"I don't know what to do," I groan, rubbing my hands over my face.
"Baby," Joe says. "Take a breath."
"Babe," I say, giving him a look. "I don't know what to do."
"I can just take her, it's not a problem," Joe says, shrugging.
"I want to come though," I sigh. "I wanna do the hike with you guys. I'm just afraid that we're gonna be photographed or something and then someone's going to notice my bump that decided to show up much earlier than the first time I was pregnant. We haven't even told our families yet, I don't want it to be photographed and then our families find out like that, and Nick and Pri. God, I don't want Nick and Pri to find out like that, they're already going through so much."
"Okay, okay, baby, listen," he says, rubbing my arms. "Why don't we do this? Why don't you wear one of the oversized hoodies and sweats? It'll hide the bump and it'll look like you're just trying to stay comfortable on our hike. No one would suspect anything. Plus, I'm wearing the same thing and I'm gonna put Willa in her sweat suit."
I sigh, nodding. "Okay, yeah, that's a good idea."
He chuckles, kissing my cheek and starting towards the closet. "You want your favorite one?"
"Yes, please."
Grabbing me the hoodie, he then leaves the room to get Willa ready and make sure we have everything we need for the time we'll be away from the house.
Taking a deep breath, I dress in the sweats and oversized hoodie before going downstairs and helping Joe gather everything before we head out of the house, arriving to the new hiking trail Joe wanted to check out, preparing ourselves as Joe wears Willa on his back, letting her look around as we make our way along the trail in silence, aside from her small voice.
"Mama. Mama. Mama. Mama. Mama. Mama."
"Willa. Willa. Willa. Willa." I respond here and there as she continues.
"Mama. Mama. Mama. Mama. Mama. Mama. Mama. Mama."
Joe chuckles. "What about dada?"
"Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada."
"Oh, now you've got her started," I laugh lightly.
He grins. "Willa. Willa. Willa. Willa."
"Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada...." She continues, on and on while the two of us laugh.
"Hey, I wanted to ask you..." Joe says, seemingly a little nervous.
"Yeah?"
He lets out a sigh. "Have you talked to Stella?"
I furrow my brows. "Like in general? Yeah, here and there."
"No, no. I mean, like, about all the worries you had at Willa's first birthday party. After you found out she was in Texas with Jaclyn instead of at the party..."
"Oh," I sigh, biting my lip. "No, I um, I never talked to her. I still worry about it. I think about it all the time and it's only gotten worse now that we're expecting a second baby, but I don't know. I feel like she may take it the wrong way."
He nods. "I was just curious."
"I mean, I think I should. I think especially now that we have another baby on the way, it's a conversation I need to have with her. Whether she takes it the wrong way or not, I'm simply looking out for the safety of my children."
"I agree," he nods. "It's not like you're accusing her of anything or trying to make her feel bad, you're trying to protect your children and there's nothing wrong with that."
I nod. "I know. I just need to call her and make plans to meet up and then do it. Maybe she can come over tomorrow or something."
He nods. "Well, that depends. You don't want it to just be this random conversation that comes up. She's going to want some sort of explanation as to why you're bringing it up now so are you ready to tell her that you're pregnant with baby number two?"
I sigh, shrugging. "I mean, I think we need to talk about when we're going to tell everyone that anyway, honestly."
He nods. "Well, we're waiting on the gender results which should be coming back any day now."
"Yeah, that's true. I just feel so bad. Nick and Pri are still struggling and the baby is still in the NICU. They're going through a lot, and I don't know, it doesn't feel right to interrupt their hard time with a 'yay we're having another baby and we're so excited!' announcement."
He chuckles before letting out a sigh. "I know. It feels wrong to be so excited about something when they're going through so much. Especially when it relates."
"I know. I already felt so bad when they were having trouble conceiving right after we had Willa and now they finally had a baby and the baby is in the NICU, they still don't know if she's going to make it, and here we are about to announce that we're having another one."
A shrill scream shoots from Willa's mouth followed by a giggle afterwards, making Joe give me a look and I look back at Willa.
"Excuse me, ma'am," I tell her, giving her a look as she smiles wide at me.
She does it again.
"No ma'am," I tell her, shaking my head.
Again.
"Willa."
Joe chuckles.
Another scream.
"Do you want a snack?" I ask.
"Yeah." She tells me.
I roll my eyes, reaching into the small bag on my hip and grabbing a fruit leather before unwrapping it and giving it to her.
"As we were saying," Joe sighs.
"I don't know, is it wrong for us to announce it?"
"Like, to the world?" he chuckles.
"Not necessarily. Just to family. But, I think I want to refrain from hiding it this time around."
"Yeah?" he asks just as a few clicks from the bushes up ahead are heard.
I sigh. "Good thing I'm wearing a hoodie."
He lets out a sigh. "You want to go in public this time around?"
I nod. "Yeah, I mean, we've been doing a lot better with taking Willa out of the house and I don't want to lock her up inside just because I'm pregnant again. I don't want to hide this one. I want us to continue living our lives, I want Willa to go out and have fun. I want you to work still. I want life to go on."
He nods. "Okay, I'm fine with that too. I mean, it makes me happy that you don't want to hide it. I know the first pregnancy was different but regardless I think in the back of my mind I thought you'd want to keep this one a secret too."
I nod again. "The first one was different, yeah. For one, it was our first one which I wanted to be special and private. Secondly, I was sick the majority of it."
"That's changed this time."
"I feel sick just not as bad. I don't know, it's weird."
He laughs. "Is that what's making you think it's a boy?"
"Honestly, babe, I don't know what I think. It's just so different than last time and I know every pregnancy is different but it's so different. I'm exhausted though."
"I know, I think you should take a nap when we get home."
"By the time we get home, it'll be time to start her night routine and by the time she's asleep, I can go to sleep for the night, not take a nap," I tell him, laughing.
He shrugs. "You're right."
"More."
I look over to Willa who is signing 'more' as well as telling me in the cutest voice.
"What about Cheerios?" I ask, showing her.
"No."
I narrow my eyes at her before grabbing something else. "Puffs?"
"No."
I sigh, trying again. "Bar?"
"Bar," she repeats, reaching forward.
I unwrap the fruit bar, handing it over.
"This girl knows what she wants, that's for sure," Joe chuckles.
"She is our daughter."
He laughs, nodding. "Touché, my love."
Finishing our hike in a majority of silence, Joe and I do our best to ignore the cameras that we find here and there, hoping for their sake that they're not photographing Willa's face. Even so, it's hard to photograph us without photographing her. But as long as her face is blurred and unrecognizable, I'll be okay with the photos.
Arriving home Joe starts preparing dinner as I sit in the living room with Willa, letting her color on a blank piece of paper before bringing out the manipulatives and letting her play around and try to figure them out.
"Mama."
"Yes, my love," I respond.
"Booey!"
"Bluey?" I ask, raising my eyebrows.
"Booey!"
I sigh, grabbing the TV remote and turning on Sesame Street for her before going to the kitchen. "Mm," I hum, wrapping my arms around Joe's torso from behind as he stands at the stove.
"Hello there," he says lowly.
"Hi handsome," I respond, leaving a kiss on his back. "Whatcha making?"
"Pasta," he grins. "I figured it's something both of you will actually eat."
"Red sauce?"
"White," he says. "But if you'd rather have red I can make some. I just figured it'll be less messy for Willa."
"No, white is fine," I tell him, laying my head on his back.
"You okay?" he asks.
"Yeah, I just need me some Joe time."
"Oh, yeah?" he asks.
"Yes."
He chuckles. "Well, after Willa is in bed I am one hundred percent yours, how does that sound?"
"Perfect."
"Good," he says.
"Mama," Willa says from the living room.
"Willa!" I reply, leaving Joe and walking back to her, seeing her with her unicorn tucked under her arm. "What's up baby?"
"Eat," she says, signing the word as well.
I nod. "Daddy's making dinner baby."
"Eat," she says again, signing again.
I nod again, sitting on the couch. "Yes, my love. If you are impatient, take it up with Daddy."
"What about daddy?" Joe asks, walking in.
"Eat," Willa tells him, still signing.
"It's almost ready, princess," he tells her.
She gives up, facing the TV again.
Joe chuckles, his hands gliding down my arms towards my hands as he leans over the back of the couch. "What do you want to do tonight?"
"Movie?"
He nods. "Deal."
"Nachos?"
"I'm not sure we have the stuff. I may have to run out beforehand, but I'll check."
"Thank you," I tell him.
"Mhm," he hums, placing a kiss on my neck before his right hand squeezes my shoulder and he exits to the kitchen yet again.
Once dinner is done, the three of us sit together to eat, Joe getting up at the end to begin cleaning.
"Nope, you cooked. I clean the kitchen you bathe her."
He looks over at Willa who just so happens to be covered in Alfredo sauce before giving me a look.
"What? It's not my fault she got messy with the meal you made."
He chuckles, nodding and grabbing Willa to take her to the tub.
"Well, well, well," Joe starts, walking into the bathroom an hour later to find me lying in the tub, bubbles covering the surface of the water.
"I thought you'd be longer, she must've been tired," I tell him.
He chuckles, shrugging. "The hike did it, I'm sure."
"I can get out," I tell him, beginning to sit up.
"No, no, baby, relax. It'll give me a chance to call Nick and check in. Need anything?"
I shake my head. "No. Thank you."
"You're welcome," he says, kissing me before leaving the bathroom.
I let out a deep breath, leaning my head back and closing my eyes.
Silence. A sound that's become quite rare around here between Willa talking more and more, Joe and her constantly playing around, Jessica with Willa, Joe working on music, Willa demanding dance parties, toddler shows playing on the TVs, and if not shows then music... not that I would want any of that to change. I've fallen in love with the loud life. But moments like this, especially now that I'm pregnant are really nice. A moment to simply breathe, relax, and count to one hundred without being interrupted.
Joe clearing his throat is the next interruption I have, though it has been a solid twenty minutes of silence, so I can't complain I suppose.
"Hi," I tell him without opening my eyes.
"Hi baby," he says, a grin clearly on his lips.
"Whatcha doing?"
"Admiring."
I grin, lifting my head and looking at him, now in a pair of shorts and nothing else, leaning against the wall. "Well, isn't this a sight?"
He chuckles. "What movie do you want to watch, my love? I was going to get it ready."
I sigh. "I'm not sure. I'm open to you picking, I'll probably fall asleep like always anyway."
He nods. "Fair."
"We need to talk about something first, though."
He raises his eyebrows. "Oh yeah? What?"
"We need to decide when we're going to tell everyone. I need to talk to Stella, and I don't want to hide from the public. I'm starting to show more and more. We've gotta figure out when."
He sighs, nodding. "Well, my family will be in town in just a couple of days. Nick just told me that they want to come to support them for a few days and my parents, of course, want to meet the baby. They've wanted to but Pri just agreed to everyone coming with so much going on. They fly in the day after tomorrow."
I nod. "Okay, so then, dinner maybe? We can tell them at a dinner?"
He nods. "Yeah, I can see if they're available the second night they're here."
"Okay. Honestly, I don't mind telling my family any time. I'll have to tell them over the phone anyway."
He nods again. "Tomorrow? We can call them."
"Yeah, that sounds good. Should be put that big sister shirt on Willa?"
He chuckles. "Yeah, that'll be cute. What about my family? How do we want to do that?"
"I say we just come out and say it. Willa will stay home with Jessica so it's not like we can do the shirt thing."
He nods, shrugging. "Yeah, works for me. Simple."
"Cool, so it's settled."
"It's settled," he agrees.
"Okay, I'm getting out of here," I say, sitting up.
"I will go get the movie ready. Oh, shit, baby did you still want those nachos?"
I shake my head. "No, I'm good."
"You sure?" he asks.
"Yes, I'm sure."
"Okay," he says wearily before leaving the bathroom and going to set up the movie on the TV.
As expected, I fall asleep quickly after cuddling into Joe, waking the next morning to an empty bed and silence.
Confused, I climb out of the bed and walk downstairs, finding the house empty. Lifting my phone to my ear, I wait for Joe's voice on the other line.
"Good morning beautiful."
"Where are you guys?"
"We're on our way home. I just took her to the park for a while, so you'd have some quiet time to sleep."
"Oh," I sigh. "Thank you."
"You're welcome. I also grabbed you food so don't try to cook anything. We'll be home in five."
"Okay," I grin, knowing he can't see me. "See you in five. I love you."
"I love you," he says, the line going dead a second later.
**
"Ready?" Joe asks, sitting next to me on the couch as I look at the phone screen nervously.
"I don't know, I'm nervous."
"Why?" he asks, rubbing my back.
"I don't know, it's nerve-wracking!"
He chuckles. "Do you want me to hit the Facetime button?"
"I do."
He grins, clicking FaceTime under my mom's contact, the two of us waiting for her to answer.
"Aria, no, I told you no five minutes ago, it's still a no."
Aria's whine is then heard.
My mom sighs, looking over at the phone. "Hi, guys!"
"Hey, mom, whatcha doing?"
"Oh we're just here hanging out," she says, sitting on the couch and showing my dad.
"Hey!" he smiles.
"Hey dad," I grin.
"Joe, how's music?" my dad asks.
I grin, looking over.
"Pretty good," Joe nods. "We're not really doing anything right now. No one knows but my brother and his wife just had a baby, but she was early so they're spending a ton of time in the NICU with her and all. We're kind of on a pause all things considered."
"Oh no, we'll be thinking of them," my mom says, giving a sympathetic look.
"Thank you," Joe smiles.
"Where's that cutie?" Dad asks.
"Willa," I look over to her and she looks back in response, her toy grasped in her hand. "Come here, baby."
She gets up, running over and reaching up for Joe.
He lifts her, turns her, and sits her on his lap, pointing to the camera. "Can you say hi?"
"Hi cutie!" my mom says, smiling.
"Hi princess!" my dad continues.
"Hi," she says, waving.
"Hi," they both respond, smiling widely.
"Am I reading her shirt right?" my mom asks after a moment of silence.
"What?" my dad asks, squinting towards the screen before laughing. "No way!"
I smile, nodding.
"You're pregnant?" my mom asks.
"I am," I nod, standing and showing my small bump.
"Oh, my goodness!" my mom exclaims.
"Oh, that's awesome," My dad smiles. "Congrats guys."
"Thank you," Joe grins as I sit back down.
"I'm so excited," my mom says. "You're such a good mommy to Willa, I was wondering when baby number two would come along."
"I have to admit I didn't think it would be this soon, though," my dad adds.
"Neither did we," Joe chuckles.
My dad laughs. "That's fair!"
"So how far along are you?" Mom asks.
"17 weeks."
"Oh, my goodness, you've been keeping it a secret for a little bit," she laughs.
"Baby is due right around Willa's birthday. A little earlier," Joe says.
"Wow, that's awesome," mom says. "Well, we are really really happy for you guys.
"Thank you," the two of us respond, finishing the conversation a few moments later and hanging up before looking at one another.
"Two down..." Joe says.
"A whole bunch to go," I sigh.
He chuckles, kissing me as Willa leans over, wrapping her arms around my neck.
I lift her, giving her a hug and kissing her cheek. "I love these cuddles."
"Mama." She says.
I grin, kissing her cheek again and holding her tighter. Something tells me this pregnancy is going to fly.
***
I am on another roll my friends!
vote, comment, all the things.
all my love,
shan:)