Ben's POV:
Even when it was warm outside, I woke up with a chill. Maybe it was because the mental state I was in while asleep manifested physically. I wasn't sure what it was, but I never woke up warm. Buried under blankets, no matter the weather, even if Nessa was laying with me, I still always woke with a chill. I sometimes wondered if it was Krystal reaching out to me, setting her hand on my shoulder to remind me she wasn't gone, just somewhere else. Somewhere I couldn't be. Other times I considered it was the cold hand of death reminding me just because I was awake didn't mean I didn't have to live a nightmare. Every day I woke up without Krystal was a nightmare, so it was appropriate I always woke with an unsettling chill.
Except I didn't. My head was pounding and I was dying of thirst, but I wasn't cold. Not only did I feel warmth against my face and on my shoulder, I smelled warmth. The scent of cinnamon and cloves was a warm, relaxing scent that reminded me of autumn. My favorite time of year.
Wait. That was Red's scent.
No, not Red. Sophia.
Blinking my eyes open, I found my head on a lap, my eyes shielded from the sun by a blanket being held up by a hand I recognized. Her arm was over my shoulder, her hand holding the blanket away from my face and blocking the sun. Red. Sophia.
I groaned and sat up, glancing back at her. She offered a small smile. "Hey. I bet you could use some water."
I looked around, disoriented. Shit, did I sleep out here? On her lap? And she stayed with me? She had training to do.
"What are you doing here?" I frowned.
"Do you not remember last night?"
"I remember, but your training started a while ago," I said, looking up at the sky. Shit. The sun was higher than I should be. Kane was probably waiting for her and he hated when people were late. "Training needs to be your priority over everything else."
"I didn't want to leave you alone."
"Your trial is in six days," I said, frowning. It was soon and she needed every bit of help possible. Her life was on the line. "You need every second of training you can get."
A brief moment of emotion crossed her face but it was gone before I could register it, especially with my pounding headache. "I know. I just... Didn't think you should be alone," she said, rising from the ground. She was still in pajamas. She stayed with me all night and probably didn't get any good rest. She looked tired.
She shifted her weight from one foot to the other and crossed her arms. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," I said, rising from the ground and groaning when the pain in my head got worse.
"You don't have to say that if it's not true."
I sighed, pressing my fingers to my temples. "You need to get to training. Kane is not patient when it comes to this kind of thing and you shouldn't be, either. This is important." You could die. "Your focus needs to be on that above anything else. I can be left alone, but you can't miss training."
Her brows furrowed but then she nodded and slowly turned around. "Okay, well... If you need anything, you know where to find me. Drink some water."
It occurred to me after she already started running that I sounded short. And ungrateful. I wasn't. I was...
Confused. The only person I'd spent a night with in recent memory was Nessa but it was different. Nessa was like a little sister. Red- Sophia- was... Well, I didn't know what she was. Sleeping with her was just different from sleeping with Nessa.
So I was confused. And worried. Her trial was coming up and despite getting stronger, Kane was still kicking her ass every day. If she wasn't fully prepared for that trial, she wouldn't be leaving it alive.
Thinking that knocked the air out of my lungs. Another daughter killed by her father. No. that wasn't fucking happening. She could do this. I just needed to not distract her like I did last night.
Except as I walked towards the infirmary with the headache from hell, I remembered more of the night. I didn't ask her to come, she just showed up. She showed up and she gave me the realest connection to Krystal I'd felt since I lost her. That constellation in the sky. I never would've even thought about it if she hadn't pointed it out but now in a weird way...
I looked up even though I knew I couldn't see it in daylight. I remembered where it was in the sky when Sophia pointed it out. Not all traces of my mate were gone. They were just in places I hadn't looked.
I couldn't remember the last time I cried about Krystal with anyone because I never had. Kane didn't cry with people, and I usually didn't either. There was never even a real discussion about it. It happened, Kane challenged Bryce, Kane became Alpha and all the sudden I was Beta. There were too many things to handle to talk about Krystal beyond the small burial we had for her. As soon as it was over, we were back to business. We had a lot of things to fix, we had a lot of abusive relationships to end, a lot of changes to make. Thinking back on it, I wasn't sure either of us ever stopped moving for a second to really process what happened.
Maybe that was why we never talked about it or her. We'd just distracted ourselves with constant responsibilities so there was no time. Talking about her with Sophia last night was the first time I talked about Krystal with anyone beyond just saying I missed her.
She sat with me all night, comforted me, let me sleep on her, and the first thing I did when I woke up was scold her for not going to training. Shit. That was kind of a dick move so I picked up my pace and got to Alejandro at the infirmary. I was embarrassed to admit why I was there so late and why I had a headache, but he was gracious about it like always and handed me a disgusting brew that made my symptoms vanish almost completely.
I left, nodding when Alejandro reminded me to drink a lot of water or the brew would eventually fade. Hurrying home, I got dressed and rushed over to the gym. Stepping inside, I found most people seated around the mat Kane and Sophia were sparring on. As I approached, Kane knocked her on her back and pinned her down.
What's up? I linked Hunter as I sat next to him while Kane helped Sophia up again.
Sophia was breathing heavy, a bruise on her arm fading as it healed. She had her hands on her hips and panted, closing her eyes for a minute before turning around and bringing her fists up to face Kane again.
The usual, Hunter answered. You all right?
Fine.
You didn't come home last night.
Had a rough night. I'm sorry I missed shit this morning, what didn't get done?
Everything got done. Dean helped out, he still remembers the paperwork shit so he handled it. I led runs. Connor and I did patrols. We covered for you. Don't worry about it.
Thanks.
You sure you're okay?
I'm fine. How's Zach?
He and Ness are spending the day working with Tess on Elder shit. Alana's meeting him in the afternoon to help him process the nightmares he had. She said if she helps him work through them, they might not be as frequent or they'll at least be less intense.
I nodded, thinking about and picturing Zach so I could feel if he was close enough to link. He wasn't. Our connection was too static. Tess sometimes took him off property after a night like that, try to get his mind off it. I probably wouldn't see him until dinner.
"Shift," Kane said. Everyone looked away until we heard Kane's familiar growl.
I looked back on that mat, seeing Sophia in her wolf form. Her wolf was almost solid black but there was a thick stripe of brown down her muzzle. Her coat was sleek and shiny, just like her hair. Her eyes were also similar, just a different shape and more flecks of gold.
Kane's wolf was twice the size of hers. His was dark brown, the coat shorter and not as shiny. His eyes were lighter in his wolf form, almost giving the illusion of a glow against his darker coat. He and Sohpia circled each other, and I was surprised to see he pounced first. Usually she did. She must've been trying different methods.
She lasted longer than usual, but it ended when Kane's claws swept across her stomach. Her yelp filling the air didn't just make me tense. Darius, Ezra, Levi, Noah and other people from her pack who recently joined training all sat up straighter. Darius leaned forward, his leg bouncing. Ezra clasped his hands together and brought them to his face, watching her in concern.
Kane shifted. "Shifting again," Kane called out. We all looked away while Kane asked if she was okay.
"I'm fine."
I looked back, seeing Sophia adjusting her sports bra. Red lines across her stomach faded but there was blood on her shorts.
"You want a second?" Kane asked.
Sophia shook her head and brought her hands up again. Kane murmured a few suggestions and seconds later, they were at it again. She lasted even longer this time. To the point everyone was locked in, unable to look away. A collective intake of breath was loud across the room when she knocked Kane off balance.
I leaned forward, watching as she almost gained the advantage. Almost. Kane turned it around and knocked her on her stomach, pinning her down from behind.
Her face hit the ground when he knocked her over and when she pushed off the ground, blood was running out of her nose. She sat back on her knees and wiped her nose with the back of her hand. A streak of blood spread over the back of her hand but then the bleeding stop and she stood. Sweat dripped down her face, her hair soaked with it, more of it running over her chest and stomach as she set her hands on her knees, panting.
"That's enough for now," Kane said. "Let's do some sprint and strength training and maybe we'll come back to it later."
"No," Red said, pushing off her knees and turning to Kane, her chest still heaving with every breath. "One more time."
"You're exhausted," Kane pointed out. "You're not rested enough for this today."
A twinge of guilt passed through me. She was tired because of me, and I didn't even thank her before I sent her off to train. When she didn't get enough sleep.
"One more time."
Kane hesitated but conceded, getting in position. He struck first again and she played the defensive side first. She favored it all around the mat until she moved to a more aggressive approach. She was fast, but Kane still blocked every punch until he saw an opening and knocked her down again. She landed on her back and gasped, setting her hand over her chest. He knocked the wind out of her. Ezra started to stand but then Sophia sat up and shook her head. "I'm fine. One more time."
"I think a break is wise," Kane said.
"I agree," Darius added.
"One more time," Sophia insisted, getting to her feet and bringing her fists up again. "I mean it this time. Last time then we do it your way."
Kane sighed but got in position again. I almost wished he would take it easier on her but then I decided it was better he didn't. She needed to win and her dad wouldn't take it easy on her. I just hated seeing her covered in bruises even if they did fade quickly.
Sophia struck first this time. She came in fast then backed off and let him come to her. She kept up a constant back and forth until she moved in harder. Her hits were fast and accurate and Kane didn't block all of them this time. One of her punches he was just a hair too late for and her fist hit his stomach. He groaned and that split second of hesitation was all she needed.
"No fucking way," Hunter said with wide eyes, leaning forward.
Sophia's leg swept under Kane and he blocked it, but then she purposely dropped to the ground and knocked his feet out from the other side. Gasps filled the room as Kane fell to the ground. Sophia adjusted his position as he fell, making his arms fall behind his back so he was laying on them when he hit the ground. She pinned his knees down with her feet and put most of her weight on his chest, her arm across his throat.
Kane struggled against her and almost managed to knock her back but right before he had enough motion to grab her, she slammed him back down.
"Holy shit, she did it," Connor murmured, his eyes wide.
Other than the sound of her panting, the room was silent. Kane stared up at her, tried another move but with another grunt and what could've only been purse force of will, she pushed him back down. Her arms and legs were starting to shake, but she held her ground and when Kane looked up at her again, something passed in his eyes I couldn't identify. "Yield."
Sophia breathed out a short laugh and rolled off him, collapsing on her back against the floor and draping her arm over her eyes.
"That's my fucking girl," Darius grinned, jumping up and running to her side.
Ezra grabbed a water bottle and came up behind her, setting his hand behind her head and helping her up. Sophia sat up and brought her knees up, resting her arms over them while she caught her breath.
Bruises on her arms from blocking Kane's hits faded from purple to yellow until they were gone. Darius stood and offered her a hand. She placed her hand in his and he pulled her up.
She put up such a tough front all the time, I wasn't ready for the sob that escaped her when she threw her arms around Darius's neck. Darius held her tightly from the front and Ezra came from the back. Levi and Noah took the sides until she was completely surrounded by them and all I could see of her was her arms around Darius's neck.
"You did it little sister," Darius murmured, kissing her head. "You've got this. That fucker don't stand a chance."
"I'm sorry," Sophia whispered, pulling back. Everyone else pulled back too and I watched as she brushed the tears off her face but she didn't look exhausted or frustrated. She looked relieved.
"Don't be sorry," Ezra said, dropping his arm around her shoulder and pulling her to his side. "You earned this."
Sophia took in a deep breath and wiped the sweat off her face with her arm. Kane approached and she looked up at him.
"They're right," Kane said. "He doesn't stand a chance. Good job, Luna."
There were few times Kane said anything in a tone that gave away what he was thinking. Right then, I couldn't believe I heard a waver in his voice and I wondered what brought it on.
"Thank you," Sophia said, giving him a small smile. "Thank you for everything."
Kane nodded and almost stepped forward but stayed where he was. His arms fell at his sides and he almost brought them up but stopped. "I um... Do you want..."
Sophia stared at him in confusion and I couldn't blame her but I wished she knew he was trying to hug her. He just wasn't good at it. He changed his mind, muttered a 'nevermind' and turned, walking towards the door.
She stared after him for a moment before realization crossed her face. She ran after him and moved in front of him, throwing her arms around his neck. "Thank you, Alpha."
Kane's hesitation didn't last long. He wrapped his arms around her. "You deserve a break, Luna. Your body needs rest. Take the rest of the day off with the reassurance you will make it through this trial in one piece."
They pulled away and Kane actually almost smiled at her before turning to leave. Sophia turned and walked towards her guys but then paused. She glanced back at Kane just as he opened the door of the gym. "Kane?"
Kane paused and looked back at her.
She turned toward him again, wringing her hands together. "Thank you for being the first Alpha that didn't betray my trust."
Other than around Tess and the night Krystal died, I'd never seen so emotions cross his face. He came back inside and approached her again, setting his hands on her arms and kissing her forehead. "You don't ever have to worry about that, Luna." He moved back and nodded at her, then left the gym.
Are you okay? I linked him.
I'm fine. Just glad she'll be safe from her father after this.
I swallowed, watching Sophia return to her guys and hug them all. She said she wanted a shower and Ezra gave her a piggy back ride back to the house, saying she earned not moving for a few hours.
I didn't see her again until I was leaving my room after my own shower. She'd taken a shower then a nap, according to Darius. I couldn't blame her. Training with Kane was exhausting and I wasn't sure she slept at all when she stayed with me.
I walked out of my room and she was exiting hers, rubbing her eyes like she just woke up.
"Ready for dinner?" I asked. She looked at me and nodded, closing her bedroom door. "You did amazing today. I've never seen Kane taken down."
She almost smiled. "Thanks. Hangover better?"
"Much," I said, stepping closer to her. "Listen, I'm sorry about this morning. I was a little disoriented and I just... I want to make sure you get through the trial. I felt bad you missed some of it because of me."
"It wasn't because of you. I made a choice and I don't regret it as long as you don't."
"I don't um..." I ran my hand through my hair, my gaze shifting to the ground. "I don't talk about her a lot. No one really knew her so it just... Feels weird to talk about her when no one can relate but at the same time they all know about her."
She nodded, tucking her hands behind her back. "I get it. It's okay. Do you want to visit her tonight?"
My gaze snapped to her. I knew what she meant. Look at her constellation again. As silly as it seemed, it was one of the only connections I had to Krystal and I'd been thinking about seeing the constellation again all day.
"I do."
"Do you want to go alone, or... I mean, I'm happy to hear about her. You can tell me, and it won't be weird because I wasn't here. There was no me missing out on getting to know her, I couldn't. It'll be normal for you to tell me about her like I didn't know about her because I didn't. It's not the same as other people vaguely knowing and yet not, you know?"
There was a swelling in my chest. It wasn't that people didn't want me to talk about her, they just didn't know what to say. Then there would be the random attempts at connecting with me like 'oh I think I caught her scent once when the door was open, she did smell nice', or 'I think I might've seen her one of the times I had to go down to the dungeon'. It was all said with good intentions, but it didn't help. It made me feel more isolated that the only thing they could do was grasp at things that might've been connected to her.
Sophia not knowing her at all somehow made it easier. She was right. There wasn't the same weirdness as there was with my pack.
"We could visit Santi and Krys," I suggested. "What's his sign and constellation?"
Her smile was more genuine this time, laced with sadness as it was. "We're Aries, the ram. I know that must shock you. Who would've thought we'd have one of the more intense signs?"
A smile escaped. "Is Aries close to Pisces?"
"It is, but unfortunately this isn't the right time of year to see Aries. But I can show you where it will be in winter, not far from Pisces. Maybe Santi and Krys are hanging out and he's teaching her how to make fun of us when we do stupid things."
I snorted and she let out a small laugh. It was the first time, possibly ever, I was able to talk about Krystal and not only smile, but laugh. "Maybe."
She darted her eyes away and shifted her weight. "Okay, we'll visit them tonight when neither of us can sleep."
I nodded and she gave me one more small smile before turning for the stairs. I stepped forward, my heart pounding. "Is it okay if I call you by your name now?"
She paused but looked back and shrugged. "If you want. Not like it's a secret who I am anymore."
"Okay. Thanks for being there for me. Sorry I cried on you, and I would really appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone I did."
"I'd never," she said, pretending to zip her lips shut. "And I'm not sorry you cried on me, Ben. I think you've needed to cry on someone for a long time. Cry on me whenever you need to and I'll keep your tears a secret, I promise."
"Thanks, Sophia."
My heart raced out of control when she smiled at me again. "Any time, Benedict."
A/N:
Heyy loves, I hope you enjoyed this chapter!
This and the next 3 books are complete on Patreon and we're more than halfway through Nessa's book. Link in my bio 💜
Ahhh Ben could've handled that morning better but still 🥹
Sophia/Red took down KANE 😭 Do you think she's ready to face her dad now?
Kane such a sweetie 🥹
How do you see Ben and Red/Sophia's relationship developing now the secrets are out? 👀
Take care, loves 💜