"He's not going to stop," Ominis muttered over breakfast that next morning. Tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, I grunted in response. Sebastian was noticeably absent from our house table this morning and we both a sinking feeling about where he might be and it involved him hunched over more books. It was like there was a dark cloud hanging over our side of the table, even Poppy didn't hang around us too long after she popped by to say hello.
"We both knew that. You did your best though, you did what Anne wanted," I reassured, taking the smallest bite of egg. "Hopefully he hides it for her."
"I did nothing." I had a feeling he meant more than just yesterday. He sighed heavily, shifting on the bench before turning his head toward my direction. "I hadn't even checked on you. I left you because I was pissed and you were..." he trailed off, waving a hand in my direction. "All summer. I sat there and stewed and I had no idea if you were alright. I'm sorry."
"It's fine and I'm fine. We're fine," I mumbled, though honestly I wasn't fine. Their silence had been two knives into my heart and the reminder of it caused a wave of head splitting pain. We had slipped into a familiar routine today as if no time had passed, as if we were all the close friends we were last year when they left me on my death bed practically. I was so weak the day they stormed out it took me an hour to get myself out of The Undercroft. They were so wrapped up in themselves and their own pains and angers that I got brushed aside until I was needed. Sebastian asking to use my magic last night after ignoring me all summer, never once checking in? That was killing me. I groaned, gripping my skull as my hair cascaded around me. I felt eyes of other classmates curiously glancing my way but I couldn't move. It was consuming me.
"Jo!" I heard someone call.
It's okay. Calm down. The pain is from your emotions. Calm them. I breathed in and out through my nose while my eyes leaked.
"Drink," a gruff voice came as a vial of purple liquid was pushed under my nose. Hands shaking and weak, I tried to grip it but when I lifted it out of the foreign hand, it nearly slipped from my grip. "Oh blast it," the voice grumbled. Suddenly, my head was forced backward and Sharp's face swam into my vision. He pushed the vial to my lips and as I parted them slowly he titled it back, letting the burning liquid run down my throat.
Slowly the pain dulled enough for my vision to steady, for the light in the room not to cause my head to rip open. It took me a second to realize the entire Great Hall was focused on us, whispering from other tables behind us started to fill the air. Sharp cleared his throat and I focused on him. "My office. This time, come with an explanation." With that, he stalked off.
I didn't move. I couldn't just yet, my legs were still quite shaky. Suddenly a hand gripped my elbow, lifting me to my feet and I nearly dead-weighted against the body holding me up that smelled of leather and a hint of spice. The smell sent a wave of calm through me.
"Come on, Josephine," Ominis grunted, trying to steady himself as I weighed against him. I did my best to steady myself as I let Ominis guide me, relying on him and his wand as the pain dulled out through me and the Great Hall disappeared behind us filled with whispers and rumors already swirling.
We walked in silence and the farther we got, the more I could hold up my own weight. Still, Ominis had not released his grip on my elbow and I was strangely grateful for that.
"Talk." Sharped hissed the second Ominis opened the door. "Please excuse us, Gaunt."
"He knows everything, please let him stay" I sighed, releasing myself from his grip but he stayed close and silent by my side.
With a long exhale, Sharp nodded as he crossed his arms. "Professor Hecate and I have been talking and have our suspicions. But please, inform me of exactly what happened."
So I did. I went back all the way to the dragon attack, Ominis pulling a stool for me to sit. I detailed everything I could about Ranrock, Isidora, and the keepers, leaving out any details to raise eyebrows at Sebastian. When I got to the repository part sometime later, Sharp looked distressed and raised a hand to stop me.
"Why did you take it?" he asked, voice dripping with disdain and just utter confusion.
I shrugged helplessly. "I thought I could help people. I saw things Isidora left in a pensive and while she didn't take the power herself, but grew it instead, she had all the research to back it up. Plus, when I die it will die with me. Hopefully."
"That's why you took it?" Ominis breathed.
Hesitating for a minute, I nodded. "It's a powerful magic and once I learn more about it I'm sure I could use it for the greater good. Besides, what better way to keep it safe from future generations?" Honestly, I had no clue if it would or not, but it sounded better than my initial reason for taking it.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Sharp pacing and running his fingers over his chin with his brow furrowed. "This is...new territory. This magic, has been giving you pain?"
I nodded and when I finally spoke, my voice was full of emotion. "I think it's tied to my emotions and any time I feel pain it's....Overwhelming. It's more than just pain. It feels as though it's ripping me apart."
"How often do spells like that happen? You took, what, four vials a day over the summer? I sent you an over supply and you had written me two weeks later that you had nearly run out."
I nodded. "Happens very often. Too often. The potions make in manageable, as if I'm just living with a migraine rather than a dragon clawing my head open."
He nodded stiffly. There was more questioning, more pacing, more prodding into what Fig and I had found out before he flopped down on his chair, looking defeated.
"Very well, I'll discuss this with Professor Wea-"
"No!" I shouted then. "I mean, no sir. Please, I would prefer you didn't. Not yet. I want to keep this between us for now, until I figure out more and possibly ask the Keepers. If they'll even see me." I knew they wouldn't and part of me wanted to avoid them for as long as possible.
"Well, Miss Grey, I strongly disagree. But, I'll keep this conversation confidential for now. However, I do have clauses and since you've already told me your secrets, you are in no position to argue them." Not all of them. He raised an eyebrow at me and I just nodded. "Very well, should your condition deteriorate I will inform Professor Hecate and Professor Weasley immediately. No exceptions. Same goes for your school work. If the pain becomes too much to do the bare minimum, and I mean bare minimum, that's a sign that you're deteriorating to me and I will inform the others to help us in finding a cure."
I blinked. "A cure?" Why did that idea send a nasty shiver down my spine. Ominis stiffened too, ever so slightly that Sharp didn't notice. But I did.
"I'll be honest, Miss Grey. I know little about ancient magic. I'm not sure of any cure, but we can always try. Starting with the Keepers. Next week lets meet back here and discuss what you found out. But we'll do it outside of class hours. Now if my watch his correct," he broke off as he pulled his pocket watch out to check the time, "you two have five minutes to get to your first lesson. Off now!" With that, he waved his hands and practically shooed us out.
___
Ominis and I walked slowly to Charms after our meeting with Sharp. We were silent at first and when I turned my head to look at Ominis, I could see the millions of questions written on his face and braced myself.
"Did you tell Sharp the truth? You wanted this magic to die with you?"
"Part of it. It crossed my mind at the time," I admitted, though I knew it only came after I pictured Sebastian and what he wanted so desperately and my need to give it to him.
"Blast it, Josephine," he sighed, biting his lip. "Was I the only one not fancying his use of the word "cure?""
I shivered again. "No, I wasn't quite a fan of it. But, I'll take the help if it can fix whatever is going on inside of me. I feel like I'm glowing red and black. Can you tell?"
Oh shit. I bit my lip to keep the awkward laughter inside. Ominis slowly turned his head in my direction and deadpanned, "Yes, I need you to tone your glowing down. It's distracting to the blind." I lost hit then, probably the first time I've laughed in months.
"Can I tell you something?" I blurted after a minute. We were getting closer to Charms and I pulled Ominis to the side.
"Oh dear. What is it?"
"You should have written me. I could have told you more about why I did what I did. Why we did it. But you never gave me a chance and I thought I lost you. I wrote to you every week for a month and nothing. A "Fuck you Jo, stop owling me" would have been better than silence." There. It was out in the open now, no going back. So I steeled my spine and kept my voice as calm and even as I could.
He was silent before clicking his tongue. "Joephine," his voice barely above a whisper. "You both did fuck up. I watched my best friend spiral down the darkest path and there you were at his side. Of course I was pissed! I am still pissed! My other best friend has no uncle now."
"You have a right to be," I nodded. "I just wanted you to know. You can still tell me to fuck off, you know."
A smiled tugged on his lips then and he gave a small shake of his head. "Yes, and leave me alone with Sebastian? I think I'll take my chances with you and still be slightly pissed."
"I'll take it," I smiled. With that, we went to Charms and my eyes fell immediately on Sebastian who looked worse for wear but was eyeing us curiously as we entered the room and assumed our usual seats, mine next to Natty and Ominis next to Sebastian.
I still had that bridge to cross.