<WARNING>
THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS IMPLIED SELF HARM, EXCESSIVE CRYING, AND JUST SUNGCHAN'S NIGHTMARE.
—
sungchan creaked the bathroom door open, scanning around.
his heart sunk.
crying. uncontrollable sobbing. it rang throughout the bathroom walls and ricocheted off of the tile ceiling and floor back into his ears and excruciatingly nestled in his head like a parasite.
it pained him to ask, to even mutter it,
"...taro?"
the sobbing came to a halt, and only slight sniffles remained.
"..sungc-chan?" his voice faltered. the moment it trembled, his heart sunk into his stomach.
sungchan took slow, paced steps forward towards the stall he heard the sobs come from. he rested his hand against the door, and with a beating heart as his weapon on the battlefield, he asked,
"can i come in? please?"
the metal locked was shifted to the right, and sungchan felt the door rise slightly from under his hand.
putting on a smile to not alarm him, sungchan pulled the stall door open and tiptoed in, eventually making eye contact with shotaro.
the blonde boy turned away, tears of panic starting to rise and glisten over his pink cheeks. the younger boy frowned and immediately crouched down to wipe a stray tear with his thumb.
"taro.." he let his arms snake around the said boy's torso and pulled him closer to let his own hoodie collect shotaro's spilling tears.
"i-i'm so s-sorry, sungchan." he hiccuped, shivers having a marathon throughout his body.
silently, sungchan shifted his focus to the other boy's arm. fresh lacerations, some staining his skin with crimson blood.
his eyes widened, and he let go to gaze at shotaro, bewildered.
"osaki shotaro. what did you do?" sungchan gripped his best friend's hands tightly, trying to keep his composure. did someone hurt him? did he get injured?
the gears slowly turned in sungchan's head once he started to realize.
"i..." shotaro coughed out a strained laugh. "i know anton told me not to, but i really didn't...listen..."
sungchan couldn't keep the act going any longer. his whole face went pale.
his worst nightmare had come true. anton had mentioned once that shotaro was suffering from some sort of mental issue, but he never thought he was doing this to himself.
sungchan surveyed shotaro, from his fake, happy, brown orbs to his arms that were patterned with gashes. he felt tears prickle at the sides of his eyes.
"i-" the poor boy's throat was constricting, the lump caught in it not letting him breathe. "taro, why?"
shotaro fought his own tears.
and then
"sungchan, it's been so hard." his breath hitched. "i'm scared because everything is sort of muffled and numb and awful and just plain exhausting and every trace of sadness i have i just overwrite as selfishness and i—you're the only thing that is keeping me from going insane."
his head, heavy with guilt, landed on sungchan's chest. the brunette can feel shotaro's fingers digging into his clothing that was probably stained with his best friend's own blood now.
sungchan wrapped his arms around shotaro, pulling him into a tight embrace as shotaro's tears flowed freely and puddled at the bathroom floor.
he held him close, worried that if he let go, shotaro would lose his life completely.
and he would have.
shotaro hiccuped, grateful to sungchan for his silent understanding and comfort.
i hate to put this pressure on you now, sungchan. it kills me from the outside in, tears me apart, but i promise, for the next year and even then on, you'll never have to carry this weight on your shoulders ever again. i love you, sungchan, and that's why i can't have you help me. you're my best friend, and i can't become too important to you in case one day i never come back. i'm sorry.
im aware that although i've made a significant impact on your life, you're my lifeline, chan. the only person i'll ever open up to this much. i doubt i hold as much status in your life, that's why i don't expect you to say sorry or i love you back. we're special best friends, chan. and i'm hoping that that special part will ensure that you'll be prepared for anything that happens to me. not to cry, but to understand.
—
sungchan jolted awake, beads of sweat stuck on his forehead. he blindingly reached for his phone, frantically opening the notes app.
he sighed. third time this has happened again this week. he tapped open the photos app, scrolling through his photos with his best friend.
shotaro...
what in the world have you been hiding behind that smile? and now that you've got a new guy...
does that mean i can't stay as your lifeline anymore?
a/n:
DAMN the book just got hella dark