Bayern Munich, 2018
It was the 11th of December, and Juno felt homesick.
It wasn't because she had been far from home for a long time now. She talked to her family often on her phone, and even if it wasn't the same, it kept them close.
The reason for the uneasy feeling that had settled on her stomach for a few days now, was because it was her mother's birthday, and she was not there to celebrate with her.
Lucia's birthdays had always been a big deal to Juno. She claimed she didn't know why she cared much more than a usual daughter would in their mum's birthday, but deep down, she knew exactly why.
Buried inside the crevices of her heart, Juno still felt guilty for her father leaving. In her head, she had torn the family apart, her siblings were left without a father and her mother without a husband.
She contemplated for years after he left: she would have endured his ignorance and abandonment, specifically to her, every day for the rest of her life if it meant that the family stayed together.
She could've survived a few years more without causing trouble or getting on his nerves and maybe he would have accepted her at some point.
Right?
Today, Juno's mother was going to be at home with a toddler and a few of her close friends. And to Juno that didn't even sound like a celebration.
Lucas wasn't there to buy a cake, he was studying at Durham. James wasn't there to take care of Cata so that their mum wasn't driven crazy by her cries, he was finishing off his studies, waiting for his life to start. And Juno was not there to accompany her. To remind her that her children haven't abandoned her, that they are coming back, that she won't be left alone again.
But that was exactly what they had done.
And so, Juno called her mother and they talked for hours. Lucia was not the type to resent her children for living life, she wasn't even the type to ask for presents on her birthday, and she made Juno worry a little less.
She sometimes forgot that her mother had always been independent, so independent that she actually loved being alone from time to time, even if Cata didn't really help her fulfil this wish.
She'll be fine, thought Juno. She realised that things were changing, and that she wasn't the kid sibling that stayed with mum anymore.
And maybe that was more than fine.
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Inside the Bayern training grounds sat Sydney, Jill and Jacintha, talking amongst themselves in hurried whispers.
As Juno entered the room, she spotted them and went over, but was stunned at the silence that surrounded her when they immediately stopped talking.
Confused, Juno greeted them, "Hello...? Is everything okay?"
She was answered by a chorus of "yep's", "yes's" and "totally's". She was even more confused.
While hanging her bags and getting out her training kit she continued, "Okay then."
But then, Sydney spoke up, "Juno, we were just wondering if we could take you out today or do something fun together, because we know that you might be feeling a bit down today, seeing as it is your mum's birthday and all."
"Oh... actually yeah, I think that'd be nice. Thank you, guys." said Juno while she blushed at her feelings being uncovered.
"So what are we going to do?"
Jacintha answered quickly, "I've been seeing all over Instagram, people who do a 'drunk pasta night' and make pasta from scratch and cocktails."
Juno perked up, "Ooo, sounds fun! I'm in."
The girls all cheered and made exclamations about their excitement for that night.
While the girls walked towards the field, Jill stayed a little behind with Juno.
"Don't get plastered tonight, I still want to be able to talk to you, Jo." she said with a fake serious face.
"Oh shut up Jamie, you'll be the one tripping over her own feet tonight. I hold my drinks very well actually."
Jill only laughed and put her arm around Juno's shoulders, as they walked out onto the field.
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The four girls finished training and went straight to the showers, they were all bursting with excitement about that night.
The shower room had promptly turned into a foggy mess, as the vapour from the almost boiling water filled every corner.
Jill was ready first, as she had always liked to have short and fast showers. While waiting for the others she changed and organised her things to be ready to leave, then, she simply kept herself entertained with her phone.
One of the many showers turned off, and melodic whistling could be heard. The dutch girl knew immediately who it was, because she knew that Juno always whistled, and that she actually got in trouble a lot in school because of it.
Juno stepped into the changing room, going straight to her locker to change into her usual attire of sweatpants and a large hoodie.
On her own side, supposedly looking at her phone, Jill sneaked a few glances, peeking from behind her hands to watch her friend.
Friend. Lately, Jill wasn't sure if this was the right term to describe Juno. At least from her perspective, they were friends, but with some underlying context that they still needed to figure out themselves.
"What's taking them so long? They're gonna use up all of the hot water in the building at this point." said Juno suddenly, breaking Jill away from her thoughts.
"Yeah, we should hurry them up."
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Juno volunteered her flat for the 'drunk pasta night', even though she usually hated being the one to host. But when she was in good company, around people she trusted, she didn't mind so much.
They all went in separate cars, as they drove straight from training. Upon reaching Juno's apartment building, they all piled into her car to go ingredient shopping.
"'Kay, who's on aux?", said Juno while backtracking the car onto the street.
"I'll do it.", said Jill, "I've heard a whole lot of your music but you've never heard mine."
She began playing R&B classics, and Juno had the volume turned up to the point that even if they wanted to, their horrible singing voices would not be heard.
The supermarket was not too busy, and it didn't take them long to buy everything they needed to make the pasta.
The cocktails however...
"Let's buy vodka guys, it goes with everything. It's perfect for everyone!", said Sydney, trying to find a fair solution.
Jacintha turned around with an incredulous look on her face, "EW! No way I'm drinking vodka, let's just have some beers."
Juno agreed, "Oh yeah, I wouldn't mind some bee-"
"Nope, no thank you. I refuse to drink beers, they're disgusting.", said Jill stubbornly.
They all broke out into a discussion again, Juno fearlessly fighting to honour her dear English beers, and Sydney getting red in the face with fury as she defended her German culture.
"Okay! Why don't we just have some Gin and tonics?!" asked Juno, exasperated, "It's soda and gin, you can't go wrong."
Mumbles of agreement resounded and so they bought what they needed and returned home contently.
After a few hours, the four footballers were drunk... that's for sure. But their stomachs were still empty, because making pasta from scratch wasn't as easy as it appeared to be.
Currently, they were all huddled up together, in front of Juno's laptop, trying to decipher the recipe.
"Okay, now we add them to the boiling water and they're done!", said Jill excitedly. She had always been a good cook, especially good at following intricate and complicated recipes, which was why she had enjoyed the process so much.
But now, it was time for the sauce, meaning it was Juno's time to shine. On her countertop she had prepped everything she needed, from tomatoes and onion to rosemary and chilli flakes; she loved experimenting with flavours and spices.
The girls knew she would take over in this part, so Sydney and Jill busied themselves by cleaning up the things they had used while making the pasta, and Jacintha prepared more cocktails.
Now deep into the night, four intoxicated players conversed about everything and anything in Juno's living room. The quartet had become so close-knit in the last few months, they acted like they had known each other for years.
Sydney was sat on a beanbag, and Jacintha on a wood and leather armchair, both sitting close to the fireplace burning behind them. Jill and Jo were sharing the sofa, facing the fire.
Juno was resting slightly on top of the Dutch girl, as she had her arms wrapped around her body from behind.
She could hear her heartbeat, how it maintained a rhythmic pace, never faltering except for when Juno moved a little, getting into a more comfortable position. It was when she did this that Jill's heart rate sped up, skipping beats and, obliviously to Juno, it was also when butterflies seemed to come alive inside her stomach.
Their bodies fit perfectly with one another, and they certainly felt that way as well, because they didn't even question to be so close to each other anymore.
But their friends did, even though they didn't say anything, they both thought it:
They can't just be friends, right?
A few hours later, everyone was exhausted. Yawning, Jill got up to use the bathroom while the rest layed comfortably with their blankets in their seats.
"Juno, we've got to talk about that.", said Sydney seriously.
"Talk about what?"
"That. You and Jill. How comfortable you are around each other, the way you always seem to be touching one another, even if it's just your fingertips. And the looks! Oh my God, the looks she gives you when you're not looking! Juno, you'd be a fool to not notice the tension between the two of you.", responded the German passionately.
"What?!", exclaimed Juno, her eyes blowing wide as plates, "Syd, what are you talking about? She does not see me that way and I don't either. We're just friends."
Sydney blew out a sigh, "Yes, I know you are. And I won't say anything anymore if you don't want me to but..."
Juno was left curious, "What? But what?"
"But I'm just saying what I've seen. You may just be friends now, but I don't think that will be the case forever."
With that, she stood up and went to the kitchen, claiming she needed a glass of water.
Juno was stuck to her seat, she couldn't move even if she wanted to. She couldn't understand what Sydney was talking about. Yes, of course she had felt that her and Jill had had a deeper connection than most, but did she like her? She wasn't sure, and that's what scared her so much.
Juno wasn't the best at relationships. Keeping a connection, making it last, making that effort, all of it. She just wasn't good at it because she never felt such attraction to anyone, not ever.
Not ever as in literally never. The girl had never told anyone 'I love you', not even to her family, but of course they knew she did. It was different with relationships.
It was like if inside of Juno's mind, existed an emotional barrier, that simply stopped her from crossing a line of affection that may seem normal to other people. It was her Achilles heel, her one big weakness that had pushed many people away from her.
"She's right, you know?", said Jacintha softly, "You two have some kind of connection. It may not be necessarily romantic right away, but there's something there for sure. And it's a good thing."
Thoughts clouded Juno's head, but they were quickly dispersed by Sydney mentioning that their Uber had arrived and that they were leaving.
So Juno walked them out of her flat to the elevator and said her goodbyes.
"Be careful with the driver, here are some water bottles so you sober up during the ride. Take care."
The doors closed and Juno let out a deep breath, she was finally alone and ready to try and process the bomb Sydney and Jacintha had just dropped on her living room.
She was in the kitchen having some ice water when she heard the creak of a door. Immediately, Juno stood defensively, her fight or flight activating and making her heart pound double as fast.
"Hey, where is everyone?"
Jill walked into the kitchen, clearly not sober, but not too drunk either. She looked around the room, as if the other two would have been hiding inside the cabinets or in the fridge.
"Fuck, Jill! You scared me!", exclaimed Juno, recuperating her breath.
"They just left, they called an Uber. You were in the bathroom- they didn't notice, too drunk the both of them." Juno brought her hand to her forehead in a stressed motion, goodbye alone time.
"Shit. Well, let me just call me an Uber then, and I'll be on my way.", said Jill, looking for her phone.
But Juno promptly cut her off, "Oh Jill, don't be silly. Stay for the night, it's no bother really. I mean, if you're fine with it and all."
She was nervous. Jill made her nervous?
"Are you sure? I don't mind taking a taxi-"
"No way. You're not going drunk and alone in a taxi at midnight." answered Juno, stubbornly, "Come, I'll give you some pajamas."
Jill followed her silently, she knew better than to try and change her mind.
"Here you go." Juno handed her an old Arsenal shirt and black sweatpants that were a little too long for her (which she claimed was simply fashion), but were perfect for Jill.
Jill made a move to go to the bathroom and change, but Juno was already halfway undressed, and did not seem to mind her seeing. So she followed suit.
It was as if this had broken the unusual ice that had formed between them in the kitchen, and they were back to their comfortability around each other.
"I'm actually not even tired anymore." claimed Juno, "I'm too drunk to be tired."
Jill laughed, "Yeah me too, should we watch a movie?"
Back in the living room, the group of people had now been halved. The two girls laid on the couch, watching a romcom Jill had picked out.
She was laying horizontally facing upwards, with her head turned towards the screen. Juno was laying directly on her, her stomach against hers and their legs tangled.
Again, she could feel her heartbeat, just like earlier. But this time, Juno felt her own skip more beats than it did before.
It was at some point during the movie, that Jill turned to her, tearing her eyes off the screen. Juno noticed, but decided to ignore it.
Something had taken over Jill, maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was because it was 2:00am, but she felt more confident than ever. Her hand, that had previously been resting next to her, was placed on Juno's waist, as it stroked back and forth from her ribcage to her hips.
The English girl's breath hitched, as she tried to stop her head from swimming. But she couldn't help but to look at Jill, almost as if asking a question: What just happened?
Once their eyes met, they couldn't tear them apart. Like magnets, every cell in their bodies was attracted to each other, and its pull was strong, unstoppable.
Inevitable.
Juno sat up, finding herself sat exactly on Jill's hips, whose hands were still stroking her skin.
A sigh of comfort escaped the Dutch's mouth, as she licked her lips and admired the girl in front of her.
The English girl slowly lowered herself, leaning closer and closer towards Jill's face, unable to stop.
Neither of them knew what was happening. They weren't thinking, they didn't need to. They knew what they wanted, but it had always just been an unconscious thought, until now.
Their noses grazed, their eyes never letting go. Juno took a breath,
"Jill."
"Jo", she answered.
Juno decided to stop fighting that tingling feeling she had been trying to hide, and let her body take control of her mind.
Jill did the same.
Suddenly, the space between them wasn't what it had been. Their mouths stood millimeters from each other, their lips playing with the idea of touching.
And they did. With a surge of urgency, Jill captured the girl's lips in a hungry kiss. Neither of them stopped. They hadn't noticed how thirsty they had been for each other, but now that they had tasted the waters, they couldn't stop.
Hair was messed, blankets were on the floor, followed shortly by clothes and undergarments.
The two girls were hypnotized with one another, mesmerized by each other's body, the way they moved, they way they sounded. It was perfect.
That night was certainly long.
It was 9:20 am of the next morning when Juno woke up.
She moved around the bed, where they had moved to last night, looking for human warmth.
Unfortunately for her, she didn't find any.
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