the sandwich in his hands, a scowl present on his face.
Andrew went silent for a moment before scoffing "It's none of your God damn business." He mumbled, taking a bite from his apple.
Nathan rolled his eyes, grabbing Andrew's cross necklace and pulling him to himself by it "Don't act all fucking tough with me, man." He warned Andrew in a stern voice.
"Just because you're having a shitty day it doesn't mean you have to talk to me like I'm at fault for it," Nathan added, letting go of Andrew's necklace. His friend stared at him for a moment, blinking in disbelief, not even having had the chance to chew on the food in his mouth.
Andrew quietly hid his cross necklace underneath his hoodie and just nodded "Alright." He said, his tone apologetic, although the words that would show the feelings of guilt never came by. He finally began chewing on the bite he had taken from the apple.
Nathan took a bite from his sandwich, "Now tell me what the fuck you were looking at." He demanded although his tone was gentler this time, before chewing on the food in his mouth. Andrew swallowed his bite of food, his gaze shifting from his friend.
Andrew's eyes fell on Paul, Andrew feeling his heartstrings being pulled just by looking at the past reason for his anger, happiness, frustration, and freedom. His mouth went dry as he knew he could no longer hide his past.
"Paul Harrison," Andrew muttered, his voice barely audible due to the amount of noise in the cafeteria that surrounded the two friends.
When it's time to reveal what you've been hiding for so long — you'll know it.