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^Luke.
PS: I was listening to Far Away by Nickelback while I was writing this chapter.
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Miray yearned to join the boys in their game, but the thought of moving made her feel like she might faint and spoil their joy. So, she remained on the bench, smiling at them as she watched them compete against each other.
Rayan wanted to stay with her, but Miray forced him to join the game.
She was happy that at least the bench was within the confines of the court, which brought her a sense of ease, not worrying that someone might sneak up from behind and whisk her away.
Although the boys didn't urge her to play like they always did, they still made sure to involve her, asking her opinion on who performed better and who threw the ball more skillfully.
Miray enjoyed watching the boys play; she admired their skill and knew they learned from the best - Vince.
Vince had always excelled in sports and had been passing on his knowledge to Noah since he was young.
He wanted to teach her too, but she always failed him.
With the addition of Rayan and Kaiden to their family, Vince took the time to teach them as well. Ren, always fiercely competitive, eagerly followed suit, determined to match their abilities. And whenever Miray's eyes gleamed with admiration as one of the boys scored, it fueled Ren on even more.
Miray suddenly stood and walked toward the boys, suddenly remembering something important. The boys halted their game as they noticed her approach, meeting her halfway with curious expressions.
"Hey, want to jump in?" Noah offered, bouncing the ball and extending it towards her once they were close enough.
Miray shook her head, her nerves suddenly overwhelming her. She fidgeted, her brows furrowing as she searched for the right words.
"Rei, what's wrong?" Noah inquired, placing the ball in his hip and placing a his other hand on her shoulder while lowering himself to her eye level.
"Yeah," she responded, meeting Noah's concerned gaze. Then, with a gulp and a tone of stress, she continued, "It's just... I have something I want to ask from you all, but..." Her words trailed off, hesitating.
"Sure, go on," Noah encouraged.
Kaiden glanced up at the sunny sky and then at Miray and frowned as she wasn't wearing any cap, "Let's go sit on the bench in the shade, and you can tell us there." he suggested, knowing how Miray's sensitivity to sunlight matched her discomfort with cold.
"Okay," Miray nodded, holding her hands in front of her as she turned to walk to the bench.
Noah followed Miray closely, his hand still resting on her shoulder.
As they settled onto the bench, Miray and Noah took their places on the bench while Rayan and Kaiden sat on the ground in front of them.
"So, what's on your mind?" Noah prompted when Miray remained silent. "Rei, it's just us. You don't have to be so nervous, just tell us," he reassured her, placing his hand on her knee.
Miray took a deep breath and sighed, her hands fidgeting with unease. "I don't know..." she began, troubled. She glanced at each of them before she sighed. "I want to ask you all to do something for me," she finally confessed, catching the boys' attention. "But I don't want you to misunderstand..." Her voice trailed off.
"Rei," Noah sighed gently, his voice soft with concern. "Please, you know we all love you, right? I promise we won't misunderstand and listen to your reasons. Just say it, don't overthink," he implored, reaching for her hand to stop her from hurting herself as she started pinching her skin.
"I know, but... can you promise you'll do it?" Miray looked at him, her gaze pleading.
It bothered him. Her pleading gaze bothered him so much.
He wanted her to know that she didn't need to plead with him for anything, that he would do anything for her.
"I promise," Noah affirmed.
Miray took another breath and let it out slowly. "Okay, it's actually about school," she began, stealing a glance at them to gauge their reaction. They were all attentive and curious, prompting her to continue. "I- well, Aylin told me that you guys are really popular at school and all," she paused, nervously gulping, avoiding their eyes. "You know, I've never been to school before, and-" Another pause, her voice laden with discomfort at burdening them with her concerns. "I feel nervous," she blurted out, placing her hand over her neck as she suddenly felt hot and suffocated.
The boys' hearts raced, overwhelmed by a fierce surge of protectiveness coursing through their veins.
"Rei," Noah's voice resonated, almost laced with anger as he shouted her name, causing Miray to flinch. He quickly softened his tone, clearing his throat. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to shout. It's just..." He paused, gently making her look at him. "I won't let anyone bother you. You'll have the same classes as Ren and Rayan, Aylin too. And if anyone dares to bother you, just find me or Kaiden, and we'll take care of it," he reassured her. "Not that anyone would dare anyway," he added under his breath, his muscles tensing.
Noah found himself grappling with a surge of emotions he hadn't experienced before. The mere thought of someone causing harm to Miray ignited a fierce rage within him, one that he struggled to contain.
He couldn't comprehend why these feelings were so intense now compared to before. Sure, he had always been overprotective of Miray, but he had never felt this close to crossing a line into violence.
Noah was never the violent type...
Miray sighed, "It's not like that..." she began, her voice trailing off as she struggled to articulate her thoughts. Frustration evident on her face, she exhaled and shifted to face Noah directly, tucking one leg tightly under her.
"I have something that I want the three of you to do, well—Ren too, but I'll ask him later," she said, almost speaking to herself before focusing on Noah again. "I— you, I mean, you know how overwhelming it is to start at a new school and all, and... I—" She closed her eyes briefly, gathering her thoughts before continuing. "What I want from you all is, for the first few weeks at school, I don't want anyone to know that we know each other," she confessed, searching Noah's expression for a reaction. But he looked puzzled and a bit hurt, and she could tell that Kaiden and Rayan were equally confused.
"What do you mean?" Noah asked slowly, trying to understand her as he promised he would.
Miray shifted back, her legs now on the ground, feeling a tinge of numbness in the one that had been tucked under her tightly. It was tucked only for a minute and it was already numb...
"I mean, for the first few weeks at school, I don't want anyone to know that we know each other. Like I want you guys to... ignore me? Like we don't know each other? just let me try to get used to school on my own first without the attention." she explained hesitantly.
She had thought over this for a long time.
It wasn't that she was afraid of starting school or not having friends or even getting bullied; rather, it was the fear of being recognized, of her past coming to light.
She had nightmares about it, imagining the students discovering her story and the attention it would bring.
She couldn't bear the thought of making the boys, especially Noah, go through such horrible thing.
She knew how much Noah enjoyed going to school and how he detested homeschooling. The idea of him being associated with the horrors of her past filled her with self-loathing.
She didn't want people to recognize him as the brother of the broken girl.
She had saw glimpses of her story on social media, the thumbnails with her bruised face always sent shivers down her spine and made her stomach churn.
She couldn't bring herself to watch any videos, knowing they would only trigger her trauma, leaving her shaking and nauseous for hours afterward.
Miray reassured herself that she would manage if anyone recognized her; she would simply withdraw and return to her solitude. But the thought of the boys enduring the fallout made her heart sink.
Miray didn't want the boys to be associated with that incident.
"Rei," Noah started, almost in disbelief.
"Please, Noah," Miray interrupted, reaching for his hands, her tone pleading. "Just for a few weeks, okay? I just need time to adjust to school. Then we can all hang out. And I'll have Aylin and Emir with me; they're not well-known and kinda new too, so it'll be fine," she reasoned.
Noah still appeared hesitant, but the desperation in Miray's voice and her use of the nickname 'Nai' almost made him cave.
He was kinda hurt by her request, though he tried his best to mask it.
Ever since Miray announced she wanted to go to school, he had hoped he would repair his relationship with her during their time at school, believing it could be a fresh start after his mistakes of the past.
However, it seemed that Miray didn't share the same sentiment...
And while he had no blame towards her at all, recognizing his own shortcomings as a brother, it still stung nonetheless.
"Nai, please. You said you'd understand... you said you would do anything," Miray pressed, her face falling, and Noah groaned, already on the verge of giving in.
"But why?" Noah groaned. "Rei, I'm your brother," he said, sounding hurt despite trying to mask it. "How can I just ignore you? Do you even realize what you're asking?"
Miray scooted closer, holding his hand tighter. "It's not like I'm asking you to ignore me forever, just for a few days until I get used to school. Then we can talk and all," she pleaded, reasoning with him. "Come on, please..."
Noah fell silent for a few moments before sighing. "Okay," he said, defeated.
Miray's eyes lit up with surprise, her face breaking into a joyful expression. "Oh my god, Nai, you're the best!" she exclaimed, wrapping her arms around him in a tight hug.
Noah hugged her back, but his expression turned serious. "But only for a few days," he reminded her.
Miray nodded, pulling her head back to smile at him, though her arms still held him tightly. "Yes, yes," she said. "I love you," she added.
"Yeah, yeah, sure," Noah replied, rolling his eyes jokingly. "That's why you want to ignore me at school," he said sarcastically.
Miray pulled back and punched his arm halfheartedly. "Oh, come on, you know I love you," she protested.
"I know you care," Noah found himself saying, which made Miray grimace at the song reference.
"Really now..." Miray deadpanned.
"Shut up," Noah chuckled, trying to push her away halfheartedly.
Miray shook her head, smiling as she leaned her head on his shoulder, her hands circling around his arm as she looked at Kaiden and Rayan. "You will do it, right?" she asked, again feeling nervous.
Kaiden's gaze locked with hers, he was sitting on the ground with his knees crossed and arms behind him, stabilizing as he leaned back.
Miray felt a bit uneasy at his ambiguous look and leaned closer to Noah.
Kaiden straightened up, sitting and brushing the dust from his hands before replying, "Of course," he said, smiling.
Miray was about to smile back in relief when he added, "But if someone bothers you, I'll have to break their bones," with a smile.
Miray sighed, not in relief but in weariness. "Why do you all think I would be bullied? Do you guys think I'm too weak?" she huffed, pouting. "I mean, I am physically weak, but I can handle myself if it's just verbal. Give me some credit," she continued, looking at Rayan, who had remained silent throughout the conversation.
Noah shifted his arm from where Miray had been holding him and wrapped it around her middle instead. "Rei, it's not about thinking you're weak. We just want to make sure you're safe and comfortable," Noah explained.
"You're the strongest, but some students are pigs. I don't want your hands to get dirty dealing with them; We will be the ones to handle the dirty work for you" he joked, eliciting laughter from Miray, despite her slight upset.
"So, I'm the boss?" Miray raised an eyebrow, amused.
Noah nodded, a playful glint in his eyes. "You're calling the shots," he confirmed.
"Well, sounds good to me," Miray replied, shrugging and grinning. Then her expression shifted as she remembered something important. "Oh, and one more thing," she said, her tone turning nervous again.
"Can you guys keep this a secret? I don't want Luke, Vince, or Damian to know about this... please?" she pleaded, her eyes searching theirs for reassurance.
Noah sighed, feeling the weight of her request. "Okay," he agreed reluctantly, knowing the potential consequences of keeping such a secret. But seeing Miray's earnest expression, he couldn't bring himself to refuse her plea, though inwardly he prayed he wouldn't regret it too soon.
He tried to convince himself that it was okay since he would keep an eye on her anyway, and having Rayan, Ren, and her cousin with her inside the class was somewhat reassuring. Yet, a part of him couldn't shake the feeling that it was a bad decision and that his brothers would be so disappointed in him if they ever find out.
But he wanted to do something for Miray. It was the first time she had asked him for something, and he couldn't bring himself to say no.
Miray's face lit up with relief, and she stood up suddenly, jumping up and down excitedly. However, her rush movements proved to be a mistake as she swayed dangerously, on the verge of falling.
Before she could fall though, Noah quick pulled her to him. Kaiden was ready to catch her as well, jumping to his feet in one swift motion and so was Rayan.
"You okay?" Noah asked, his expression filled with concern as he held her in his arms.
Miray shut her eyes briefly, then opened them and stuck out her tongue. "Gotcha!" she laughed, attempting to brush off the scare as she pulled away and sat back down on the bench, laughing.
But the boys didn't join in her laughter. Instead, they looked torn.
Miray sighed, feeling a pang of guilt. "Hey, come on, stop looking at me like that," she pouted, leaning against the bench and resting her head as she felt dizzy again. "I'm just a bit dizzy because I didn't sleep well," she lied, as she actually haven't slept at all.
The boys stopped wearing their concerned expressions, but they continued to hover around her, repeatedly asking if she was truly okay and if she needed anything.
And no matter how many times she assured them she was fine, and didn't need anything, they remained unconvinced, refusing to return to their basketball game until she stood up and retrieved the ball herself with them following closely behind her, urging her to sit down and rest.
When Luke returned, he insisted on carrying Miray back home, needing her close to him. Feeling her chest against his back, her heartbeat steady and reassuring, brought a sense of calm to his racing heart.
Once they arrived home, Luke surprised Miray by asking her to accompany him to his work, which was very odd. However, she agreed, partly because she wasn't ready to face Vince yet, and partly because she sensed that something had gone wrong during Luke's run.
Miray took a shower, dressed in warm clothes, and grabbed her inhaler. She retreated to her room to secretly practice her breathing exercises, determined to be as okay as possible for Luke.
She wanted to be there for him, just as he had always been there for her.
She hated how her body always seemed to fail her when she needed it the most. She had thought the shower would refresh her, but instead, she felt more tired.
In the car, Luke reached for Miray's hand and held onto it the entire ride, his thumb tracing gentle circles on her skin. And at every stoplight, he turned to look at her, his gaze lingering on her as if afraid she would disappear at any moment.
Miray sensed his unease and wanted to ask him what was wrong, but she held back, sensing that he wasn't ready to talk yet. Instead, she offered him her presence, smiling reassuringly whenever he looked her way.
She kissed their intertwined hands, and engaged him in conversation, discussing anything and everything that came to mind, hoping to alleviate his worries with her words which seemed to work as Luke's tense body relaxed a bit.
In the office, Luke ordered her milk tea and brought her a whole wheat bread sandwich and started working on some files, stealing glances at her every now and then.
Of course Miray insisted on sharing the sandwich with him, almost forcing him to eat it despite his protests. Eventually, he gave in and they both enjoyed it together.
Miray wanted to stay awake and spend more time with him, but her exhaustion got the better of her. Gradually, she found herself leaning more and more on the sofa until she was lying down, drifting off to sleep without realizing it.
Miray only woke up when she felt Luke's strong arms gently lifting her to his chest. "Did I sleep?" she asked sleepily, opening her eyes then closing them.
Luke smiled down at her, leaning in to kiss her forehead. "Yes, love. You did. Go back to sleep," he whispered softly in his deep voice.
Miray shook her head slightly, but nestled into his neck, feeling comforted. "How long was I out?" she asked, stifling a yawn.
"Not too long," Luke reassured her as he carried her to the elevator and then to his car. Miray wanted to walk since she was awake, but Luke insisted on carrying her, securing her in her seat and fastening her seatbelt.
As Luke started the car's engine, Miray smiled fondly as she watched him drive. There was something captivating about men behind the wheel that always left her in awe, especially when they casually rested a hand on the seat beside them while checking their surroundings before pulling out onto the road.
"God, it's such a waste, really," Miray suddenly remarked with a fond smile, gazing at Luke with admiration. Luke glanced at her, his expression a mix of curiosity and amusement, prompting her to explain. "This," Miray said, reaching out to touch his biceps, "We really need to find you a good wife," she teased.
"STOP SAYING THAT!" Luke suddenly shouted angrily, causing Miray to flinch and her smile to vanish as she looked at him in shock.
Luke immediately stopped the engine and placed his hand on his head, his fingers sinking into his hair as he breathed heavily. "I'm sorry," he croaked, his voice strained with guilt and fear as he looked at Miray with shock. "I'm so sorry, love, I—" he paused, horrified by his outburst, "I didn't mean to shout at you," he choked out, sounding as though he wanted to punish himself.
Miray took a few moments to steady her breathing. She could have been upset and hurt by being yelled at, but seeing Luke's struggle and how genuinely remorseful he was melted away any negative feeling she might have felt.
With caution, she reached for his hand, afraid of rejection, but he didn't pull away, allowing her touch to comfort him. "Lou, it's okay, I'm not upset," she reassured him softly. "Are you okay? Did something happen this morning?" she asked with such tenderness, with such sweetness that it brought tears to Luke's eyes.
He felt like he was losing his grip on reality, consumed by the fear of losing her, of being left alone in a world devoid of her warmth and presence.
It terrified him.
People would assume that knowing a loved one's time is short would offer a chance for closure, but the reality was far from comforting.
For Luke and the boys, it was a constant torment.
They lived in a state of perpetual anxiety, unable to find peace even in their moments together. Every second felt like walking on eggshells, the fear of saying or doing something wrong a constant companion.
Each moment spent together, felt like a ticking time bomb, overshadowed by the looming threat of loss.
The fear of unintentionally hurting Miray haunted him relentlessly, every misstep filling him with remorse and self-loathing.
And the intrusive voice in his mind only fueled his torment, always whispering, 'What if this is her last moment?', 'What if your anger pushes her over the edge?', 'What if she had a heart attack because of you?'
These thoughts were like daggers to his soul, a relentless onslaught that threatened to engulf him.
It wasn't fair.
Luke didn't realize he was crying for the second time that day until he felt Miray's gentle hands reaching out to him. Her voice, filled with concern and tears, cut through the haze of his turmoil as she asked him what was wrong, apologizing for upsetting him.
It wasn't fair.
He reached for her urgently, his heart aching to have her close. Miray quickly undid her seatbelt and rushed to his side of the car, settling herself on his lap and wrapping her arms around him tightly as he cried. Tears streamed down her own cheeks, a mix of fear and worry from Luke's emotional outburst.
"I'm so sorry,"
"I love you so much,"
"Please... don't leave,"
Luke kept pleading, his words desperate and raw as Miray held him close, murmuring gentle reassurances.
"It's okay,"
"I love you too,"
"I'm not going anywhere."
She whispered back, her voice trembling with emotion.
As Luke's tears subsided, he pulled away slightly, his hands moving to wipe away the tears on Miray's cheeks. She mirrored his actions, tenderly brushing away the tears on his own wet cheeks.
They remained in each other's embrace, the weight of their shared emotions hanging heavy in the air, until Luke finally found his voice. "I'm sorry, love, I just..." He trailed off, his words faltering as he struggled to explain his sudden outburst.
Miray sensed his internal struggle, her heart aching at the sight of his troubled expression. Though she longed to understand what was troubling him, she refused to press him, unwilling to add to his burden. Instead, she tenderly cupped his face in her hands and pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead.
"It's okay," she whispered softly, her voice filled with love and understanding. "You didn't do anything wrong. You were just not feeling okay, and that happens to all of us, Lou. I'm actually happy that you felt comfortable enough to share it with me. And I want you to know that I'm not upset with you, I promise." Her gaze met his, earnest and unwavering, as she silently urged him to believe her.
Luke's heart clenched painfully as he studied her, his eyes drinking in every facet of her being. Her cheeks, once plump and rosy, now damp with tears yet still radiantly beautiful.
His gaze lingered on her eyes, those doe-like eyes, framed by thick lashes, had held his heart since the day she was born. They were a beacon of innocence and warmth, a source of comfort in his darkest moments.
Every detail of her being was etched into his mind, as if he were committing them to memory for fear of losing her. The thought of not being able to look at her one day filled him with a profound sense of dread. He couldn't bear the idea of a world without her, without her gentle presence to soothe his troubled soul.
No.
Oh God no.
Can't he die first?
Luke needed to die first, just moments before her because twhe mere thought of her enduring the agony of grief tore at his very soul.
He couldn't fathom a life without his beloved by his side.
It was inconceivable.
So he prayed.
He prayed desperately for a miracle, for the chance to either die first or to keep her with him, forever...
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