"Good evening you both." A woman in her early fourties came in after knocking on the door gently, then coming in. She noticed how Felix was soundsless asleep in Hyunjin's arms and immediately let out a small apology, taking a chair from against the wall as she put it besides the bed.
"How is he doing?" She asked Hyunjin with the sweetest smile, tilting her head a bit. Hyunjin smiled and looked down at the sleeping boy, who's hair was all over Hyunjin's shirt.
"Physically, okay, mentally... I don't know." Hyunjin whispered and caressed the top of Felix's hand, loving how small and soft the skin felt against his fingers.
"How so?" The psychologist asked with a slight head tilt again, giving the younger a sad smile.
"He's been getting nightmares lately... He's also pretty afraid of any man that comes near him. He even started crying when he realized he felt scared of his dad, which he felt really bad about. He said he didn't know why he was feeling that way and that he wanted it to stop, because deep inside he knows he isn't afraid of him." Hyunjin explained in a light tone and the woman takes the small notebook from her hands, writing some things down.
"Those could be signs of PTSD... Is he afraid of you? Of you touching him, or coming near him?" She asked and Hyunjin sighed, shook his head, went back to look at the sleeping boy in between his legs.
"He hasn't acted any differently towards me... He even wanted my touch more." Hyunjin said and again the woman looked down the small blue notebook in her hands, writing down things that may or may not help Felix trough his process.
"That is normal... Being afraid of certain people is totally normal after such an incident, and he might just want your attention more because he wants to remember your hands on him, and not the ones that brought him the trauma. He will tell you about this, i'm sure of that. Right now he will need time to recover, both mentally as physically and get enough attention, but not any unwanted attention." The woman explained as Hyunjin nodded.
"Will he have that forever? The PTSD thing?" Hyunjin asked concerned, not wanting his lover to go trough that for the rest of his life, especially not when he was the cause of it all.
"Well... The fear of it will always follow him, it will never disappear totally. But It could be that he recovers good, and learns to trust people again. It's different from person to person." The psychologist explained and once again Hyunjin nodded, sighing as he looked at the younger in his arms, who was stirring awake gently.
Felix let out a soft whine before opening his eyes, not forgetting to rub them first with his small baby fists.
"I'm here love, Jinnie is right behind you." Hyunjin whispered and Felix looked at the woman besides his bed, then up at Hyunjin who gave him a soft and gentle smile back.
"Hi Felix. I'm miss Ha kyun, i'm here to have a talk with you." The psychologist said in a gentle tone as Felix nodded his head as a small bow,- giving the woman a slight smile as he rested his head back onto Hyunjin's chest.
"So... We will have a talk about how you're feeling, what you're feeling, what changed in the time of now and back at the incident and some things that could help you in your progress, or just in general. Is that okay for you?" Miss Ha Kyun said in a gentle voice, Felix nodding softly.
"Do I have to.. Talk about what happened back there?" Felix said with worry filling his voice, clearly not liking the idea of going back to that incident.
"Well... I do have to know some things, but I won't go to deep into it all." The woman said and Felix nodded once again, sighing deeply before biting his bottom lip.
Hyunjin was a bit faster than him tho, and swiped his thumb across the younger's bottom lip, making it jump back out of his mouth.
"Don't hurt your lips love." Hyunjin whispered gently, keeping his right arm around the younger's face so he could caress Felix's left cheek.
The woman smiled brightly at the pair, seeing how sweet they were.
"So... Could you tell me how you feel right now? Any urge, any fear, anything you would've done before the incident that you can't or don't want to do now?" Ha Kyun asked in a soft voice, talking in a soothing way which was something Felix indeed needed right then.
"Well... I... No, it's weird." Felix tried but shook his head and looked down at his hands, which Hyunjin took and caressed softly.
"Nothing is weird Felix, only if you make it weird. You can say it, don't worry." The woman said and nodded, giving a sign it was really okay to say whatever came up in his mind.
"I... I don't know, I feel like I need to wash my body over and over again... The urge to scratch everywhere to make the dirty hands go away..." Felix explained and cleared his throat in disgust, swallowing hard.
"Hey, are you alright? What's wrong baby?" Hyunjin asked Felix out of nowhere, making the psychologist frown a bit, knowing Felix didn't like to talk about it but not knowing what Hyunjin meant.
Felix just shook his head and again cleared his throat, clutching his small fists at his blanket.
"Baby tell me, what's wrong?" Hyunjin asked again and pulled the younger on his thigh, slowly and carefully so he could see Felix's face, which was turned away from miss Ha Kyun.
Felix again shook his head, trying to swallow but ending up coughing before swinging his hand against his mouth, closing it tightly.
Hyunjin fastly took a small bucket besides the bed and held it in front of Felix's mouth, only for Felix to shake his head again and let out a soft whimper.
"Baby it's okay, i'm here yeah? Jinnie's here." Hyunjin whispered and caressed some strands of hair out of the younger's face, tucking them behind his ear.
The younger shook his head, clear fear and disgust covering his face as he then emptied his stomach in the bucket, gasping for air and shaking his head when he got a moment of rest.
"No no no..." He whined out in a high voice, clutching his stomach with one hand as the other hemd the side of the bucket, again throwing up into it.
Hyunjin pressed a red button at the side of the bed and kept helping Felix, trying everything to calm him down.
[Emetophobia is real y'all]
Soon a doctor ran in as well as a nurse, seeing what was happening they checked the monitors, did something in the IV that was hanging at Felix's hand and tried to calm him down as well.
After a few minutes, when Felix had calmed down and didn't throw up again, he let out a shaky breath and long whine, wrapping his arms around his upper body.
"Ribs..." He let out in a whisper, closing his eyes as he leaned against Hyunjin's shoulder.
"Let me check you real quick yeah?" The doctor said and moved closer, only for Felix to shake his head and scoot backwards as far as he could.
"Then can the nurse do it? She's amazing and won't hurt you, neither will I." The doctor said and Felix looked up with fearful eyes at the nurse, who gave him a sweet smile and nodded, agreeing with the doctor.
Felix slightly nodded and moved forward a bit, Hyunjin positioning him right so the nurse could do her job.
She pressed two fingers down Felix's chest, looking for any reaction which she soon got the moment her fingers went lower, pressing lightly on the ribs that were broken.
"It's normal to feel this pain alright? It's because your body put pressure on your ribs and lungs, especially when you were so out of breath. Don't worry about it." The doctor said with a sweet smile and Felix nodded, again covering the hurting place with his small hands.
The pair then left, leaving Felix, Hyunjin and the psychologist alone in the room. Felix just wanted to sleep, but he also knew if he just did this fastly, the woman would leave and he could snuggle up against Hyunjin.
"Are you okay?" The psychologist asked softly and Felix nodded, his eyes watering from tiredness.
"Do you want to continue or do I come over tomorrow? It's totally your decision Felix. I can leave whenever you want yeah?" Miss Ha Kyun said and Felix once again nodded, turning his body a bit so he was almost laying on his side against Hyunjin's chest, looking at the psychologist.
"I'd like to continue..." Felix said in a small voice, the psychologist smiling sweetly and nodding at the tired boy.
"That's fine, so I heard you've been feeling scared or on edge when you're near men? How come? What do you think will happen when they come near you?" Miss Ha Kyun asked Felix, who sighed and thought for a moment.
"I... I don't know... they look so- so strong or something? I don't know..." Felix tried to explain but couldn't because of all the different reasons that spooked in his head, each one saying different things.
"Do you think they'll do the same to you?" The psychologist asked, tilting her head a bit as Felix again bit his bottom lip.
"I don't know." The younger let out but it was only a whisper, not more than a small and scared breath that left his lips.
"That's alright, it's totally fine not to know certain things okay? Don't worry about it. How do you feel around Hyunjin?" The psychologist asked, and Felix immediately looked up at the smiling Hyunjin, who was already looking down at the beautiful sight.
"Well... I know he won't- I hope- I- I think i'm safe with him... It's like I need his touch to feel loved again, to feel his touch the last instead of..." Felix sighed heavily at the end, not wanting to come back at the memories.
"That's good already, this means you haven't lost trust in all men or all people. You're doing great. Do you have any other urge to do, or something you did before the incident that you want to do right now, less or even more?"
"Well... Not really... I do have an urge to do something that I wanted to before everything already but I can't..." Felix said and trailed off his sentence as a faint whisper, the last two words barely being heard.
"What's that urge? You know you can say anything, it really doesn't matter." The psychologist said and Felix nodded, bit his lips and looked down at his hands, thinking of a way to explain it.
"Well... I can't... I want to- I don't know... Maybe- Maybe hurt myself? Sorry Jinnie..." Felix said as his bottom lip started trembling and he leaned against the older's chest, earning a soft sigh from Hyunjin.
"It's alright baby... It's alright... We'll find something for that, I promise." Hyunjin whispered and kissed the younger's head, holding him close against his body as he caressed his arm up and down.
"Yeah? Well... I do have some tricks to do when you feel like doing that, that are a sort of way of self harm but don't actually harm you. Would you like that?" Miss Ha Kyun asked and Felix nodded, wanting anything to get rid of those thoughts.
"Well, first, ice cubes. You can lay them on your legs, arms, tummy, or you can just squeeze them until they melt. But, you have to watch out for when you take them out of the freezer so they don't burn your skin, yeah? Secondly, drawing, wherever you want to self harm, you can take a marker, eyeliner with powder or anything like that and just draw how you would do it to yourself. Third, you can take a cold bath or shower, but, I want you to only do that when someone is near and not under the temperature of 20C°. You can also make rubber bands snap against your wrists or ankles, or anything like that. What can also be something to relieve those thoughts is to clench your arms or hands around your body or thighs, squeezing your skin but not with your nails. If you really wanna see blood, or a scar, then you can take food coloring or make up to make fake scars. And if you want to have some fun or relieve anger with it, go outside and find a puddle to jump in. Only go outside when someone is with you though, some people have such a bad attack ,they just go to a train track or other things so please don't okay? I'll give you a paper with all the things you can do instead of self harming?"
"I'd like that yeah... thank you." Felix said and sniffled, getting his pink ish nose wiped by Hyunjin who smiled like a dummy towards his cute baby chick.
"Do you have any other ideas for yourself to do instead of self harming?" The psychologist asked, making Felix think about the question for about a few minutes before answering.
"Dancing..." Felix whispered and Hyunjin chuckled lightly, shaking his head as he kissed the top of the younger's head.
"Will you let me join you then? You know how you ended up last time hm..." Hyunjin whispered and pecked Felix's lips, making the younger widen his eyes and suck his lips in, immediately blushing at the fact a psychologist just saw him kissing.
Rather pecking, but it was still a thing no psychologists have to see in his eyes.
"Do you like to dance?" The woman asked and Felix nodded, still being flushed from earlier.
"And what's that about a last time?" She then added with a small smile, making Felix fill his cheeks with air and look at the other side of the room, completely ignoring the psychologist.
"He wanted to change some things for an assignment but ended up passing out because of not eating together with overworking his body." Hyunjin said and grinned at the blushing younger, who let out a soft whine at the memory.
"It wasn't my fault... It was cuz... Just... I... It doesn't matter..." Felix stammered and pouted, looking up at Hyunjin who just kissed the pout away.
"Jinnie...!" Felix whined and pulled the blanket up, almost over his head as the psychologist let out a soft grin and shook her head, seeing how the young couple could be so cute.
"Yes sweets?" Hyunjin teased Felix with a bright smile, caressing his soft cheek.
"I might just harm you instead of myself..." Felix muttered and fastly widened his eyes at the words that slipped out of his mind, into his mouth and then into the world, next the ears of the psychologist and Hyunjin.
"That's a joke. Don't send the police on me. That was really not meant to come out." Felix said immediately to the psychologist, who just laughed softly and shook her head.
"Of course not, I couldn't dare with such a beautiful human."
"And I would rather have you hurt me than yourself lovely." Hyunjin whispered and kissed behind Felix's ear, making him close his eyes and giggle, leaning into the warm touch of the older.
_______________
Well
I technically still have 22 minutes before it's saturday(for me)
Sooooooooo i'm not to late! hehe
I promised for a longer chapter, which it is, but I feel like that probs didn't feel like it cuz it's such a short time in the story itself if that makes sense...
Anygays
word count: 2663