Worry was the only emotion I knew over the two extra days that passed without the other's return. I stayed on guard at nearly every second, unable to focus on anything outside of listening for footsteps, the rustling of trees that would signal their presence.
When it finally came I was away, off assessing soil around the bushels of berries with Jin. He was surprised that they were still sprouting new bundles, digging his fingers into the dirt in gratitude for Mother Earth.
"We'll check back one more time if we get another good rain to see if there's more sprouts. The plants are still holding a good amount of moisture somehow so I'm hoping we can get one more bunch before it dies out." He rambled on our walk back to camp, speaking through mouthfuls of berries that he constantly plucked from the satchel at his side.
A wave of relief washed over my every cell at the tune of Jimin's laughter, sounding through the short distance we had to camp before we could spot them past the roughage.
Jin waved me on while I picked up speed, multiple heads turning at the noise of the footsteps I didn't bother quieting.
I reached for each of them. First Namjoon, a hand trailed down his arm as he gave me a half smile of assurance that he was unharmed and revealing a single indent in his cheek. My fingertips barely left him before I was grabbing onto Jimin. He spun around, shoulder length locks flipping with the lightweight twirl of his small frame.
Yoongi knew I'd be coming for him next and stepped back with a small nod. We were barely close enough for me to hear the short affirmation that he was okay, clearing my view of Shelby.
She was already muttering the words over and over for Taehyung, who squatted next to where her knees were pressed into the ground.
"I'm fine." She uttered, the amount of time she paused before speaking them again varying. Tears streaked her dirt-coated cheeks, falling continuously as if she were unaware of them.
I ignored the rolling of Yoongi's eyes in my peripheral vision, taking a spot next to Taehyung. He withdrew his fingertips from where they'd been reaching for Shelby's, hesitant to touch without her initiation and leaving her to me.
"Can you give us a few minutes alone?" I made a request to the entire group. There was a pressure even I could feel, for her to actually be fine rather than stating it.
They dispersed without a word, the trailer door closing with a slam and ground crunching with footsteps.
I let another minute of silence pass until Shelby registered that we were alone, her chanting slowing so that it was a near whisper before fading entirely. Her eyes were wide, chestnut irises coated in an emotion I couldn't read.
She blinked, another set of tears trailing over the high apples of her cheeks but she finally looked as if she was seeing me.
We didn't speak. I knew that she would if she had the words, but I didn't expect her to yet. It didn't take much to put together that she was overwhelmed by the world, by slashing through the skulls of people who despite currently being monsters, once had lives and families that were lost to the world.
The quiet we sat in lasted as long as she needed, until she uttered a single word.
"Carolus."
She hadn't mentioned the community since we left and now she spoke it with distaste on her tongue, haunted eyes curving into those that had accepted reality. "After being out there." She leased a shuttered breath. "You must have thought we were insane. Stupid dresses. Dumb fucking balls. We were insane." She admitted, head moving back and forth with each confession.
And then she laughed, low at first and then with more gall, tears pushed from her eyes with every strained chortle.
"My biggest worry was the celebration of formation's color scheme for fuck's sake." She chuckled and I joined in with her, realizing that it was a release of all the chaos she'd been a participant of for the past months.
The other's chanced reconnecting with us once they heard our shared humor, a little dark to match the state of the globe. Without sharing the thought, Shelby and I ceased once Jungkook and Taehyung reappeared, sure that their experience wouldn't allow for even a moment of amusement over the absurdity of Carolus.
Their trip was a success even with several obstacles, the extra time taken to venture into Wendell, another nearby town that had been a goldmine for non-perishables. They were also afforded a new set of clothes for Shelby and clean t-shirts for the rest of us.
I sniggered at the bright pink Seokjin claimed, to the satisfaction of Jimin who was sure he'd love it. It glowed as the most visible item in view of our night. If our top priority had been to avoid standing out, we were failing miserably.
It became so easy for us to be together, living in assumed seclusion as within a few weeks, we were rarely even encountering the undead. A few trickled into the perimeter as we expanded, more open fields of wildflowers than anything in the area.
I would hold onto the next rain for months to come, three weeks passing until the first drop. It landed on my cheek, from a tiny crack in the trailer's roof.
There were only seconds between the time I was awoken by it and for the sky to erupt, a crack of thunder and downpour that followed. I moved out of the way from where the dripping continued, Jin scrambling to cover it before it could get worse.
If the change in sound, pattering against the tin roof hadn't woken Jimin, Yoongi sure would have. The door swung open, slamming against the opposite wall. He trudged through the doorway with heavy steps that moved the trailer.
The others trailed in behind him, droplets of water dripping from sleeves and pant legs. Jimin yelped from the cool sprinkling that Taehyung and Jungkook rained on him, shaking out their drenched hair in his direction.
"There's not enough room in here for the three of you to play." Yoongi scolded from the other side of the camper, peeling the shirt that clung to him over his head.
We wrung out their clothes over a hole in the far corner of the floor that led to the ground below, a puddle of mud already formed beneath.
Time passed too slowly within the confined space, the storm refusing to let up for even a second so that we could venture outside.
Our bodies were adjusting to the variations in weather, able to withstand the bite of chill in the air we sometimes woke to though the climate was so unpredictable we couldn't anticipate change.
We slept through the bulk of the first day, droplets ringing out against tin in a lullaby that made for an easy, hard rest. I lay between a half nude Shelby and Jungkook, rolling in and out of sleep to the sound of heavy exhales and silvery ringing of rain on the roof.
The storm withstood most of our patience, those with clothes drying against the walls of the camper stepping outside freely on the next afternoon. Shelby hesitated in the doorway at first, arms wrapped around herself until Taehyung took hold of a hand, easing her into the open space where they pranced in the mud.
I was next to last to join, coaxed into stripping down to my underwear to avoid being soaked and pulled into a circle of joined hands. The liberation to stand among them with minimal clothes, scars and all took me by surprise. It was the respect, Yoongi turning his gaze while I removed my pants and top to maximize my comfort while undressing, but I counted on raindrop coated eyelashes to obscure the other's vision.
We had Yoongi outside with us, all tighty whities and gummy smiling within seconds, if only to get revenge on our momentarily unrestrained leader who tossed a glob of sludge at his left shoulder.
Despite having fun he was also the first to urge us back into the cabin once he heard one too many sniffles, an effect of a slight temperature drop with the approaching evening and being out in the rain too long.
He handed over the single towel we shared to dry ourselves off as best as possible, allowing everyone else to make use of it before taking the damp fabric to his hair. Jin tired of his concern for us becoming sick at the third mention, insisting that he had the solution.
"Stop worrying," he waved Namjoon off, "I'll make Jungkook pick more elderberries for tea once we get the final bloom."
The rain brought on a couple of days filled with sunshine and a rainbow that we spent the first damp day gazing at as if we could see the end the longer we stared. We trudged through still soppy ground, using the cool stream to wash our limbs better so that streaks of dirt no longer coated our skin.
"Come with me to pick berries tomorrow." Jungkook's voice was a little hoarse from howling into the storm. I could smell the fire, Namjoon and Yoongi building in a clearer space that would allow for larger flames.
We'd faced away from one another, redressing after asking that the other rub away the caked up grime forgotten on our backs. I would remember it, the way the muscles in his back moved underneath my fingers, seemingly oblivious to the touch while he focused on rinsing beneath his nails. My breath halted at his, hands hesitating over my shoulder blades before thumbing away the mud. I breathed long and deep, the hair on my arms stood at attention until he reached around to rub those through the dithering and to relief.
"Only if you come watch the sunrise with me." I peered over my shoulder.
He chuckled, exasperated but agreeable. "Fine," he moaned as if he were a child being coaxed out of bed for school, "but it'll be the same one you drug me out to see this morning."
The only attention I gave to his complaint was the snap of the wet towel we shared against his lower back. He yelped, dramatizing the flick to the others for the entire evening with a claim that I enjoyed tormenting him with sunrises and wet towels.
I teased him with it the coming day, hardly any light present against the gray of morning.
"Get up before I snap you with the towel again." I quietly giggled, squatting next to where he lay on his stomach, an old t-shirt the only cushion beneath his head.
His eyes remained closed, pink lips parting to mumble a reply I couldn't make out before he turned his head to the other side.
"Fine, five more minutes." I bemoaned, my foot tapping against the floor impatiently.
I was the only one awake and debated rousing Yoongi to join me, my most consistent sunrise companion. Jungkook much preferred the night sky.
Considering the way Yoongi slumped to the ground with tiredness the evening before, having spent hours chopping and hauling firewood, I decided against waking him.
"Come on Jungkook," I nudged his shoulder, watching as he adjusted his position again.
He smacked his mouth together a few times, stirring so that I assumed he was ready. I stood, just as he responded. "Just five more."
The words were garbled and I could already see the sky lightening through the small open window of the camper.
"Meet me there in five." I leaned down to whisper next to his ear, waiting for the confirmation of his slow nodding chin to step over the other's sleeping bodies.
The morning was still, near silent as I walked the path to my favorite spot within the vicinity for sky watching.
I imagined that prior to the apocalypse, teenagers would use the space to gather for secret parties and rendezvous or that a family owned this plot of land, waiting for the prime opportunity to build their dream home. Now, the grass faded into a dull green that would turn to brown, empty space that offered room for the breaking of day.
I almost missed the rays of pale light that rose through the tree-line, shining so that I had to squint against the sight. My back rested against a tree that faced the ascending sun, my solace interrupted by the shuffling of footsteps nearby.
They were too loud to be Jungkook or any of the guys, the staggered and sloppy tempo affirming my conclusion that I was to be joined by the undead.
It was only one, the petite woman so small that I made little effort at stabbing through one of her eyes with the dirk sheathed at my hip.
She fell to the ground with a thud, the couple of wasted minutes giving time for the sun to break above the trees, casting a golden glow that I lifted my head toward in awe.
Regardless of Jungkook's stance that this sunrise would be the same as the last, I could feel the change. Even if it was the same sun, the same spot I ventured to so often, the feeling was different. Yesterday carried a slight breeze that dulled that initial tint of warmth from sunlight. Today, it painted the uncovered parts of myself in radiance.
I waited until the sun was higher in the sky, anticipating another warm day based on the way the temperature shifted from the time I arrived to my departure.
Well over five minutes had passed, plenty for Jungkook to make his way over. I expected to find him by the berry bushels since he always made a pit stop on our way to seek a view. Whenever they were available he'd crouch down, tugging off a handful for us to enjoy on the walk.
The bushes weren't quite filled but there was enough to gather some for us to share over a meal, and for Jin to brew some immunity boosting teas.
I slung the empty bag I brought along for gathering from where it hung across my torso, grasping the edge to crouch within reach of the lower sprouts.
It was a mistake. Coming out here was a mistake. Leaving Jungkook behind to grant him five more minutes of sleep was a mistake. Getting too comfortable was the biggest mistake.
Only the sounds of earth accompanied me until that moment. The snap of a twig beneath a boot sent me jolting so that I stood upright, my hand fisting the end of the knife at my side. I was too late, the muzzle of a gun pressed into the back of my head and a low laugh that preluded the shattering of our comfort.