Four thirty comes early, it feels like I have not slept in days. I am running on empty, and I do not know how much more I can take. Emma is having a rough time fitting in at her new school. Noah and Sofia have been fighting more than normal, for them two. Mom keeps hounding me about bills and money. And to top it all off, I am still looking over my shoulder.
Whenever I am outside, I am always expecting to see Ethan standing there waiting for me. He has not called or messaged me again, but I know that he will not give up. I know that he will find me again, I just do not know when.
Climbing out of bed stretching my arms over my head. I headed for my closet, trying to be quiet. I do not need to wake the girls up. I made it there without tripping over stuff, with the help of the flashlight on my phone. Picking out jeans, a Disney T-shirt, and my only pair of sneakers.
I really need to do something about my outfit choice. I always wear a T-shirt and jeans. I should try wearing make-up. I never learned how to do it, so I only know the basics. What am I thinking, Lucas would never notice if I did wear any.
Walking into the bathroom, I quickly changed out of my black shorts and night shirt. I brushed my hair out and threw it up into a high ponytail. Finishing in the bathroom, I hurried back to my room grabbing my bag and phone.
Closing the locked front door behind me, I glanced around the yard. Afraid Ethan might be out there watching me. I want to feel safe but the only person I feel safe around is Lucas. It does not matter how much I worry, when he is around the worry gets pushed away for a while. He takes the fear away just by being near me. I know we have not known each other for a long time but I feel like there could be something between us.
There is a spark I feel, every time that he touches me, they fly. My heart races and I get butterflies. I know I have strong feelings for the cowboy, but could I let my family down again? Could I really put Lucas through my messed-up life?
Pulling up at The Store, I put my car into park. Taking a couple of deep breaths before getting out of the vehicle. I must stop thinking so much, they always lead to Ethan or Lucas. I am either afraid of someone hurting me, or afraid of the other stealing my heart and leaving.
Dang it! I need to clear my head and figure things out. I refuse to always being afraid, and I refuse to let my past get in the way of my happiness. My children deserve everything, even seeing their momma happy.
Unlocking and slipping into the door, I closed it and locked it up behind me. Going to the back to clock in and start up the cash drawer. I sat in the chair for a couple minutes before I started making up the teas and coffee.
I felt a buzz in my jeans pocket, letting me know I received a message. Taking it from my pocket thinking it was Bella, but I was wrong. It is from that same number that sent me those messages about finding me. It cannot be from Ethan, please let it be something else.
Opening the text, reading the message, I knew who it was from. Ethan. Cold chills running down my spine. He has not found me yet, but he has not given up on finding me.
'Where, oh where has my little Madison gone?' Is what he sent to me. Is he trying to be funny, playing a sick twisted game? What am I going to do? I cannot keep running, I cannot let him win. I just need to act like nothing is wrong, to act as if his words do not bother me.
************
I have been on shift for four hours now, I am trying to act brave, but I am still looking over my shoulder. I have been jumping at the littlest of noises. Bella has asked me over a hundred times if I am okay. I tell her that I am, but I have a feeling that she does not believe me.
My hands have been shaking and I have been fumbling with my words again. I am afraid, I am scared to death that Ethan will find me or my babies. I owe Bella so much for helping me out today, she is the best friend that I have ever had.
"Hey Lucas, you are in early today." Bella said, as I looked up and locked eyes with him.
"Since I have plans later today, I had to get errands done sooner than normal." He replied with a half-smile. He looks like he has something on his mind. Is something troubling him?
"If it is that big of a deal, Maddie and I will take care of it." Bella told him with irritation in her voice. Hands on hips and a glare on her face. Did I do something to upset Lucas? Did I wait too long?
"No, of course not. I am going to take them, what is going on in here?" he questioned, staring the both of us down.
"Nothing" I told him.
"Something is up with Maddie, but she won't tell me." Bella replied, crossing her arms over her chest. Throw me to the wolf, why don't you?
"I told you I was fine, Bella." I said, moving my eyes away from them. Head falling, fingers fidgeting again, I wish I could overcome my anxiety.
"Something is wrong Maddie. I can tell." Bella replied placing her hands on my shoulders.
"I got another message this morning." I whispered; I could not keep it from them. They would be more upset with me if they found out before I told them.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Bella asked, looking into my eyes.
"Why didn't you call me?" Lucas questioned, taking a glance at him, our eyes meeting.
"I was afraid." I told them honestly, keeping eye contact with Lucas.
"Next message he sends, tell me right away. I worry about you." He told me. "I will do everything I can to protect y'all."
"What did it say?" Bellas asked.
"Here, you can read it." I told them, finding the message and opening it. I handed my phone to Bella; I wrapped my arms around my middle. Bella looked at my phone and passed it to Lucas.
"That is messed up. Using a child's nursery rhyme like that, who does that?" Bella asked hugging me.
"I will be okay. I promise when he texts me again, I will let you know, I promise not to hesitate to get ahold of one of you."
"Thank you, Maddie. I worry about you too. Go take a few minutes to calm down. I will hold down the fort." Bella said, returning my phone to my hand.
"Do you want to stand outside, and get some fresh air? I would like to talk to you if that is, okay?" Lucas asked, nodding towards the door.
"Yeah, I would like that." I replied, for some reason I always want to open up to him. I want him to know how I feel. I want him to know that one day I want to tell him everything. Tell him all the ways Ethan treated me.
"Let's go, Darlin." Lucas replied, opening the door for me. I had plenty of time before the lunch crowd came in. I stepped past him, walking away from the door. I leaned up against the wall, watching as Lucas did the same.
"What would you like to talk about?" I asked quietly.
"For one, I do not like the fact that I cannot keep an eye on you all the time and keep you safe." he admitted, moving his head to face me. "I don't like the fact that I won't be there when you need me. I do not know if I could handle that."
"I am sorry." I whispered, lowering my head.
"You have nothing to be sorry for, Maddie. None of this is your fault, it is his." Lucas stated, taking my hand in his. The touch sending sparks through my arm. I have missed his touch.
"I do not know what to say. I do not know what to do?" I confessed to him. Lucas placed his index finger under my chin lifting my head to look at him.
"Let us start with me meeting you here today when you get off. We will pick the kids up together. You do not have to go through this alone anymore. I promise, you do not have to be alone through this anymore." Lucas told me, as he squeezed my hand in his. I love how calm he makes me feel. Helping me carry this heavy load, together.
"Thank you, that means a lot to me." I breathed out, staring into his blue eyes.
"Anytime, Darlin. I am here for you. Do you think you can finish your shift?"
"I have to." I smiled at him.
"I knew you were tough. Let us get back in there so I can get back home and finish what I need to before I pick you up." Lucas replied, pulling me into his arms for a hug. "Remember that I am here for. Do not be afraid to call me. No matter the time, you call, you got that Maddie?" He continued, as he hugged me tighter.
I could not respond; the butterflies were working overtime in my stomach. All I could do was nod.
"That's my girl." he said, pressing a light kiss to the top of my head. Pulling away from the embrace, he led me to the door by my hand. I love how his hand fits into mine, like it belongs there.
I took my place behind the register, as Lucas picked out what he came in for. My bet is, he will be getting sweet tea, and his favorite candy bar, Butterfingers.
"Just add this to my account, Maddie. And I will be here around two to pick you up. If you get done earlier, call me and I will meet you sooner."
"Alright, bye Lucas." I replied, with a true smile on my face. It has been getting easier for my real smile to show up. Sometimes I do not even realize that it is there.
"Bye Darlin. Bye Bella." He called out, holding the door open. Strolling towards his truck.
"What happened out there?" Bella asked, looking from me to the door.
"Nothing just telling me that he wants to help protect us and be there for us. And how bad he would feel if something happened to me, and he wasn't around to help me. He also told me that he will be there for me." I replied, looking down at my hands, still feeling the sparks. I might be falling head over heels, for that cowboy.
"He really does care about you, Maddie. Your children too. I can see a difference in him since you got here. I believe you two have something special. Just take it day by day. Enjoy yourself and be happy."
She is right, I just need to live my life. I need to learn how to ask for help when I need it. I need to be braver for my children. I need to think of their safety, not just my own.
"Thanks for being my friend, Bella." I gave her a tight hug.
"I feel the same. You are stuck with me now." Bella laughed, pulling out of the hug.
"I would not mind having you in the best friend slot." And I meant it, I would not want anyone else standing beside me.
************
The rest of my shift flew by, thanks to the lunch rush. I have had a tsunami of butterflies since Lucas left earlier. I am looking forward to seeing him, I have not been this excited in a long time. I have been smiling more, I have missed the feeling of happiness.
By the time I made it out the door, Lucas was already there standing beside the passenger door, and he was waiting on me. As I made my way closer to him, he opened the door for me. That has never happened to me before. I thought that kind of thing that only happened in the movies.
"Thank you." I said, trying to climb into his big truck. I am tall but I was still a little too short to make it. What is it with guys making their trucks taller?
"Here, let me help you." Lucas said close to my ear, so close. Sending goose bumps up my arms. He placed his hands on my hips. "Push off the ground, while I give you a boost. Ready, go." So that is why they put lifts on them.
Lucas helped me in, after making sure I was good, he closed the door and went around the front to his side.
"You do know that you will have to help the kids get in, right?" I laughed, with a smile playing on my lips.
"I thought I would, especially with Sofia."
"Yes, but do not mess her dress up. She will tell you all about it."
"I bet she will." Lucas laughed.
"She is the one that speaks her mind, and she doesn't care if it hurts your feelings or not."
"Remind me to keep a close eye on her. What time do we need to be at the school?"
"I have to be at the elementary school by two forty-five. I usually head there after work because of the line. After we get them, we will head to the middle school to wait for Emma. Most of the time though she is the one waiting on me."
"Okay we will head for the school. You do all this on your own?"
"All what?" I asked, confused by what he meant.
"You get up early, go to work, by the time you get off you pick up the kids. You work Monday through Friday; you get the weekend off. Do you spare any time for yourself?"
"I have not had time for myself in years. Probably not since I was a child." I told him honestly. I want him to know everything about me. My past, it all.
"Why? What happened? I am a good listener, and I would never judge you, Maddie."
"I do not want to go into a lot of detail, but I will tell you. I promise I will."
"Tell me when you are comfortable, and I will be your shoulder to lean on. Whenever you need to talk, I will be here for you."
"Thank you, Lucas."
"What for?"
"For not pushing me."
"You will never feel that way with me." He replied, reaching over to take my hand. He interlaced our fingers, bringing my hand up to his mouth. "I am here for you." he breathed out before placing a kiss on the back of my hand. His lips lingered for a few heartbeats. He placed our joined hands on his thigh.
*************
When we got closer to the elementary door, I placed the kid's number on the dashboard, where the teacher on duty knows which kid goes where. As we pulled up to the front of the line Noah and Sofia were standing there waiting with confused expressions on their faces.
Rolling down my window, so they knew it was me. I called out to them. "Are y'all going to get in?"
"Yes!" They both exclaimed, running towards Lucas' truck.
"They are excited." Lucas remarked.
"Hi Lucas." Noah greeted him with a big smile. Climbing in without anyone's help. "I like your truck, I want one."
"I bet you do." I told him with my own smile. The only time I really smile is around these people here and Bella.
"Hi Lucas!" Sofia screamed at the top of her lungs, causing him to jump in his seat, causing a little giggle from her. Jumping in the seat next to her brother. She did not need help either.
Rubbing his right ear, he replied to the loud girl, "You do not have to yell." He laughed at my little girl. "And look Maddie, I did not have to help them up." Lucas stated.
"Because they are excited, give it till we are done this evening and then it might be a different story." I laughed at the look on his face. "You may have to help them up when they get tired."
"Is that a challenge, Maddie?"
"It might be."
"If I do not have to help them you owe me a date." he said, pulling up to Emma's school.
"And if I win?" I asked curiously.
"If you win, you get to pick where I take you on our date."
"No matter how it turns out you still win." I pointed it out to him, laughing at him.
"I know, that is why I said pick. If I do not like it, you win." Truth is that it would be a win, win for me too. Giving into my feelings for the cowboy.
"Fine, deal." I told him holding out my hand to shake on the bet.
"This is a good bet; I am sure to win it." He laughed out, I laughed with him at his humor.
We sat at the middle school for around five minutes, Emma should be out by now. I wonder what is taking her so long? I hope she is okay, and nothing to worry about.
"What is on your mind?" Lucas asked with a low tone, so the kids would not overhear us. I swear he knows whenever my emotions change.
"I hope Emma is okay. She should be out here already." I answered, turning my head to face him.
"Look, here she comes now." Lucas replied, pointing out my window. Reassuring me that she was in fact okay. Sure enough, Emma was running down the stairs with a big smile, when I observed her through my opened window.
"She looks happy." I commented. I wonder what happened to her to get that smile? Emma lifted her head, seeing us she ran for the truck.
"Hey, can you get in by yourself?" Lucas asked as soon as she opened the back door.
"I think I can." Emma stated, Pulling herself up into her seat.
"Looks like we will be going on that date." Lucas smiled.
"It is not the end of the day, yet. Plus, no matter if they do or not, you still win."
"Are you going to keep bringing that up?" He questioned, pulling away from the school.
"Yep. How was your day?" I asked, turning to face her.
"It went really good. I mean really, really good." She beamed.
"What happened?" Sofia asked.
"I made some new friends today."
"Good! I am happy for you." I told her. I love how she is finally fitting in here. She had problems with her old school. It makes my heart happy knowing that she is having a good day.
"That is great news, Emma." Lucas supporting my daughter means a lot. He does not have to treat them right, but he does. I have never had anyone who really showed interest in my children.
"What are we going to do?" Noah questioned from his spot behind Lucas.
"Y'all are going to help me get stuff for a cookout." Lucas said, smiling into the rearview mirror.
"Can we go?" Sofia asked, for once not screaming.
"Yes, you all are invited out anytime." Lucas replied.
"Can we see your horses?" Emma asked.
"Can we ride them?" Noah questioned. They were all throwing questions at him. I could not help but laugh.
"Can you keep up with their questions?" I asked him, still laughing at his face. I could tell he could not.
"No, when they talk over each other, it is a little tough to understand. I have faith though; I will pick it up, soon." He smiled over at me, interlacing our fingers.
"Can we, mom?" Sofia screeched, when no one answered.
"You can see the horses if it is okay with Lucas. And no on the riding for now." I replied, glancing over at him. He had a goofy smile on his lips. Lips, that I would love to cover mine. Mentally shaking my head, I cannot think about that right now.
"That sounds good to me." Lucas answered, squeezing my hand in his. Is this how a family is supposed to be? I know I should not be feeling this way, but I cannot help but feel a part of a family. Not broken or torn apart, but a real family.
My head is losing the battle of not falling in love with Lucas. Every interaction with the kids melts my heart. The way he treats us, the way he cares about us. I think every day I fall a little more in love with him.
Love, what am I thinking? I could not fall in love this fast. I promised myself that I would never genuinely love someone until I really knew them. I am rushing things. But I cannot help how my heart feels every time that he is near me.
Breath, I repeat over and over in my head. I just need to enjoy the happy moments and I need to stop over thinking everything. If it is meant to be it will happen, and if not, that will be a problem for another day.
Starting today, I am going to start letting myself be happy. Live every day to its fullest. I am going to enjoy time with my children and Lucas.