( I won't let love change me)
I let the hot water pour over my body and closed my eyes. I was contemplating what I had done.
I had surrendered to the vampire, and worst of all, I had fallen in love with him. I had fallen in love with our enemy.
As I looked in the mirror, I saw the traces of fangs on sensitive parts of my body, and at that moment, I felt the horror of what I had done. This would have dreadful consequences.
Falling in love with a vampire is not right because I will never turn. Nothing will ever compel me to accept becoming a vampire or giving birth to children who he will eventually turn into bloodthirsty monsters like him.
My loyalty to humanity is unwavering, and if it is necessary, I will suppress my foolish, loving heart for the sake of Sami and for the sake of the revolution.
I will not allow love to change me.
I allowed him to harm me. I cannot blame him, as it is his savage nature, but it saddens me that he allowed himself to harm me in this way.
I hate it when he acts like a vampire.
I hated being under his spell and completely surrendering, feeling nothing but the beautiful pleasure that made me melt in his hands. I could not distinguish between his kisses and his bites. He was bold and wonderful.
I smiled shyly as I recalled the things he did. Oh, it is not easy at all to love a vampire. They are unlike humans; they possess abundant energy and do not tire easily. We spent that hot night in love, exchanging kisses.
But seeing the marks of his fangs on my body now worsens my feelings. I feel as if he took advantage of me again, putting me under his demonic spell and doing as he pleased. I was unable to resist or object to anything he did. I was absent, under the spell of a vampire. I didn't want my first experience to be like this, even though it was both enjoyable and disastrous. Suddenly, the door opened, and he entered. I was still standing in front of the mirror, contemplating my body, which had now become the body of a woman.
He hugged me from behind, placed a kiss on my cheek, and said:
"Don't you want to eat? I made breakfast while you were showering."
I forced a smile and replied:
"Yes, of course, I am very hungry, and finally having breakfast in the morning sounds great. I'll get dressed and then join you."
He carried me in his arms and placed me on the bed. But before I could say anything, he offered me a glass of juice, which I immediately recognized as being mixed with his blood, and said:
"Drink it, and the pain and these ugly bite marks will disappear."
I retorted:
"You hurt me and now you simply offer me your blood to erase the traces of your crime. Do I have to get used to this situation?"
I saw a look of guilt and shame in his eyes as he responded:
"I couldn't resist, Irene. I'm addicted to you now. You gave yourself to me at the wrong time. You should have at least drunk the juice to protect yourself from the evil of my gluttony."
Silent for a while then I finally asked:
"Did you have to keep me under your spell?"
He replied right away:
"Yes, I had to do that for you."
Sarcastically, I added:
"At least you managed to stop yourself from killing me."
He commanded:
"Drink the juice."
After drinking the juice both the bite marks and the pain disappeared. This creature was the source of my pain and suffering, as well as my remedy.
"I couldn't stop myself. You are a
pleasure for all the senses, Irene. I
allowed my lust and gluttony to take
over me when you were under my
spell. I asked you if you loved me. You
didn't hesitate to answer. You
immediately said... yes. That brought me back to my senses."
What did he say? He asked me while I was under his spell. Oh my God, I don't even remember; these creatures are dangerous.
Concerned about our secret regarding the revolution being exposed, I pleaded:
"Jared, please promise me that you will stop doing these things, putting me under your spell and asking about my feelings. It's not fair that you know everything."
Quietly, he replied:
"Well... knowing that you love me has affected me, stirring up my dulled feelings and overcoming the worst traits of vampires, lust, and gluttony."
Intelligently, I remarked:
"It would have been nicer if you had heard it from me, if you had waited for me to tell you myself."
"Maybe you're right," he conceded.
Interrupting, I asked:
"Do you love me?"
After a moment of silence, he replied:
"Actually, I don't know. We have no feelings, We are selfish. I love having you. I love having you as mine. I love your taste. I love kissing you, tasting you, and enjoying you. If I love you, then I am selfish in loving you."
Dismayed, I thought, This cannot be the only thing he loves about me. I loved him because I felt his interest in me.
"Aren't you afraid of losing me?"
I asked in a hoarse voice.
He countered with a question:
"Will you choose to stay with me forever?"
I replied:
"No, not forever... don't you think that if I became a vampire I might change? I wouldn't be the human Irene you addicted to. I would lose my humanity. I might hate you. I might become emotionless like Gerard. I wouldn't be me, and neither could you. You might change twenty or thirty years from now. You will lose what remains of your feelings. We will be just selfish creatures who neither love nor hate. I am not afraid of death. I would rather die than remain forever just a moving corpse devoid of feelings."
He said quietly:
"You can maintain your humanity with a beautiful memory. All you need is someone to hold on to. I can be that person. Our kids could be.
I queried:
"Do you have a memory or a person who stirs up your feelings? Is this why you still retain your humanity?"
After a pause, he replied:
"Sometimes I miss the last day I spent as a human being. It's a special memory. I was afraid and a little hesitant. A flood of emotions overwhelmed me on that day. As for the moment when I thought I had become a strong vampire devoid of human feelings and started behaving this way, it all changed when they brought a sick little girl to the hospital. She was annoying, crying non-stop. Seeing that little crying face revived my dead feelings. ...I felt pity for you, I wanted to do good for you.
I inquired:
"Do I still revive your feelings that you thought were dead?"
He hugged me, then placed his hand on my forehead and said:
"I want you to be with me forever so that I don't turn into a moving corpse as you describe... Close your eyes, Irene."
I closed my eyes as he instructed, and suddenly I found myself at home, seated at the large dining table facing him. I glanced around in amazement and exclaimed:
"What happened? How did we end up here?"
He rose from his chair, approached me, and reassured:
"Calm down, it's one of my abilities. I'm inside your mind. Your dream, your imagination, call it whatever you want."
Panicked, I pleaded:
"Please stop this...bring me back to reality?"
He replied:
"Not until you see our future and how I envision it. Look in the mirror."
Reluctantly, I walked to the mirror and examined myself. I appeared different, I was stronger, darker, and slightly pale.
Suddenly, a delicious smell filled the air. I glanced at the table to find a bottle of blood. The source of the delicious smell.
I exclaimed:
"Oh my God, am I a vampire? Is this your fantasy?"
He responded quietly:
"Darling, don't jump to conclusions, it's just a fantasy."
Examining my surroundings and feeling my body, I remarked:
"Why does it feel so real?"
Taking my hand, he led me to the balcony. He put his arm around me then said:
"Irene, look at the garden."
Peering down, I spotted a beautiful young girl who resembled me, seated on a wooden bench, engrossed in reading a book by Rollo Ragni. Nearby, a handsome young man was playing football with a charming little boy. I inquired:
"Who are they?"
He answered:
"They are our children... Do you see the future that awaits us?"
Suddenly, a lovely little girl with soft golden braids entered the room, calling me "Mommy." I held her hand and gazed into her eyes for a while. Then I turned to him, I pleaded:
"Please, I want to wake up."
Suddenly, while I was gazing at the garden and the imaginary children, I found myself back in bed, in his arms. I scowled at him and said firmly:
"Don't do that again. Do you want to drive me crazy?"
He explained:
"I wanted you to see the life that I envision for us."
Realizing his attempt to influence me into accepting vampirism, I chose not to argue. Instead, I calmly suggested:
"Weren't we supposed to have breakfast? Where is the breakfast you have prepared?"
Understanding my reluctance to argue further, he accompanied me to the dining room, and we ate quietly before returning to bed. Though it was nearly ten in the morning, I found it difficult to sleep. His intrusion into my mind and the vivid dream lingered in my thoughts. I couldn't forget the memory of those wonderful children in the fantasy and the little girl calling me "Mommy." I began to imagine a life with them. I even selected names for them. Fuck......Am I still under his spell?
"What happened to me? Did he succeed in brainwashing me?" I wondered. I turned to him, but he was deeply asleep. I got up from the bed and left the room, heading to the balcony. I opened it and noticed the beautiful weather outside. The clouds completely blocked the sun's rays. I thought Jared could go out during the day in this weather. I liked the idea, imagining us walking outside, feeling the rain falling on us and soaking our clothes.
Excitedly, I returned to the room and woke him up, saying:
"Jared, the clouds are blocking out the sun. Why don't we go out for a walk?"
He opened his sleepy eyes and replied:
"What at this time? Go back to sleep. The sun will appear at any moment."
Disheartened by his response, I mused,
"Damn vampires sanctify sleep so much. I think it reminds them of the fact that they are dead."
Deciding not to sleep, I opted to go out alone. Since our arrival, we hadn't encountered anyone, as if we were the only ones in the world. Holding my mother's ashes, I ventured out to find a suitable spot to scatter them. As I walked in the serene atmosphere, I felt a mix of sadness and nostalgia.
After a contemplative stroll, I found the perfect spot near a waterfall. I sat on a rock, spoke my farewell words to my mother, and emptied the vessel containing her ashes. Tears welled up as I bid farewell to her for the last time.
Having completed my mission, I started my journey back home. Along the way, I noticed a small puppy playing. It was adorable, with clean and soft fur. I played with him. I felt a sense of wonderment, having never touched an animal before.
I considering taking him home, but I hesitated, thinking his mother must be nearby. I carried him into the forest, searching for his mother. Suddenly, the puppy panicked, scratched me, and fled from my arms. Then, I saw a black shadow passing swiftly in front of me. I thought it was Jared, but the ghostly figure threw something at me. It was the remains of the puppy, its neck was broken, and its blood was drained."
Shocked and terrified, I stumbled backward until I hit a tree. I realized there was a vampire nearby, unlike Jared, Jayden, or Gerard. He was something else. He was a filthy monster, clad in rags, with pallid skin and rotting flesh. His terrifying yellow smile sent shivers down my spine as he approached. Suddenly, I heard laughter, and more of them appeared-another, then another, until there were four hideous vampires standing before me.
I wished I was in Jared's imagination. I shouted at them:
"Stay away from me."
They all laughed, so I screamed again, this time calling out Jared's name.
I have never experienced fear like this in my life.