The next day was filled with nothing but rain as everyone rode on ponies through the forest. To the annoyance of the Dwarves and Ron.
"Gah. Stupid Rain. Nothing good ever comes with it." Ron groaned.
"There he goes again with the rain." Ginny rolled her eyes.
"Only because it's true, Ginny." Ron countered.
"You know that it's very good for Herbology Plants, Ron. That's good for something. Woah!" Neville tried to say but he was having a hard time with his ponies.
"I rather like the rain. Some might call it a bad omen. But I prefer to see it as very comforting." Luna said as she smiled with her dream like voice.
"This isn't so bad. At least it's not a monsoon." Harry pointed out as he felt the rain on his face. But luckily he had put a charm on his glasses so they couldn't get wet. "And not when you're falling from the sky and to the ground at a very fast pace." He added getting flashbacks.
"Is that what happened to you once, Harry?" Bilbo asked. And all the Dwarves turned their heads to Harry. As did Gandalf.
Harry groaned. Bilbo just had to put him on the spotlight.
"It did. Our Third Year in Hogwarts. It was a Quidditch Game against Hufflepuff." Ron answered for Harry. "A whole Monsoon too. And a bunch of Dementors showed up and attacked Harry on his broom. Made him fall off his broom."
"Dumbledore was furious too." Hermione added. "After he saved Harry, he made the Dementors go away. Shooed them off. The Dementors weren't supposed to go inside the Hogwarts Grounds."
"What's a Dementor?" Ori asked confused.
"A floating black cloaked monster that sucks on souls and makes people relive their worst nightmares." Ginny answered. She had her own experience with Dementors and they were not pretty.
Bilbo gulped.
"It's a... long story on why they were in Hogwarts grounds." Neville added.
"Well what about this rain here?" Dori asked changing the subject. "Mr. Gandalf? Can't you do something about this deluge?"
"It is raining, Master Dwarf. And it will continue to rain until the rain is done! If you wish to change the weather of the world, you should find yourself another wizard." Gandalf retorted.
"Well there are six right here?" Dori pointed out.
"Um... sorry, Dori. No can do. None of us know any weather changing charms on us." Hermione said.
"I doubt if there is any." Harry thought. Then again, if there was a weather changing charm or anything, they would've learned it by now.
"Are there any?" Bilbo asked.
"What?" Gandalf asked.
"Are there any what? Other Wizards?" Neville asked.
"Yeah. What he said." Bilbo clarified.
"In Middle Earth. There are five of us." Gandalf answered.
"Just five?" Ginny asked in disbelief. "You didn't just stick with that pureblood mentality thing, did you? Our Dad always told Ron and I that if we didn't interact and marry Muggles, we'd have died out long ago."
"No. The Wizards of Middle Earth are very different from your world. The Greatest of our order is Saruman, The White. Then there are the two blue wizards. Do you know, I've quite forgotten their names." Gandalf explained.
"Don't sweat it too much, Gandalf. Neville forgets nearly every name." Ron assured.
"Yeah... it's why Gran had to get me a Remembrall. The only problem is, I couldn't remember what I'd forgotten." Neville admitted.
"What about the fifth Wizard?" Luna asked. "You told us the other three, and the head of your order. What about the fifth?"
"Well, that would be Radagast, The Brown." Gandalf answered. "I believe you would enjoy his company, Miss. Lovegood."
"And what's he like?" Neville asked thinking that if Luna would like him, then Radagast could've just been as peculiar as Luna was.
"Is he a great wizard or is he more like you?" Bilbo asked.
Gandalf looked at Bilbo. "I think he's a very great wizard, in his own way. He's a gentle soul who prefers the company of animals to others. He keeps a watchful eye over the vast forestlands to the east, and a good thing too, for always evil will look to find a foothold in this world." He answered.
And Harry thought that sounded almost exactly like something Luna would do.
"That is nice." Luna agreed.
"Oh, brilliant. Well, at least it's nice to know that we're not the only weirdo Wizards here." Ron thought.
The good news for the party was that the rain had finally stopped, just in time as they approached a farmhouse examining the ruin.
"We'll camp here for the night." Thorin informed. "Fili, Kili, look after the ponies. Make sure you stay with them. Ronald. You go help them."
"What?" Ron asked. "Why do I have to look after Ponies?" He complained. "Isn't it bad enough I have to deal with all the stuff at Home? I mean... with the Gnomes, and the housework..."
"Would you rather Fred and George 'manage the chores'?" Ginny asked sarcastically.
"Touché." Ron sighed. And he went with Fili and Kili, while Gandalf wandered into the farmhouse, and examined the ruin.
"A Farmer and his family used to live here." Gandalf said.
"What gave it away?" Harry asked sarcastically to Neville who smirked a little.
"What?" Gandalf asked.
"Nothing." Harry quickly answered.
"Oin, Gloin, get a fire going." Thorin barked.
"Right you are." Gloin replied as he and his brother went into the woods.
Gandalf locked eyes with Thorin as he entered the farmhouse ruins. "We could make for the Hidden Valley."
But it seemed like Thorin would've rather eaten one of Fred and George's Joke Products. "I have told you already, I will not go near that place."
"Why? What's the Hidden Valley? Is that supposed to be like the Forbidden Forest?" Harry asked.
"No. It is home to the Elves. And the Elves could help us! We could get food, rest, advice." Gandalf answered.
"But mostly food." Ron thought thinking of the House Elves back home.
"Elves have their own lands here where they are free?" Hermione asked happily. "Merlin! That's exactly what we should have at home, Harry."
"Hermione! What did we say about having those talks about S.P.E.W?" Harry asked.
"We never did." Hermione answered.
"Well we shouldn't have to!" Harry shot back.
"What's Spew?" Bilbo asked.
"It's a long story." Ginny answered not wanting to go into the details.
"I do not need their advice." Thorin said to Gandalf.
"We have a map we cannot read; Lord Elrond will help us." Gandalf countered.
"Help?" Thorin asked like Help was a foreign language to the Elves. "A Dragon attacks Erebor, what help came from the elves? Orcs plunder Moria, desecrate our sacred halls, and the elves looked on and did nothing. You aske me to see out the very people who betrayed my grandfather and betrayed my father?"
"Not to mention the last time an elf tried to help Harry. As in lose all the bones his arm." Neville added.
"Actually, Dobby broke my bones. Lockheart was the one who made all the bones disappear." Harry clarified. And then all the Dwarves looked at him. "Um... Quidditch game against Slytherin. 2nd year."
"What's Quidditch?" Fili asked.
"Nevermind." Harry muttered.
"I'll tell you." Ginny assured going with Fili and Kili and telling them about Quidditch.
"You are neither of them. And besides, it was not Lord Elrond who abandoned you at Erebor. That blame lies with King Thranduil of the Woodland Realm. I did not give you that map and key for you to hold onto the past." Gandalf tried to say with a calm voice.
"I did not know they were yours to keep." Thorin scoffed.
It didn't take a genius to know that Thorin was one stubborn Dwarf, and it made Gandalf scowl and he stormed off away. Passing Bilbo helping Ron tend to the horses.
"Uh... Gandalf?" Ron asked while getting whacked in the face with a pit of the pony tail.
"Everything alright?" Bilbo asked. "Gandalf where are you going?"
"To seek the company of the only one around her who's got any sense." Gandalf answered not looking back.
"Hermione?" Ron asked.
"No. Myself, Mr. Weasley! I've had enough of Dwarves for one day." Gandalf answered as he stormed off.
"Well..." Hermione commented as she looked affronted by that comment.
Thorin stepped out of the farmhouse, and glowered at Gandalf. "Come on, Dwalin, we're hungry." He said.
Oin and Gloin had returned with the fire wood.
"Best part we don't need to use any fire making techniques. Watch." Neville said as he lit the wood with Incendio.
"Ooooh." The Dwarves all looked in awe.
"Problem solved. Well done, Master Longbottom." Thorin praised.
But Bilbo looked uncertain about the departure of Gandalf. "Is he coming back?" He asked Harry.
"I'm sure he'll be back. He just needs to blow off a little steam. Hermione does it all the time." Harry assured.
"Harry!" Hermione hissed. "I do not storm off all the time when I need to blow off a little steam. Ginny, do I do that?" She asked.
"Yes." Ginny answered.
"See, Harry! Ginny agrees!" Hermione countered. Until she realized that Ginny didn't actually say no. "Wait a minute..."
Gandalf didn't come back by nightfall. But the company was all by the fire. Especially Dwalin as he was pouring soup into two bowls. And it made Ron think of his Mothers famous French Onion Soup. Except for Bilbo who was still on lookout, visibly worried.
"He's been a long time." Bilbo said.
"Who?" Dwalin asked.
"Gandalf!" Bilbo answered.
"He's a wizard, he does as he chooses." Dwalin replied not bothered while handing 3 bowls over to Bilbo. "Here, do us a favor: take these to the lads." He said, referring to Fili, Kili, and Neville who were watching over the ponies.
But it was at that moment that Neville started heading over to the others. "Um... guys. We've got a bit of a situation." He informed.
"What kind of situation?" Thorin asked getting up.
"Well..." Neville started to say awkward. "Best you come by Fili and Kili."
"Those two-" Thorin started to say.
"I'll go, Thorin." Harry insisted getting up. "If there's a problem. Your nephews and I can handle it." And he went with Neville, and also towards Bilbo and Fili and Kili as Bilbo was already waking over.
And Harry and Neville walked over to where the Dwarves were. Bilbo having already arrived and could see Fili and Kili stare out into the darkness.
"Alright, what's the problem?" Harry asked.
Fili turned over to Neville. "You called him?" He asked.
"He seemed to be the best at this particular stuff." Neville answered.
"Alright. Nevermind that. We're supposed to be looking after the ponies." Kili explained. "Except..."
"We had 20. Now there's 18." Neville said.
Harry looked over at the pens with the ponies. And he noticed that 2 were missing.
"Daisy and Bungo are missing." Kili informed.
"Well, that's not good." Bilbo commented. "That is not good at all."
"And neither is that." Harry added as he looked at several uprooted trees. He looked at Neville. "Do you think..."
"Either Hagrid's Half Brother, Grawp got into this world too, or it's a Giant Troll." Neville figured.
"Oh... not those guys again." Harry scoffed. If it was a Troll, it was bound to make Harry's night more miserable.
"You think a Troll would do this?" Bilbo asked.
"Eh... could be. My other guess would be a Giant." Harry answered.
"You've encountered a Troll before?" Kili asked.
"Yeah. My first year. It tried to kill Hermione. Ron knocked it out." Harry answered.
"Well, whatever it is, something big uprooted these trees." Bilbo figured.
And that led Fili to crouch behind one of the uprooted trees and then pointed deeper into the dark woods. While he noticed a light. "Hey, there's a light."
Harry could tell that it wasn't Lumos. "Over here. Stay down." Fili suggested as they all took cover from behind a huge log while spying on the flickering light. Harsh laughter sounding from the fire.
"It's Trolls. 3 of them." Harry realized.
"Merlin, we could hardly take down 1." Neville commented.
Harry took his wand out only to hear the ground thumping from thunderous footsteps from one of the Giants. "Quick. Get down." He told the others as everyone took cover behind an aging oak tree.
"Wow. You were right about the Trolls, Harry." Kili commented.
And one of the Massive Grey Mountain Trolls known as William, walked towards the fire. And he held two more ponies at his side.
"He's got Myrtle and Minty!" Bilbo whispered in alarm.
"And they'll probably eat them." Luna added suddenly appearing next to Neville and Harry.
"Ah!" Neville started to yelp. But Fili held his mouth.
"Luna? Where did you come from?" Harry asked.
"I saw a Mountain Troll carry off two of our Ponies. He was rather rude. So I followed him." Luna answered.
"Right then... we have to do something." Bilbo said trying to get back on track of things.
"Yes, you should." Fili agreed deciding to make use of their burglar. "Mountain Trolls are slow and stupid, and you're so small and fast."
But Bilbo knew where this was going. "No!" He said in alarm.
"It's perfectly safe; we'll be right behind you." Fili assured. Then he turned to Harry. "Harry. You've fought a Troll before and won. You want to help Bilbo?"
"Well... it was mostly dumb luck and Ron beat the Troll. It was knocked unconscious, but not dead." Harry pointed out.
"Well, it's still a fight." Fili figured. Then he pushed Bilbo forward. "If you run into trouble, hoot twice like a barn owl, once like a brown owl." Which made Bilbo all the more nervous.
"Or... I could just send Red Sparks from my Wand." Harry suggested. "It worked once for the final task in the Triwizard Tournament."
"You might also want your cloak, Harry." Luna added and handing him his invisibility cloak.
"Oh... thanks, Luna." Harry thanked. He then put the cloak on himself. "Now, Fili, Kili-" But as Harry turned he could see that the Dwarves were no longer there. "Of course they're gone."
William the Troll, turned to the other two Trolls, Bert and Tom who all sat around a fire with Bert stirring the contents of a large Cauldron dangling above the flames, which Harry could tell was not for Potions.
"Mutton yesterday, mutton today and blimey, if it don't look like mutton again tomorrow." Bert complained.
"Quit your gripping. The ain't sheep; these is West Nags!" William countered.
"I don't like horse, I never have. Not enough fat on them." Tom commented as Bilbo and Harry approached the two. Harry hidden underneath his cloak.
"Well it's better than that leathery old farmer. All skin and bones, he was. I'm still picking bits of him out of me teeth." Bert pointed out.
"Trolls can talk in this Universe?" Harry thought.
"Achoo!" Tom had sneezed into the cauldron.
"Oh, that's lovely, that is: a floater." Bert commented.
"Might improve the flavor." William admitted.
"There's more where that came from!" Tom bragged excited. But it made Harry shake his head. Troll Bogeys in food didn't sound appealing to him. And neither did Bilbo. It seemed like Tom was ready to do it again, but Bert grabbed his nose. "Oh no you don't! Sit down!"
"Bilbo. This way." Harry motioned as he and Bilbo dashed for the pens. While the whimpering Tom pulled out his handkerchief and blew on it.
That was when Harry took off the cloak. And he tried to help Bilbo untie the rope to the pen.
"Ah... this isn't working." Bilbo said. "Any chance you can use your magic?"
"I can try." Harry answered. "Um... there's a spell for conjuring up ropes. Not sure about untying them."
Bilbo could then see that one of the trolls was wearing a long knife in his belt. "I've got a better idea." He said.
"I'm starving! Are we having horse tonight or what?" William asked.
"Shut your cakehole. You'll eat what I give you!" Bert yelled.
"Okay... um..." Harry tried to think of something to cut with. He was just fortunate that the Trolls were too busy arguing amongst themselves.
"How come he's the cook? Everything tastes the same; everything tastes like chicken." William complained.
"Except the chicken." Tom added.
"That tastes like fish!" William continued.
"I'm just saying, a little appreciation might be nice." Bert sighed. Then he thought about it for a second. "Thank you very much, Bert." He turned to his brew, taking a sip. "Oh, that is beautifully balanced, that is."
While Bilbo stood behind the troll Tom and he carefully reached for the knife. But then Tom stood up and scratched his bottom for an itch. While Bilbo just looked away in disbelief.
But then Harry looked at his wand. "Oh... duh..." He thought. "Diffindo." He shot at the rope slicing it in half. And he started leading the Ponies away.
"Me guts are grumbling. I've got to snaffle something. Flesh! I need flesh!" William went on while not noticing the Ponies leaving.
"Hey, Bilbo!" Harry whispered. Only for Harry to see Bilbo grabbed by Tom thinking that Bilbo was a handkerchief.
And then Tom started spraying snot all over Bilbo.
"Oh... that is nasty." Harry commented.
Tom looked down at Bilbo taken aback. "Blimey!" He yelled. "Bert, look what's come out of me hooter! It's got arms and legs and everything."
William and Bert gathered around and stared straight at Bilbo covered in snot.
"What is it?" William asked.
"I don't know, but I don't like the way it wriggles around." Tom answered.
"The ability to speak doesn't make them intelligent it seems." Harry thought. But he did send up Red Sparks into the air. "Vermillious." The sparks all lit up the sky.
"What's that?" Bert asked.
"No idea." William answered as Tom threw Bilbo to the ground. Which made Bilbo get back on his feet. "But back to this one. What are you then, an oversized squirrel?"
"I'm a burgl- a Hobbit!" Bilbo quickly answered.
"A Burgla-Hobbit?" Tom asked.
"Can we cook him?" William asked.
"We can try!" Tom answered eagerly and happy to eat something other than Ponies and Chicken.
Tom leaped for Bilbo, but Bilbo was faster and moved faster. But he was cornered by Bert. "He wouldn't make more than a mouthful, not when he's skinned and boned." Bert said as he whacked Bilbo with a spoon.
"Perhaps there's more Burgla-Hobbits around these parts. Might be enough for a pie!" William eagerly suggested as he poked Bilbo with his jagged rock. And they all tried to reach for Bilbo. But Bilbo was too quick and too small for them.
"It's too quick!" Tom yelled. And Bilbo ducked under Tom's hand, and then sprinted in between his legs. And when he tried to run away. William grabbed a hold of Bilbo and dangled him upside down.
"Are there any more of you little fellows hiding where you shouldn't?" William interrogated.
"No." Bilbo answered.
"He's lying." Tom said.
"No, I'm not!" Bilbo protested.
"Then who's that?" Bert asked pointing to Harry.
Harry had his wand drawn out. "Put him down, Pea Brain!" He demanded. "Stupefy!" He shot at Bert.
"Yah!" Bert stood back.
And it wasn't just him either. Kili emerged out of the bushes. He hacked at Tom's leg, making Tom squeal back. The other Trolls looked down at Kili, startled.
"Drop him!" Kili demanded.
"You what?" William asked.
"He said, drop him." Neville added coming from behind Kili. "Wait a minute, I should've chosen my words more carefully." He thought. Because William threw Bilbo on top of Kili.
It was at that moment that Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and Luna also joined.
"Harry! We saw Red Sparks. Are you okay?" Hermione asked.
"Trolls!" Ron yelled.
"That's a bit of a problem." Ginny admitted.
"Not for us!" Thorin yelled as he and the other Dwarves charged from the tree lines, their weapons drawn. Hacking and slashing right at the Trolls. With stabbing and blunt attacks. And also hammers thrown down on the Toes.
"Come on! We got to help!" Harry told the others.
Ron grinned. "We've taken down Trolls before!"
"It was one Troll, Ron!" Hermione reminded. And they charged in ahead.
"Stupefy!" Harry shot at one of the Trolls. But it was like getting hit by a basic charm.
Ron then looked at the jagged rock below him. "It worked last time." He figured. "Wingardium Leviosa!" He levitated the Jagged Rock over Bert's head. And it dropped right on his head.
"Ow!" Bert looked at Ron.
"Though, I suppose the Club was a lot heavier than a rock." Ron figured.
"You don't say." Ginny said next to him. "Reducto!" She shot at Tom.
"OW!" And Tom was blasted back.
Bilbo in the meantime was looking around for the knife, until he noticed that the Ponies were no longer in their pens. "Harry! What did you do with the Ponies?" He asked.
"I cut them loose!" Harry answered ducking from a blow from William.
"Stupefy." Luna shot at Tom, right as Tom held Bofur up by the leg.
"Ow!" Tom yelled back dropping Bofur. And he lunged straight at Luna. And that was as Ori shot a slingshot at Tom getting his attention.
William had noticed Bilbo on his own. And lumbered over, grabbing Bilbo by his arms and legs.
The Dwarves were all clustered together in a circle. Harry and his companions also could see that Bert and William held Bilbo by his arms and legs. It made everyone freeze in place.
"Bilbo!" Kili tried to yell. But Thorin held him back.
"Lay down your arms! Or we'll rip his off!" William ordered.
Thorin looked up at Bilbo. They couldn't afford to lose their burglar. He was far too valuable to them.
"Put down your wands. They win this round." Harry admitted defeat as he dropped his wand.
"Bloody hell." Ron grunted.
"We didn't have a choice." Hermione tried to say to Ron. The Dwarves all throw their own weapons to the ground as well.
Some time later in the night. Right before Dawn.
"Say... Harry?" Luna asked next to Harry.
"Yes?" Harry asked annoyed.
"We're in front of a bunch of Trolls that can speak. Do you think I could ask them if they've seen a Horned Snorkack?" Luna asked still in her dream like voice as always.
"Go ahead, Luna." Harry answered. "I'd do it myself but I'm a little tied up at the moment." He said sarcastically as all of them were stuffed into sacks. And all the Dwarves were all struggling to get out, while William threw several logs onto the fire. Neville, Dwalin, Bofur, Oin and Dori were all tied up to a spit.
"Blimey! They're cooking Neville!" Ron commented as he tried to get out of the sack.
"And what are we then?!" Dwalin asked in protest.
"I'm not even tasty!" Neville added. "If you don't believe me, just ask my Great Uncle Algie. He was sleepwalking and thought I was a Chocolate Eclair right until he bit into my hair. It was horrible."
"Neville, these guys don't care about that type of stuff. They eat their own boogies for seasoning." Harry pointed out.
"Okay... that is sick and wrong." Hermione commented. "Merlin, I can't believe I'm going to be eaten by talking Trolls."
"Don't bother cooking them." Tom said. "Let's just sit on them and squash them into jelly."
"They should be sauteed and grilled with a sprinkle of sage." Bert pointed out.
"Well, that does sound quite nice." Tom admitted.
"Never mind the seasoning; we ain't got all night!" William interrupted. "Dawn ain't far away, so let's get a move on. I don't fancy being turned to stone."
That was when Bilbo had an idea. "Wait!" He suddenly yelled which made all the Trolls look at him. "You are making a terrible mistake!"
"You can't reason with them, they're half wits." Dori commented.
"Half wits? What does that make us?" Bofur asked.
"I meant with the seasoning." Bilbo clarified as he hopped in his bag up to the Trolls.
"What about the seasoning?" Bert asked.
"Well, have you smelt them? You're going to need something stronger than sage before you plate this lot up." Bilbo answered.
It caused Neville to smell himself. And he started to ponder if he truly was smelly while the Dwarves yelled out in protest.
"What do you know about cooking dwarf?" William asked in disbelief.
"I don't want to know. Was some of the meat in Bilbo's House... Dwarf Meat?" Hermione asked a little nervous.
"Shut up and let the burglar-hobbit talk." Bert ordered.
Bilbo had bought himself some time. "Um... the secret to cooking dwarf is-" He started to say.
"Yes? Come on!" Bert insisted.
"Is uh..." Bilbo stuttered. "The secret is... is..." He rolled his eyes over to the Dwarves on the ground as well as Harry and his friends.
"Tell us the secret." Bert demanded.
"Yes, I'm telling you, the secret is..." Bilbo was looking to say something again.
"To skin them first." Luna said while smiling while jumping up with Bilbo. "By the way, have you guys ever seen a Snorkack?" She asked.
"What?" Ron asked in disbelief. "How do you know how to cook Dwarves, Luna?!"
And the Dwarves all roared in rage at Luna and Bilbo.
"Oh... have you never had any Dwarf before, Ron? They're quite crunchy, and very bite sized when you know what you're doing." Luna asked.
"You monster!" The Dwarves all yelled.
"She's just-" Hermione wanted to call the bluff, but Harry kicked her. "Harry."
"No. Hermione. Let Luna talk." Harry insisted.
"What?" Hermione asked.
"Just trust me." Harry whispered.
"You better know what you're doing, Harry." Hermione replied.
And a large grin spread over Bert's face.
"Tom, get me the filleting knife." He ordered.
"What a load of rubbish!" William commented. "I've eaten plenty with their skins on. Scruff them, I say, boots and all."
All the while, Bilbo spotted Gandalf from above the cliffside.
"He's right." Tom agreed. "Nothing wrong with a bit of raw dwarf." And he started to pick up Ginny by the sack.
"Hey! I'm not a Dwarf!" Ginny protested. "Put me down!"
"No!" Ron yelled jumped up. "Not Ginny! Eat me instead!"
"Whatever." Tom said as he threw Ginny down and picked up Ron.
"What was I thinking?" Ron asked as Tom started to lick his teeth.
"Ron!" Harry and Hermione yelled at once.
"Nice and crunchy." Tom commented as he put Ron close to his mouth.
"No! No! Not that one!" Bilbo yelled. "He- He's infected." That made Tom gasp at Bilbo.
"You what?" William asked.
"Ron's got Wrackspurt in his ears." Luna answered. "And that can only come from an interaction with the Horned Snorkack. Have you guys ever seen one of those?"
"A What?" Bert asked.
"An creature with a large horn. You must've not seen it before. Ron's encountered one before. And that's how he got the Wrackspurt." Luna answered.
"Yeah. What she said." Bilbo agreed.
"Eh!" Tom threw Ron to the ground.
"And Ginny's infected too." Luna added.
Ginny was quick to catch on to Luna and Bilbo's plan. So too was Harry.
"I'm not infect-" Ron started.
"Shut it, Ron!" Harry hissed while kicking Ron.
"In fact, they all have- they're infested with parasites, it's a terrible business! I wouldn't risk it if I were you! I really wouldn't!" Bilbo added.
It was just a shame that the Dwarves weren't in on what Luna and Bilbo were doing though. "Parasites? Did he say Parasites?" "We don't have Parasites." "You have Parasites!"
Luckily, Thorin was able to catch on. He gave the other Dwarves a kick. And one stare said it all.
"I've got parasites as big as my arm!" Oin yelled.
"Mine are the biggest parasites! I've got huge parasites!" Kili also yelled.
"And you don't want to know how big my Parasites are!" Hermione added.
"They get inside her head and restrict her thinking." Luna chimed in.
"Too far!" Hermione screamed at Luna.
The Trolls all looked at each other. There was no way they could eat those Dwarves if they all had Parasites.
"We're Riddled!" Neville claimed. "These Dwarves specifically. It's why they stink."
"Yes, I'm riddled." Ori added.
"Yes, we are, badly." Bofur chimed in.
That made the Trolls all turn to Bilbo.
"What would you have us do, then? Let them all go?" William asked.
"Well..." Bilbo started to say.
"Unless you'd like to eat parasites." Harry added. "Then again, it would take Parasites to eat parasites." He said.
"Don't you start, Harry." Hermione barked at him.
"You think I don't know what you're up to?" William interrogated. "These little ferrets are taking us for fools!" He told the other Trolls and then continuing to turn the Dwarves over the fire.
"Ferrets?" Bilbo asked scoffing at that.
"That's the Hufflepuffs! We're Lions!" Ron pointed out.
"Actually, Ron. The Hufflepuffs are Badgers." Luna corrected.
"Close enough." Ron rolled his eyes.
"Not really." Harry replied.
"The Dawn will take you all!" A new voice had shouted. It was Gandalf and he stood above the rocks and the Trolls. He also raised his voice.
"Who's that?" William asked.
"No idea." Bert answered.
"Can we eat him too?" Tom asked curiously.
But then Gandalf broke half the stone showing of the sun. The second that the sunlight made contact with the trolls, they all turned to stone.
"Is that it?" Ron asked confused.
"The Trolls don't turn to stone in your Universe, do they?" Bilbo asked.
"No they do not." Harry answered.
"Do you think they're dead?" Hermione asked.
"Well, they were turned to stone, Hermione. So..." Harry figured.
All the Dwarves needed to hear was the sound of the Trolls dead. And they all let out their laughs.
"Yay!" Neville exclaimed. "Can you get the rest of us down now?" He asked.
"Sure, Neville." Harry figured.
Luckily for Harry. He was able to get his wand back. And the wands of his friends. "Hey look, Ron. Your wand isn't covered in Troll Bogeys this time." Harry commented.
"That's at the very least fortunate." Ron replied.
Harry also helped Ginny out of the sack. "You okay, Ginny?" He asked.
"I'm fine, Harry. Thanks." Ginny answered. "And... thanks for telling the Troll not to eat me, Ron."
"Yeah... well..." Ron figured. "If I let those Trolls eat you... Mum would kill me. And... because you're my sister."
Ginny grinned at that. "I knew deep down you did care, Ron."
Harry looked at the Trolls. "Would be a great story to take back to Hogwarts." He said.
"We couldn't carry them back with us, even if we wanted, Harry." Hermione reminded.
"Yeah. I know. I'm just saying it would make a great story." Harry said. And he could already see Ron kicking at the stone.
"Oh, wait till I tell everyone back home what happened here." Ron told the others. "Ronald Weasley! Turned the Trolls to Stone! And how I volunteered to be eaten in the place of my dear sweet little sister-"
"Oh, shut it, Ron!" Ginny ordered.
"Just like the time you told us what it was like in the Black Lake?" Luna laughed knowing what really happened.
"There'll be a new reason to sing Weasley is our King." Ron added.
That was when Thorin approached Gandalf once he was freed.
"Where did you go to, if I may ask?" Thorin asked.
"To look ahead." Gandalf answered like it was no big deal.
"What brought you back?" Thorin asked.
"Looking behind." Gandalf answered.
"Hm... leaving without explanation and showing up after all the craziness has happened." Harry thought out loud. "No wonder he and Dumbledore get along so famously."
"Nasty business. Still there you all are in one piece." Gandalf commented.
"No thanks to your burglar and the dream girl." Thorin rebuked.
"Sorry to have to say that about cooked Dwarf. It was the only thing I could think of to distract the Trolls. Once I heard how they hate sunlight and was distracting them until the sun rose." Luna explained.
"Way to think ahead, Luna." Neville praised.
"Thanks, Neville." Luna took the praise. "Most people just scoff at me and call me Loony Lovegood."
"None of the rest of you thought of that." Gandalf went on.
"So where did these Trolls come from?" Hermione asked. "They look like Mountain Trolls. But the ones in our Universe couldn't speak."
"Yes, they are Mountain Trolls." Gandalf agreed.
"Since when do Mountain Trolls venture this far south?" Thorin asked.
"Oh, not for an age. Not since a darker power ruled these lands. They could not have moved in daylight." Gandalf explained looking around.
"So, did they have a cave nearby?" Ginny asked.
"They must've." Thorin agreed. "Let's go check it out."
True enough, the company could see a dark cave in the ground. "Oh... it smells like a Dungbomb got set off." Harry commented when he came down into the cave.
"Or the attic in our house when the Ghoul is in a foul mood." Ron added.
"It's a troll hoard." Gandalf informed. "Be careful what you touch." He said this to the other Dwarves into the cave who were already covering their noses and coughing with the stench.
"Could be worse. We could be around Bubotur Pus." Neville commented.
"Lumos Maxima." Harry casted shining a bright light around the cave. And below everyone's feet was a wide assortment of treasure and swords.
"Ginny! Look at this!" Ron exclaimed. "There's enough gold here to get our family out of Poverty for the next 50 generations. We can be even richer than the Malfoys."
Ginny looked down at the treasure. "We can... we can actually get out of Poverty with all of this?" She asked.
"Ginny. Ron. We're not here for treasure. We came to stop Voldemort and-" Hermione started to remind the siblings.
"Aw." Ron sighed. "Looks like it's back to second hand stuff for us, Ginny."
"I wouldn't worry." Thorin said to Ron and Ginny. "The wealth in Erebor is a hundred times worth this entire cave. And once we take it back, you'll see your share of the treasure."
"Really, Thorin?" Ginny asked excited and ready to swoop down on that offer.
"But it seems a shame just to leave it lying around. Anyone could take it." Bofur admitted.
"Agreed. Nori, get a shovel." Gloin requested. The Dwarves all started burning much of the Troll's Treasure. And as they were doing that, Harry noticed some swords. Thorin also grabbed one and unsheathed the shiny blade, looking intrigued.
"These swords were not made by any troll." Thorin noted.
"It doesn't look Goblin forged either." Hermione added. "What do you think, Gandalf?"
"Goblin forged?" Thorin asked spitting on the idea of Goblins.
"Yeah. In our Universe, Goblins forge some very powerful magical artifacts and weapons. But they have an odd system of ownership." Neville explained. "Even when you buy something, The Goblins expect it back. They seem to think that a purchase is a loan."
"Bastards. But at least it's nice to know that Goblins in either universe are scum." Thorin replied.
Gandalf was busy looking at the sword. "Nor were they made by any smith among men." He pulled the sword out of the cobwebbed sheath. "These were forged in Gondolin, by the High Elves of the First Age."
But the moment Thorin heard the word, Elf, he started to put the sword back.
"You could not wish for a finer blade." Gandalf told Thorin.
"If you don't want it. I'll take it." Ron said.
"Ron. Do you know how to wield a blade?" Luna asked.
"No." Ron answered. "But Harry can."
Thorin decided to unsheathe the Sword revealing the blade. It was serviceable to him.
"You can have it, Thorin." Harry insisted. "I've gotten by just fine with my wand here." He showed off his wand to prove it.
"Thank you, Potter." Thorin replied. Then he started walking out towards the entrance of the cave.
While Dwalin looked back at Bofur, Gloin, and Nori burying the chest full of treasure in the ground.
"We're making a long term deposit." Gloin explained.
"Now, let's get out of this foul place. Come on, let's go. Bofur, Gloin, Nori." Thorin ordered.
"Yeah. I'm right behind you." Harry said. "Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Neville, Luna." He called.
"Coming-" But then Luna tripped on something. "Oops." And she felt something clang under her feet.
"Are you alright, Luna?" Ginny asked.
"Yes. Just a trip on the feet." Luna answered. And she looked down to see what looked like the hilt of a blade. And then she picked up the blade.
"Luna. May I see that, dear girl?" Gandalf asked.
Luna nodded and handed Gandalf the blade.
Outside the cave, Gandalf had approached Bilbo waiting outside. "Bilbo. Here. This is about your size." He handed Bilbo the sword.
But Bilbo shook his head. "I can't take this."
"The blade is of elvish make which means it'll glow blue when Orcs or Goblins are nearby." Gandalf told him.
"But I've never used a sword in my life." Bilbo pointed out.
"And I hope you never have to." Gandalf replied. "But if you do remember this. True courage is about knowing never to take a life, but when to spare one."