Amidst the thousands of cars crawling in the traffic on the highway; Anika felt like she had seen him. No. She knew it was him. Her heart wouldn't beat this fast otherwise. But what was he doing in a taxi? Something didn't add up. Instinctively, she picked up her phone and called his number after months. It was out of service. She blinked. Something was wrong. Maybe he was in trouble. No. She knew he was in trouble. She had been feeling that way for a long time now. She just never mustered the courage to reach out to him. But she couldn't quieten her feelings any longer.
Anika eyed the meter, gave the autorickshaw a few extra bucks to compensate and blindly jumped down on the road. What she was doing was madness. But it was needed.
She rushed towards the other lane and saw the taxi. Anika bent and sighed. There he was, staring into the space.
Life rushed back into her body with a vengeance. Something that had died the day they parted sprang back to life. She smiled her truest one after months. Not able to contain herself any longer, she tapped on the car's window.
Shivaay looked like he woke up from a stupor. When their eyes met, he froze. Literally. Then someone honked.
Anika shook her head, opened the taxi door and sat down next to Shivaay. She breathlessly greeted him, her voice ringing with happiness. "Hi!"
"Hi..." Shivaay managed to whisper. His face was still dumbfounded. Anika had expected it. Her smile only grew.
"How are you? It's been a while!" Anika said and then looked around the taxi cabin. "Why are you in a taxi? Where is your car? Where is Khanna jee? Did your car break down or something?"
Shivaay just smiled. "I am good, Anika. It's so nice to see you."
Anika returned the smile. She noticed that he had skipped the rest of the questions. She didn't mind that. He seldom shared everything with everyone and that was fine.
"How have you been?" he asked, his eyes staying on her face.
"Oh good. I got a few good events. I have now rented a 1 BHK in Malad. It's an upgrade for me and Sahil..."
Shivaay was impressed. But Anika bit her tongue. "Sorry. Sahil and I."
It made Shivaay chuckle. She needed him to know that she remembered his English grammar lessons very well.
And then there was silence. Anika realised that there wasn't anything to talk about. Or there was too much to ask. Because the dip in the conversation gave her time to observe him. He looked haggard. He always had good cheekbones but now they were prominent. So were the eyebags. His suit hung on his shoulder lifelessly. He had lost weight and a lot of his aura. Her heart broke. Was he sick again? He always looked eager to talk with her even when he avoided her. But right now, he had gone back to staring blankly outside the car. Everything about him was different.
Her hands itched to hold his shoulder. She fisted her palm. No, she couldn't cross this line.
"I don't remember us being this awkward," Anika remarked.
He looked down at his hands and smiled wryly. "Well. A lot of things have changed."
Anika noticed his favourite watch missing from his wrist. A bad feeling started to settle in her heart. "Have they? You tell me."
He didn't speak. She took a moment to think about everything. Though her mind remained blank. She turned to look at him and enquired, "How is everyone at home? Om, Ru, Dadi..."
His jaw hardened. Then he just shrugged. "No idea."
Anika was now distraught. She shrieked, "What does that mean?"
Shivaay's eyes remained blank and on the road. If she wasn't staring, Anika would have missed the ticking of the nerve on his forehead. He swallowed. "I...I don't stay with them anymore. I haven't talked with them for months now."
This time around, Anika yelped. "What? Why?"
He smiled as he looked at her. Then he nonchalantly offered, "Because they don't want anything to do with me. I have been ostracised by the family. That's my punishment I guess for what I did."
Her confusion grew. She scooted closer to him. She didn't mean to but she reached out and held his palm. It was burning. She held on. There wasn't a question of doing anything else when Shivaay looked like he was drowning.
"What did you do?" Anika's voice came out in a ragged whisper.
His grip on her hand loosened. He tried to pry his hand out. She held on tighter. She insisted. "Tell me. Please."
Shivaay's head bent and he sank in the seat further. He cast a long look at the taxi driver. Anika understood his predicament. She nodded and moved away. She could wait for a while. But she didn't leave his hand. She just couldn't.
The taxi stopped in front of a building. It was decent but not even remotely close to Shivaay's standards. He paid the taxi driver and quietly led her to one of the apartments. She didn't question anything he was doing. Once in the house, she looked around. It was a bare-shell one. Barring that one small mattress on the floor, air conditioner and a random wardrobe; there was nothing in the house. Shivaay removed his shoes and sat down on the mattress. Then he wordlessly asked her to join him. She followed.
"Water?" he questioned.
"No Shivaay..." she shook her head. "Just tell me what did you do? And what is this place?"
Shivaay's eyes danced around. "It's my house. I had bought it as an investment. But I am staying here now."
Her jaw almost dropped. "Why the fuck?"
Shivaay's gaze fell to the ground once again. Silence ensued. Anika resisted the urge to shake him.
"I promise you that I won't judge you..." Anika desperately assured him. "Trust me."
Shivaay turned to look at her but abnormally slowly. He assessed her eyes for a long while before speaking. When he spoke, he first choked on the words like they just couldn't take the flight. But when he did manage to pry the words out of his mouth, Anika's world shattered in an instant. Because his had.
"I r*ped and assaulted Tia."
Anika looked away. She felt like her mind felt like it was shutting down. Her brow started to sweat.
He continued. "She has the video evidence and well, medical evidence. I got drunk and went to her place. Lost control."
Anika staggered backwards as her mind swirled. He kept talking.
"Then the family got to know about it. They all asked me to leave. Tia's family is nice so they aren't pressing charges against me. They are not even going to the media with this. They are content with me staying away and repenting for my sins."
Then everything fell silent. There wasn't anything to say. Or perhaps, there was. Because Anika clutched her knees hard to stop her hands from shaking. She was burning in rage. Every single word that he had spoken stank with such horseshit that every cell in her body wanted to slap him good. How could anyone be that foolish? How could he, Shivaay Singh Oberoi, the mightiest businessman in the country let people do this to him?
"You didn't do anything." She whispered. She held his hand again and squeezed it assuringly. "Do you understand? You didn't do a thing."
He rubbed his face. "I don't know at this point. Maybe I did. Because honestly, why will Tia lie?"
Anika sensed the sarcasm in his voice. She held on to that. It was bleak but enough. It didn't matter what the world thought about him. It was important for him to trust himself.
She managed to find the pluck to hold him by his shoulders. He had no choice but to look in her eyes. The lines perhaps existed only in her head. Shivaay needed her right now.
The fierceness he usually associated with her had returned. Her voice was soft but so determined that even she was surprised.
"I don't know about Tia. But I know for a fact that you are not capable of this. You can never do this."
Shivaay blinked. For a brief second, he swayed under her grip like he was going to faint. He didn't. Instead, his face melted into an expression so vulnerable that Anika felt like yanking him into a hug and never letting him go. From the time she had known him, he had always maintained his poise. This was different. And new. It was not a surprise that it didn't last.
He quickly smiled bitterly. He mockingly asked her, "How can you be so sure?"
Anika refused to rise to his bait. "A woman's instincts. I have been with you so many times. Alone. You have never looked at me like that. To be honest, I have never felt safer with anyone else. You...look. This is wrong. You are wrong. I refuse to believe this rancid pig shit. You and your entire family are out of their goddamn minds."
Shivaay's eyes closed. Anika could feel his body buckling under her grip. He let out an exhausted sigh. "Three months, Anika. You knew me for three months. My family...three decades..."
Then he threw his head back and laughed. "So oops. The joke is on me. I am the fucking clown. Guess what? I have always been one."
She watched him closely. Now she could place a finger on why he looked like that, on why his luxury items were missing and why he was commuting in a taxi. Her heart broke all over again. All this was not supposed to happen to him.
Her hand fell down to his palm. She tugged at it. It wasn't much. He swayed lightly once more. Then without any notice, she pulled him into her arms. At first, Shivaay remained as stiff as a stick. But without being aware of it, Anika stroked the back of his burning head. Anika felt all of him go limp and dangle like a doll. She heard the sniffles and then the slick wetness trickled down her back. The light crying turned into desolate weeping. She let him do it. It had to break out of his skin. She had thought that she would never see him again. But now he was crying in her arms. Anika had to live to see this day too.
She held on. Protectively. Fiercely. Furiously. No one could hurt the only man she ever liked and get away with it. Her mind was blank. No, numb. How could his family believe that this man could ever wrong anyone? That too so gravely and violently? How could his brothers believe that their brother was so weak? Why couldn't Dadi trust her upbringing?
For the first time ever, she felt anger. Anger like Shivaay's. She truly wished to throw something at the wall and break it.
"I haven't done anything..." Shivaay's muffled voice confessed.
A sob bubbled out of Anika. She nodded and deepened the hug. "I know, you didn't. I know. Shhh, now. It's fine. Shhh. It is not worth crying over worthless people. Is it now? You are the best man I know. You can never do anything wrong."
The crying eventually stopped. Anika finally peeled herself from the hug and took a look at him. He looked even worse. She feared that he was going to drop dead any moment now. Her heart quivered. Her belief in him was cemented further. This man could never do such a thing - whether sober or not. There was no doubt about it. Her determination grew. She knew what to do.
Wiping her own tears, she got up and began to collect his things. She found a random bag and started to stuff it with his clothes.
"Wh.. What are you doing?" he rasped.
She continued her work. "You are not staying here. You are coming with me. You will now stay with me and Sahil. And I don't want any arguments."
Shivaay moved towards her and lightly held her wrist. "No Anika. No. I am not worthy of your friendship. I wasn't even worthy of being a boyfriend or a decent family member. I will just...work. That's the only thing I can do well. Please! I don't want you to get hurt."
She crossed her arms and posed him with a counter-question. "What? Why do you think you will hurt me?"
"That's what I always do. I don't want another casualty."
Anika felt drained out. She sat down near the bag. Her eyes welled up again. It was her turn to cry. Everything she had heard; the hurt, the accusations, the way he was living, the gloom - it all came crashing down on her. She didn't have to but she couldn't leave Shivaay to rot in that hellhole.
"What if I still want to be your friend? What if I still want to stick around? Shivaay, do you ever think of what I want? I know I am not your family but please, sometimes respect the wishes of people like me too!" she all but yelled.
He shook his head and was kneeling in front of her in a flash. For someone who was swaying a few moments ago, he was strangely fast. "No, no. I didn't mean that. Please. I...sorry. No, please understand that I am not..."
"Shivaay!" Anika shook him and cut short his ranting. "Stop. You are coming with me."
And he did.