"For all those times you stood by me. For all the truth that you made me see."
My tears welled up as our wedding song started to play sang by a famous local singer. While walking down the long carpet placed near the lake, with no one to walk me, I am having mixed emotions.
The calm stream of lake, the chirping birds above, flash of cameras, the music background of our wedding. It all feels surreal.
It was hard for me to replace my dad even though he had sinned, so I chose not to walk with anyone. My stepdad- Tito Ben, understands where I am coming from. Kahit masakit na wala akong kasamang tatay na maglakad kahit na 'yon ang matagal kong iniisip magmula noon pa man, mas pinili kong kayanin mag-isa.
"For all the joy you brought to my life. For all the wrong that you made right."
To see Jai smiling so sweet at me at the end of the path where I walk is sending me a lot of butterflies in my stomach. He wasn't crying like I imagined, but the way he smiled tells me he's so happy that he's going to spend his lifetime with me.
"For every dream you made come true. For all the love I found in you."
Kahit umiiyak, nakangiti ako sa sobrang saya na nararamdaman. Habang nakikita ko ang mga pamilya at kaibigan namin na may ngiti sa labi habang pinanonood ako, masasabi kong maraming masaya para sa aming dalawa.
They witnessed how our love sent us here in front of our Almighty God.
"I'll be forever thankful, baby. You're the one who held me up. Never let me fall. You're the one who saw me through, through it all."
I am very thankful he's the one God has sent to me to feel what love really feels like. He helped through my ups and downs, even in my darkest times. He made me see things I wasn't able to irrationalize. Ipinaintindi niya sa akin ang mga bagay na hirap akong intindihin.
As the song reached the chorus, I realized more about the things he did for me. No one does it like him.
"You were my strength when I was weak. You were my voice when I couldn't speak. You were my eyes when I couldn't see. You saw the best there was in me. Lifted me up when I couldn't reach. You gave me faith 'cause you believed. I'm everything I am. Because you loved me."
Siguro'y halos mabura na ang makeup ko dahil sa matinding pag-iyak. Habang papalit ako sa kaniya'y mas naiintindihan ko ang mga bagay na ginawa niya para sa akin. He sacrificed a lot for me.
Nang tuluyan akong makalapit sa kaniya, doon ko nakita ang nagbabadyang pagtulo ng luha sa magaganda niyang mga mata. It shined and reflected to mine. Alam kong gusto niyang punasan ang mga luha ko pero hindi niya magawa dahil sa belong tumatakip sa aking mukha.
When the song ended, the ceremony started.
"Welcome, loved ones. We are gathered here today to join Jairus and Kylei in holy matrimony," the priest said.
It wasn't long enough until our exchange of wedding vows.
Habang nakaharap sa kaniya, sigurado akong siya talaga ang gusto kong makasama habambuhay.
Hindi ko mapigilang matawa nang mahina bago simulan ang mga salitang gusto kong sabihin sa kaniya.
"I honestly didn't expect you to be the man I am going to share my vow with. I was truly annoyed at you at first. Ni hindi ko nga makita ang sarili kong magiging kaibigan ka, but you were indeed a God sent, and I thanked Him everyday He gave you to me. Thank you for being my stronghold in this lifetime. Thank you for all the sacrifices and the things you did for me, and I promise to pay and serve you until my last breath . . ." I let out a deep breath before continuing my solemn vow. "Through all of the uncertainties and trials of life, I promise to be faithful to you and love you, so that together we may grow in the likeness of Christ. With you, I know that the home we build together will praise him each and every day. Together, let's face a beautiful life with Him as our guide."
He's crying kaya hindi ko na rin mapigilan ang ang sariling mga luha. He exhaled heavily while looking at me. Pinunasan niya muna ang mga mata bago siya nagsimula.
"The first time I saw you, I knew I want to spend my life with you. Kahit pa ayaw mo, pipilitin kita. I never knew you were that tough to pursue, pero dahil pogi ako, lumambot ka . . ."
Natawa ako pati na rin ang mga bisita. Naiiling ko na lang siyang hinintay pang magsalita.
"I will do everything for you and for this family. With this ring, I promise you that you'll never have to face the world alone. I promise to be there to catch you if you stumble, carry you over every threshold, and fall in love with you every day. You're everything that I ever dreamed of and everything I will ever need. Our love for each other is heaven-sent. Today I vow to be here with you and for you, forever and always."
As he placed our wedding ring, he kissed my forehead.
A few more words from father until he said, "You may now kiss the bride."
He stared at me so lovely that I thought no one's around and watching us. He slowly went near me and let our lips meet. Everything feels so magical and surreal. I held his nape while he caressed my cheeks. Not long enough, he finished the kiss.
"I love you, Mrs. Villaverde," he whispered sweetly.
Nang matapos ang seremonya ng kasal at natapos ang pagkuha ng mga litrato, pumunta na kami sa wedding reception malapit lang din sa lugar.
We thanked all of the people who came to witness our wedding.
"I'm so happy for you . . ." Mil hugged me tightly.
"Thank you, Mil. Thank you, kung hindi dahil sa 'yo, baka hanggang ngayon single ako," biro ko sa kaniya.
Raya kissed me on the cheek. "Congrats, girl."
I smiled dearly at her. "Thank you binreak mo siya," natatawa kong sabi.
Natawa na lang din siya at hindi na nagsalita. Tita Meryll and Tito Cain draw near to congratulate us, too.
"Please understand our son kahit minsan matigas ang ulo niya," sabi sa akin ni Tita.
"I will, tita . . ."
"Mommy, anak. Call me mommy," she responded.
I hugged her. Maging si mommy at Tito Ben ay lumapit na sa amin para kausapin kaming dalawa. Pati na rin si Reneil na buhat si Neil. Lahat sila niyakap at pinasalamatan ko. Hanggang gabi'y marami kaming kasama hanggang sa unti-unti na rin silang nagpaalam at lumalalim na ang gabi.
Pamilya na lang namin ang natira na nagpapaalam na ring uuwi na.
"Thank God, pwede na kitang solohin," bulong ni Jai sa gilid ko.
Nakiliti ako sa paraan ng pagbulong niya sa tenga ko kaya naman agad ko siyang tinulak palayo habang natatawa.
I don't know how many glass of wine I have drank until I noticed he's carrying me home. Tatawa-tawa pa ako habang buhat niya, dulot siguro ng kalasingan dahil hindi naman ako sanay uminom. Maging siya'y kakaibang ngiti rin ang meron sa labi. Dahan-dahan niya akong ibinaba sa malambot naming kama.
"You look really cute when you're drunk, my love," he commented.
"I love you . . ." I mumbled. "I love you so much."
He kissed the top of my head while removing his white long-sleeved. I think it was the first time I saw him undressing himself. Hindi na mawala roon ang tingin ko. Nag-iinit ang pakiramdam ko habang pinanonood siya.
"I'll just take a shower," he informed me. "Gusto mong sumama?"
Siguro dahil sa tama ng alak at sa katunayan na kasal na rin naman kami, tumango ako at sumunod sa kaniya. Hindi na para mahiya pa sa isa't isa dahil habambuhay na kaming magsasanang dalawa. He was the one who undressed me. Hindi ko mapigilang mamula habang timitingnan at hubad niyang kabuuan.
I feel like I'm red as a tomato right now while scrutinizing his whole physique.
God, how did you make an almost perfect man?
I let him touch me. Hinayaan ko siyang sabunan ako kahit kaya ko naman. The four corners was filled with our sweet laughter until we were done refreshing. Tanging tuwalya ang nakatabing sa aming mga balat nang muli niya akong buhatin papunta sa kama.
That night, with the blessing of God, we made love.
Morning came and I woke up resting my head on his chest. Nang mag-angat ako ng tingin sa kaniya'y gising na siya at nakatitig pa sa akin. I smiled when he kissed my forehead. It's one of the things I like him doing.
"Good morning, Mrs. Villaverde," he uttered.
"Good morning . . ." I yawned.
Hindi siya nagsalita at tumitig pa rin sa akin.
"I love you to see you like this every morning until our hairs turn gray. I love to watch you wake up in between my arms . . ." He smiled. "Every time I see you, I realize how blessed I am to have you."
Umiling ako. "I'm more than blessed because of you, babe. Thank you . . ."
Hinaplos niya ang aking mukha. He's staring intently at me like I'm a found treasure he wants to hide forever in him. With so much love, he kissed my lips.
"You don't need to use my surname, attorney. It's all because of you," he said.
Napangiti ako. From the start he knows that when I'm already professional, I won't use the surname of the man I will marry because I want to appreciate my struggles while I'm reaching my goals. So I thank him for taking note of that, and appreciating my hardships too.
Alam niyang ako ang may gawa ng pangalan ko ngayon.
"Thank you for everything, my love." I kissed him.
He showered me with kisses until we ended up making love again on that peaceful morning.
We faced a lot while dealing with each other, and I will forever be thankful that he didn't give up on me. He sacrificed almost everything for me. He fought the very first man I love. He helped me achieve my plans. He gave me things I didn't ask for. He risked his life for the justice of the people's life that dad has taken.
I will always admire him for being brave.
He made me realize a lot of things, and one of it is to appreciate the people who was there to help me even though I think that I don't need anyone in my life. Ipinaintindi niya sa aking minsan hindi naman masama maging mahina. Hindi masamang mapagod. Hindi masamang umiyak. Hindi masamang mahirapan kasi tao lang ako at napapagod din kung minsan.
I wasn't able to forget him, and I know by now I will not choose to jilt him when times get tough because he's one of the reasons why I am living. Palagi kong pipiliing lumaban para sa kaniya, bagay na lagi niyang ginagawa para sa akin.
He will always be the first one I will always thank God for. I thank Him for bringing Jai's existence into my life. I thank everyone who influenced him to be mature. I thank his parents for raising such a good man.
Those times I chose to jilt the fearless was one of things I don't want to go back to. He doesn't deserve to be forgotten because no matter how hard I try, he will always have a special place in my heart that no one could ever replace.
He wasn't fearless at all.
He fears me slipping my hand on his grip.
He wasn't fearless because he fears losing me.