CHAPTER TWELVE
( Bones & All )
CHA JAEHWA PAINTS Yeon Si-eun's face when she finds the need to. Her desk is too small for only pictures of a boy who holds what pieces she has left of her heart, so she builds herself a new one to gift away yet again.
Jaehwa never really learns.
Yeon Si-eun is not a perfect creation. Jaehwa likes the imperfections that make him so endearingly beautiful, like his overly torn and severely chapped lips, the questioning tilt to his right eye, the uneven glint in his dark irises.
It is so easy for Jaehwa's brush to mold Yeon Si-eun's image onto her canvas.
( It is infinitely difficult to keep him preserved, as she unreasonably wishes to ).
There is something so warm about the way his frown twists into a small smile, eyebrows lifting as he gazes at Jaehwa with those godforsaken eyes — Jaehwa hates that Si-eun is as warm as he is, making him seem all the more distant.
Like a star, she watches him from a distance, yearning for something she cannot put into words.
With the coming of Yeon Si-eun, Ahn Suho begins to fade. Cha Jaehwa hates that as long as she has known him, his presence amounts to nothing but harsh words and lies.
( She misses him. Or at the very least, the memory of him ).
The dawning realization that she doesn't want to lose the very person she once loved settles against her stomach awkwardly, painfully.
Both in the new and the old, and Cha Jaehwa is still stuck in between her head and her heart.
JAEHWA MAKES THE foolish mistake of seeing Ahn Suho before consulting anyone else.
The bitter wind whips her hair against her face, and Jaehwa turns to glance at the empty road before her. She is both glad and upset that her parents are still gone, unable to stop her from doing the idiocies she is currently partaking in.
The glare of gym lights flashes through the slightly tinted windows of the building, and Jaehwa breathes in. Her fingers tremble against the cold handles, and she briefly wishes she had never left her bed.
The teen pushes open the door, and the first thing that hits her is the chilly air conditioning that — Despite being the middle of winter — Is still blasting at full power.
The conversation around the gym takes a small pause, and the people closest to the door raise their eyes to Jaehwa.
She swallows and brings her hood tighter around her beanie. The chill creeps closer to the base of her head than it normally does.
"Yah, Cha Jaehwa!" A man Jaehwa has never seen in her life approaches with a broad grin.
His tall stature is eased by the wrinkles around his eyes and the friendliness of his otherwise cat-like demeanor. Perhaps in another lifetime, Cha Naehwa might've remembered the name of this man, might've smiled, and brought her palm to smack across his — Might've called him a friend. She knows naught of him now, and the thought saddens her.
"You here for the boyfriend?" His grin grows sharper, teasing. Jaehwa stares at him dumbly, and he rolls his eyes.
"Ahn Suho." The man elaborates, nodding over to the boxing ring.
"I haven't seen you around much. Having 'friend' troubles?" He presses when Jaehwa blankly stares at the ring.
"No, just busy." She says offhandedly, "School, and . . . stuff."
"Huh." The man shrugs, but says no more and returns to his punching bag.
Jaehwa feels her mouth dry and her muscles tense. Ahn Suho is curled up between two poles of the ring. Sweat curls his hair over his eyes and ears, sharp breaths leaving his mouth. In his hands is a half-empty water bottle, plastic crushed in his unrelenting grip.
"Ahn Suho," Jaehwa calls his name softly, tenderly, as though she has called it in a million lifetimes and she will call it in a million more.
He doesn't bother raising his head, too worn out and tired to have the energy to be angry.
"What are you doing here?" He snaps, chest rising and falling with every intake of breath.
Jaehwa wants him to look at her, to spare her a single glance of those honey-tinged eyes, molten rock and dusted obsidian that litter his irises, maybe even let the scowl on his lips morph into a bittersweet smile that only a heart can recall.
( He doesn't, but it feels as though his stare is piercing right through her ).
"I need to talk to you. It's important." Importance had always been the foundation of Cha Jaehwa and Ahn Suho's relationship.
They are a coexistence; Meant to be the missing piece to each other's bitterly cold lives. Jaehwa had long worn down her piece, and Ahn Suho had no need for Winter when he is Summer himself — Bright, blinding, Loved.
Ahn Suho has never learned the act of saying 'no' to Cha Jaehwa. Even when he stares at her eyes, so different from how he remembers them to be, there is a simmering reminiscence of what they had once been.
From the slope of her nose to the curve of her eyes, even the maps of minuscule sunspots hidden behind a shadow of weariness — Cha Jaehwa still looks the same.
Ahn Suho feels his breath catch in his throat. She is still there, still breathtakingly painful. Still sharp as ever.
"Okay," He relents at last, pulling himself from the floor and wiping the sweat from his face.
It feels all too intimate, to meet Jaehwa once more in a place that holds so many memories. She glances at them without a second thought, and Suho's heart aches.
( Who is she, to pretend that the world moves on even when Ahn Suho stays still, forever searching for his best friend amidst the calamity of his regrets? )
Jaehwa leads the two achingly distant bodies to the outside of the gym. The air is bitter and biting, deadening the flesh that sits exposed against her bony wrists and flushed face.
"I lied." She begins simply.
It takes a minute of silence to form enough coherence for a single two-word sentence, and even that alone sits acridly against her throat, clawing and gnashing her bones and skin until Jaehwa is nothing more than molten flesh beneath Ahn Suho's predatory gaze.
Suho wants to scoff, maybe laugh if he has the strength to, but his arms swing limply at his sides and he gives Jaehwa a raise of his brow.
"About . . .?" He presses, an insult on his tongue because even when Jaehwa feels so distant, she is so, so familiar — Words akin to a fox, so slippery and cunning and Cha Jaehwa.
( Even after years, there are some mysteries Ahn Suho has yet to uncover about Cha Jaehwa ).
There is a shudder and a tremble to Jaehwa's limbs as she languidly reaches a hand to her hood. Suho's eyes trail from the arm exposed to the hem of Jaehwa's jacket, burning through her.
"I got into an accident."
The scar burns beneath the growing tufts of hair, and Jaehwa smooths it out as best as she can, but it's not enough to hide it from Ahn Suho, who stares, and stares, and stares.
It feels like an eternity sits against Jaehwa's throat. That eternity is Ahn Suho and Cha Jaehwa, every memory and phantom of laughter, every smile and spark of joy and even every tear — She felt it pout out of her body like a broken fountain.
"I developed long-term amnesia," She tries again, softer, as though the pressure of her words might bring her body collapsing against the asphalt floor.
Suho stares. There is little he can say, and his mind processes the words with difficulty.
( The biting and burning sensation of tears begins to prick at Jaehwa's eyes ).
"I don't know you anymore."
( It feels like I've never known you at all ).
✧ AUTHOR'S NOTE !
communication arc already omg ! i was planning on holding it back 4 a few chapters but i felt bad so 😇
there is like no correlation between the chapter title and the contents i js think it's a vvvv nice title so yeah ! also short chapter (again) but hopefully the next one will be longer 🙏
next chapter will be reconciliation between my 2 bbs ! 🤗 if i'm feeling generous i might throw in some past interactions between the non-amnesiac jaehwa and suho !
this chap is dedicated to antonaut , ily and good luck on ur tests ! writing this 4 motivation to u 💓
if u guys have any suggestions for next chapter lmk PLEASEE bc i actually have no idea what im doing 😊 also opinions and so on would be appreciated xx
other than that pls lmk if there are any mistakes in the spelling or anything so i can fix it !
also don't b afraid to vote or comment, i will probably (very likely) reply!!!! and if you don't understand something, plsplspls lmk!! i want yall to fully understand what's going on
happy reads!
─── ANNIE