Zelda sat at her vanity, looking more beautiful than she'd ever looked in her life. Her shortened hair was done in delicate curls, and her opalescent gown was encrusted with every jewel the earth could produce. Upon her head was an equally mesmerizing crown.
Ganondorf was helping to fasten a heavy, diamond necklace. Although to Zelda it didn't matter how stunning it looked, the necklace might as well have been a chain people put dogs on.
The prince seemed to notice her less than jovial mood.
"Whatever is the matter, my dear?" he asked, as if he hadn't just murdered his fiancé's true love moments before. "I thought you'd be excited."
Zelda let out a sigh, stopping to clear her throat when she felt Ganondorf was pulling the pendant tighter around her neck.
"Should I be?" She asked coldly, as he finished hooking the jewelry.
Ganondorf shrugged his cape-covered shoulders. He too was dressed so extravagantly that one could possibly go blind if they stared too long at him.
"I've been told brides often are on their wedding day," he replied, as his princess rose from her chair.
Zelda looked him straight in the eye, fearful of him no longer.
"I do not marry tonight," she said bluntly. "Link will come and save me."
And with that, she stormed off, the elaborate train of her dress trailing behind her.
Ganondorf was unfazed, knowing full well no one would be coming for her. He couldn't help but give way to a cruel, vindictive grin.
***
However, the prince was very much wrong. Link and his band of new friends all crouched low behind one of the castle's stone walls.
Night had fallen, and just as before, the gate was guarded by the sixty men from before. Each of them was on high alert, scanning the darkness for any sudden movements.
Riju looked between her friends.
"Alright," she began. "Yunobo, you get ready. Sidon, Link and I will help wheel you in."
The group all nodded in unison, and the young goron grabbed hold of his holocaust cloak.
Sidon, in an effort to be encouraging, stuck his hand in the middle, urging Riju and Yunobo to place their hands atop his.
Link, not wanting to be rude, mustered up all his strength and haphazardly managed to toss his hand on last.
Meanwhile, inside the castle, Zelda and Ganondorf's marriage ceremony was commencing. The pews were lined with guests, most, if not all, completely unfamiliar to the princess. They were all mostly her fiancé's friends, family, and other nobles that he wanted to show off to.
As per Ganondorf's usual taste, the room was teeming with delicate white flowers and at least a hundred candles were burning in their elaborate, pulchritudinous candelabras. His elderly parents sat by his side, but no one sat by Zelda's.
The fact her parents wouldn't be there to watch her, and Link get married almost drew tears from her eyes. But deep down inside, it further fueled her desire to escape this marriage.
She and Ganondorf were kneeling before the officiant, a priest whose name was apparently Beedle. She'd noticed her fiancé complaining about him to his father earlier, but for what exactly, she wasn't sure.
Eventually, after a long pause, the dreaded music sounded. An organ began to play, inviting everyone in the room to stand.
After the crescendo had finally died down, Beedle raised his arms, his exceptionally long robe making it look like he was some sort of holy angel.
After yet another dramatic pause, he finally began.
"...Mawage..." he spoke, in an amusingly nasal tone. "...Mawage is wot brings us togetha...today..."
Zelda bit her tongue to keep from giggling. She didn't understand what Ganondorf was complaining about; this guy was perfect.
Beedle continued on.
"Mawage... that bwessed awangement. A dweam, within a dweam."
Suddenly, the princess couldn't help but notice there were muffled noises coming from outside the castle, and it seemed like many others noticed it too.
"Stand your ground, men!" She could have sworn she heard.
Sure enough, Zelda's hunch was right. Just outside the castle, the group of sixty men stood at the gate with weapons drawn, cowering in fear.
"Stand your ground!" Shouted Sooga, who had appeared to rally his troops.
Just a few paces ahead of them stood a horrifyingly tall figure, cloaked in black, and shuffling towards them slowly.
Little did they know that the hooded monster they were pointing their swords at was Yunobo, who stood atop the wheelbarrow from before, cleverly concealed by Rauru's hood.
Behind him, Riju held up one handle while Sidon held up the other, with Link slung on top of his back.
"When do we light him? I'm worried this candle's gonna spill everywhere," the young gerudo asked Link.
Link looked over at her, sure enough, the little candle she held was in the process of melting, and big gobs of cloudy wax were already dripping onto the ground.
The man in black nodded his head.
"Just wait a moment, we have to build up to it," he instructed, whispering to Yunobo that it was his time.
The young goron understood, and raised his enormous, cloaked arms like they were the wings of a crow.
"I am the Dread Pirate Roberts!" Yunobo bellowed, assuming a deeper, more fear-inducing tone. "There will be no survivors!"
The men huddled together, their hands beginning to shake, struggling to hold onto their weapons.
Meanwhile, back inside the ceremony, Beedle was still stumbling through his words.
"And wuv... twuuu wuv... will follow you... forevaaa," he went on, while a couple guests in the pews exchanged looks or let out awkward coughs.
Ganondorf, who had taken notice of the unfolding commotion, looked over his silver-clad shoulder at Count Rugen, who stood posted by a doorway.
He nodded, and Rugen knew exactly what he meant.
The count began subtly exiting the church, urging a couple of the other guards to follow him.
Back outside, Yunobo was still firing ominous threats at Ganondorf's fearful guards, who were all still terrified out of their minds.
"The Dread Pirate Roberts takes no survivors!" He exclaimed, while the wheelbarrow drew nearer and nearer to the gate.
Riju, whose arms were growing sore, looked over at Link once again.
"Now?" She asked, her voice clearly strained.
Link nodded his head, and they all stopped pushing.
Riju carefully placed the candle near one of the folds of Yunobo's holocaust cloak, and the wick quickly caught hold of the fabric.
The flames burst alive, and they began eating away at the cape, slowly but surely engulfing the entire piece as it consumed more and more.
Yunobo raised up his wings again. The crow had become a phoenix.
"The Dread Pirate Roberts is here for your souls!" Yunobo shouted, as the fire surrounded him.
Thankfully, the cloak protected him from any harm, and besides, he was a goron. The heat had never bothered him.
Petrified out of their minds, Ganondorf's men began scrambling away in different directions like frightened beetles.
"Stay where you are! What are you all doing?!" Hollered Sooga, running back and forth in an effort to try and get his men to not abandon ship.
Back inside, Beedle continued to drone on like a housefly.
"So tweasure your wuv..." he said, causing Ganondorf to let out a perturbed sigh.
"Just skip to the end, please," he ordered with agitation in his voice.
Beedle, although clearly somewhat offended that his beautiful, heartfelt speech was getting interrupted, looked between the couple.
"Okay, well... have you da wings?" He asked, looking around.
Neither bride or bridegroom were rito, so they stood there confused for a while, until Ganondrof's elderly father stepped forward and presented the wedding rings.
Impatiently, the prince retrieved one, and took Zelda's hand, not noticing the sound of a gate clambering outside.
However, the princess did, and the bright, elated smile on her face said it all.
"Ah, here comes my Link now," she spoke softly, as Ganondorf absentmindedly slipped the ring onto her finger.
Sure enough, the princess was right. Sooga, in an effort to try and deter the invaders, had begun to pull the gate closed.
Thankfully, Link noticed him and cried out.
"Yunobo, the portcullis!"
Without hesitation, the goron tossed off his clever disguise and rushed over. Using only one arm, he grabbed hold of the bottom of the gate, heaving it upwards.
Sooga was left standing there dumbfounded, as Sidon, Link and Riju cornered him, having miraculously taken down his entire squadron.
Riju brazenly drew forth her blade, pointing it at the frozen Yiga.
"Give us the gate key," she ordered, awaiting a response good enough to warrant setting down her sword.
Sooga paused for a moment, trying to summon some kind of answer. "I-I have no gate key," he stammered.
Riju didn't buy it for a minute.
"Yunobo, tear his arms off."
"Oh, you mean this gate key!" He exclaimed, shakily removing the brass set of keys from his pocket and handing it over to the little gerudo.
Back at the ceremony, Beedle was finally reaching the end of his painfully long speech, that had mostly just been nonsensical drivel.
"And do you, pwincess Zeldaaa..." he addressed her, before Ganondorf interrupted.
"Man and wife! Say man and wife!" He huffed through gritted teeth, causing the priest to let out a sigh.
Beedle flipped to the end of his hymnal, reading the final line of the ceremony.
"Uh- man and wife," he said, causing the princess's heart to drop.
Link, whether that was truly him causing the commotion at the castle gates or not, had not come in time. She was now bound to him.
To Ganondorf.
"Right then," her new husband said, placing a commanding hand on both her biceps and ushering her forward to his father. "Escort the bride to her suite, I'll be there shortly."