CHAPTER FIVE
song: it almost worked — tv girl
HER MOM CALLED her name from downstairs. She even flinched at the sound, as if hearing her mother pronouncing it triggered her. Whatever it was that she wanted, it didn't seem to be good. She sighed as she dragged herself off her bed, leaving the book she was reading on her side table.
Her mind rushed with ideas of what it could be that her mom, Joanna, wanted to talk about with her. Rachel immediately thought about the 'cigarette incident' being exposed. Or worse. Her escape from detention along with Kai. Both of those options made her stomach hurt, already imagining her religious mother's reaction and the punishment she'd receive.
She made it downstairs, her legs a little bit shaky as she walked towards her mother, who was breastfeeding Rachel's youngest brother sitting on a chair.
"Rachel, sit down" said Joanna gesturing at the chair in front of her. She did as her mother said "I just got a call from school."
Rachel gulped "Oh. Did something happen?" She tried to act innocent, hoping there was a way for her to duck out of the situation.
Joanna frowned "I don't know, you tell me." But before Rachel could confess, she continued "You don't have to pretend with me, I'm your mother." She sounded worried rather than angry.
Maybe it had nothing to do with her latest... adventures.
"I know, I'm sorry." Rachel responded, even though she didn't really know what she was apologizing for. She just wished to go back upstairs.
"It's okay, sweetheart." she sighed "The principal told me about how you stormed off from Mary Anne's tribute, and considering how this summer you attempted to..." She couldn't say the words out loud "Your father and I are worried." Yet her dad wasn't even around to have that talk. "We pray for you every day. And for Mary Anne too. And we're paying for therapy and we're trying a bunch of other things that people at church recommended to us... What else can we do for you?"
Rachel pressed her lips together. That was definitely not what she had expected to be talking about but she felt relieved that Mr. Rogers hadn't mentioned anything about her behavioral issues.
Even though Joanna was somewhat in a 'good mood', Rachel was horrified about the outcome if she'd ever found out about everything she had done the past few days. Her parents were strict. Very strict. They wanted perfection in all ways achievable, which was a very high expectation to meet when it came to Rachel.
Academically she wasn't doing bad but she wasn't doing good either, she had pretty average grades. On the social side, she only had Amy now. And her parents would freak out if they knew Rachel was hanging out with someone like her. They'd say something like 'she worships the devil' and forbid Rachel from seeing her friend again.
Her parents were extremely religious and they had always tried to push those beliefs into their kids, ultimately obtaining the opposite. At least for her.
"I'm fine, mom." She clearly wasn't.
"Who are you trying to fool with that?" Joanna shook her head.
"I'm dealing with it. At my own pace" Rachel explained "It's been a very weird week. I started this school year without Mary Anne, I saw the memorial on her locker, then I had to do the final prayer and— I don't know. Just a lot of things to digest at once."
Joanna nodded as she caressed her baby boy's head "I understand. I just want you to be... comfortable enough to tell us what you need. That type of behavior in public will just keep embarrassing our family." And she blew it, like she always did. "It's already a disgrace that you go to therapy, as if the love of God wasn't enough to overcome the pain from grief."
What the actual fuck? Rachel thought.
Her mother didn't worry about Rachel's mental health but about the image of their perfect family being destroyed because of it.
"That's because she doesn't believe in God, mother." Her oldest sister walked into the living room with a faint innocent smile on her face. "But she's scared to say it out loud."
Imogen. Rachel despised her and it was mutual. They had never gotten along. For some reason, Rachel was always being compared to her since she was the perfect daughter. Highest grades in her class, popular amongst students, extremely helpful at home... Before she graduated, having to see her everyday at high school and at home, was beyond tiring.
"That's not true." Rachel defended herself, even though her sister was right "I do believe."
"Right. That's why you never pray and you're always making up excuses for not coming to church with us." She took a sit "But it's fine I guess." She shrugged "The doors to heaven will be locked for you."
Rachel opened her mouth in shock at her sister's words and then she looked at her mother "Mom!" She whined, waiting for some sort of reaction from her. "Did you hear what she just said!?"
Joanna sighed "That's rude of Imogen, yes. But I think it's not far from the truth. You certainly have not been coming to church with us, Rachel. Any explanation you want to give us to that?"
Rachel had already lost the battle. When it came to Imogen, there was little she could do against her. Imogen was the golden child, the first perfect daughter that Joanna's church friends wished to have as their own.
Still, she tried. Rachel swallowed harshly, looking down at her hands. "Every time I go I remember Mary Anne's funeral and how miserable I was." She confessed, lowering her voice.
"Well, honey, it's been a couple months now. I think it's time for you to move on, don't you? I believe that's what Mary Anne would want." said Joanna with her common fake sympathy tone.
"But I—" Rachel tried to complain.
Raising a hand to shush her, her mother interrupted her "You'll be coming to church with us on Sunday. No discussion."
"Mom—"
"I said no discussion." Joanna repeated sternly. "We've had too much compassion for you these past months. Enough."
Rachel huffed as she stood up from the chair. She wasn't mad about going to church, it was the fact that her older sister managed to make it happen in order to spite her.
"Thanks to you, prick." She said to Imogen.
"Language!" Joanna raised her voice "What a vulgar young lady you are!"
Rachel shook her head, biting her tongue as she ignored her mother's words and went up the stairs again, stomping on each step.
"You're welcome, little sis!" She heard Imogen say in a mocking tone.
Rachel groaned in annoyance. She made it to her room and slammed the door shut not caring about the consequences that could bring her. Her other sister, Grace, who was peacefully combing her hair wrapped in a white towel in front of their shared vanity, flinched at the sound.
"Jesus." She said, bringing a hand up to her chest "What happened?"
"Nothing." Rachel replied irritated, grabbing her walkman, shoving an AC/DC tape on it and plugging on her headphones.
Grace was only two years older than Rachel. Imogen was twenty one. That made Rachel the middle child, considering they had another little sister called Sarah who was seven years old. And like every middle child, she was usually forgotten about.
The only person in the whole family Rachel liked being around was Grace. Even though they weren't very similar, their personalities complemented each other's. Grace was sweet, kind and rational which helped Rachel's impulsive and destructive side calm down. She was also very empathetic and a really good listener.
Sometimes Rachel thought their relationship had become strong due to them having to share their bedroom since they were little. But every time she talked with Grace, she would realize it was simply because her sister was the only person who genuinely cared for her and loved her. And Rachel did too.
"Mother's on Imogen's side again, isn't she?" Grace tried to keep the conversation going, leaving the hairbrush on the vanity and turning to Rachel "What'd she do this time?"
Rachel sighed, plopping on her bed "She told her I haven't been praying and now mom's making me go to church with you on Sunday." She made a short pause, hesitantly "I'm not sure I'm ready." She confessed.
Grace twisted her lips, analyzing the situation before responding "It's okay, Ray. I'll be there with you." She smiled faintly at her little sister "Plus, this Sunday they're making a memorial service to honor the kids who died at the school shooting in Portland four months ago, since this school year has just started and all. We'll pray for them and their families."
Rachel perked her ears up when she heard 'Portland', remembering that's where Josette and Kai used to live before moving to Willowdale.
"Do you know the family who moved here recently? Like, at the beginning of summer?" continued Grace, as if she could read Rachel's mind. She nodded in response "Their kids were there, that's why they changed schools. Very tragic." She sighed loudly, turning back to face the vanity's mirror.
"How'd you know?" asked Rachel, observing her.
"They go to church every Sunday" Grace shrugged "And you know mother loves to talk to other families, specially big ones like ours."
"They're a big family?" Rachel frowned "I thought they only had two kids."
"Oh no, they've had like six" Grace chuckled slightly "And I think they want more, or so I've heard." She continued to brush her damp blonde hair "They're all very nice, though. Their oldest daughter— what was her name? Ugh, I don't remember. Something like... Janette?"
"Josette?"
"Yes! Josette. She's really sweet. I've talked to her a few times."
"What about her twin brother?" Rachel narrowed her eyes with curiosity "Malachai?"
"Um..." Grace looked up, as if she was trying to remember "He doesn't talk much with anybody. He's always... observing. I don't know. Mother doesn't like him, she says he seems like a punk. Why?"
Rachel rolled her eyes. She could imagine the tone in her mother's voice saying that. "Nothing, they both go to school with me."
"That's great. See? Now you can get to know them a little bit more on Sunday." Grace smiled "Another reason why you should come."
If only she knew how much Rachel wanted to be as far from Kai as possible.
"As if I had another choice" Rachel scoffed putting on her headphones, ending the conversation between them.
a/n: boring filler chapter kinda but i feel like i had to show a bit of rachel's life and family context. i promise next chapters are sm better! bear with me.
—lex