Tonya hadn't spoken to Vish for over two weeks now. She desperately missed him, but she knew she couldn't do what he wanted.
She didn't even know how to do what Rupa asked her, and if she did... Well, that would be accepting that the Samsara were real.
With millions of babies across the world born with the virus, her school - like all the schools in the country- remained shut, hospitals were overrun, flights were cancelled, and a lockdown was declared in most countries across the world.
Tonya's grandad was buried in the same wooded forest that Tonya has first heard Tamashi's voice.
As always, the weather was unrelenting. Winds howled and rain loudly beat against his coffin as his body was lowered into the ground.
Tonya tried to block them out, but the Samsara were all around her at the funeral. The graveyard was alive with voices in the wind.
Tamashi's was the loudest, begging her to listen, begging her to help, begging her to at least try. It was as if she was constantly surrounded by a crowd, a gang of voices that were overwhelmingly trying to make her do something, never leaving her alone, not even at her grandad's funeral.
After the funeral Tonya went to bed early. She drifted off to sleep to the sound of her mum's TV show in the background. Yet it was a strange type of sleep, for as she began to drift off she felt the oddest tingling through her body.
She became aware quite quickly that she was somewhere between being awake and asleep, lingering in that middle ground.
Her mind was floating with the idea of sleep but she could still sense the pillow under her head and the duvet wrapped around her body. It was in this moment that she began sinking through the softness.
She was so startled by the sensation that she instinctively clasped the sheets tightly in her hands, fighting her brain, trying to gain some sort of control. She fought the feeling, telling herself she wasn't falling, that it was just a dream.
She looked down at her arms and legs and noticed she was covered in some sort of rising clear fluid. It was thicker than water, like a solution.
Suddenly she was sinking further into it, drowning in it. She had a terrifying thought that she was dyeing. She gasped for breath, relieved to feel air in her lungs.
She tried to think about something that connected her back to Earth. She thought of the time she first met Vish in the caf' by the seaside.
She thought of their first ever conversation and imagined Vish spinning his helmet proudly on the table with the words "Three wings, three claws" scratched into the paintwork. They both knew the song from a film they had both watched as children. She recalled a memory from her childhood, snuggled on the sofa with her dad watching the movie.
It was about a little bird who was born shaped like a triangle. He was ashamed of being different, but throughout the film he learnt all the things that triangle birds could do that others couldn't, things that made him special. She sang the lyrics out loud. "I am a triangle bird, three wings, three claws, strange they say, yet I'm sure I could scratch my name into the sky, if only I knew how to try."
Her mind conjured a silver thread hanging above her. She grabbed hold of it and a warm flow of relief seeped through her as she returned to her body and fell into a deep sleep.
When she woke up she knew what had happened and she knew she could do it again, that she couldn't ignore how it had felt, the feeling of her mind separating from her body. It had felt real, she couldn't deny it. All of this felt real. So, for the first time in weeks she got out her phone and text Vish.
"I think I might be able to astral travel, but I need your help, if you still want to?"
She opened up her bedroom window and the wind flapped the curtains as it rushed in.
"Tamashi, you there?"
Tamashi replied instantly, "Yes Tonya, of course."
"I'm sorry Tamashi. I've been an idiot." she felt her voice cracking but carried on.
"I was just so scared, but I'm ready to do what Rupa said. I'm ready to try. I need to do this, because maybe I can, maybe Vish is right and this is possible."
Tamashi was there by her side, "You can do it Tonya, we believe in you."
Tonya nodded.
"Theres a reason I can see you, a reason I can see your art and hear your stories and now it's up to me to find out who I really am."
"I am so proud of you Tonya," said Tamashi.
Tonya felt braver than she'd every felt before. "If there's a small chance I can help, then I have to try."
The next evening, after Tyler and Ruby had gone to bed, Tonya and Tamashi snuck out to the train station.
Tonya left a note on her bed, explaining to her mum she had gone to see Vish, a friend who lived near the caravan, and that she was really sorry but there was something she had to do.
She got the last train out of London that night, meeting Vish in the early hours as it pulled into the station. The pair walked to his grandfather's shop.
The shop had been closed since the virus, so it was a safe place for the pair to go. Vish let them in with his spare key and silenced the new alarms that had been installed after the wool theft incident.
At the back of the shop, there was a tiny area Vish's grandfather used as a staff room. There was an old kettle next to a small sink and a beaten-up old sofa that had seen better days.
They plugged the fan in and Tonya heard Tamashi's voice immediately, letting them know that she was still there. Tonya lay down on the sofa, wrapping a thick blanket around her which Vish had brought from home. Vish looked Tonya in the eyes.
"I'm so sorry for what I said to you, for putting all that pressure on you when you were so scared, especially after your grandad died."
"No, Vish, I'm the one who should be sorry. I've only been thinking about myself for so long. I'm so sorry for being so selfish. I've not been there for you after everything you've been going through with your sisters babies. You've always been so amazing. Do you think you can forgive me?"
Vish took Tonya by surprise by gently pulling her in towards her face. "Of course."
Then he kissed her so gently, as if she was the most precious thing in the world.
They lay together on the sofa and Tonya distracted herself from the daunting task ahead by speaking to Vish about her grandad, sharing memories of silly games they played when she was a child.
Vish pulled hair from his head and put a one pence coin from his pocket onto the floor. Tonya enjoyed watching Vish's amazement as the coin appeared to magically suspend itself a few centimetres from the shop floor.
He smiled at the ground, in a gentle joking tone he spoke to the coin "Hey Tamashi. Took you long enough to get her here, what were you doing? Having a holiday?"
The coin was seemingly thrown with force towards Vish and hit him on the ankle.
"Ouch!" he said laughing. "Yea orite, fair enough, I deserved that."
Tonya laughed for the first time in weeks, it was good to be back. She fell asleep not long after, her body pressed up against Vish.
Although it wasn't exactly sleep. It was a place Tonya could take herself that was between states. Her body was asleep, almost paralysed, locked into the sofa, but her mind was awake and alert. She felt vibrations running through her body and the sensation of Vish's body pressed against her own.
A loud beat drummed in her ear, perhaps her own heartbeat, although she couldn't be sure.
The sinking feeling returned as she sank down through the sofa into what felt like a thick liquid. The drumming sound in her ears quickened and she fought the urge to wake herself up.
The silver thread fell from the ceiling again but she decided to go against her instinct to grab for it. She told herself it was her mind creating an escape route that she didn't actually need.
With the idea she could control this dream forming in her mind, she resisted her own voice telling her to get out of danger and allowed herself to fall further into the sticky fluid.
She watched in horror as it started to come up over her legs and arms. It was heavy and it pushed down on her chest, like a weight. Its wet stickiness gripped at her neck and wrapped itself around her throat. She could feel it, wet and cold and sludgy, as it now started to cover her face.
A transparent gloopy fluid oozed into her eyes. Just before she shut them she saw tiny red waves of particles, strings of tubular branching vessels floating through the liquid. They looked like the veins in the palms of her hands.
She tried to reach out and touch one, but the fluid was pushing her down. Her body was fully submerged now. She was trapped. She tried to wake up, to take back control, forcing her eyes back open, but she was too deep now, there didn't feel like a way back.
In front of her she saw hundreds more of the red threads swimming around her. As her vision came back into focus, she noticed how they seemed to be charged up, sparking against the fluid, with an electric current running through their thin branchy vessels.
Her chest was heavy and thick as it rumbled, rattling her rib cage. There was a crackling sound in her lungs, as if the liquid was inside of her now.
She needed to break out of this, so she focused her mind. She told herself that if she was in control, surely she could break free from this dream. Yet the more she tried to control what was happening, the less control she had. The liquid was moving now, into her nostrils and mouth.
She could feel it crawling down her throat like a thick oily mucus. She imagined it inside her bloodstream and she tried to take a gulp of air but she couldn't. She wondered if this was what it felt like to die? Perhaps this was death, perhaps this was her final breath.
Fear gripped her. Finally, a voice sung out inside her head,
"I am a triangle bird, three wings, three claws, strange they say, yet I'm sure I could scratch my name into the sky, if only I knew how to try."
She saw the silver thread again. It was pushing through the liquid, separating it easily. She resisted grabbing at the silvery thick rope-like material, believing it would take her back, instead choosing to continue.
All she could see was darkness, but she still felt the blanket against her skin, and the sofa supporting her body, and Vish's warm hand holding hers.
She looked around, still suspended in the liquid. Her eyes started to become accustomed to the dark. She was surrounded by walls, shaped like the inside of a walnut. The walls were made out of wavy thick tubes that were wedged together.
The air around her was once again filled with the tiny red waves of floating particles, strings of tubular branching vessels floating through the liquid, charged by some sort of electrical current.
She regained control of her body and began to feel her limbs again. She looked down at her legs, treading water in the liquid. That's when she realized that she wasn't alone.
A beautiful Samsara was just ahead of her. She was about her age and also treading water in the liquid, sharing the space, watching Tonya. She was attached to what looked like wires, with suckers on their ends connected to every part of the Samsara's body.
Up close, Tonya could see the streaky grey waves to her skin, and the deep orb eyes glistening like a pearly shell. Tonya reached out and so did the Samsara.
"Hello?" Tonya said, finding she had a voice that could carry through the liquid. "Can you hear me?"
To her surprise, the Samsara said each word with her. Not an echo, though; it was as if there was no pause, no moment to copy her. It was exactly on beat. The Samsara said the words at the exact same time Tonya spoke them.
"Why are we speaking together?" Tonya asked.
Again the Samsara spoke with her. It was a perfect reflection of Tonya's voice and her movements. Tonya lifted her arm and the Samsara lifted hers. The long wires that were attached to her arm moved through the liquid with ease. Tonya swam to the left and the Samsara swam to the left. It moved and spoke and reacted with Tonya, like a mirror image or shadow.
"Are you me?" Tonya wondered out loud. "Am I inside myself? Is this my mind?"
Looking around she could see where she was now. She was inside her brain, in-between the folds and the creases and the worm-like tunnels, swimming in its cerebro-spinal fluid.
She could sense now that she was her, they were the same person. For the first time, she began to let her mind take over the dream. It was as if Tonya had been taken this far, but now that she was inside it was okay for her mind to take the reins again.
Tonya swam as hard as she could towards the Samsara's body. Finding herself face to face with her, their noses almost touching. Tonya moved forward, merging with the Samsara. The next moment she was inside the Samsara's body.
She marvelled at the marbled grey arms and long smokey grey legs, covered in thousands of intricate tribal markings. Her long white hair braids flowed in the liquid that surrounded her. How graceful she felt inside this body, how free and weightless.
Tonya turned her head, expecting to see herself, but her human body was gone. The wires that she was now attached to looked like leeches, sucking her skin. She wasn't afraid of them, though. They felt like they were a part of her, and she was in control of them. The wires loosened their grip on her body, allowing her to break free.
On the side of the wavy tubes of her brain she noticed a large hole, opening up, like a cervix preparing for birth, widening itself to reveal a tunnel as big as her body. She climbed in, looking around, guessing that she was inside her ear drum.
In her new Samsara body she pushed herself inside and found herself standing in a very long, thin, silvery tube that was smooth and shiny inside. She felt tiny. She must have been the size of a minuscule atom, and the tube was enormous. It went on and on for what looked like miles. Her feet were tired and walking felt impossible.
Remembering that she was still in control of the dream, she used her imagination and projected a bike into the tunnel. It appeared immediately. Vish's bike from the caravan. His faithful dirt bike, that revved and spat up sand as they'd sped along the beach when they first met.
She climbed on, free of the fear she once felt. Feeling the handles, she revved the engine. It boomed out loud and proud as she soared down the thread. She could see light at the end. If she was inside the dream now, did that mean she was the dream?
She wondered if that meant she was going to exit her own mind in the same way her dreams did, as Lucids?
She was deep inside her inner ear, racing through her eardrum. She wasn't scared, she didn't try and persuade herself of anything. Real or not, it was happening to her in that moment and she felt it, she lived it, she willed it to be true.
Further and further down the thread she sped, until eventually she flew out her ear canal and into the open air. Her mind gave in to the nothingness. She didn't hold back or worry about what was going to happen on the other side. She sped off the edge of the threaded tunnel with faith she was going to be okay, because she was in control.
Her bike exited the thread and stopped still in the air, suspended in what looked like a glass-shaped triangle. Tonya's heart was beating so hard she felt like her ribcage was going to break in two.
Through the glass walls of the triangle she could make out another Samsara on the ground far beneath her. It was Tamashi, throwing her looped rope up into the air to catch the Lucid. She dragged it to the floor and wrapped both hands around it. As the triangular walls disintegrated Tonya watched Tamashi jump backwards, gasping in shock.
Tonya could see she was in Vish's grandfather's framing shop, but she was now inside the body of a tiny Samsara, suspended in the air on a dirt bike. She looked down at her giant human body, sleeping so peacefully, wrapped in the blanket on the sofa. She looked so calm and happy.
Vish, another giant in the room, was also asleep, slumped by the sofa holding her hand. Little did he know she wasn't there anymore. She was high above him, on his dirt bike, looking down at him from above.
She looked at her Samsara hands clasping the handlebars of the bike and felt warm inside. Everything was going to be okay, as Vish was holding her hand and she was safe on the sofa.
Yet she'd done what Sakuru had said, she'd actually done it. She had managed to exit her physical self and separate her mind from her body.
She could see Tamashi clearly for the first time. She had the shape of a human, with thick white ropey long braids that ran down her back and skin that was smeared grey like the sky in London.
"Can you hear me?" Tonya asked.
Tamashi was wide-eyed, looking at her in a silent shock, nodding cautiously.
"Are you Septem?" Tamashi asked.
"It's me, Tonya," she replied in disbelief. "I'm inside the Lucid."
"Tonya? Is it really you?" exclaimed Tamashi. "I don't understand. You look like a Samsara, but you sound just like you. You've got a VII etched into your chest, and look up. You've got lucids and Akumu orbiting your head, that only happens to the Samsara who come from the Harp.
Tonya looked up, sure enough, above her head, tiny little glass triangular and hexagonal shapes were circling her.
Tamashi pointed at her bike, "Where did you get that?"
"I projected it," Tonya replied, "like I can project this."
Tonya waved her hand and a grassy sandbank appeared, suspended in the air, winding its way the length of the shop: a vision beautiful and life-like, with white sand reflecting the light of the moon. The bank flowed towards the door of the shop, which opened on its own with a jingle of its bell, and the sand bank built its way outside, into the night.
"Tamashi, my gut is telling me to follow it. It's going to take me to where I need to go."
"I'm coming with you. I'm not letting you do this alone," Tamashi said, to Tonya's relief, climbing on the back of the bike.
Tonya drove up onto the sand dune, taking one last look at Vish. He was still holding her human hand as she slept peacefully on the sofa.
On the bike, with Tamashi's arms wrapped around her, Tonya felt less alone than she'd ever done in her whole life. She realized she wasn't doing this by herself anymore. Her body had Vish and her mind had Tamashi.
Tonya looked up at the sand bank. It was enticing her to ride along its perfectly sandy structure, arching its beachy-brown, grass-green back proudly out of the shop door.
Tamashi whispered into her ear, "Let's do this."
Tonya revved the bike, hearing the wonderful, freeing roar of the engine, and together, with the energy of a newborn Lucid inside her, and Tamashi holding onto her waist, Tonya bolted out the window into the night.