My dad, always said that I was the best kid. The kid who is blessed with so much talent and intelligence. And I used to like hearing it. Not just from my dad but from everyone.
Because yes! I was that kid. I was so good at art back then. They used to call me an artist. Even my art teacher used to praise me so much. I slowly started going to music class and there they told me that my voice was so good that I could be a musician or background singer too.
I was also good academically and my teachers never complained about me.
It was all so fine, but I somehow knew that every kid as a kid was the best kid for their parents. And teachers somehow always ended up liking everyone.
However, all of this didn't last long. How would it though?
Nothing lasts forever right?
Even the sun would soon be a supernova and then this solar system wouldn't have anything left. Not even the knowledge.
The only thing that would still conserve its existence would be the energy we left behind.
I remember it was the 1st of April and a new session for the school was about to begin. I felt no joy nor was I excited. I was wondering if I could stay back home forever and ever.
Okay I agree I never liked going to school. You still would be able to find a reason to cry if school life ends. You might feel the pain of separation. Trust me, if someone could be the happiest for the school to end; it would be me.
Obviously.
I was bullied for being fat, for remaining silent, for not being able to stand up for myself, for having dark circles.
It's a long list.
But when did I realise that I had no longer any will to continue my life?
I am trying to figure it out myself.
Though I remember the period when I was finally in 10th grade. When I learned that now I was not just a kid. I was somewhere stuck in childhood and adulthood.
My brain was processing the future and my heart was stuck in the past.
I had quite a few friends. Exactly four, and for me that was enough. My mother was miserable at that time coping with some serious shit that happened not a year ago.
And my father who worked all day slept at night and worked again the next morning. He never felt like talking at that time. Then I was trying to save my sibling from all this mess and I was all caught up.
In the end, we all were influenced. So hard; that we are still not able to break through the cage we made out of fear, fury, grudge and hatred.
We are lost
"We" is not just used for the people living under this house but in general- We are lost. All of us are.