"I'm nervous," I admit as Joe and I watch Willa chow down on her breakfast.
"I know," Joe says, squeezing my hand gently. "But we're going to be with her and Jessica all day."
"I know, I know." I sigh, closing my eyes for a moment before looking at Willa again. "I know."
"She's gonna be here any time now, is there anything you want to do before she's here?"
I shake my head. "No, I'm good."
I continue to watch Willa eat, giggling lightly at her shoving the food in her mouth until there's a small knock on the door, Joe immediately rising and squeezing my shoulder reassuringly before going and opening the door.
"Hi, Jessica, how are you?"
"I'm good, how are you?" she asks.
"Good, good. You can set your things wherever. They're right in here," he says before they appear a moment later.
"Oh, my goodness, she's adorable," she gushes.
Joe chuckles, nodding.
"Hi," I smile, offering her a chair which she takes, sitting down. "Was the travel too bad?"
"No, not at all," she shakes her head, smiling.
I nod. "Good, so this is Willa."
"Hi Willa," she smiles at her.
Willa, however, simply stares at her for a moment before looking back at me.
"It's okay," I tell her, nodding.
"Mama," she says, reaching her hand out towards me.
"I'm right here, mama's not going anywhere, baby," I tell her, nodding.
Don't overreact. The more you react, the more she reacts.
"Mama," she says again, whining more this time as she starts to wiggle in her seat.
"Hey, hey," I tell her gently, now getting up and sitting next to her instead. "It's okay, eat your breakfast." I pick up a piece of her toast, offering it to her though she pushes it away, stretching her body out as she reaches for me. I sigh, picking her up and placing her in my lap where she lays her head on my chest.
Joe chuckles. "Believe it or not that's better than I thought it would be. She's not used to being around new people."
Jessica nods. "Yeah, I'm sure. I mean, no offense taken, you said she's been home with you her whole life, right?"
I nod. "Yeah, she's never had anyone but family around."
She nods. "Yeah, I get it. No worries."
"Willa, what do you want to do today?" Joe asks, giving her a look.
She giggles, her head still tucked in my neck.
"I say," I begin. "We play, and maybe we can find a park nearby?"
Joe raises his eyebrows. "Wanna tackle a park today?"
I shrug. "I feel bad keeping her locked inside all the time."
He nods. "I know, me too. Sounds like a plan. Play at home, play at the park, eat some food, take some naps and call it a day."
"Would you guys be opposed to some art too?" Jessica asks.
"Not at all," Joe shakes his head. "Got any ideas?"
She grins. "Not really. I mean, one thing I love to do is get a pretty decent sized canvas and spell out their name in painters tape and then let them just go ham on it with finger paint. Once it's dry I pull the tape up and it's a really cute name art piece."
"I love that," I grin before looking at Joe. "Why didn't I think of that?"
"Because you didn't grow up doing a lot of arts and crafts?" He suggests.
I shrug. "True, true."
"Well, we'll need the canvas, the finger paint and painters tape then. I guess we need to add a stop on the way from the park."
"Are we doing it after the park?" I ask, squinting.
"Did you want to do it before? I can run out really quick if I need to."
"I just figured art and play here and then nap and then take her out to tire her out before bed."
He nods. "That's true. Good thinking, my love."
I see as Jessica pouts slightly for a second at the nickname before she looks at Willa who is seemingly watching her.
"Hi," she whispers to her softly.
She whines softly, gripping onto me a little tighter.
"I'm not going to take you from your mommy," she tells her lightly, making a silly face. "That wouldn't be very nice."
"I'll be back with the stuff," Joe says, interrupting as he leans down to kiss Willa's head, kiss me quickly and wave bye to Jessica.
Once he's gone, I let out a sigh. "Baby, mommy's not going anywhere."
"Dada." She says, pointing at the door.
"Daddy's coming right back. He went to go get stuff so we can do something fun. He'll be back. Can you say hi to Ms. Jessica?"
She still doesn't speak. Instead, she watches Jessica intently, her small eyebrows furrowed slightly in confusion.
"Okay, I'm going to put you down. Can you help mommy clean up breakfast?" I ask, gently placing her on the floor.
Immediately, she begins to whine, reaching up for me as I stand up and grab a couple of the plates.
"Can you help?" I ask, handing her a spoon. "Can you carry that to the sink with me?"
I begin to walk, letting her walk alongside me, still whining but also holding the spoon, putting it in the air for me to grab once the rest is in the sink. I let out a small gasp. "Thank you!" I tell her before clapping. "Yay Willa!"
Although still uneasy, she claps as well, staring up at me.
"Good job, mamas!" I tell her, offering my hand. "Let's go, you wanna listen to music while you play?"
Jessica quietly follows us over to the couch where Willa's few toys are laid against the wall, ready to be messed with. Instead of taking a place on the couch, she sits in the floor on the opposite side of the room as the couch.
I sit on the floor as well, though press my back against the couch for support, grinning as Willa grabs a book, bringing it over to me.
"Oh, the Foot Book?!?" I ask, grinning and opening it up as she backs herself onto my lap.
I read the book to her, giving it back as she gets up and throws it to the floor, walking over and grabbing a toy this time before sitting and beginning to play with it on her own.
"I think she may have forgotten you're here," I tell her quietly.
Jessica grins. "Honestly, I wouldn't doubt it," she whispers back.
After a few moments, she begins to bring me another book. "
"Oh, which one this time?" I ask, looking before my phone goes off. "Oh, who's that?"
Taking out my phone, I see Joe's name, reading the message and beginning to type a message back, feeling Willa stand up off my lap.
"Oh, thank you."
I glance up, noticing Willa had given Jessica the book and is currently staring at her, her finger in her mouth as she observes her.
Jessica opens the book and quietly begins to read her the story, not pressuring her by any means to come closer or listen. By the time the book is done, Jessica offers it back and Willa gently takes it, walking away, grabbing another one and bringing it to me once again.
"Hi baby," I grin, grabbing I Will Always Love You and reading it to her as she sits in my lap again.
The next time she gets up, she brings a new book to Jessica once again, this time taking a few steps closer and paying closer attention.
While she's in the middle of the story, Joe enters the room again, setting down a bag as Willa quickly gets up and rushes over to him.
"Hi princess," he smiles, lifting her up and kissing her cheek. "How did you do while I was gone?"
"She's been wanting books this morning."
"Oh, we love the books," he smiles, walking over with her in his arms and sitting on the floor as well.
"She even let Ms. Jessica read a couple to her."
"Oh yeah?" Joe asks, looking at Willa. "That's a good sign."
I nod. "Yeah, she's doing okay. She's already starting to warm up to her a little."
Joe nods. "Good. Do you wanna go get a toy?" He asks, letting her down as she walks for the toys and again begins to play.
We continue like this for a while, Willa becoming more and more comfortable walking over to Jessica as the time continues but won't allow her to touch her. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't interesting to watch.
"Okay, should we do this little art project?" Joe asks, grinning, cutting me off from my thoughts.
"Sounds good to me," Jessica nods. "Is there anywhere you'd prefer to do it? I can get it set up!"
"I'd say probably just the table?" Joe suggests, glancing at me.
I nod. "Yeah, the table sounds perfect."
She gets up and walks over to the table where Joe had left the supplies, beginning to get things ready as Joe and I continue to sit on the floor, Willa playing between the two of us.
I take this moment to stare at her, watching as she flips the toy in her hands trying to get it do what she's trying to make it do, whatever that may be.
Joe clears his throat, catching my attention so he can mouth the words 'you okay' in my direction.
I nod slowly, looking back at Willa before grinning and nodding again, more confidently this time.
Joe nods, giving me a look that says, 'I'm proud of you for giving this a chance'.
Willa stands only a moment later and both of our eyes follow as she weaves her way out of the area and over to the table where Jessica stands, trying to see what she's doing.
"Hi Willa!" She says, smiling down at her.
Willa simply looks at her before trying to see on the table, trying to figure out what she could be up to.
"We're going to paint; do you want to paint?" She asks, fully turning her body towards Willa now.
Willa continues to try and see while Joe and I rise from the floor and make our way over, both sitting in the same chairs as earlier.
Through the process of fingerpainting, Joe and I try to stay present but keep our distance, allowing Willa to do an activity strictly with Jessica. The worst part? She did really well. Sure, she kept looking over to see if we were still there, but she had a blast and interacted with Jessica more than the two of us. She was her normal, giggly self, getting more comfortable with Jessica by the minute.
Joe gives me a knowing look, making me nod in response, letting him know I'm okay.
By the time her art is finished and drying, I notice it being time for her nap, though I know she's going to want a snack first, making me walk over to one of the bags in the kitchen area and grab out a soft granola bar.
"Willa!"
She glances over, smiling wide, and scrambles down from the chair to run over and reach up for the bar, taking the first half and starting to chew on it. Once she's finished with the first, I give her the second, looking over at Jessica.
"It's almost time for her nap. She just recently went from two naps to one literally within the past week, so she's still getting used to the new schedule and she may go back to two naps, we're not sure but we're just letting her do her thing really."
She nods. "Yeah, I've had a couple of littles like that. Where they go down to one nap and then end up going back up to two for a while. Almost like they're testing the waters."
I nod. "Yeah, exactly."
"Do you want me to put her down babe?" Joe asks, raising his brows at me.
I give him a look. "I'm not sure how that's gonna go, but you can give it a shot."
He chuckles, nodding. "Willa, come with daddy."
She runs over, letting him pick her up and kiss her on the cheek, though when he starts into the small bedroom, she begins reaching for me, whining a little.
I shake my head. "No, baby, go with daddy."
I hear her cry a little before she calms down, Jessica and I sitting in silence for a moment before she speaks up.
"Can I ask you something?"
I snap my head up, now making eye contact as I nod. "Yeah, of course."
"This is hard for you, isn't it?" she asks.
I raise my eyebrows.
"I don't mean that disrespectfully," she shakes her head quickly. "I just mean, letting someone else interact and help with her. Someone other than family."
I nod slowly. "It is. It's difficult. Though, to be fair, the other day when we met you was the first time I had ever been away from her, and I was nervous then, even with it being family. It's nothing against you. Obviously, you are very good at what you do. I just, had a complicated life before I met Joe, which makes me a little extra protective of my daughter. I'm nervous to introduce her to new people with the fear in the back of my mind that somehow my past will enter her life and she deserves so much better than what I had, and I want to protect her from it no matter the cost."
She nods. "That's understandable, as a mother, I think. I take it it wasn't your idea to get help then."
I shake my head, laughing lightly. "Definitely not. Joe feels bad, he doesn't want me doing it on my own while he's working so hard. I can do it but I also know how important it is to him to see me in the crowd and I love being able to watch him from the crowd too. With us not wanting Willa in any sort of spotlight, I have to let go of the reigns just a little."
She nods again. "Well, if it helps, I want you to know that if you guys decide to go forth with me after today, I will be here for whatever you need. Even if it's just sitting by and being there in case you need a distraction for her so you can use the restroom. I never want to do too much to the point of you no longer wanting my help. I also never want to overstep any boundaries so please just let me know what it is you want and don't want from me if you decide to go forth and I'd be more than happy to do whatever those things are."
I give her a genuine smile, nodding gently. "Thank you for that. You don't know how much I appreciate that."
She smiles in return, staying quiet from this point as she cleans up the art project and I look around to try and find what to give Willa for lunch once she wakes up.
Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to have her around after all. I mean, she was the one candidate that I could even give a chance, maybe that means something.
As I close the door to the hotel bedroom, I turn on my heel, Joe and Jessica both sitting comfortably, having some sort of conversation that stops at my arrival.
"She's out," I sigh, sitting next to Joe and melting into his side.
"She did well at the park today," Joe says, rubbing my arm softly.
I nod. "She did, I was impressed."
Joe nods as well, giving me a look before glancing at Jessica.
I sigh, looking at her now as well. "I'm going to say this, and I want you to know how big of a deal it is for me."
She nods gently, so much so that you could miss it if you weren't paying attention.
"You were incredible today. Not only with Willa but also with gently fitting into our dynamic and helping where you could without overstepping, which I know we talked about earlier when Joe was putting her down for her nap."
He makes a confused look before shrugging, a smile on his lips.
I let out a breath, closing my eyes for a second before opening them back up to her. "Which is why I would like for you to be the one that we move forth with. I would love for you to be the one to help me take care of Willa while Joe is busy with the tour."
She smiles widely. "Thank you."
Joe smiles. "Is that a yes?"
"That's definitely a yes," she nods, laughing lightly.
Joe nods, clapping his hands together in victory.
"Okay, okay," I tell him, pushing his hands down playfully.
He chuckles. "Alright, so, I know it's so short notice, but would you be able to join us in traveling on the first? It's only a couple of days away so not a lot of time to prepare but the sooner the better since the tour has already begun."
She nods. "No, yeah, the first works fine for me."
He nods. "Okay, so we'll be traveling to Ridgefield, Washington. So it's not too far but we'll have transportation to us all figured out for you, of course."
She smiles and nods again. "Awesome, sounds good."
"Would you like to stay tonight or would you rather get home and begin preparing? It'll be late by the time you get home; we do have transportation for you to get home tonight if you'd like, but I figured we'd offer at least." I tell her.
She shrugs. "I think I'm good to go home and start packing but thank you so much for the offer."
"Absolutely," I tell her, giving her a small grin.
Joe walks her out before reappearing a moment later, giving me a proud smile.
"What?" I ask.
"I'm proud of you for accepting help, that's all," he says, putting his hands up.
I roll my eyes. "Yeah, well, I know it'll put you at ease and she's not the worst company. It may end up being like I have a friend on the road or something."
He nods. "There ya go, that's an idea."
I laugh at him, shaking my head. "You're excited."
"I'm excited I'm going to get to see you in the crowd again," he smiles. "I'm excited that Willa has someone other than us who is also qualified to teach her and help her grow. I'm excited that maybe, just maybe we'll have the chance to do a date night here and there if we please," he says, pulling me off the couch and wrapping his arms around my waist, pulling me into him.
I sigh, lying my head on his chest and bringing my lips into my mouth.
"I know you're still nervous and skeptical," he says gently. "But I really think this is a good thing, my love."
"I know it is," I reply softly. "I just need to be sure it's safe."
He nods. "I know. We'll be cautious."
"Thank you."
***
"Okay," I let out a deep breath, tapping my pockets for my phone and frantically looking around for it before grabbing it from the table and shoving it into my jeans.
"Baby, Dani and Pri are waiting, you ready?" Joe asks, sticking his head back into the room.
I give him a quick look before walking over to Jessica and Willa who sit on the floor playing. I get on my knees next to them and Willa immediately stands, wrapping her hands around my neck to hug me tightly.
"Hi baby," I tell her gently, lifting her as I stand, Jessica standing as well. "You're gonna hang out with Ms. Jess, okay? Mommy's gotta go but she will be back in just a little bit."
I make her turn to look at Jess, leaning to indicate her leaving me which she quickly turns, cuddling into me.
"Mama."
I take in a deep breath.
You can do this Addie. This is why you have Jess. You want to go watch your husband do what he loves, and Jess is more than capable of watching Willa while you're gone only for a little while.
"Mama loves you, baby, but mama has to go," I tell her, leaning her again.
Jessica waits patiently as we go through the process, understanding my hesitance and letting me do what I need to do to be okay with the separation.
She again pushes herself into me, making me let out another deep breath.
"Okay," I whisper before making eye contact with Jessica. "I need you to take her this time because if you don't I'm not going to go and I need to do this."
She nods. "Okay."
Instead of saying anything, I lift Willa again, leaning her towards Jessica for her to try and turn to me as Jessica grabs her.
"I love you, baby, I'm sorry. Mama loves you," I tell her as Jessica fully takes her from me. I quickly turn, moving my way through the room and out the door, closing it behind me as Willa's small voice grows larger, yelling my name after me and crying heavily.
"You okay?" Dani asks, making my head shoot over to notice her, Pri, Kevin, and Nick standing there while Joe walks closer to me.
I simply look at Joe, his nod giving me everything I need while he gently pulls me from the door, walking away from it as he leans over.
"If you're not ready tonight it's okay," he tells me. "It's only the second day of her seeing Jess and the first night of her being here."
I sigh, turning to him as it's time for me to leave with the girls while he stays back to go on stage. "If I don't do it tonight I may not do it at all."
He nods. "Understood."
"I love you."
"I love you," he says, leaning forward and kissing me.
Dani silently links our arms as Pri rushes to my other side as we begin walking.
"We've got you, whatever you need," Pri says quietly.
"I remember the feeling with the girls. They weren't so young though," she sighs. "Regardless, we're here."
I grin at both of them, silently thanking them as we are greeted by the screams of fans, instantly recognizing us as we make our way to our area, finding comfortable spots and settling into them.
Although I'd love to say I'm having a good time, I unfortunately have to admit otherwise. Though I love watching my husband do what he loves, my mind is somewhere else entirely, backstage with my daughter to be exact. Dani and Pri keep checking on me, with the best intentions, I know. I just can't help but to worry about whether or not she's okay right now. Especially with how she reacted when I left. Has she-
"Ms. Jonas."
I turn slightly, noticing a security guard speaking to me, making me lean in to hear him.
"Ms. Jessica had requested we get you. She seems to be having a bit of trouble calming Willa."
I nod, looking at the girls. "I need to go."
They nod.
"We understand," Dani says.
I follow Daniel, the security guard, through the arena and backstage, then make my way to the dressing room, hearing Willa crying out my name tirelessly.
"Hey, hey, hey," I say soothingly, walking inside and instantly setting my phone down, Jessica gently handing her over to me.
"I'm sorry," she says sympathetically.
"No, don't apologize at all," I tell her, gently touching her arm before hugging Willa tightly, allowing her to cuddle into me and calm down. I sit on the couch, Jessica sitting on the other one across from me, looking nervous. "Was she crying like that the whole time?"
Jessica shakes her head immediately. "Oh, no, no. I would've gotten you a while ago if so. She just started like that again maybe fifteen minutes ago. I had calmed her down, she ate dinner, we played a little, read a couple of books and then I tried to get her to go to sleep because she was acting tired, giving me the cues we talked about, and she didn't want to without you."
I nod. "Okay."
"Mama," Willa whines lightly.
"Mama's right here, baby," I tell her, rubbing her back. "Mama's right here, it's okay."
Soon, Willa passes out in my arms, still hugging me tightly, making me have to gently pry her off and lay her in the pack-and-play before returning to the couch.
"I feel so bad, I'm sorry," Jessica says.
I shake my head, looking over at her. "No. Please do not apologize. I would rather you have someone come get me than allow her to scream for an extended period any day. You made the right call, in my eyes."
She grins. "Thank you."
"No," I shake my head. "Thank you. Plus, now that I know she's asleep, you can hang out and I am going to go see if I can actually enjoy the rest of the show. I've been out there worried about her the entire time. Now I know she's sleeping and she'll be sleeping when I get back no doubt."
She smiles. "Well, then please go enjoy the rest of the show. I'm sure Mr. Jonas will be happy to see you out there."
"Oh, please do not call him that, it'll blow up his head. Plus, no need to be formal," I shrug. "Call us Joe and Addie. Or Addison if you're not comfortable with a nickname."
"Will do," she says, smiling and nodding.
"Good." I nod once in confirmation before leaving her and rejoining Dani and Pri.
"Everything okay?" Dani asks.
I nod. "It is now! Willa wouldn't go to sleep."
Dani nods and smiles. "She is now?"
"She is now!"
Dani gives me a small hug and by the end of the show, the three of us appear backstage the same way we came out, Dani and I arm in arm while Pri is close to my other side, both of them being my steady tonight while away from Willa.
"You look like you had fun," Joe smiles as he greets us.
"There was a small hiccup but no problems. And I got to see you on stage tonight."
He grins, leaning down and kissing me. "Hiccup?"
"Willa wouldn't sleep so I had to come back and put her down."
"Ahh!" he says, nodding before shrugging. "Not bad though for the first night."
"It's going to take some getting used to for the both of us," I shrug. "But it's important. She needs the other interaction and I need a bit of time to myself too. I felt like shit leaving her earlier."
Joe nods, rubbing my arm. "I know."
"But, nothing is ever easy when it's important. So, I've gotta keep at it."
"That's the spirit!" Nick says.
The six of us make our way to the dressing room, walking in as Jessica is watching a show on her phone, Willa still sleeping soundlessly in the pack-and-play where I left her.
"She wake up?" I ask.
Jessica shakes her head. "Nope, she's been out like a light."
"Good," I nod.
We get everything together, the guys all change and we all make our way to the hotel, Joe, Willa and I get settled in one of the rooms in our suite while Jessica settles in her own for the night.
This might turn out alright. But I still need to keep my guard up. We've only known her for a few days. Keep your guard up, Addie. You know the routine. Do whatever you have to do to keep your family safe.
***
hello my favorites!
here's a new chapter, i apologize for it taking longer than I would've liked.
is Addie overthinking it or does she have valid fears in the situation? What are your thoughts?
I would really love to get to know you guys more, one thing I would love to know is what initially drew you in to start reading the first book of this series? I'm genuinely curious <3
all my love,
shan:)