TW: Hard angst like the last chapter but worse I think?
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Author~
Panic, that was the perfect word to describe the feeling in Jays gut just a few hours after dropping him off.
He had been spamming him, asking if he was ok, and why he wasn't answering, so much to where he couldn't go to sleep, his body and brain wouldn't let him, it was as if the universe was telling him something was horribly wrong.
He couldn't shake this feeling as he had went back to calling the males phone again, no answer, again, no answer, again, no answer.
Just as he was about to get up, he suddenly felt even worse, something was definitely wrong, this feeling, it was stronger, even worse than earlier, so much Jay wanted to throw up at the intense feeling.
But he didn't have time to contemplate on whether he was maybe overreacting, but in his gut, he knew he wasn't, there was a strong feeling, as if Jungwon was dead, and the mere thought had him losing his mind.
He snatched his car keys swiftly off the kitchen counter before entering the garage and immediately getting into the car.
He was a nervous wreck, and he knew it, it felt like it was taking him forever to even get close to where he had dropped off the younger male.
As he drove, he realized the weather had also changed, the sun wasn't shining anymore, it was windy, but the sky was clear of clouds, the full moon shined hard down onto earth, and it was so quiet, so tranquil.
His hands were desperately gripping at the steering wheel, his gut only twisting further the more he wondered if Jungwon was actually ok or not, he said he'd text him and call him, but it was already 3:10 in the morning and he hadn't responded or texted or anything, didn't even read the thousands of panicked messages he sent.
He gripped the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turned white, and his hands started to burn, the more he thought about being too late, the more his foot pushed harder onto the gas peddle, and soon, he was zooming down the street, way past the speed limit which was 35.
The sound of the cars engine was very evident in his ears as well as the wind from outside, he had never driven his car so recklessly before, but he couldn't help it, you'd understand if you were in his situation.
When he finally reached the house, he stopped very abruptly, making the car skirt a bit as he immediately hopped out, the first thing he realizes, was the front door being open, which was odd.
And there was blood a little coming down the steps, Jay felt his heart drop and a lump clog into his throat, he rushed into the house, calling out the boys name, no response, so he goes up the spiral steps, bursting into every room, checking every nook and cranny in case he had been hiding or something, he then came across an open room, and when he looked inside to see a man's dead body, his heart only dropped more, and then he felt guilty as well.
Jungwon had obviously snapped, and it had to be bad if he lost it to the point of killing someone, Jungwon still never really told Jay what was going on between him and his stepfather, but now he thought he had a very good idea of what it was, and it's something that made him sick to his stomach.
He quickly rushed back down the steps in a panic, his body filled with sweat and adrenaline from being so nervous and scared, he knew Jungwon was suicidal, and if he snapped to this point, it was probably stronger than ever at the moment, and once again, that made him sick to his stomach.
"Fuck!" Jay yelled very frustrated and pissed off with himself, if only he had begged the younger to stay with him, this wouldn't have happened, Jungwon would be in his arms right now, most likely asleep and safe.
He immediately started to think as much as he could, about everything Jungwon has told him and if it would give him a hint to where the male could possibly be, the cliff, too far out, he wouldn't make it on foot and especially if he was hurt, he thought of everything hard, while maintaining walking around.
Then it clicked, the river under the bridge. He remembered Jungwon saying how he used to go there as a kid with his dog Kiko, and that after the dog died, that was his comfort spot, he loved the sound of the water sloshing around and how the sun made the area so pretty during the summer, and just as cool during the winter when it froze.
He talked about how he, as a child, didn't understand why his mother was upset when she found him out on the ice, and about how he thought of the possibility of falling through and getting trapped under it, but it didn't scare him, he didn't mind if he died somewhere as beautiful and meaningful as that river meant to him.
And Jay immediately ran back to the car, before quickly driving to the bridge, it took about 15 minutes, and as he approached it, he saw a figure in the distance, standing on the edge, and he already knew who's figure it was.
But before he could get closer and immediately get out of the car, the boy had pushed himself off the bridge, unlike most people when something like this happened, Jay did not freeze, he couldn't, Jungwons life was in danger, he was quickly out of the car, swiftly taking off his shoes and his shirt to have less weight, and immediately diving into the water after him.
Not caring if he died trying to save him, because he wouldn't be able to live without knowing he didn't try, knowing he'd watch him jump, and didn't jump in afterwards, it would eat at his soul.
Immediately when he dived into the water, the cold chill enters his body, luckily the water wasn't too cold, as the moon shined brightly, and he was grateful it did so he could see some, and he was happy he was a competitive swim competitor, or else he wouldn't be able to work through the rough movement of the water.
He swam down, deeper into the water until he was actually able to faintly see the outline of a sinking body, and he immediately moved faster, he didn't know how he was still able to have oxygen at this point but it must've been his adrenaline pumping that kept him going.
He grabbed hard onto the males wrist, and immediately started to go back up, that was the hard part, Jay was out of air, and the water was cold so it had started to freeze his movement now, he was slowing down and he hated it, he knew he had to get Jungwon out, and in order to do so he had to not pass out.
The whole time, he was yelling at himself, keep going, keep going, it doesn't matter if it's cold, it doesn't matter if you can't breathe, it doesn't matter if you're tired, don't close your eyes and don't stop, like a chant, repeating it over and over again, and slowly loosing consciousness.
He was finally able to break the surface, and the first thing he does is quickly inhale, before he's immediately swimming to land, which is hard when you're carrying another body.
But he made it, choking on air a bit from not having oxygen in his lungs for a bit and overworking his body, but he didn't care, he would've been passed the hell out if it wasn't for adrenaline and the fact that Jungwons life was on the line.
He immediately started to do cpr, he didn't have enough time to call an ambulance, and if he did, they wouldn't come fast enough, water had already filled his lungs, not allowing any oxygen in.
Jungwons heartbeat was dead, and as he did his best with the cpr, he couldn't help but start to tear up when he didn't see or feel Jungwons body respond, blowing air into his lungs the best he can, checking the pulse, and then pressing onto his heart again.
He stopped tearing up, telling himself he wouldn't cry unless he knew he was completely gone from this world, he wouldn't give up until he knew it.
After a few more pumps and blows, Jungwon started to cough up all of that water, Jay immediately felt way better, and his heart starting to calm down some as he pulled Jungwon over to him, leaning him over his shoulder as he stuck his fingers in the males mouth, triggering his gag reflex and making him throw up, most of it coming out as water of course.
Then a gasp, a breath, and immediately Jay had known he saved him, and although he didn't want to, he cried, holding the male in his arms, not caring that his body was freezing from the wind and being soaked with already cold water, he rocked their bodies back and fourth.
"Fuck, I can't believe I almost lost you Jungwon." He said in the most broken voice Jungwon had ever heard, and when he could finally move some after a few minutes after coming back into his right mind a little, he weakly hugged Jay back, and Jay cried harder.
He almost felt like when he first heard him gasp and breathe again, it was just his imagination showing him what he wanted to actually be true rather than him dead in his arms.
But when Jungwon touched him back, it confirmed he was actually alive, he actually succeeded in saving him, he actually did it, and he was so happy yet terrified that he'd wake up and it would be a dream.
And Jungwon would be gone.
***
Small time skip
Jay had called the ambulance, and Jungwon had passed out from exhaustion and almost dying. He rode the ambulance with him, not caring he left his car there where it was.
The police said they'd handle it for him anyway. When they got to the hospital, he was rushed into the ER, still in critical condition and ready to die again.
The doctors told Jay he did a great job bringing him to life again, and they were thankful he jumped in the water to do so.
Already, as Jay was also in the hospital, getting checked up on, everything was already on the news, which was expected, Jay and Jungwons parents are both of riches, celebrities, so word got around very quickly.
Including the death that happened in the home. Jay didn't want to listen to it, it already hurt to even think about, so he grabbed the remote and shut it off with a sigh.
"Jay, do you know exactly what happened?" A police officer asked him, and Jay honestly just wanted nothing but to go see Jungwon, lay in bed with him and tell him everything would be fine, that he would forgive him for whatever he was saying sorry for in that text.
And that he loved him, romantically with all his heart and soul, he wanted to comfort him, he wanted to be there when he woke up panicked and scared, he knew Jungwon was in the hospital, but as of now, he seemed like a psychopath who killed his stepfather and then tried to kill himself after.
"I don't." Jay said honestly. "Anything you think you should tell us? Doctors say he has broken ribs, internal bleeding, a broken nose, a bursted blood vessel, and a few other serious injuries. Do you think the step father did this?" He asked.
And Jay didn't really mean to loose his cool, but he did, he was enraged, how dare that filthy bitch lay his hands on Jungwon in such a harmful way, how dare he do all of that to him?
"Who the fuck else? You think he did it to himself!?" Jay said angrily, not really able to control himself as the cop flinched a bit from his random outburst. "I understand how you feel, but please calm down." The cop said holding up a hand.
But that only made Jay more upset. "You don't, no one does, no one will, you won't understand how scared I was that when I went into that water after him, that I wouldn't be able to find him, you wont understand the panic I was in as I sped to his house, or saw blood everywhere, or how he almost died in my arms. I don't want to hear that bullshit, all you need to know, is it isn't his fault, and he'll tell you everything once he wakes up, so until then, don't bother me and let him rest." Jay said angrily and the cop sighs but nods before he leaves Jays room.
He had touched a very sensitive and fresh wound and he could tell, so he escorted all the other cops around the place, out of the building and told security to keep reporters from getting in.
If he wasn't so exhausted, Jay wouldn't have fallen asleep, but he couldn't help it, his body had been through a lot in one night so it just shut down on him.
***
Time skip: 10am
Jay was able to visit Jungwon now, and although Jungwon was probably feeling horrible and didn't really want to see anyone, he knew he still needed comfort, so he walks to his room anyway in his hospital gown.
He still had water in his lungs so he had to stay at the hospital for a bit, and slight frostbite but it wasn't bad so it could be cured.
He gets to the boys hospital room, room 309, he and enters it. Seeing Jungwon on the bed, facing the window with his back to the door. The hospital monitor beeping, IV dripping, and other than that, silence. Jungwon was unmoving, and no noise was coming from him.
But Jay knew he was up, the doctor lady had told him he had been awake for a bit now, but they had to do checkups before they allowed Jay to come see him, at first they didn't want to let Jay see him because of the stage Jungwon was in.
They said he was basically not even there, not responding to pain, his breathing barely heard despite how he should've been breathing deeply because of his broken ribs, he just stared out of space, not speaking one word.
They could tell Jungwon was traumatized, luckily another doctor suggested it would probably be better for Jay to see him since he definitely needed some comfort.
Jay quietly and slowly moved over to the bed, limping from overworking his right leg, the muscle in it had tightened up a lot, so it would take a little bit to get it to relax.
Jay stands at the hospital bed, and decided it was best to not touch Jungwon, he didn't want to scare him or trigger anything.
So he starts to very softly speak. "Jungwon?" Jays voice called gently, and he could see how Jungwon tensed up from the sound of his voice.
He waits for a response, but it never comes. So Jay continues to speak, even if Jungwon wouldn't speak back.
"It's fine if you don't feel like talking. But I wanted you to know I'm sorry, I should've never left you there, and I feel so horrible. I only realized I made the wrong choice when I was in my car speeding over to you. If I made you stay this wouldn't have happened. And if you're angry at me for saving you, I'm also sorry about that." He started, his voice evidently cracking in pain as he did, taking deep breaths.
The sound of pain in his voice brought tears to Jungwons eyes.
"I'm sorry, but I couldn't let you go, and I know that's selfish of me, but I couldn't let you just die without me trying to save you first. If I had just let you fall off the bridge, I would've lost my mind." He says now sitting on the side of the bed, his back now facing Jungwons as he looks towards the door.
He started to sniff, trying his best to hold back his tears. And it took him a while before he could start speaking again, his voice even worse than before, more shaky.
"I couldn't bear the thought of letting you leave me. And I didn't care if I died trying to help you, because I know I'd rather be dead too than to wake up the next day and you were gone from the world. I really hope you don't hate me for reaching in and grabbing you, but even if you do I think I'll be ok with it as long as you're still here. And I'm sorry I couldn't save you earlier, I'm sorry I didn't notice how much you were still hurting. And I know it's really not the right time to say this." Jay says as he was now wiping tears from his face, but they wouldn't stop falling.
"But Jungwon, from how quickly I dove in to save you, has let me know more about myself. I've fallen in love with you, and I wanted to tell you now in case you never speak to me again, and in case you wonder why I even did it when it was dangerous. You might think I'm crazy for falling for someone like you, but I don't care. I love you, even though I know you're broken, even though I know you dream of not being here, even though I know it'll be difficult to care for you at times, but none of that matters to me. I love you, regardless of the hurt that's apart of you. And I wish I could've told you sooner, but I didn't realize it until you almost left me alone, until I thought I wouldn't get the chance to ever see you again." Jay finished off, and now, he was full on sobbing, and Jungwon felt his heart shattering as he felt the tears now flowing from his eyes too.
He hated how much he had hurt him, he hated that he had to go through something traumatic because he was being selfish and decided to try and leave for good.
Although it hurt, he rolled over, sitting up to the best of his ability, before wrapping his arms around Jay and bringing him closer and into a hug, letting the man's head rest against his chest as he sobbed into it, having a hard time breathing already.
Despite how it hurt, he let Jay wrap his arms around his body, he didn't care, this man had saved his life more times than he could've count, and this time he could've died too, and Jungwon felt extremely horrible about putting Jay in such a situation.
Jay never cried, even they're friends had told them that, but here he was, sobbing hurtfully into Jungwons chest as he clung onto his as if he'd die right then and there, he hated he was the one that had broken him and made him cry the way he was.
He cried for a very long time, almost an hour before he was just softly sniffing or hiccuping as he tried catching his breath.
"Don't apologize." Jungwon finally spoke, his voice very faint, as if he was going to loose it, and extremely raspy.
"I should apologize. I'm sorry, I didn't know it would hurt you so much, I should've thought of it. And I love you too, more than I could ever express to you. And I could never hate you for saving me, it's not selfish for someone to not want someone they love to die, that's normal, and it's ok." Jungwon comforted as he runs his gentle hands through Jays hair.
Jay felt horrible, he was supposed to be comforting Jungwon, but here he was being the one to be comforted.
He soon calmed down, and eventually fell asleep in Jungwon's arms, who does the same.
He had a bunch of problems to solve, but maybe he could live a better life, for real this time, third times the charm...
-End of Chapter-
Ah yes, I cried a fucking gain, why do I do this to us??!!