Heavy Eyes
We were back at base. It was pretty late, and everybody was going to bed. The pain in my shoulder was still there, I had patched it up but it was going to be a nasty healing process.
I needed a release. I went deep inside my bag, curling my fingers around a little box. I grabbed it and slowly made my way outside to the rocks by the pond.
The scenery seemed frozen in time the moment Ghost and I left. The moonlight, the sounds and ambience remained unchanged. I felt at peace being alone, it was silent, allowing me to delve into my own thoughts.
I inhaled deeply and reached for a cigarette from the pack, lighting it up.
The taste will always be bad, but I didn't mind the buzz. It's a habit I picked up from one of my medic buddies when we were rookies. I didn't do it unless I was stressed or confused. And right now I am very confused. I don't think I would ever get answers from Ghost about us. I don't think there will ever be an us. I think it's better it stays that way too.
But damn, ever since that night I've been feeling ... different. Even though he hurt me by leaving, I feel changed now. It's unsettling.
I took another drag from my cigarette until the unmistakable gruff voice reached my ears.
"Those aren't good for you." He walked up behind me, crossing his arms.
I tensed up. "Yeah, there are a lot of things that aren't good for me, but I still do it anyway." I kept my eyes on the water. This was the first interaction between us that wasn't just a couple of words.
My response was flat, but I wanted to stay numb to emotions now. It was better for me.
"What are you doing out here anyways?"
"I could ask you the same thing." Ghost said, leaning against one of the rocks next to me.
I watched his actions. It was almost like he was asserting his dominance against me by the way he was standing.
I shifted my gaze to him, observing the tattoo that was partially visible under his rolled-up sleeve. "What are your tattoos about?" I said, partly out of curiosity, and the other to engage in conversation.
Ghost shifted closer to me, both of us now sitting on the rock. My heart raced when his body moved closer to mine. I pushed aside my thoughts from last night and yearned for his touch once more. I didn't care he ignored me. I've learned to enjoy his presence.
"You don't want to get to know me, Sloan." He remarked, casting a glance down in my direction.
I hesitated, feeling hurt by his words. Before I knew it I took my hand and placed it on top of his.
I could feel his hand tense up by my actions. He jerked his head in my direction, glaring at me. Or at least that's what it looked like.
There was a moment of vulnerability from him. He allowed me to follow through with my actions. But it was a sudden transformation when he immediately stood to his feet.
Ghost was walking away from me, like I was the one who hurt him when in reality my heart was shattered. I didn't want to feel this way, I really didn't understand what I was feeling with him.
It's a crazy thing what someone can do to you in a matter of minutes. The memories pile up in your mind of everything that went right and wrong. You don't even consider the possibility that when someone walks away from you, it might be the last time you ever speak to them.
But I was going to make sure that didn't happen.
I ran up alongside him, trying to make him stop from entering the base. I attempted to grab his arm but once again, he pulled it away abruptly.
I gave up. There was nothing that was going to make him stop. I yelled to him as he was walking away. "I thought you would care. But no, you're just an asshole of a lieutenant who doesn't give a shit about anybody but himself!"
My breath hitched when I saw him stop and turn around.
He quickly walked over to me. "You really think me fucking you would make me care about you?" He yelled.
I trembled in his presence, overwhelmed by the pain I felt. My body was shaking, and my breathing stopped. Never in my life have I felt this amount of pain in my heart.
He loomed above me, his angered breaths echoed through my ears. I longed to express countless thoughts, yet my voice failed me. I eventually mustered out three brief words.
"I hate you." My words dripped with resentment and pain.
He snickered, inching closer to my face. "Good. Let's keep it that way."
My eyes filled up with tears. The ringing in my ears deafened me, I felt like I couldn't control myself. My knees met the hard ground, stranded in the darkness of the night.
"I fucking hate you." I whispered to myself as he walked away. I tried to wipe away the stray tears that fell down my face but it was no use. They kept coming in endless waves. Why was he doing this to me?
My body felt weak against the ground. I physically couldn't get up. It felt as if I had a heavy shroud of sorrow enveloping me, dragging me down. There was no way I was going to get any sleep tonight. I just needed to make sure I was ready for our mission tomorrow.
But he was coursing through my veins, and I couldn't get him out.
Everything will change.
Sounds of shouting caught my attention. The soft morning light coaxed my bloodshot eyes open. I was sitting upright against a hard, cold rock. I didn't remember falling asleep last night at all.
I felt completely disoriented. I would hear voices, but couldn't tell where they were coming from. My eyes would try and stay open, but they would fall back down again. I didn't know what was happening.
"Hattie!" I opened my eyes yet again, finding Soap's worried expression before me.
"Why are you yelling?" I rubbed my eyes, hoping to shake off the drowsiness. My response was brief, my energy for words was nearly depleted.
He reached out in concern, his touch on my shoulder triggering a wave of pure agony within me. I hissed in pain, moving my shoulder away from his hand.
"Fuck that hurt." I said, trying to move my arm to take a better look at my shoulder but I couldn't.
"Oh fuckin' hell, Gho!-" Soap yelled. I immediately stopped him from saying that god forsaken name. "No, don't call for him. Is it bad?" I questioned.
His silence and demeanor spoke volumes, telling me everything I needed to know. My shoulder wasn't good.
He assisted me to my feet, my body felt drained of all my strength I had. We slowly walked into the base, placing me down on one of the beds in the medical wing. The pain in my shoulder was excruciating.
"I'm no doctor, but that doesn't look good. I should go get somebody." Soap said, leaving my side.
I hesitantly looked at my shoulder. It was black and blue, swollen and infected. I didn't realize how bad it was until I woke up this morning. I'm starting to think the reason I fell asleep last night was because of this infection.
A few minutes passed, and I was getting very impatient. If I could decipher the words on the medications, I could have done it myself by now.
My head turned towards Alejandro and a woman behind him. She looked older, and was wearing regular clothes. I had no idea who she was.
"Hi." I greeted her.
She gave a small smile, walking up beside me. Her demeanor radiated a gentle and serene presence.
"Mind if I take a look?" I nodded. Her hand moved to my shoulder, marking the areas where it was infected and swollen. I watched her every move, clenching my jaw from the sensitive areas she touched.
She injected something in my skin that made my shoulder feel like it was on fire. I could feel the liquid coursing through my skin, penetrating every nerve ending. I couldn't breathe from the pain I was enduring. My body ached, I felt like I was burning from the inside out.
Soap and Alejandro noticed my struggling and immediately went to my side. Soap took my hand. "Squeeze it as hard as you need to. Break my hand if you want." I chuckled, gripping his hand. I felt deeply appreciative of Soap and Alejandro in this moment. Ghost left an emptiness in my heart that I doubt could ever be filled.
The torment was reaching its end. The poking and prodding was finished, and the lady finally wrapped my arm to secure it. I felt way better than before, the I.V. helped replenish my energy and the infection that was spreading.
Alejandro walked over to the other side of me. "What the hell did she put inside of me? I felt like I was going to die."
He chuckled. "It's something we like to use here in Mexico. We swear by it. You'll heal up in no time. But for now, you're not coming with us on this mission."
My eyes widened and a flutter in my heart caught me off guard. "No way. I'm coming with you guys."
"I'm sorry, but this isn't up for discussion. You're injured, and I refuse to let you suffer from any further harm that could happen on this mission." He offered me a half-hearted smile, clearly attempting to avoid angering me.
I rolled my eyes glaring at him as he left the room. This was bullshit. I am going to go on this mission whether he likes it or not.
Soap left me about an hour ago, the sun poured into my room, casting its orange and red hues. It was beginning to set, and my plan was going to succeed, regardless of their approval of my presence.
I quickly took the I.V. out of my arm, wrapping a bandage around it to stop the bleeding. I was still sore, the ache in my shoulder urged me to stay, yet my intuition pushed me forward. My instincts warned me of the impending trouble, urging me to go and stop whatever it was.
I quickly made my way to my room. Putting on my clothes was a bitch, but I managed. I had to sit down on my bed to regain the strength and energy I was going to need for this mission.
My shoes were staring me down by the side of my bed. That was the last thing I needed before I was going to leave, but I was trying to gain the courage to do it.
I eventually mustered the strength to put my shoes on. I'm not going to lie either, I fought through the pain, grunting and struggling all the while.
"You're not doing what I think you're going to do." His voice startled me, my heart jumped in my chest from the sudden scare.
I couldn't bring myself to look back at him, I was hurt and pissed off.
"I'm going, whether you guys like it or not, lieutenant." I emphasized that specific word. It had an effect on him somehow. I finished tying off my boots not sparing a glance at Ghost.
He immediately walked to my side. He firmly took hold of my chin, insisting that I look at him. I smirked from his reaction. I knew it.
"Wipe that smug look off of your face before I do it for you." He seethed.
That only fueled my fire. I tilted my head in his grasp. "Why? Does it do something to you?" My eyebrows knit together in a gesture of innocence as I stared up at him. His body language revealed the struggle he was having with his emotions.
He dropped his hand from my chin and left the room with a defeated demeanor. I was glad he left. I couldn't take more of his attitude with me lately.
I watched him leave. His hands were gripped in tight fists, while his head hung low. If this was his attitude all the time, I'd never want to deal with him.
Ever.