"The same person dressed in a kimono but now looks like the best example of both male and female:
"YOO YALL STILL ALIVE""
Author: Yep, we are still here.
""YOU GUYS GOT A TOAST SCP CAUSE INGOT THE PERFECT IDEA
PREHEAT 682 flesh to 30 degrees,
Grab a piece of 999
Grab some toast and a mug filled with the 999
use a 1000 degree knife
And finally spread 999 on the toast
cut 682 flesh into ham put it on the toast and put cheese on it"
"THATS ALL FROM MY COOKING SHOW"*teleports out*"
SCP-999: *Is visibly terrified* What... How... Why...? WHYYY?
SCP-682: Look... Trying to use my flesh is just asking to end up with stomach pains in the best case scenario... Using my brother as a jelly...? Sorry, but this one is unforgiveable. *Grabs a flamethrower and teleports after adgh345*
"Iris: Bacon or Turkey Bacon?"
SCP-105: Regular bacon."5025: In case you're wondering, I always give you Idaho potatoes because I'm biased and believe them to be superior."
SCP-5025: That's understandable.
"106: How were the trenches?"
SCP-106: *Takes a deep breath* Bad, and you better hope you don't end up in there...
"105: I'm asking the Turkey Bacon question because that's one of the things my fiancee (I've gotten engaged since part 86 came out), and I disagree on."
SCP-105: Okay, first of all, congratulations on getting engaged! Secondly, I understand, but unfortunately I don't think my opinion is going to change anything.
"999: *Starts petting him* Do you like being petted?"
SCP-999: *Starts purring like a cat*
"*Tackle-hugs SK* I've been worried!"
Scarlet King: Worried...? But why though...?
"Ok, first thing first is... What the hell are you showing to my previous innocent 2599 is 079...!?!?"
SCP-079: *Laughs* Justa few totally safe for work cosplays... What can I say...? Welcome to the Internet!
"To 2599: here just take a peek to this photo of cosplayer... They are look good right ?"
SCP-2599: *Takes a deep breath before looking at the photo* Okay, it is not something 079 has shown me, so yes, they look good.
"Dare for 079: I demand an apology for 2599, I don't care are you like it or not, don't give something bad for my previous 2599...."
SCP-079: Fine. I am sorry that I completely annihilated and burried the innocence you still had in you. But hey, now you will be resistant to these pictures!
SCP-2599: *Glares at 079 angrily*
"OK I have a dare for Doc H today, as well as some great news, and that is that I have a new kitten! He is grey with black tiger stripes and has big, pretty green eyes, and his name is Buddy. "
Author: Nice! Remember to take good care of him!
"And now, the dare. I dare you to try hugging SCP-682 instead of curing him."
SCP-049: *Takes a deep breath* Fine. *Gives SCP-682 a big hug and almost gets crushed in the process*
"And for the rest of you all, I dare you to do stupid stunts like on Jack@$$ and for Author to film it and put it on YouTube."
Author: That can be arranged... Just not on my youtube, on the one from this universe. *Grabs a camera and forces everyone into a recording session*
*Timeskip*
Author: *Comes back* So... Unsurprisingly Jack, Clef and Kondraki did something so atrociously stupid that they were supposed to get a fine. Jack and Kondraki accepted the fine, while Clef did something even worse and got himself arrested. Yeah, he will be off the Ask for some time...
"016: *bows down* I understand that English will be a reasonable language. A soldier understands that corporal. And for the whiskies. As far as I remember. About 6 gallons of it.. I am a.. Broken soldier to say at least."
Author: *Stays silent for a moment* Uhm... We kind of don't have 016 in this Ask... Also, 6 gallons of whiskey?! *Checks how much that is in liters* Where did you even get that?!Vernon:.. And those 6 gallons costed me 20 bucks. Don't you know how expensive they are!! You drunken fool!
Author: Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait... 20 bucks for
almost 23 liters of whiskey...? That's ultra cheap!
SCP-073: Unless Vernon is talking about the times when bucks were worth much more than nowadays for you Author...
Author: ... Yeah, that makes sense now.
"Alright, so I have a question. (Hopefully no one has already asked this-)What are all your thoughts about those who encountered SCP-729-J? "
SCP-682: ... Don't. Mention. That. Devil's. Toy. Ever. Again.
My follow up question, Author, John, Dr. Ellie, Dr. Bright, Dr. Clef, and Lucy- what do you all think of Dr. Hessen?
Author: Uhm... I don't really know too many doctors from the Foundation so... Who even is this guy?
"To refresh your brains- SCP-729-J is "SUPPOSED to be a toy, but I want to know who the sick fuck was that wanted to give this thing to children. The label SAYS it's made of polyester fiber, but we all know it's made of the devil's couch stuffing. Or something.""
SCP-682: Devil's couch stuffing is a huge understatement!
"Some highlights:- 682 just killed it as told by Dr. Foxfield. I want to know what happened there.- 076 tried to kill it with a flamethrower, but when 729-J was see unharmed- 076 just got back in 076-1 and cried- didn't even come out for like 2 weeks."
SCP-076: We don't talk about this incident...
"- 073 tried to make holy water and bless it while saying "F*CK OFF, D*CKNIPS!" When that didn't work, he just hid under a table, crying. How are you supposed to bless a toy?! Like- at least you tried but- what???"
SCP-073: *Takes a shot with his brother* Don't ask, just... Don't...
"- 173 I think just had a party with 729-J. I have no idea. Explain."
SCP-173: A party? I felt forced to party! Like, Jesus, do you realize what could have happened to me if I didn't do that?!
"- 001 "Gate Guardian" just grew a mouth on its forehead and yelled out "My Lord" when seeing 729-J. Again- wHAt????"
Gate Guardian: I called for help, as this was a force I couldn't defeat alone...
"- 049 just like- passed out while crawling towards 729-J saying "The Pestilence.... It's to... strong... I must... cure... you!" YOU GOOD FROM THAT??"
SCP-049: I recovered after two weeks... And please, don't remind me, it literally overcame my entire body and I had to fight against it infecting me...
"- It scared 001 "The Scarlet King" so much for it to say " please forgive me I repent for stealing Gods sandwich and destroying the multiverse" Why did you steal 343's sandwich?!"
Scarlet King: I was hungry, okay? And it looked delicious...
"- 343 was kinda unexpected tbh(The list goes on- but the point is- none of them ever wanted to see the little bunny peep toy ever again :D )"- Sincerely, Dr. Alice."
Author: Yeah... So please don't bring that toy to the Ask ever again. It is currently locked somewhere so deep that even I don't know where it is.
"ElementalistAngel: *comes back with a big ass exorcismic AK-47 loaded with the holiest of bullets or shit, idk man* HAVE AT THEE *empties 6 cartridges*"
SCP-073: Jesus, chill! No need to use that many, that's an overkill!
"Scp 1471 i dare you to kiss Scp 049"
SCP-1471: Not happening, I am already married to Jack and that would be cheating on him.
"Also Scp 137 I challenge you to try to possess an eggman robot"
Author: Well, first of all, we don't really have an SCP-137, we only have 173, who cannot possess anybody... Secondly, who even is an eggman robot?
"To bright: how much is the chainsaw cannon cannon?"
Jack Bright: A chainsaw cannon cannon is something I have an inclusive contract with the military, and I cannot sell it to you. The same applies to chainsaw cannon cannon cannon, because producing it takes even longer... But... I could sell you as regular chainsaw cannon for 6000$ for a model which can handle one chainsaw at a time, or 14000$ for a model which can handle up to 10 chainsaws at once.
"To author: I'm planning on making an undertale au. How do you think I should spread it?"
Author: Honestly? I have no idea. If it is going to be original and not a crossover of different AUs, then you could probably try to either make your own comic/comics within that AU, or alternatively a story/a set of stories about it.
"To 096: did you ever encounter a cougar (puma/mountain lion) while In the mountains and if so do you remember what to do if you encounter one."
SCP-096: Ehhh... I actually encountered a puma once, but it was already after my transformation and... I... Em... Kind of tore it apart...?
"To Cain: who introduced you to Phasmophobia"
SCP-073: ElementalistAngel, if I am not mistaken.
"To 105 (The Bean head, or just Iris): Do a backflip, and not kill someone in the process"
SCP-105: *Takes a deep breath and does a backflip* Okay, done, I can't believe it worked!
"A: Wow, it's been a year and a month since I last showed up, huh?"
Author: Yep, it has been a long time. What happenned while you were gone?
"Well, I'm in the mood for chilling, so let's listen to some-???:IS THIS THE 'ASK' DIMENSION THOU SPOKE OF, SIR ARTHUR!? ALL'S LOOK SO COOL! I DO WISH TO EXPLORE!A: WOAH, DON, HOLD ON THERE! Sorry, I'll catch her. Music's in the inbox, take a listen!A: DON QUIXOTE, YOU GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANT! *He started chasing the woman running around excitedly.*"
Author: Alright... Let me quickly check it then... Two songs? Alright, let's check the first one, even though I am not a fan of music myself... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-qDXiULdgw
*Timeskip for listening to the music*
Author: Alright, I don't know why, but that honestly felt like a perfect music to play in the elevator. Now the second one... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZY6mQarzSyQ
*Another music timeskip*
Author: Honestly? It might be just me not having a good music taste, but I liked the first song better.
"Reminder to do a&d and reaction sir"
Author: Sir? Damn, now I feel old, lol. But don't worry, I remember you also sent me some music to react to, so let me quickly check it out... https://www.youtube.com/watch?si=QtymGnN-Cp_I2PBV&v=LtkBhYC6qaQ&feature=youtu.be
*Yet another timeskip*
Author: Okay, it wasn't music this time, but rather a video. First of all, I am impressed that so many players actually managed to do it together without somebody constantly trolling or sabotaging the team. Secondly, which war was represented in there? Because I don't know if I missed something or just didn't catch the war name.