━━ love and death. (2024)
edward cullen x fem!oc
chapter twenty eight
I stared at my email, the page blank and the text cursor blinking at me as it waited for me to type something out. My face remained grimed and sullen, my eyes fixated on the blank screen as I tried to find the words to say. Anything to describe what I'm feeling at the moment — anything to vent.
I decided to shut my laptop and completely give up on the idea of writing. Rosalie's email was staring at me right before I closed it and pushed it back against my desk.
She probably muted all my incoming emails or purposely blocked them to avoid receiving them.
She never responded — not once. And part of me was grateful she didn't even though I only sent one once a week, but now I was going on to a full month with no communication.
I looked out my window and watched the snow melt from the rain. January was a week away, the winter formal happening tomorrow and Sunny was counting on me to make an appearance tonight to help decorate.
She got the okay from the principal to keep the school open past five just so she could finish decorating with everyone. A few teachers agreed to stay behind and help. Amanda and Angela would be there too — I don't know who else.
Beau was in his room all alone. Between the both of us the house was mainly quiet except for football nights between Charlie and Billy.
I always choose to remain locked inside my room. Beau on the other hand at least made attempts to go outside, but I knew whenever he told dad he was running an errand, he was just going to the Cullens house to see if they returned.
I would know because I did it too — once.
On a Sunday afternoon in the middle of November I decided to visit the house. It was empty, no cars, no trash — not even a speck of dust left behind.
I went into Edward's room and stood there for a little over an hour, staring out into the balcony as flashes of memories crossed my mind. It was always painful to remember the beginning but somehow going over there was a way for me to remember that it was all real.
My anger at the time slowly began to fade away and I was left with grief trying to mourn the breakup.
Charlie once made a comment that he could've sworn someone died with the way I was silently moving around the house. Beau was somehow taking it a lot better than I was — maybe he accepted things easier or maybe he got a better ending with Edythe than I did.
I looked at the alarm clock next to my bed and dreaded my next choice of action as I decided to finally leave the house for something that wasn't strictly about academics.
But all I managed to change into was a plain blue sweater with a pair of sweatpants and a jacket over top. My hair was thrown into a low ponytail and I forced myself to walk out of the house and enter the real world again.
Almost three months without Edward was the longest but also the easiest when I reminded myself I went seventeen years without him.
He was nothing but a distant memory now. Slowly fading into the back like they always do, never to resurface again until I allow it.
I didn't bother asking my brother if he wanted to come help. I tried to listen through his door and all I could hear was faint music that sounded too heartbreaking for my taste.
I walked out of the house and pulled out my car keys. Charlie was in the middle of putting a bag of trash into the can by the road, brushing his hands off on his jeans before he walked towards me. "Going out?"
I nodded curtly and opened my car door, tossing my backpack into the backseat. "They need my help back at school for the winter formal. Sunny asked."
"Oh." He said while putting his hands on his waist. "It's nice to see you getting out again. Hey listen — I thought maybe you could visit Julie Black. You rekindled with Embry right? Why not try to hang out with some of your old friends."
"Yeah, maybe." I shrugged.
Charlie exhaled slowly through his nose. "Pen, I — I don't want to see you fall back down into that dark place again. I want to help. Whatever you need."
I finally turned to look my father in the eyes and nodded. "Okay. I'll go see them tomorrow." It was Friday and my winter break already started so theirs probably did as well. Anything to keep my father from having a heart attack, I was willing to make an effort.
I started to climb into my car and get myself settled until he held my car door open and nervously scratched the side of his face. "Why don't you bring your brother tomorrow? Seems like you two could be spending some time together during this — event in your lives."
"Thanks dad," I smiled politely. "I'll see you later tonight."
I drove to the school in silence. It was drizzling and the sun was setting earlier at this time, only a few headlights passing me and street lights keeping me company.
The school was occupied with at least twenty students. All from the student body clubs or volunteers, then a handful of teachers to oversee what was happening as well as protect.
I was in the middle of hanging up blue streamers while standing on a large ladder. Sunny was holding me steady by occupying the feet of the ladder. Amanda was walking around with a clipboard and Angela was at her side, the both of them overlooking the table that was currently blowing up balloons.
"Pen, it's crooked."
"What?" I tilted my head back and narrowed my eyes at the blue stream. "No it's not."
"Yes it is." She groaned. "In the left! You got it twisted with the white streamer too. You have to go back and fix it. Make sure they line up together and don't roll them, they're supposed to flow."
I turned my head and glared down at the girl. "Do you want to get up here and do it?"
She immediately let go of the ladder and held her hands up in defense. "Hey! I'm just trying to help — Amanda is uptight enough already."
I rolled my eyes and reached over to fix the streamer by pulling off the tape and untangling it. "What's your guys deal anyway? You barely talked the past two weeks."
Sunny grew silent and I had to throw a ball of used tape at her head to get her attention again. "Excuse me." She glared up at me. "It's because — well — "
"Well?" I arched an eyebrow and taped the streamer back up. "You two are usually stuck to each other's hip."
Sunny sighed heavily. "Because we kissed and she left so suddenly and I think she regrets it."
"What! Why didn't you tell me?" I turned around on the ladder, almost losing my footing but quickly catching myself and holding on tighter. Sunny was frowning up at me like a kicked puppy but her words stung the most. "Because you haven't been around. We haven't talked either in days — you're always so quiet and reserved lately. You don't hang out anymore."
I grew silent and fixated my eyes on the ground below. I think I knew my depression was effecting everyone around me but I've grown too selfish to care.
Truthfully I was enjoying my time in solitude. Nobody else understood what I was feeling so I hid all my emotions and locked them away into a box.
"Hey! It's looking good guys."
Amanda came over and broke the tension. She was beaming up at me and Angela gave me a thumbs up. Sunny shifted awkwardly on her feet so Amanda flashed her a quick smile before walking away.
I climbed down the ladder carefully and stood beside Sunny as we both watched Amanda walk away to another crowd of students.
Sunny crossed her arms over her chest and heaved out a sigh. "Whatever. She'll come around at some point."
I looked at my friend and lightly nudged her with my elbow. "Don't say that. You should ask how she's doing." I looked back at Amanda. "Maybe she just needed some time to figure out how she's feeling."
"Maybe." Sunny shrugged her shoulders. "What about you? How are you feeling?"
I pursed my lips then clicked my tongue. "Ask me again in a few days. I'm still trying to figure that how." I looked at her and smiled. She accepted my response and I knew we were okay. Sometimes that's all it took was a little bit of communication. I would need to start that more at some point.