Book Title: The Saga of Mafioso (Book 1- Mafia Verse)
Author: JohanLiebert33
Reviewer: ramarimalroy
Chapters reviewed: 1-5 (Excluding introductory chapters/ Prologue)
Title: 5/5
It is catchy, the word ‘saga’ always promises an enthralling story ahead.
Cover: 5/5
The cover suits the story perfectly. It is equal parts mysterious and menacing and matches with the vibe of the book.
Blurb: 3/5
The idea of the blurb is amazing. I like how you have contrasted the world of the readers and the world in the book to really highlight the brutality of the mafia world. It introduces the story and radiates an aura of suspense. The reason I gave it 3 and not 5 is because of the multiple grammatical mistakes in the blurb.
Story: 19.5 /25
• Plot: 5/5
The story idea is unique. My first critique while surveying mafia stories is that they often are copies of each other and lack originality. Your story breaks that mold and is fresh. I myself am invested in the plot. Though the idea of a man lured into mafia due to money is common, the atmosphere of Harran city, the storyline and the pace is spectacular. The idea of the story is intriguing and the suspense makes the readers want to continue reading it.
• Dialogue: 4.5/5
I feel that most of the dialogue in the story is authentic. My only critical suggestion would be that the conversation sometimes sounds too formal. This holds especially true to the dialogues between the Garcia family as you would expect them to be slightly informal.
• Descriptions: 4/5
The descriptions of places and characters for the most part of the story are immaculate and expressive. Sometimes I feel that your strength, your vast vocabulary becomes a slight setback. This is because it is better to use simple words wherever possible because some complex and rather rare words make the story feel artificial.
• Believability: 3.5/5
This opinion is based on only the first 5 chapters and so it may be inaccurate. I feel that the story is a little far-fetched at times. The first thing is that the characters agree, form bonds and trust way too easily. Eg. Louise and Angelo formed an alliance and later even a slight friendship very quickly. The characters reveal their traumatizing backstories to people they just met which seems unlikely. The second thing is that just how fast the sons of Dino Garcia become ruthless seems a little less believable.
• Grammar and writing : 2.5/5
I will be very frank with you. There are many grammatical mistakes especially after the second chapter. Common mistakes include incorrect tense and prepositions. Some words have also been used rather incorrectly. These mistakes slightly ruin the otherwise precise atmosphere of the story. My corrective comments will help you reduce these mistakes.
Total: 32.5/40
Overall I think the story has immense potential and just needs a finishing touch. Best of luck for the future!
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