It was cozily warm in San's car. San turned on the heaters immediately when he started the car and the warmth helped Wooyoung to feel comfortable. Both were vibing to a Taemin track at that moment, and San kept his eyes focused on the road while Wooyoung did some subtle dance movements with his arms.
There were still around two hours left until they'd reach their destination. San drove a little slower than he usually would because of the snowfall, but that was fine. It would be afternoon once they'd arrived, which was perfect.
When they talked about this day three weeks ago, both agreed on introducing San as Wooyoung's boyfriend. Wooyoung had shivered jokingly and said that his parents would kill him if they knew that he married someone without telling them.
So here they were, on their way to Daegu to spend Christmas with Wooyoung's parents. San felt somewhat nervous but also excited to get to know the people who raised the person sitting next to him. He wondered from whom Wooyoung got his pretty smile — the smile that was so bright it could light up any room, and he wondered how the parents would react to him. San was determined to make a good appearance, but it was also important to him to not look out of the ordinary.
Wooyoung thought that the gray pullover San wore fit him very well. A single silver earring decorated each of his ears and overall he looked relaxed and peaceful. It was nice seeing him like this. San seemed more stressed lately, so this view definitely warmed Wooyoung's heart. Looking at him, a certain feeling spread in his chest.
The strong feeling that this Christmas would be special.
...
The snow crunched under their shoes as they made their way to the house. Excitement shot through Wooyoung's veins at the sight of his parents' decorated fences, windows, and the door. It was smaller than San's property, that was for sure. But it looked warm, cozy, and friendly. San waited for Wooyoung. He was currently busy closing the gate, and when he was done, both walked to the doorstep together.
Wooyoung did a happy dance (or according to San: tried to get warm in the cold) once he rang the doorbell and waited for his parents to welcome them. It didn't take long until a middle-aged woman opened the door and smiled brightly at Wooyoung. She immediately took her son into her arms and plastered his cheeks with kisses while telling him how much she missed him.
San smiled at the sight and even more at the realization that Wooyoung had his mother's smile. Suddenly, the pretty woman made eye contact with San, and the latter stiffened up slightly, holding the handles of the bags in his hand tighter than before, and smiled nervously when she approached him.
"Nice to finally meet you! I'm Nari, Wooyoung's mother," she smiled sweetly, and he nodded politely in response.
"I-I'm San."
He wanted to slap himself in the face for stuttering. It wasn't until he opened his mouth that he realized how nervous he actually was. Wooyoung's mother giggled before asking both of them to come inside.
San was immediately greeted with a warmth that caused goosebumps to travel over his body. The contrast was intense to the temperature outside, but it was also an unfamiliar and new feeling. The warmness surrounding his body wasn't the only kind of warmth he felt. It reached his heart for some reason and made him feel welcomed. The warmth was friendly and comfortable.
While San took careful steps forward, Wooyoung already rushed to the living room to take his father into his arms. The sight was heartwarming. At this moment, Wooyoung was a child again. The man was a few inches taller than his son and that allowed Wooyoung to nuzzle his cheek against his father's shoulder. The middle-aged man had a bright smile on his face as he let his hand stroke over Wooyoung's gray pullover and San could tell just by the view that the father was a good man.
San awkwardly stood in the doorframe and didn't know what to do. When Nari noticed that, she put her hand on his shoulder and smiled while asking him to come with her for a minute.
She led him to a room that San made out as Wooyoung's. He placed the bags on the floor and didn't even dare to look around longer than five seconds before he closed the door again. Nari then walked to the kitchen and asked San to come inside with a quick hand movement.
Happiness radiated off the woman. She was honestly beautiful to San — Nari had black and long hair, was about a head smaller than Wooyoung, and a dark red dress complimented her body. What made her the prettiest, though, was the smile. He was so captivated by the beauty that he didn't even notice her preparing tea that she eventually poured into a cup and pushed into San's hands.
"Careful, it's very hot!" she warned and looked at him expectantly when he sipped the tea. San looked up with a smile, told her that it tasted good, and also thanked her for making it in the first place.
Nari nodded and looked at him affectionately. San almost felt overwhelmed by the gaze. He wasn't used to a mother looking at him through these eyes. "No need to be shy. I'm genuinely happy that I get to meet you. Wooyoung never brought his past boyfriends home, you know? You must be very special to him, and I can feel that he is happy. I felt it the moment I looked into his eyes. There's something different about him. You must take good care of him, and every person who treats my son well is loved by me. Especially when that person has eyes as gorgeous as yours."
Nari's words were so much to take in at once, and when he heard the compliment, he could feel his cheeks heat up to the warmth equal to the tea in the cup he was holding.
"And your dimples, wow, I'm jealous!" she laughed, "My son has good taste. You're so handsome."
San didn't know what to do with himself. He didn't know what to say or how to react, so he just stood and hoped he could stop the blush from spreading across his cheeks. He didn't want to sound full of himself, but he definitely was used to receiving compliments. This, however, felt much different.
"So here you two are. My wife stole you before we could introduce ourselves," Wooyoung's father chuckled, and his voice sounded cheerful. "You can call me Jae."
San introduced himself too and things felt a little less overwhelming from that moment on. Nari suggested that they should start eating since it was already afternoon, and they all felt hungry, so they began to set the table. Once all sat down on the floor mats, San took in the decorations properly. There was a small Christmas tree in the corner of the living room, fairy lights and Christmas decorations on the walls, and a single mistletoe hanging above the door frame. He smiled weakly at the sight of the last detail and thought that it was sweet that Wooyoung's parents included it in their decoration.
"So, San, what do you do for a living?"
Jae's question immediately caught his attention. He decided that going into detail wasn't necessary and told him that he helped his father in their family business. Both parents nodded at that. When Nari joined the conversation, she added that San's father must be very proud of him.
He just nodded. I hope that he is. Looking over at Wooyoung, he saw that he silently ate his food and didn't seem interested in joining the conversation yet.
"You missed your mother's cooking, huh?" Nari teased and giggled when Wooyoung looked up at her with stuffed cheeks. He swallowed and nodded enthusiastically.
"I hope you like it as well," she added and addressed her words to San, "I know that the food of everyone's own mother tastes the best, but I hope that it comes at least close!"
San stopped chewing for a moment and Wooyoung immediately looked up to his mother, gesturing with his hand that she shouldn't speak any further. Nari's eyes were immediately filled with worry and guilt.
"I said something wrong, didn't I? I'm sorry."
San immediately shook his head and showed a warm smile. The words did catch him off guard for a moment, but only because he couldn't relate to any of them, and it was important to him that the good mood wouldn't change. "You didn't! It's just that... I didn't get the chance to try my mother's cooking. It's really good, thank you!"
She smiled back and tilted her head to the side while eyeing him. For a few seconds, it was silent. Then she added something with a warm smile and hoped that it wouldn't be overwhelming.
"Hey. You have me now, okay? You can always come by to eat! With or without Wooyoung."
"Hey!" Wooyoung huffed and everyone laughed at the response.
More conversations followed. The first few questions were mostly for San. They asked about his age, his birthday, what his hobbies were, and so on. The question of how and when they met was mentioned too of course, and just like always they'd tell the same story. Wooyoung told his parents about his dance classes and the competition he'd attend once the next semester started and added that Yeosang was doing well too.
Nari eyed her son and San with interest. It was a new experience for her too after all and she allowed herself to be a little nosy. She thought that this was some sort of mother privilege and smirked before asking her question.
"Did you two get to watch the first snow together?"
San raised his eyebrow at first, especially because Wooyoung cleared his throat at the question, and then nodded. "We were lucky enough to experience it together, yes."
"Wonderful." She smiled excitedly and did a happy dance, "You know, our Wooyoungie believes a lot in the first snow myth, so that makes me very happy to hear!"
San turned his head to the side and laughed at Wooyoung who was fighting for his life to suppress the smile that was about to form on his lips. He avoided San's eyes at all costs.
"Ah, is that right?" San teased and nudged Wooyoung's shoulder who slapped his arm in response while chuckling. You little liar.
Nari only snickered at the sight. When their laughter died down a little, San's hand slowly brushed over the floor mat both of them were sitting on. Wooyoung didn't know if it was intentional, but their pinkies touched. And none of them pulled their hands away.
"I believe in it too," he said and automatically looked at Wooyoung. The latter lifted his head to look at San and then averted his eyes a second later, soon looking at their touching pinky fingers and his heart skipped a beat.
Wooyoung didn't know if this was part of his act, if he just said that to please his parents or if that were his honest thoughts, but that didn't change the effect the words had on him. The fact that he couldn't differ from the reality or the lie anymore somehow scared him, but weirdly enough it also comforted him. He didn't want to know. At that moment, his heart felt alive. And if the warmth surrounding his heart was caused by a lie, then so be it.
It had gotten dark outside and the mood was even better now that everyone warmed up with each other. They decided to clean the table and Nari prepared some snacks when Wooyoung and San returned to the table. When Jae sat back down as well, he placed a few board games and a deck of cards on it with an excited smile.
"We do this every year. Usually, Wooyoung got to choose the first game of the evening, but since you're here for the first time, you get to choose!"
San had eyed the card deck for the entire time ever since Jae placed it on the table and reached for it immediately. He had an excited glint in his eyes and Nari enthusiastically clapped her hands when she saw the game San picked. She had returned with the snacks at the right time.
"We don't have alcohol, I hope that's okay. But we have plenty of snacks!"
San waved his hands at Nari's words. "Oh, snacks are fine! I don't drink anymore."
He facepalmed internally. Nothing about his sentence was wrong or inappropriate, but it was crazy to him how much difference one simple word could make to a sentence. How much it could change its meaning. The word would now throw a question into the room and for whatever reason, his eyes immediately snapped to Wooyoung when that exact scenario happened.
"Anymore?"
Wooyoung whispered to San that he could tell them and that it would be fine. So with a few seconds passing, he found enough courage to reveal this detail about himself. "I struggled with an alcohol addiction a while ago."
"And you thought we'd judge you for that? Hey, you're not alone! I did as well, that's why we don't have any alcohol," Jae explained and patted San's shoulder a few times, "No more sulking. This is supposed to be fun, hm?"
San smiled and nodded. Jae somehow reminded him of his own father when San would spend time with him alone and when he got to witness his true self. He hadn't witnessed it for quite a while now and felt something inside of him tear at the thought, but he pushed it aside quickly. This day was supposed to be good, fun, and relaxing. And he wouldn't let any thought ruin that for him.
"So, are we going to play or what?" San chuckled and Nari cheered happily. It was obvious that card games were her favorite and she even threatened San that she was a very good player and he should be scared.
He shivered playfully and then started to mix the cards. It didn't just end here though. He suddenly started to do some tricks while mixing them and Wooyoung gasped. That was the first time he'd seen San handle cards and the sight excited him. With a glint in San's eyes, he did another trick and smirked.
"Good luck... I'm pretty good at them as well."
For the next hour, San and Nari played as if their lives depended on it. Wooyoung and Jae had been out in the first ten minutes anyway, so they just decided to watch the heated card games between the two. Whenever San lost, he threw his head back and whined and everyone else would laugh at him, whenever Nari lost she'd throw a peanut at San and the same thing would repeat.
It was a fun time and Wooyoung felt how his heart became mushy and warm at the sight of his family being happy and content.
"Why don't you show San around the house and garden a little?" Nari suggested.
Both of them liked the idea and got up. San just followed Wooyoung and not long after, they were standing inside his room. Wooyoung turned the light on and the other closed the door behind him. San chuckled when Wooyoung tripped over one of the bags he placed inside the room in a rush earlier and threw him a death glance before sitting down on his bed. He bounced a little on it because of the mattress.
"These are medals I won at dance contests. They're pretty old though."
San smiled while looking at the white wall that displayed the golden metal discs and ribbons. "The fact that they're old doesn't change the fact that you won them."
The next thing he saw was a huge teddy bear in the corner of the room, right in front of the bed. Wooyoung's room was kind of small so there wasn't much space for anything except a wardrobe, desk, and bed. But that was exactly why the plush stuck out so much.
"A gift from Yeosang."
"Yeosang..." San repeated, "You two are very close, aren't you?"
His fingers softly twisted one of the bear's ears, then let them brush down to the fluffy nose. Wooyoung answered that they definitely are and San weakly pursed his lips at that.
"How close exactly?"
Wooyoung snorted at that. "Why does it matter? Are you jealous?"
"Nope. Just curious," he answered with an overdone smile. "Nice teddy bear."
Wooyoung hummed at that and eyed San up and down. He didn't see this expression on his face before and felt amused but also confused. Yeosang has never been a topic in our conversations before, at least not to this extent. And now he asks this question after finding out the teddy bear is a gift from Yeosang?
"Come on, I'll show you the garden."
...
San rubbed his hands together at the coldness hitting his exposed skin and Wooyoung too shivered at the freezing temperature. Both hid their hands in their jacket pockets and began to walk. The garden was illuminated by the light that shone through the windows and helped them see the surroundings. Slow and steady steps crunched in the snow and sometimes their elbows would brush against each other, creating an intimate atmosphere.
"Your parents are amazing."
"They truly are. I'm so lucky, I know that not everyone gets to have this naturally."
San nodded at that. They walked some more and enjoyed each other's company. Both of them felt at peace, watched their breaths appear in front of their mouths, and felt the cold air in their lungs. And suddenly, San was gone.
"San? Where-"
Something hit Wooyoung's chest. When he looked down at himself, he saw a snowball fall apart on his black jacket and heard San's laugh fill the silence. Wooyoung giggled when he detected San in a corner and crouched down to form a snowball with his hands too. It was insanely cold and stung, and his hands turned red in an instant, but that didn't matter. "So you want a war? I see how it is!"
Wooyoung started to run after San and the latter let out a squeal. Unfortunately, the snowball flew past San but the chasing didn't stop. Wooyoung was close to him, San was already within reach and when he finally got a grip of his jacket, San slipped and fell right into the snow.
As if that wasn't enough, Wooyoung fell right on top of him because his hand was still tightly clutching onto San's jacket. He instinctively placed both of his hands on each side of San's head to not crush him completely.
Both laughed and panted from running. Their eyes met and Wooyoung suddenly got a deja vu from the time they were in Las Vegas. Back then, San had panicked when Wooyoung was this close to him. Now, however, his eyes looked calm.
It was almost funny to Wooyoung how the roles seemed to have changed. Three months ago it was him that looked at San calmly when he was on top of him. But now he felt his heart race, heard it thump in his ears, and it was San that radiated peace this time.
San's fingers went up to Wooyoung's hair to brush a few snowflakes out of the black strands. When their eyes met, he felt immense comfort flood over him. If San had to describe what he felt at that moment, he would've described it as an ocean inside of him. Deep, but steady and calm waves. The snow felt so cold against his back, but his heart felt so, so warm looking at the one above him.
And for some reason, he lifted his head. Only slightly and painfully slow. He didn't know what he was doing. Wooyoung must've felt similar because his head was lowering instead, and both still looked each other unsurely in the eyes.
They pushed the fact that they kissed away for as long as they could, but at this moment they got reminded of how their lips felt against each other's, and it made everything so much more tempting.
There was still some space between their faces left, but they kept leaning in, and then-
"Wooyoung, San! ... Oh." Nari smiled sheepishly at the realization that she just interrupted the moment and apologized repeatedly before quickly disappearing inside again.
Wooyoung immediately got up and held his hand out as an offer for San to grab, which he did. Wooyoung then cleared his throat while avoiding the other's eyes.
"We should go inside."
San hummed, not trusting his voice, and followed Wooyoung back into the house. Once they were inside, they took their jackets off and went to the kitchen. Nari stood there and pressed her lips together like a teenager who had just seen her favorite couple almost kiss in a TV show.
"So, boys, I made hot chocolate. Want some?"
Wooyoung silently clapped his hands and felt brave enough to look at San, at least for now. "You need to try it. It's the best, really!"
"You won't have to tell me twice." He smiled and his eyes lingered on Wooyoung for a few more seconds.
Nari then happily poured the hot chocolate into a cup and handed it over to San. For Wooyoung, she poured white liquid instead. San raised his eyebrow at that.
"It's vanilla-flavored milk," Wooyoung answered to San's questioning look and nipped on it after carefully blowing at it.
Once Nari filled a cup for her husband and herself too, the three of them made their way to the living room to spend the rest of the evening together.
"You keep looking my way... Wanna try it?"
San nodded at Wooyoung's question. He was looking at him, not his milk, but this wasn't bad either. He actually did feel kind of curious about how it tasted besides the fact that his head was flooded with the heaviest confusion as to why he felt so different in his presence. Not bad at all.
Wooyoung handed it over, and God, San felt so childish for it. But when Wooyoung looked away to converse with one of his parents, he twisted the cup in his hand so his lips would come in contact with the spot that Wooyoung's lips touched too. This was the most innocent way to connect his lips with the other without having to suffer from a confusion overload.
"And?"
"It's good, thanks for letting me try it," San responded.
A lie. His thoughts didn't even allow him to remember the flavor the milk had, but now that he tried, he could taste some of the vanilla on his tongue.
When all of them finished drinking, they spent a little more time together and then decided to go to sleep. San understood now what people meant when they said that the time goes by the fastest when you're happy.
They told each other goodnight and Wooyoung and San disappeared into the bedroom. Wooyoung gave the other some privacy by changing his clothes in the bathroom and when he re-entered the room, San had already changed into his pajamas and went to the bathroom to get ready for bed as well.
Once he came back, he silently closed the door behind him. Wooyoung was patiently sitting on the bed and holding a small present in his hands. When San's eyes fell on it, Wooyoung started to smile and held it out for him.
"Merry Christmas."
San smiled when taking it. "Aren't we supposed to wait till tomorrow morning?"
"I guess that's how it usually works but... My parents were never a big fan of that. The whole present thing. They wanted to celebrate Christmas as a family day, a day filled with warmth, happiness, and absolutely no stress. Presents aren't necessary to show your affection to someone, and I get that, but... I still wanted to gift you a little something."
San had a soft expression on his face and unwrapped it silently. He never felt as excited over a present as he did at that moment. A few seconds later he held a small dark purple notebook in his hand. It had a velvety feel to it and when San looked closer, he could see his initials on the cover. He let his fingers brush over the black carving and when he looked up to Wooyoung, he looked more than ready to speak.
"You read so much, so many words enter your head through your eyes and that is great. But sometimes I just think that you do that to overwrite the words that cause trouble inside of your mind instead. And you should definitely let out some of the words and thoughts you don't dare to talk about. Writing them down is a great way to do that."
San let out a short and silent laugh. His hands brushed over the cover once more before carefully placing the notebook on Wooyoung's desk. "Thank you so much. Honestly."
San walked over to his bag and pulled out a present too. He handed it over to Wooyoung and it was definitely bigger than the one he received from him, but that didn't matter at all. Wooyoung's eyes lit up and he gasped surprisedly.
"You got me one too?!"
"Of course!" San chuckled. "Open it. I hope you'll like it."
Wooyoung didn't have to be told twice. With excitement, he unwrapped the present and his eyes softened when he realized what was inside. His hand carefully opened the box and pulled out a lamp that had the shape of a moon. He looked up at San and smiled. Now it was his turn to explain.
"The moon reminds me of you."
Wooyoung felt his stomach drop. It was just a sentence, just six words, but the way San said it gave him chills. He heard a lot of compliments in his life before, but being compared to the moon? That must've been his favorite one so far.
"How?" He asked with a silent voice.
San asked him to plug it in and once Wooyoung did, he turned the light off. They were now surrounded by nothing but darkness.
"Turn it on."
Wooyoung listened to San's soft demand and pressed the small light switch. Once the moon lamp broke through the darkness and illuminated the room, he understood.
He wished for San to speak the meaning out loud. He wanted to hear it in the tone of his voice, wanted to remember how the sound would fill his ears and how it'd make him feel.
"And you couldn't tell me that?"
San now approached the bed and sat down on it, a sigh leaving his lips. The way San looked at Wooyoung caused his heart to skip a beat.
"I'm not good with words."
Wooyoung showed San a sincere smile before scooting against the wall to make enough space for San to lie down. This bed was small but if they tried they could make it fit with no problems. San got under the blanket too and Wooyoung immediately felt the warmth that radiated off his body.
San's scent filled Wooyoung's nose alongside the faint smell of toothpaste, and Wooyoung felt immediate comfort at that. They seemed to have unknowingly agreed on keeping the small lamp on because neither of them tried to turn it off and both liked it that way.
Now that San actually was in bed too, Wooyoung could feel the space shortage as he stared at his back. Both lay on their sides but it was a little uncomfortable for Wooyoung, so he collected some confidence before asking a question.
"San?" he mumbled and gently touched his side, "Would it be okay if I-"
San softly reached for Wooyoung's hand and put it around him before the other could finish his sentence. San didn't want to answer. He was scared that his answer would sound too desperate.
Wooyoung audibly gasped at the response. San didn't have to, but he placed his hand over Wooyoung's and that alone was enough to cause both of their hearts to skip faster for a moment. Wooyoung snuggled closer and smiled contently once he fell asleep.
That night, San was surrounded by two light sources. The little moon lamp that lightened up the darkness of the room,
and Wooyoung, who had the same effect on him.