Hi again, yep, double update!
You guys have lifted my spirit, and I felt good reading your comments, so I wanted to give you another chapter.
Don't forget to vote and comment 💗
Guys... maybe it's a bit too sad... be ready... I guess?
Before you start reading, please tell me what do you think will happen? Or why did I say it would be sad? Let's see if you guys know me well as an author; take a guess. I'll give you choices:
1- Something bad will happen to Miray.
2- Luke will get into an accident.
3- A sad memory.
Once they reached the park, Miray slipped her hands out from Kaiden's grip and immediately reached for Luke, signaling that she wanted to be put down.
Kaiden had been carrying her on his shoulders when she got tired on the way to the park. Secretly, she didn't like being up there, but she didn't want to say anything and just pretended to enjoy it.
It made her feel scared and dizzy.
His hands holding her were the only thing that made it bearable.
Kaiden bent down, and Luke gently lifted Miray off his shoulders, placing her on a nearby bench. Her legs hung over the edge while she sat on top of the bench. Luke stood behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist as she caught her breath.
"You okay, love?" Luke asked, planting a kiss on her cheek as his chin rested on her shoulder.
Miray nodded, leaning back against his chest and closing her eyes briefly. She enjoyed the breeze on her face, but her heart was beating loudly, making her feel unsettled.
Luke gently withdrew his arms from her tiny waist and took her hand in his. "Love, I want you to do our breathing exercise," he said softly, his voice encouraging... apologetic for some reason.
Miray nodded, closed her eyes and followed his instructions, inhaling deeply through her nose, holding for a moment, and then exhaling slowly through her mouth.
At first, Miray complied, trying to focus on her breath as Luke had instructed, closing her eyes, inhaling deeply through her nose, holding for a moment, and then exhaling slowly through her mouth.
But as she continued, her head started to feel light, and the simple act of breathing, which people often took for granted, became increasingly difficult. Each breath felt like a struggle, as if there wasn't enough air to fill her lungs. Panic started to rise within her, but she tried to remain calm, not wanting to worry Luke.
"Well done, love," Luke murmured, noticing the change in her breathing and the strain on her face. "You can rest a bit, and we can try again later, okay?" he suggested softly, brushing a gentle kiss against her temple.
Miray nodded weakly, grateful for Luke's understanding. She closed her eyes, focusing on the rise and fall of her chest as she tried to steady her breathing. With Luke and the boys by her side, she felt a sense of calm wash over her.
"I love you," Miray whispered suddenly, pressing a tender kiss to Luke's cheek before snuggling closer to him.
Luke desperately wanted to smile, truly he did, because her words were beautiful, the most beautiful thing to his ears. But the way she said them, with such effort to conceal her pain, shattered him.
It tore at his heartstrings, seeing her struggle silently.
Why couldn't he just take away her pain? Why couldn't she be healthy like everyone else? Why couldn't they find a solution to make her okay, free from suffering?
The weight of these questions bore down on him, leaving him feeling helpless and utterly broken.
As Miray sensed Luke's body tense and his heartbeat quicken, she pulled back with a smile. "Now's time to run, Hulk!" she joked, giving him a playful push. "Come on! Show these peasants how it's done!"
"Hey!" Noah protested, bouncing the basketball as he approached.
Miray chuckled and stuck out her tongue teasingly. "What? He runs faster than you all," she shrugged, ducking behind Luke and squealing with laughter as Noah playfully chased after her.
Luke gestured for Noah to stop, and Noah complied, a puzzled expression on his face. But Luke didn't explain, instead turning to meet Miray's eyes with a gentle smile. He pressed another kiss to her forehead, his embrace enveloping her in warmth and comfort.
"Stay safe, okay?" Luke whispered, his voice filled with tenderness. "You can just rest for now. When you feel ready to try the breathing exercise again, do it, but don't force it." He held her close, inhaling her scent as he momentarily closed his eyes and prayed.
Please be okay.
Pulling back, he turned to the boys. "Take care of her, okay?" he instructed, waiting until they nodded before he started jogging. His heart was already pounding fiercely, the weight of worry heavy on his chest, even before he began his run.
Luke ran, faster and faster until his vision blurred and his senses dulled, as he desperately wished. Panic gripped him, his mind spinning with terror. He wasn't ready for this.
With each step, he thought of how Miray's condition was worsening, and it terrified him to his core.
Oh God, please...
Could she just... be okay?
Luke feared his heart couldn't handle it this time.
Exhausted, he finally stopped, leaning against a tree with one hand while the other gripped his knee. He panted heavily, sweat drenching his body, his heart and head pounding relentlessly.
Opening his eyes, Luke saw drops falling onto his training shoes. At first, he thought they were beads of sweat from his forehead, until he heard a gasp, a cry – his own.
He was crying.
He'd been holding back for so long.
Ever since Miray entered that operating room, Luke had been trying to stay strong, to avoid dwelling on it too much because he knew if he did, he would crumble. Luke didn't even want to think about it; he pushed the scene and the entire topic away whenever it surfaced.
"I'm sorry, but her condition..."
"I can't say how many days, months, or years..."
"Why did you let her do the donation? That's just so risky in her condition..."
Luke screamed as the doctor's words echoed in his mind, lashing out at whatever was next to him, his actions wild and frenzied as he finally lost control.
He cried, screamed, kicked, and finally collapsed onto the ground, holding his head in his hands, feeling like he was being torn apart inside.
Miray.
His baby.
His child.
Luke pulled back his shaky hands and looked at them through tear-filled eyes.
Those hands had cradled Miray when she was born, bathed her, caressed her chubby cheeks and silky hair, rubbed her back, and carried her.
But they also let her enter that operating room.
Suddenly, Luke's tearful eyes darkened, and he felt an overwhelming urge to punish those hands
With a trembling fury, Luke clenched his fists, his nails digging into his palms as he fought against the overwhelming flood of emotions crashing over him. Anguish, guilt, and helplessness tore at his soul as he grappled with the weight of his decisions.
He wanted to scream, to rage against the unfairness of it all. How could he have allowed Miray to undergo such a risky procedure? Wasn't it his duty to protect her, to shield her from harm?
With a choked sob, Luke lowered his head, his tears mingling with the dirt beneath him. In that moment of raw vulnerability, all he could do was hold onto the thought that Miray was still there, still breathing, and pray that somehow, a miracle would happen and keep her.
How could they?
How could they allow her to enter that room?
Suddenly, the memory of Miray's expression before entering the operating room flooded his mind, causing him to gasp for air as he sobbed uncontrollably.
She had written him a letter, instructing the doctor to give it to him only in the event she didn't survive. However, a misunderstanding led the doctor to deliver it to him during her operation, shattering his heart even further.
Luke hated it.
He loathed that letter with a passion.
He wanted to burn it, along with the memory of reading it and even the very pen that had inked its words.
But he didn't.
He kept it safe in his office, locked away.
Burning it wouldn't make a difference because he already knew every single word of it, every mark, every tear stain, and even how it smelled.
His mind began to replay the letter, and he screamed, begging for it to cease. He didn't want this.
He didn't want to remember.
He didn't want to hear it.
But he couldn't escape his own thoughts.
So, he simply sobbed as the words of the letter crashed over him like a tsunami.
"My Lou,
Dada 💗
My dearest hero, my father, my mother, my brother, my guiding light and my first love. I love you so so much. A love that stretches beyond words, beyond comprehension.
Lou-Lou, you've been my safe place in this world of chaos and pain. As a kid, I would watch other children laugh and play with their doting parents, and a pang of envy would flicker within me, but then I remember you, and suddenly, their joy seems pale in comparison to the warmth you've always wrapped me in.
I love you.
You've been my anchor, my compass, my heaven. I sometimes wonder if my own mother could have loved and cared for me as much and as gently as you have. But it's hard to think about because in your arms, I've felt a love that goes beyond just family.
Do you remember when you told me that I was a gift to our family? Those words made me the happiest ever! But Lou, you are the true gift, the beating heart of our family. You've carried the weight of our problems, giving so much of yourself without asking for anything in return. Why, Lou? Why did you give so much for us, when you yourself needed care and comfort? Because you were born before us?
But isn't that even worse? You were all alone and had no one to take care of you. Yet, one by one, you took care of all of us.
I love you.
It hurts me, Lou, to see you carry the marks of your own battles, hidden beneath that brave face you wear so well. I've wanted to make things easier for you, to repay even a bit of the love you've given me. But my body, weak and fragile, has always failed me. All I could give was love, pure and endless. My true love, my whole heart.
And I'm so thankful that you accepted it and made it worthy.
I was blessed, Lou. Blessed that in this big and sometimes harsh world, God put you in my life. You were the light in my darkest times, the hand that guided me through storms.
I love you.
If you're reading this, it probably means I'm not around anymore. But hey, I am, sort of. I left a piece of me with Vince, so, please, love him doubly for both of us. Remember how you used to say that Vince and I resemble each other? That our eyes mirror each other's? Please, don't mourn, but instead, find comfort in seeing me within him.
I'm not gonna be all, "Forget about me and move on," because that's just too much. Just remember me through him. Love me through him.
I know Vince would be devastated, but with you guys by his side, he'll pull through, just like you've always helped me pull through my darkest days. You've got the strength to get yourself and him through this tough time. Believe in the connection we had and let it be the glue that keeps you all together.
Please, please, Lou don't blame yourself. It's not your fault, not in any way. How could it be? My weak heart, it's been a struggle the moment I was born. Remember all those times the doctors warned me I might not make it to my teens? Yet, here I am, and it's all because of you. Your love, your care, they're the reasons I've survived this long.
I love you.
Lou, my heart is breaking knowing the pain my leaving will cause you. I'm sorry, so so sorry for the hurt I'm causing. I love you more than words can express. If I could, I'd stay by your side forever, but that's not in my hands. It's not that I'm being selfish, Lou. We could've been dead both of us, but at least you'll have one of us, with a part of the other...
Lou, from the very beginning, you and I both knew that my time in this world was limited. It was just a matter of time, and I'm grateful that I could give something back to our family before my time came to an end. Can't you allow me that much? Please, don't be angry with me, Lou. I beg you, don't hate me, don't see me as selfish or a bad person. I swear, I would have done the same for you or anyone else in our family. And I know you would have done the same for me, so please, don't hate me. Just try to understand my perspective, Lou.
I hate seeing you sad.
I hate it even more if it was because of me.
Sometimes, when everyone else is out, I find myself sitting alone, crying as I count down the days until I'm gone. I cry, not because I'm afraid of death, but because I can't bear the thought of you being sad. I can't bear the thought of not being able to see you, to kiss you, to feel your warm embrace, or to hear your beautiful words that made life so much better.
I love you.
When I'm no longer here, promise me something, Lou. Promise me you'll open your heart to love. You're truly the best person, Lou, and you deserve every ounce of happiness this world has to offer. Someday, I know you'll build the most remarkable family imaginable, with the most adorable children and the most incredible wife by your side. And you? You're going to be the most phenomenal dad the universe has ever seen.
I wish I could be there to care for your kids, shower them with love, and spoil them just like you did with me. I'll always be with you, Lou, even in your darkest moments. Close your eyes and imagine us, playing, laughing, and sharing meals together. My love and spirit will live on in your heart and mind, keeping you company for all time.
Take care of yourself, Lou. I wish I could hold you in an eternal embrace, to kiss you endlessly, but since I can't, know that my love for you will last forever.
With eternal love,
Your Rei."
Luke buried his head in his knees, tears streaming down his face as he cried so hard that it felt like his very soul was being crushed.
God, please...
Anything but her.
Take my soul before her.
God, please... let me have them, those beautiful, innocent eyes of a doe.
Take away everything else from me, my soul, my health, but not the sweetness of her gestures.
Please...
.
.
.
.
Thoughts?