How does one explain to their creator that they were killed by a love they didn't even want? Jennie wondered as she stared at a poet who stood on stage in her Art house, reciting a poem about a broken heart. She listened to the words not only with her ears, but with her soul as well. They poured into her heart but still left her feeling empty.
"but my heart bleeds for a
love like the one we had..."
She felt like crying, sitting on the last row at the corner, face hidden under a large hoodie. It is annoying how life always seems to bring things that relate to your current predicament, perhaps as a way to either mock you, or break you even more. A month. That's how long it has been since she first heard the news of Layla's- as she soon learned her name, pregnancy.
"I can still see your face in
my mind's eyes,
And I wonder how I can smell
you in my room when your
beautiful self has never even
been there...
She blinks backs the rest of her tears, uses the sleeve of her hoodie to wipe away the ones that have already fallen. How possible can it be? For her to have let her go a few months ago, but sit in the house bought by her, crying over her. Did she never really let her go? Was her claim of accepting her loss just a lie? A way of trying to fool her heart and mind into thinking that all was well?
"And really I cannot get the
sound of your voice out of my
troubled mind..."
She thinks about her a lot lately, especially at night. Sometimes she wonders if she'd still have her, if she had given her, her virginity that day. But those thoughts are never solid because she knows how things were never about getting sexual with them.
"It is wrong, that I know,
But I want to drive up to
your house,
Knock on your door and
pull you into a strangling
hug as soon as your face appears,
Just so I can really smell you..."
The tears fall again.
"see you..."
Her heart feels heavy and she wants to run out of the building, but she doesn't.
"touch you..."
She listens on, hiding her face behind her hoodie.
"kiss you..."
More tears to wipe.
"love you"
Suddenly she feels as though it is her standing on the stage, reciting the poem in front of all these people so that they live as witnesses of a love she never wanted to have, but now wishes she had never lost.
"to keep you"
She sniffs silently, quietly. Just the sound her heart made as it continued to fall into an abyss of loneliness.
"to call you mine,
not only in my head."
Applause. Loud applause but she cannot bring herself to clap. So many people smiling, clapping, others with tears flowing down their faces. She wonders if those who cried upon hearing the poem felt as shitty as she did, or if they made the same stupid mistake of allowing their doubts steal away a perfectly imperfect love.
<>
Max looked at his girlfriend and smiled at her attempt of making him breakfast. Walking into the kitchen, he approached her from behind and gave her a back hug, pulling her against his torso.
"Hey baby," she greets him, giggling when he kisses her neck. He lets her go and leans on the spot next to her.
"Hey. What'u making?"
"I am not sure yet," she responds with a soft laugh, which makes Max laugh at her.
"Don't worry, you'll get it. You don't have to cook though,"
"I know. But I want to. Maybe I should ask Layla to teach me. She's a really amazing cook. I'm sure that's what attracted Riley to her, huh?" Melody asks with a grin, and Max shrugs, chuckling.
"Trust me, her cooking had nothing to do with that," he responds, moving away to the fridge to get a beer.
Melody looks at him then, confusion visible on her face.
"What do you mean?" she asks, her face showing curiosity.
Max sighs.
"Riley was attracted to Layla because she's, well... Layla. Everything else came after," he tries to explain, but his words just add onto his girlfriend's curiosity.
"You've lost me," she confesses figuratively, her eyes not moving from her lover. Max puts his beer on the counter and stares for a few seconds, like his head is trying to arrange his thoughts on its own.
"At first, it was purely just sex with them," Max finally says, picking up his beer but not drinking from it yet.
"So they were fuck buddies then?"
"Kinda. Not exactly. I mean, that's what they claimed to be at the time but it was deeper than that, It always is with them. Always deeper, always something else."
"Wow. That's deep. But they are in love, right?"
"More than they show everyone else."
Melody smiles then, hugging her torso with her only arms.
"Then I hope we get a love like theirs," she says, but Max gives her a horrified look.
"Yeah, no, not happening," he says, finally drinking from his beer. The latter frowns then, furrowing her eyebrows in a grumpy way.
"Why not?"
Max chuckles then, moving closer to peck her lips.
"Trust me, you don't want RileyxLayla kind of love," he responded before leaving the room.
#######
Two bodies lay on one large bed, yet they shared same space, and breathed same air. Their bodies shared heat. Warm. Naked beneath a thin blanket. One body laying atop another, fingers running up and down a bare back in slow patterns. Slow breaths, a tingling sensation. A heart swelling with love.
"I love how you make me feel," one says, head resting on the others bare chest.
"And how do I make you feel?" the other asks, eyes closed as she enjoyed the feel of the others body against her own. Satisfied, satiated.
"Like I still exist in your world," the latter responded, and the eyes of the other quickly opened. Suddenly, the world started spinning and thick mist entered the room through an open window, rushing to the bed and covering them both. As fast as it came, it was gone, and so was the other woman.
The one left behind sat up straight and called for her lover in a panicked voice, but her lover was gone.
"Layla!" Riley screamed in her sleep as she sprung up on the bed, awoken from her slumber. Her lover, already right by her side and seeming to have been trying to wake her up, pulled her to herself in a tight hug, rocking their bodies while whispering sweet endearments.
"It's okay, love. I'm right here," she assured, kissing the top of her lovers head as she tried to calm her down. Riley's heart was beating too fast and her breathing was laboured. Being held in her lovers arms helped her calm down a bit, but it didn't clear away her fears.
Looking up at her lover who looks back at her, she lets out a long breath, opening and closing her eyes as if to prove that the moment is real, that her lover is really with her.
"We cannot keep this baby," she says, like one who just discovered something very important and dangerous. Layla stills for a few seconds, her eyes searching her lover's own.
"Please Layla, I'm begging you," she continues, pleading. Layla lets her go and slowly moves away from her, looking away as tears glassed her eyes.
"I thought you wanted to have a child with me," Layla says in a whisper, the words directed more to herself than to Riley. The latter quickly moves closer to her, her hand resting on her lovers shoulder as she sat behind her on the bed.
"Hey baby, listen, I do want to have a child with you. In fact, I would love to have a child with you, I swear. But-" Riley tries to explain but is cut off by her lovers abrupt turning as the latter pushes herself away from her.
"But what, Riley?! What?! You don't want to have this child with me, admit it!" Layla spits out in anger, eyes dark and glaring. Riley's face softens and she lets out a small sigh.
"If I didn't want to have a child with you, then why did I willingly give you my eggs?" she asks, and Layla's arms raise and fall in frustration.
"How am I supposed to know that?! Because you say that you want this, that you want to have a family with me but you don't show it!"
"I do want to have a family with you. Hell, I consider you as part of my family as it is."
"Then why don't you want me to keep this baby?!" Layla yells in question.
"Because I don't want to lose you, okay?!" Riley yells back, her eyes tearing up as she tries to stay calm.
"It will kill me if I do," she whispers, voice breaking as the tears flow in a thin river down her cheeks. Layla's face softens and she moves closer to her lover, using her thumbs to try and wipe away her tears. Riley sniffs quietly, her sad eyes not moving from her lovers now soft gaze.
"I just got you back. I finally have you as mine and now I have to accept that I may lose you. I cant-" she tries to explain further, but her voice breaks as more tears leave her eyes. She pauses and takes a deep breath, her lovers hands still on her face while her own tears flowed.
"I love you Layla, and I don't want to live on without you." she finally says, letting the tears fall. Layla pulls her into a hug, holding her tightly.
"It's okay love. I'm not going anywhere."
I APOLOGISE FOR TAKING LONG BEFORE POSTING A CHAPTER.