"I thought that you would've been longer, Leah?"
Almost instantly after walking through to visitors entrance to the hospital, 4 hours after leaving, Leah and Lia both walked back through the rotating doors, being met by nurse Julie, albeit this time, the defender looked more stable on her feet.
She had finally gotten dressed out of her dirty kit, wearing a tracksuit, and having packed a stay over bag with some things she may need. Her hair was brushed, still in the plait Lia did earlier, but the most notable change, was that she finally had glimpses of a smile across her face.
"No, I struggled to stay asleep. I did what I needed to do, but what I need to do now, is be back here."
The nurse smiled knowingly, relieved to see Leah simply be back at herself even if it was so slightly.
"Was she okay?"
"Absolutely fine, no changes, otherwise I would've text you Leah, like promised."
That was all the information Leah needed, smiling contently as she made her way back down the corridors that she was all but carried through a few hours earlier, this time with a stride to the room she had spent her days in. It was a new freshness she had returned with, prepared for whatever was ahead.
Lia, however, remained stood back, watching Leah walk down the corridor, trying to figure out what had even happened in the few hours they'd returned back to the house
~~~
A heavy weight woke Lia up from where she was laid in the bed, looking down to see the body of an English defender curled into her side, clearly having moved in her sleep, resting her head on Lia's chest. Her right hand rested on Lia's stomach, holding the material of her shirt, as if she were afraid that the midfielder would leave and never return.
She took a few minutes simply to soak in the moment, her hand finding its way to softly run through the strands of hair that had broken through the plait that Lia had put in only 3 hours earlier. It had mostly held its position, insinuating the idea that Leah hadn't moved much in the time she was asleep, remaining close by to Lia.
Lia knew she had to get up at some point, the whole array of tasks she had planned on completing when Leah was asleep being thrown out the window once she asked for her to hold her. She had to get some food in Leah, and clean up some of the house, as well as speak to Jonas about taking some time off to support the struggling defender. Yet, she couldn't bring herself to move from the position she was in, letting herself simply watch the peacefully sleeping Leah on her chest, trying to decipher whether it was because she didn't want to wake her up, or, and as much as she hadn't been able to figure it out, because she wanted to keep a hold of her.
Eventually, after what seemed like only seconds of holding her close, Lia knew she couldn't remain where she was, shifting herself to the side. She moved the defenders head so that it didn't jolt when she went to move, in the bid to keep her sleeping.
It took her a while, each movement trying her best to make it as soft, and comforting so that Leah remained asleep for as much as possible, tucking the duvet cover over her once she was able to slip out of the covers herself, and making her own way downstairs.
Deciding to crack right on with all the jobs she had promised herself she'd complete, Lia headed over to the kitchen, pulling out the always full pasta packet that the Williamson's kept. It was a safe dish, one she knew that the defender wouldn't be able to resist, even though it was incredibly plain, and tasteless meal, it was exactly how Leah appreciated it.
She began to boil the water, allowing it to simmer over the heat whilst checking her own notifications. Viv had messaged to ask how Leah was, typing out a small response to relieve them of their worries, letting the couple know she was sound asleep, and checking on some of the other Arsenal girls, before moving to pour the dried pasta into the now bubbling water.
There was few moments where Lia had her back turned to the entrance of the kitchen, simply to put the pasta in the pot, jumping out her skin when she turned back round to find Leah stood in the doorway, still half asleep.
The English woman rubbed at her eyes slightly, giving a smile to Lia who was still recovering from the jump scare of being met by someone who she thought was in a deep sleep.
"I thought you were asleep?"
Leah gave a small shrug, replying,
"I woke up and couldn't fall back to sleep. I feel better. I just want to head back now."
The Swiss gave a nod of understanding, seeing the physical improvements that the sleep had given Leah, agreeing that she looked better as well. Beckoning Leah to sit by the table, she moved to stir the pasta, determined to at least get Leah to eat something before they would inevitably drive back to the hospital.
Given that Leah was still half asleep, Lia gave her some time, turning back to stir the pasta. There was only 10 minutes or so between when she had left Leah up in bed, and by that point, the defender was still very much in a deep sleep, so how she was awake after that, Lia didn't know.
~~~
Making her way back into the hospital room, Lia had prepared herself to see Leah snaked back into the corner, her full attention on Jess once more. She was grateful that they were able to convince Leah to take care of herself, even for a few hours, and had already gotten herself ready to walk into a spiralling Leah once more.
As predicted, she was met with Leah having made her way back into the uncomfortable hospital chair, situated right beside Jess' bed with the young girls hand in her own. Only this time, she didn't have her head turned directly to face Jess, nor her knees hugged close into her chest.
Leah was chatting away with Beth and Viv, offering a smile, and a laugh at some of their comments, the couple both cuddled up beside each other on the sofa. They were all deep in conversation, and despite the smile not being her iconic grin, Leah was relaxed into the socialisation.
Her head looked up when she heard the door open, giving Lia a smile as the Swiss walked in, indicating for her to sit in the spare seat beside her, which Lia took without hesitation. Within moments of sitting beside her, Leah moved her spare hand so that it sat softly on Lia's knee, giving her a smile when she was beside her.
It didn't take long for the four of them to break into conversation, with Leah involved. Topics ranged from how training was going, and how the girls were after their loss, Leah quickly learning that everybody was too concerned about Jess to even acknowledge the idea that they were no longer in the Champion's League, to the outside world, and how the building on the left as they turned into the village was being replaced with a park.
Having such a normal conversation once more brought a relief over every woman in that room, for varying reasons. Whether that being seeing life return to somewhat of it's usual standards, to knowing that Leah was beginning to engage more, all four of them were beginning to find their feet once more.
It was, however, the resuming normality of conversations that brought to attention one thing that they hadn't spoken about. Given the state she was in, they had decided to not even bring up Jess' state to Leah, waiting till the defender was ready to hear herself.
"You were with her, weren't you Viv?"
The Dutch knew almost instantly what Leah was talking about, sending a side eye to Lia as if questioning if it was the time to do so, a small nod from the Swiss to accept that they would at some point. She decided to allow Leah to guide the conversation, answering only the questions she asked.
"Yes, both Alessia and I were with her at all times."
"At all times?"
"It was a build-up. Nobody could've foreseen how quickly it would've taken an extreme turn, but there was a build-up to show something would happen."
"Was she overwhelmed? Was it loud? She had her ear defenders but-"
"Leah, your mum arrived at the Emirates."
"What?"
The information caught Leah off-guard. She had no awareness to the fact her mum had even played a role in it. Taking a deep breath, she looked to Viv, awaiting her to continue.
"We were warming up, nobody really saw what happened. We just heard her scream, and turned. A security guard and your mum were surrounding her, but she was curled in a ball."
Leah knew exactly what Viv had meant, the Dutch describing the clear beginnings of Jess' meltdowns, that she had grown to become known and used to. She made a mental note, to introduce some of the girls to Jess' warning signs and regulation techniques, nodding at Viv. Only this time, Lia interrupted before the Dutch could continue.
"Leah are you sure your ready to hear? It's been tough for you and we've only just managed to get you-"
"I'm sure. I have to hear it at some point, and I'm surrounded with the best people to hear it with. I need to understand to be able to heal."
Gripping Lia's knee, the defender beckoned for Viv to continue.
"We all made our way over. Gio and Ke cleared the crowd, whilst Cloe, Kim, Sabs, Less and I carried her in, to get her away."
"There was a crowd? People saw?"
Glances were exchanged across the three women. They had forgotten that Leah had been trapped in the hospital room, away from the outside world; the woman had no access to any of the aftermath beyond the hospital. It was Beth, this time that spoke up.
"There's been... some media coverage. I think Lia had it all blocked from your phone" Leah turned to see Lia, her eyebrows raised slightly as the Swiss blushed slightly, lowering her head to continue Beth speaking, "Arsenal are sorting out, that's none of your concern Leah. That's something that'll be addressed later. Focus yourself on Jess."
"Anyway, we moved her into the room. She was, distressed. It, uh, wasn't nice. And it lasted for a long while. She was scratching at her face, hitting herself. Some of the other girls had to go, so it was just me and Alessia. She wasn't responding to either of us though."
Leah heard as Viv's voice broke slightly towards the end of the sentence, offering the Dutch a warm smile, as Beth snaked her arm around the strikers waist, allowing her to cuddle in. Leah hadn't realised the impact that the situation had on everybody, wanting to just tell Viv that it'd be okay, not able to when she was uncertain herself.
Letting out a small cough, clearing her throat, Viv continued,
"She calmed for about 5 minutes, and we thought it was over, but she just... i dont even know what happened. Alessia tried to find someone but there was no one nearby, so I went to check. I came back in just as it happened, Jess hit one of the loose cupboards and it just fell."
Leah took in a harsh breath as soon as those words left Viv's mouth, knowing exactly what wardrobe she meant. Even the idea of that hitting her baby sister made the sick feeling in her stomach grow, knowing that it happened making it worse.
"She didn't move, she just laid there. It was awful."
"Are you okay?"
All of the girls turned to Leah as she spoke up, directing her question to Viv. The defender knew that must've been a hard thing for her to witness, and was concerned for her teammate more than anything.
"I've spoken to the club psychologist. I'm doing alright. Alessia, though..."
"What's happened to Alessia?"
"We don't know. She hasn't turned up to training since we lost the match." Beth added.
The news hit Leah in the chest, hearing about her other teammate. She turned back to face her younger sister once more, feeling herself overcome with emotion from the conversation she's just had, leaning forward to place a kiss on Jess' forehead.
The bruises around her face were beginning to clear up, giving her more space to place the kiss, although the scratches and claw marks were still prominent. Everybody else in the room noticed Leah's overwhelm, watching as the older woman moved herself away from them, knowing that it was probably enough for one day.
Both Beth and Viv stood from where they were, letting out a small cough as they went to say their goodbyes. Lia stood up to give them each a small hug, before Leah went to speak.
"Thanks. For, uhm, everything. For staying with Jess, and just, well..."
Beth cut her off, the two of them knowing exactly what Leah was trying to say, stopping her from continuing,
"Always, Leah. We've got you always."
She smiled at their words, before turning back to stroking Jess' hair, letting them both leave the room. The silence that Leah had sat in since Jess came into the hospital returned, having been filled with the words of her teammates for the past few hours.
It meant that she found her mind once more becoming overran by thoughts out of her control. They were loud, and stuck, almost glued to her head, impossible to get them out. Each of them had their own individual sayings, each of them drilling her into the floor, feeling worse and worse by the minute.
Almost a repetition of when she followed Jess into the hospital, and down the winding corridors, Leah felt herself spiralling. Her mind was her going, her knee was jittering, her breath began to come short, and hard.
Only this time, this time someone placed their hand on her knee. Someone stroked their thumb in a repetitive motion, and placed the pressure to remind Leah that she wasn't on her own. That she had people and she could let them in. That she could be cared for, and that she didn't have to struggle on her own.
"It's my fault." Leah blurted out.
She hadn't meant to say it in such a rush, but she had to get the words off her tongue somehow, letting everything spill out of her in her growing state of vulnerability, learning to let the people in.
Lia, who had watched Leah's physical state begin to deteriorate, clearly hadn't been expecting Leah to speak so quickly, turning so that she was physically facing her, giving the defender her full attention to speak freely.
"It's my fault. Not just Jess, but the game, Viv, Alessia... It's all on me."
"How?"
"Jess tried to tell me. She tried to get my attention. If I had listened to her we could've... I could've stopped everything. I could've made sure that Jess didn't have to see mum, and calm her down."
"You couldn't have known, Le."
"I just, I feel guilty. I could've stopped it all. I could've made sure that right now, Jess was at home, building Lego, laughing away, and not in a hospital bed where we're uncertain of when she'll wake up. And that we would be preparing for a Champions League final, where Alessia and Viv would be at there best and not traumatised because I couldn't handle my own younger sister."
"Don't penalise yourself for this Leah. Everything's happened, and we can't change it. I'm so so proud of you for telling me this, now let me help you understand it Le. As a team. You're the best older sister to Jess, and what's happened, is out of control for everyone. Don't beat yourself up, just let yourself accept."
"Sometimes, I wish Jess wasn't the way she is. I just catch myself out wishing that she didn't get overwhelmed at loud noises, and didn't have meltdowns that cause harm, and that she didn't need such high support at all time, or that she had such high needs."
Lia took an intake of breath, hearing Leah speak the words, until she continued,
"But then, I think about her smile, when she's done something for the first time, or how she looks to me in any situation, and when she just comes to give me hugs, or her laugh that lights up the room, and I realise I wouldn't change her for the world. Maybe it's me who needs to change."
"No, Leah. Neither of you need to change. Taking care of a neurodivergent young person, from watching you, it's tough. For everyone. But you, you're doing it perfectly. This young girl loves you with every bit of her. You keep her safe, Leah, you keep her loved, safe and happy. Things happen. Nothing can stop it."
"Is it bad for me to even have thoughts like that?"
"It's difficult. But the undying amount you love her doesn't even challenge that Leah. She knows you love her, and so do you. We all know that what happened was inevitable. It's not your fault."
"I can't believe mum was there."
"Neither can I. I'm glad that the girls had her back though."
"Alessia..."
"I can speak to Alessia. Check in on her."
"Invite her here?"
"Are you sure Le? It's all still a lot for you, and I don't want to overwhelm you so quickly."
"I'm sure. I know that it's going to continue being tough, but this? Letting you in, letting Beth and Viv in. It makes the difference. I have to be prepared for other people to help myself move forward."
The defenders words made Lia smile a smile she hadn't experienced in days, one that reached her ears. A warmth filled her inside as she just stared at Leah, appreciative of the growth from her friend. Because that's all Leah was at that moment of time. Her friend, who had made the steps to begin to let Lia in.
"How about I go grab your stuff from the car? I can give Less a call whilst I'm out there, and help you to unpack some of the stuff."
"That sounds awesome Lia, thank you."
She gave a nod, as she stood from her chair, uncertain of the feeling growing in her, a contesting emotion from deep within. It was an almost fuzzy like feeling, that didn't deteriorate as she took the steps towards the door either, in fact, it almost grew. She couldn't put a label on it, or even a term to it, until she reached the door, turning back to the defender who's eyes hadn't left her younger sister.
"Le?"
Leah hummed in acknowledgement, her eyes still resting carefully on Jess.
"I'm so proud of you."
Looking up, for the first time in a while, the two's eyes made contact, the pure love in Lia growing when she saw the beginnings of the electric blue return once more, a life returning to what was the deserted eyes.
She didn't give Leah anytime to answer as she walked through the door, closing it softly behind her, leaving only Leah and Jess in the hospital room, similar to how it was before. Only this time, Leah didn't have an influx of thoughts overwhelm her, nor a pure hatred for the world around her.
In fact, she took the time to just sit, and watch the peacefulness of her sisters chest still moving up and down in a calm manner, her breathing running at a steady pace. Lifting the hand that rested in hers, she moved to place a loving kiss on the back of Jess' hand, keeping her lips on it for a good few moments, uninterrupted.
She could've kept her hand like that for an eternity, just growing used to being able to know that she had the comfort of her sister, when the usual beeping of the monitor broke the train of thoughts.
It's rhythmic beeping pattern broke, quickening up into a faster pace than before, the monitor's around her changing their shaping's. Leah didn't know what it was truly meant to sound and look like, but it was the first time any of the monitors had done this before, desperately looking round to try and figure out what was going on.
Almost immediately she stood from her seat, dropping Jess' hand as she stood in a panic looking over her younger sister, her eyes drilled into the body in front of her, not being torn away for a second.
It was her clear focus, that let Leah see the sight she had been begging for in the past week, if she had looked away for a moment, she would've missed it.
She would've missed Jess' eyelids flutter open
A/N
i am so sorry for the late update i genuinely completely forgot to post mb
jessie's awake! yay!
i also just need to say station 19 is back and it makes my little heart so happy
anyways hope you're all vibing :)