I have been home for about three hours now. I love the feeling of having a true home. Somewhere that I want to be, somewhere I belong. It is crazy how fast everything has happened since I moved back to this small town.
I have found the love of my life, and my children are happy, genuinely happy. We have a place and someone who will stick with us there all the difficulties of life. I know that he will not let us down. I know that Lucas blames himself for what happened involving Ethan, and I know he thinks he let us down. I do not think he let us down, and I do not blame him; I blame myself for putting myself in that situation.
If I would have let Lucas come with me instead of going alone and ending up with staples in my head. If mom did not call him, it could have been worse than staples. I just want this over with already.
"A penny for your thoughts?" Lucas asked, rubbing soothing circles up and down my arm.
We are cuddled up in our bed watching movies. I do not want to be up moving around, I am thankful that Lucas' mom, Lisa has the kids tonight. I do not know what I would have done without this family.
"Everything that has happened." I told him. Now would be the perfect time to tell Lucas my secret, but I was scared. What would he think of me after I tell him. I never wanted anyone to think of me as a bad mom. Especially not Lucas.
"It has been a lot, hasn't it?"
"It has and I am ready to talk. I have never told another person and I have never spoken it aloud. I am afraid it will make me look bad as a mom." I said as I glanced up at him.
"I will not judge; I will let you say what you need to say before I ask anything. I could never think of you as a bad mom. I see you with our kids and I can see how much you love and care for them. Nothing that he has put you through will make me think any differently." He replied, hugging me closer to him.
"Promise?" I whispered.
"I promise, cross my heart." He said, moving his hand over his heart.
"Okay, here goes nothing. I was pregnant a year after I had Sofia." I started to tell him. I could feel the tears building up in the back of my eyes. "He didn't want another kid, that we had too many as it was. I never saw it coming, I did not think he could kill my unborn child, I did not think he would do something like that." I felt the tears streaming down my face. Lucas holding me close to him as a let out a sob into his shirt.
"Breathe baby, once you get it all out, you will feel lighter. One less weight on your shoulders." He breathed into my hair, his calming tone helping me in my time of need.
"I do not want to tell you all the details, but I know I must tell you. They told me when I went into the hospital that it would be a miracle if I had another baby."
"Do the kids know anything about what happened? Do they know you were pregnant with their sibling?"
"No, they were too young to remember, and I did not show with that one, it was too early to show. I feel like it would have been another girl, and I miss her every day." I breathed out, calming myself to tell him the rest. "When he threw me down the stairs, and then deciding that was not enough, he kicked me in my stomach." I let a sob out into his shirt, while I tried to speak my deepest secret out into the open.
"And nothing happened to him?"
"Nope, they believed what he said every time. I tried to tell them, but Ethan would not let me get a word in. Plus, everyone knew him, and I wasn't from there, so I was an outcast."
"He will not get away with anything now. This stops here, I have friends too and he is messing around in the wrong town, with the wrong people."
"I just want it over with."
"I know you do, Darlin. I am so sorry that you had to go through that alone. I promise you that you will never have to go through life alone ever again. I will be right here beside you through everything, the good and the bad." Lucas told me, interlocking our fingers and sitting them on my stomach.
"I know you are, and I will stand beside you too. We got each other now."
"Yes, we do. And I will never let you go. Are you hungry or need anything?"
"No, I am good right now. I might go back to sleep if that is okay with you?" I replied covering a yawn with my free hand that is not wrapped in Lucas' hand. I love how we talk, that is what we do. When we speak the other understands, listens, and helps when they can. Everything becomes comfortable with Lucas around.
"Get some rest, it will help you feel better. When you fall asleep, I will find me something to snack on."
I nodded, letting him know that I heard him as I closed my eyes. It is easier falling asleep with Lucas' arms wrapped around me. For once in my life, I feel safe, loved, and cared for. He has shown me in the brief time that we have known each other, how a relationship should be. A team working together and talking things out.
I know that I need to be more open with him, but I will get there. It will just take some time to truly find myself. I want to have a life I can be proud of. I want to finally be able to focus on my dreams, maybe with Lucas' help I can make them come true.
************
"Maddie Darlin it is time to wake up. The children will be here soon. We are going to have a pizza and movie night." Lucas said into my hair. I slept most of yesterday evening and all night, I guess I also slept the day away. I am feeling a lot better, it still hurts but it is not as bad.
"Are we going to have popcorn?" I asked sitting up and stretching my arms over my head. Wincing from the pain in my side from hitting the stairs.
"Of course we are. What kind of movie night would it be without popcorn?" Lucas laughed as he helped me out of bed. I did not have to ask for his help, it is like he knows what I need. I have never had that before, I always had to ask or do it myself. Most of the time it was just me.
"A really boring one." I replied, gazing up at him.
"It could never be a boring night with the kids around. They could keep us laughing for days." Lucas laughed as he took my arm in his. We need to get a move on it, slow poke. They will be waiting for days if we keep moving at this pace." He chuckled as we made our way through our bedroom door frame.
"They can wait as long as it takes. I will move faster tomorrow." I laughed; we were not moving that slow. It is not like it is a snail's pace.
"Momma!" I heard Sofia exclaim, as we finally made it to the end of the hallway. When she saw me, she took off at a run straight towards me.
"No, sofi-" Lucas did not have time to finish before she was there jumping into my arms.
"I missed you." Sofia said hugging me tight.
"I missed you to baby." I told her, trying to hide the pain that I am in. It would not have been so bad if she had not jumped into my arms, and I used my fast reflexes to catch her.
"You got to be easy with momma, she is still hurting." Lucas explained to the little girl, who was still in my arms. Leaning up against the wall so we would not fall over.
"I'm sorry." she replied, giving me a kiss on the cheek.
"It's all right, next time just be careful. Come here so momma can go sit down." Lucas said, taking my arm and leading me to our couch. It is going to take a while to get used to thinking that this is ours. That we are in this together. I never had this with anyone before, it is nice to have this overwhelming feeling for once. I would not want to have this with anyone else. I am in love with Lucas Ford.
"Were they good for you?" I asked Lisa when I got comfortable in my seat.
"They were little angels." She replied.
"Don't lie to her, mom." Nate said from the chair by the window.
"What did they do?" Lucas asked.
"Not a thing. They were good and listened to everything I told them. It was Nathan who gave me the most trouble." Lisa stated from her seat beside me.
"What did he do now?" Lucas laughed.
"He is still in the room, and he did nothing wrong. It was all Sofia's fault." Nate defended himself against his mom.
"Who do you think started the whole Gma thing. It was him and he has not stopped calling me that since."
"I thought Sofia came up with that?" I asked, looking from Emma to Nate.
"No, I did not. Uncle Nate said that grandma wanted to be Gma. It was not me, all him." Sofia said, turning towards Nate and sticking her tongue out at him.
"No more candy for you." Nate mocked, sticking his tongue out at her.
"Really Nate? How old are you?" Lucas laughed at his younger brother.
"You ready yet, mom?" Nate huffed out, standing from his chair.
"What is your hurry?" Lisa asked, trying to hide her smile from her son.
"He is just mad because a nine-year-old threw him under the bus." Lucas did not even try to hide his laughter. I love hearing his laugh, it makes my heart smile when I hear it. It is like I can feel his emotions.
"She did, and if you are not careful, this little one will outsmart you." Lisa told him, pointing at Sofia.
"Better watch her close, you might learn something from her, Nate." Lucas laughed aloud.
"When we join for forces, you big brother better watch out."
"If she forgives you." Emma told him.
"She will. You want to play outside before it gets dark?" Nate asked Sofia, heading for the dining room to the back door.
"Wait for me." Sofia called, chasing after him.
"Emma, do you want to help me make pizza?" Lisa asked standing from her seat.
"Yes." She replied, following her into the kitchen. I am so glad that Emma has more than me and her siblings to hang out with. She needs more of that with the older she gets.
"Why don't you go jump in the shower." I told Noah, wanting to have baths done before we start the movies.
"Okay, but don't start the movie without me."
"Wouldn't dream of it." Lucas called after him.
"Better not!" he yelled over his shoulder, as he ran to his new room. Lucas said they could fix up the rooms anyway they like. Right now, there is only a full-size bed and dresser in each of the spare bedrooms.
"Is there a movie that you have been wanting to watch?" Lucas asked, picking up the remote.
"I want to watch Beauty and the Beast. It is one of my favorite Disney movies." I told him.
"Let me guess you like Disney?"
"I love it. All the classic ones are my go-to."
"I have always liked the Lion King. It was one that I would always pick."
"That is a good one, we should watch it next." I said, snuggling closer to him on the couch.
"All right, we will do that. What is your favorite if you can only choose one to watch?" he asked, pulling me to his side. One arm around my shoulders and he found the movie, to get it set up for the children.
"You are really going to make me chose? It changes all the time."
"Tell me what it is today. I will ask you again in a month."
"Well, today is Beauty and the Beast." I replied.
"I guess I should have known that." He laughed into my hair.
I could get used to spending evenings like this with Lucas. A family where everyone pitches in to help. One that has each other's back, and protective. This is exactly the family I have always wanted.
I want to spend the rest of my life with this man. I want to start our lives together. I want him to adopt my children if that is something he wants but I have a feeling that he wants the same things as I do. The kids love him and listen to him. They expressed their love for him by calling Lucas their dad.
When he told me the kids had decided that he was going to be their dad, my heart melted, they need a father figure in their life, and I am glad that Lucas wants to take that role. I could not have asked for a better man to step up for my babies.
************
"Can we please watch another movie and play a game. Just one and we will go straight to bed." Emma begged when the Lion King stopped playing.
"I don't know, what do you think mom?" Lucas asked, staring down at me. "Do you think they have been good through the movies?"
"I don't know, what do you think?"
"Please!" Sofia begged; her little hands clasped together in front of her.
"Only one movie, got it?" I asked the three children standing around me.
"What movie and what game?" Lucas asked them.
"Don't wake daddy! We haven't played that in forever." Sofia exclaimed, jumping up and down.
"Okay, what movie?" I asked them.
"Can I pick?" Noah asked.
"As long as it's not something stupid." Emma replied to her brother.
"I want to watch John Wayne, but mom can pick the movie." Noah replied looking at me.
"You're going to let me pick it out?" I asked in fake shock.
"Which one are you going to pick? One we all know or one we have never seen before. You are the biggest Duke fan I have ever met." Lucas asked.
"I am in the mood for Rio Bravo tonight. That one is a classic and a favorite." I replied with a big smile on my face. I love being happy and not having to force it.
"Go get the game and set it up. I will get more popcorn while momma sets the movie up." Lucas said, standing from the couch and stretching out from sitting for so long.
"Clear off the table, Noah." Emma told him as she carried the game into the room.
"Got it." He replied.
They got the game all set up and ready to go by the time Lucas made it back into the living room. I love the smell of popcorn with extra butter, my favorite. I love our movie and game nights. I have always wanted this for the kids. They deserve everything in this world.
"Do you want to play or watch?" Lucas asked, as he sat down on the floor in front of the couch.
"I am just going to watch y'all play and listen to the movie." I told him, laying back on the couch.
"None of you better cheat, since I do not know how to play this game." Lucas said, looking around the table at the children.
"Noah might." Emma replied.
"I will not!" Noah exclaimed.
"And Sofia will probably forget how to play and not know what to do." Emma kept going.
"Do you want to team up with me, Sofia?" Lucas asked. "You can help me learn the game and we will beat Noah and Emma."
"Yes! We will win!" The little girl shouted as she ran and jumped into Lucas' lap.
"You have way too much energy." He told her with a little laugh.
"Stop fighting and play the game. I am going to start this movie." I told them hitting the play button on the remote.
"Do we get to play another round if the movie is still playing?" Noah asked from across the table.
"Mom, what do you say? You are the boss." Lucas asked, placing his hand on my knee that is covered with the throw blanket. I was freezing but then again, I am always cold.
"You have until the movie is over. If you start fighting and screaming at each other, we will put the game up, turn the television off and go straight to bed." I told them, hoping that they would listen to me.
"Yes mom." Lucas said, I smacked him playfully on the shoulder.
"I was talking to the children not you." I laughed at him.
"That hurt." he said, rubbing the spot on his arm with a smile on his face.
"That did not hurt." I told him, smiling back. We have moments like this all the time and I love it. We can be playful, and we can be serious, we know what the other needs.
"What do you tell your mother?" Lucas asked, looking at each child.
"Yes, mom." Noah and Emma replied.
"Yes Sir." Sofia saluted, causing everyone to crack up laughing.
"It's not Sir, Sofia." Lucas laughed at the little girl in his lap.
"Whatever." she huffed out, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Let's start the game, the movie will be over before we even start." Emma told them.
That is how our night went, laughing, having fun, and just having an enjoyable time. What a family is supposed to do. I wish we could spend every night like this. I love how close we are becoming. There has been a lot less screaming and fighting between the kids. They have been listening more.
This was the best decision that I have made in a long time. If I did not move here, my family may have never been completed. I may have never been whole if I had never met Lucas. I would not change a thing when the road led me to him.