"I'm home."
I said, but of course, nobody else was here. I just kicked off my shoes and ran the stairs to my room, a semi-detached Victorian house, like a thousand others, along the endless, same-looking roads. And we had to wear these uniforms to school, almost like the people of this country were terrified of anything remotely unique. I couldn't wait to get rid of it all.
"Screw the system." Fourteen years in, I was fed up with everything in this life. Like come on, what's the meaning of it all? If only my brother were still around, but no, I had the only good thing taken from me too.
It was exactly a month ago. As I unlocked my phone, I could still see his last message. I kept spamming him with my best wishes but knew he would never respond. The first day of school for both of us, university for him, and high school for me. I took a picture in my brand-new uniform with a sign that said good luck, and he finally reacted.
"Thanks, you too." That was all. My last message from him, before he died. I kicked off my skirt and blouse, that I had to wear to school. Since then, I hated them with a passion. I had this large mirror next to my bed I got it from him for my birthday once. I stopped to look at my reflection.
"I don't know what I expected," I mumbled. My ribs were showing, and no matter how much my parents bugged me about it, I couldn't eat. I was a picky eater, to begin with, and now... "What's the point if I can no longer enjoy my meals with him?"
Sure, I know. Fine. He already moved out before his death, but still. How could I possibly move on? And no matter how much my parents claimed, they were stuck in this state too. Like, they won the freaking lottery, but still worked overtime and lived in the same shitty house. So tell me then, what was the point?
Still looking at the mirror, I couldn't help but notice how much I neglected my hair. It was the most boring shade of brunette, a bit messy after I pulled my blouse over it, and it was getting slightly long.
"Oh, but you should be growing it out, nyeh nyeh nyeh. I do what I want." I mocked all those requests into the mirror. I could if I wanted to. That would mean less cutting, but a pain to deal with. I wouldn't look this short if my hair grew longer, but I liked the tomboyish style. My boyfriend liked it too. "Oh, shit, I'll be late."
I dove into my dresser and grabbed everything black. I didn't have that many options. A lot of my stuff was in the laundry still. I could pick between a pair of jeans or shorts. It wasn't cold, but I didn't feel like putting my legs on display. I had a band's T-shirt to go with it. My hair fell in front of my eyes, putting it on, reminding me of something.
"You look like an emo." I could almost hear my brother saying.
"Well, excuse me, it's all your fault, dumbass." I got angry at him somehow. "You are the reason I have to wear black all the time. It's not even my style. It's kind of cute though. Screw all that girly crap."
Those clothes had to do. I had to hurry if I didn't want to be late for my date, not like I felt like going, but anything was better than sitting home alone. Nothing to do, and nobody to talk to, just me and my intrusive thoughts. Good thing I wasn't suicidal in the slightest.
"Ugh, right, I can't be emo then, no cuts on my wrists," I argued with myself, fixing my hair too. It still needed a bit to reach my shoulders, the best I could do was to pull it back into a short ponytail. The front had to be tucked behind my ears. "Maybe I could try out some bangs? Nah."
Taking only my phone and wallet, I was already leaving the house. I had a bus to catch, and the train to meet with my boyfriend. It was starting to become a hassle, but again, nothing better to do. It took me almost an hour to get there but I ended up being early after all that.
"Hey, Emi, still in all black?" That dumbass asked, leaning in for a kiss. I dodged it, as usual, he could only reach my cheeks.
"Is my brother still dead?" I turned the question around, without giving any kisses back. Why was I with this loser again? "As long as he is, I'll probably keep wearing black for a while."
"Way to kick off a date." He gave me an embarrassed laugh, reaching for my hand. Right, I forgot, his palms were always sweaty. "So I take it you had a bad day again? Wanna talk about it? Or anything specific you want to do? I was thinking about what to get you for our anniversary."
"Anniversary? We've been dating for less than a month, Leo. What the heck?" I asked, already annoyed. Besides, if he wanted to get me something, why announce it? Seriously, my brother's roommate was an idiot. Well, former roommate. At least he attended the funeral. Considering how much money my parents spent on it for some reason, barely anyone showed up, which reminded me that our so-called anniversary was on the same day as the funeral. "I um, look, this won't work."
"What? Did I say something wrong?" He seemed shocked, and I couldn't blame him. "You're acting even stranger than usual."
"Yeah, I'm kind of a strange girl, to be honest. It's not your fault, I swear." I told him, not like I wanted to comfort this guy. I had no idea why we started dating, literally at my brother's funeral.
Yes, I was strange, but he asked me out, and I didn't want to be alone. I could imagine my brother being furious about it, maybe that's why I did it in the first place. But we were a month in, and it didn't bring him back. Nothing could bring him back anymore.
"I just don't think this could work." I tried to explain it. "Like, you're a lot older than me. It's practically a long-distance relationship too, and I'm not ready for stuff you want to do with me."
"Wait, how do you know you're not ready, if you haven't tried it yet? Just give it a chance." He came up with the worst possible sentence to get into my panties. Again, he was a boy, and I couldn't blame him, but he didn't know when to give up. "If you don't like it, we can break up."
"I don't like it so we can break up right now." I reiterated it in a way that even he could understand. Guess, I wasted that one hour to get here.
"Dude? Why are you doing this to me?" He was getting upset now. Oh, Leo, Leo, you made me believe in my decision to leave you right now. "I guess Nathan was a weirdo too, but you looked cute."
My arm moved faster than my brain could process what he just said. It was a solid slap on his face, even if I was a head shorter than him. He did not expect that. I mean, me neither. My palm hurt.
"Don't dare to ever say shit about my brother." I was ready for another punch, my chin and lips shaking in anger. I didn't wait for his reaction and quickly turned around to storm off towards the train station.
We barely even left it, only crossed the street. The floodgates were open by the time I got to the crosswalks. I cried like a baby. Well, at least I could keep my voice down, but it was hard to keep my eyes open too. Sure I was weird, and maybe he was too, but what of it? I still loved him and missed him, and that little piece of shit was lucky enough to be closer to him in his last moments than I was.
I wished I could have been there to save him. Although, how could he be such a dumbass to fall off the stairs? It made me wonder, what was going through his head. Perhaps I could have asked if I followed him.
But I didn't expect that the chance to do so would present itself so soon. Blinded by my tears, I thought the light was green. But once I stepped on the road, someone started blasting the horn into my face.
My heart jumped, and so did I. But there were no human reflexes in the world, that could have saved me at that point. I looked up, and the semi was only an inch from my shoulder, all I could do was shut my eyes as if I didn't see it happening, it wouldn't hurt that much.
It must have been true because I didn't feel a thing, even after hearing that crushing sound. I expected to be violently thrown away but was barely nudged a bit. When my eyes finally opened, I was still on the crosswalk. The truck was also there, with its fender crumpled in.
"Holy shit, you all right?" I asked the girl, that must have appeared out of nowhere. There was no doubt about it: the semi hit her square. Its front was creased around her body, and she wasn't there just a second ago. "I'm so sorry, I didn't see. Someone, ambulance..."
"Hahah, no need, I'm fine." The girl waved me off with an awkward smile. "I just lost my hairband. Oh, there it is, I'm all fine now."
She leaned forward to grab that thing and put it back on her head. It had cat ears on it. Just how childish you can be? But otherwise, she was stunning. She had a few freckles on her nose, beautiful hazel eyes, and long, long black hair. She was much better endowed than me, though her waist looked no wider than mine. And she didn't have a single scratch on her anywhere. That was insane. Even the driver couldn't believe it, jumping out of the truck. The front of the car folded inwards.
"There is no way you're fine, let me take you to a hospital," I demanded, grabbing her wrist. Noticing everyone staring at us, she finally gave in with an embarrassed grin. I dragged her across the street.
"It's fine, it's fine, how about you buy me a coffee instead? Or a tea. Tea would work too." She tried to convince me, once we got far enough from the crowd. "Listen, you can tell that I'm not hurt right? Even if you don't recognize me, just cut it out already, okay?"
"Recognise you?" I stopped for a moment. I had to look at her again but then realized, she was at the funeral too. "You. You're a classmate, my brother's classmate right? Oh my god, I'm so sorry."
"Okay, calm down, Emi." She grabbed my shoulders with both hands now. "As you can see, I'm perfectly fine. And I'm glad, you are too. This is all that matters. Come on, let us grab a tea together if you're already here."
"Uh, um. Sure." I nodded, rubbing my face to see if I wasn't dreaming. I felt the wetness of my tears from earlier, already forgotten that I was crying. And why I was crying. This event managed to get my mind off of everything. "Will that cafe next to the station do?"
"It will be perfect, Emi." She smiled, and oh my gosh, she was beautiful. I bet my brother would have been head over heels for her.
"Sorry to ask you like this but don't think I know you." I confessed, blushing and everything. "Only saw you at the funeral."
"No worries. I'm just Alexandra. Call me Alex."