"So," Nikki followed Evie to the amps on the side of the stage. "You wanna go there and eat, or you wanna order room service?"
Evie picked up Mick's guitar and strummed the beginning notes of Ten Seconds to Love. "Probably go there. I kinda missed going out when we were on break." She set the guitar down and Nikki followed her as she wandered backstage. "Besides," she said over the background chatter of all the people it took to run the tour. "Diana will probably be staying in and that's a little weird."
"It's not that weird," Nikki shrugged. "I mean, I can't even tell you how many times I've been sitting on the couch watching TV and Tommy is fucking some girl in my peripheral vision."
"I love you and I love Tommy, but I'm not modeling any of my relationships off of your guys' friendship. That's...not normal."
"Well," Nikki hugged her waist and leaned down to kiss the top of her head. "We can go to the restaurant, but I'm not going another night without seeing you naked. Diana's just gonna have to deal with it. Or I'll call Vince in to distract her."
Evie smiled and let herself lean back against Nikki. It had only been two days, but it felt like forever. "Ok." She lifted her head so that he could kiss her then pulled away from him. "Now, you're impeding my job."
"My bad," he shrugged. "But there's one more thing I wanted to talk to you about."
Evie turned to look at him. His tone had changed from playful to serious. "What?"
"What's going on with Mick? This morning Doc wanted to talk to him alone. When he came back, he was all pissed off and called me a 'piece of shit junkie' when I asked him about it. What did Doc tell him?"
Evie's eyes widened. She couldn't believe her dad would say something like that to Nikki. "I-I don't know," she shook her head. "That doesn't sound like him at all. I haven't seen him since last night."
"Talk to him, will you? I resisted the urge to punch him today but if it happens again...no promises."
"I will." She let out a sigh. "We better meet at 8:30 then. I'll try to catch him before we go."
Nikki nodded. "8:30 then."
"In the lounge?"
"In the lounge." He kissed her cheek and went off to put on his stage clothes.
It was twenty minutes after Motley's set ended and Evie found her father exactly where she thought he'd be: in his dressing room, sunglasses on and a bottle of liquor in his hand.
"Hey," she smiled.
Mick didn't say anything; just nodded at her.
It unsettled her. She ditched any plans of small talk because she really needed to know what was up.
"Listen, I wanna ask you about something." She turned and closed the door to the dressing room.
"I've been wanting to ask you about something, too."
Evie felt her stomach drop.
"You go first," Mick said. "Maybe it will explain some of my questions."
"Oh." Evie sat down on the armrest of the chair across from him. This was not how she expected this encounter to go. Suddenly, her complaint seemed insignificant. But it was too late to backtrack.
"Well," her eyes went to the floor. "Nikki said you were...rude to him, I guess. Called him a name. He thinks it's about something Doc told you." She looked up at him again, but he stayed quiet. "What did Doc tell you?"
Mick sighed. Then he shook his head and pulled off his sunglasses. "Don't do this to me, Eves." His voice was now sad. His eyes were sad. "It makes me feel like some kind of monster when you sit there and shake in fear. I'm not mad at you. I can't be mad at you. At least not for long. I just wish you would have told me."
"Told you what?" She hadn't even noticed that her voice was shaking or her hands were trembling. Now that he mentioned it, it seemed debilitating.
"About the baby!" He said it as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.
The room went still for a minute as Mick looked at her with exasperation and Evie checked to make sure she heard him right. Finally, Evie breathed out and sat back in her chair. She had considered that it could be the reason for him lashing out at Nikki, but she quickly dismissed it. She couldn't come up with a reason that explained how he found out.
Mick waited for a response and when he didn't get one he said, "Why didn't you tell me?"
Evie searched his face for signs of anger, but he just looked hurt.
"I- I thought you would be mad." Upon saying the words, her eyes began watering.
"Why would I be mad?"
"Because...you always made me promise that I wouldn't have a baby too young. You said I should live my life first. I didn't want you to be disappointed."
Mick shook his head, his heart hurting at seeing Evie cry. "But you didn't have a baby. You got pregnant." He shrugged. "It happens. But you got...got rid of it. You made the right decision."
"And I was embarrassed." It didn't matter how many times she was told it was the 'right decision,' she always just felt a little ashamed. "It was irresponsible. I should have known better. And I knew you'd be mad at Nikki." Her tone got a little more defensive. "You're always saying how he's a bad influence, and won't treat me right, what are you gonna do now that he got me pregnant? At nineteen!"
Mick threw his head back and took a deep breath. "I will admit I was mad at Nikki at first. I'll always be protective of you; it's not personal. You could be dating literal Jesus Christ and I'd still complain about him. Then I remembered how you were brought into this world."
He went quiet for a moment, thinking over the past. "Your mother was sixteen. I was seventeen. And you can imagine what her parents thought of me— some long haired kid with a guitar who smelled like weed and was convinced he was gonna be in a big rock band someday. They wouldn't have let me marry her if they weren't so afraid of their church friends dropping them for having an unwed teen mother as a daughter. Your mom finished high school at home and I dropped out after my junior year so that I could start working to provide for you two. So...maybe it was a little irresponsible, and it was sure as shit tough in the beginning, but it was the best thing that ever happened to me, you being born. It was the decision we made and you guys made the decision that was right for you. I have no right being tough on you for doing the same thing I did twenty years ago. I just wish you would've come to me for help."
Evie closed her eyes, trying to get the tears to stop. She cried because she was mourning the loss of the mother she never knew. She cried because she knew, no matter what he said, that her father's life would have been much easier had she never been born. She cried because he did so much for her, and she repaid him by making him feel like she was scared of him.
Soon she felt arms wrap around her as Mick rubbed her back and held back tears of his own.
"How did you find out?" Evie asked. "We didn't tell anyone."
Mick chuckled a little. "Tommy. Out of all people, I learned from fucking Tommy."
Her eyes lit up with surprise.
"But I should probably start at the beginning," Mick continued. "This morning Doc stopped by my hotel room. Asked to speak with me alone. I don't know if Nikki saw it, or if anyone brought it up to you, but there's a newspaper going around LA about a story from a couple days ago. It said..." he averted his eyes to the ground. "Well, that Nikki was seen at an abortion clinic with a girl that fits your description. It was trying to insinuate that Nikki was forcing the girl to get an abortion, possibly paying her off. Doc asked me if I knew whether it was true."
He paused for a moment, waiting for a response. But Evie was stunned into silence.
He went on: "Of course, I didn't know whether it was true. I believed that if it was, it had to be that Nikki had gotten a random girl pregnant—not you. Maybe that's why I was a little snappy with him today. I was just...shocked."
"And where does Tommy come into this?"
"It was just a few hours ago. After I had some time to cool off after talking to Doc, I really managed to convince myself that the newspaper was completely made up or had nothing to do with you. I mean I saw you the day after you had the...the procedure and you were fine. But then, not long after we did the sound check, Tommy came in and he gave me this."
Mick reached into the side pocket of his makeup bag and pulled out a card. He handed it to Evie. It had a bottle of wine wrapped in rose vines on the front. Above that were the words "WOOHOO!" in silver font. The inside read:
"Another year of not being a grandpa"
"Another reason to cheer!"
The 'of not being a grandpa' part was handwritten in blue ink.
Below that, Tommy had written "Sorry about the baby, but at least it means no grandkids (yet)."
Reading it, Evie had to laugh. It killed some of the tension in the room. "How did he even know? We didn't tell anyone."
Mick took the card back. "You remember when you came home for a little bit? When I showed you my new flying-V?"
Evie nodded.
"Apparently, while you were gone, Nikki called Tommy. He broke down crying, telling him everything. That's how Tommy found out."
Evie's breath caught in her throat. Nikki 'broke down crying?' She thought back over the last few weeks. She hadn't seen Nikki cry once during this ordeal. In fact, in the two and a half years they knew each other, she had probably seen him cry once or twice.
That was it, it suddenly occurred to her. Nikki was always the strong one who kept his composure and didn't let anyone or anything hurt him. When he did let his emotions out into the open, it was always anger. Never sadness. Only things did hurt him. He just didn't want anyone to see it. Maybe, Evie thought, Nikki got tired of having to be so strong for her.
Once again, Mick came over to her. He put his hand on her shoulder and tried to smile. "Tell Nikki I'm sorry about calling him a junkie. I mean, it's true, but I probably shouldn't have said it. To his face, at least."
"Okay." The apology sufficed. "And I'm sorry. For not telling you."
"It's alright."
A few moments of silence before Mick spoke again. "So, are you two going out tonight?"
Evie nodded and wiped her eyes. "Yeah. We're getting dinner at the hotel restaurant. But now my makeup is all messed up."
Mick put Tommy's card back in his bag and pulled out his makeup wipes.
Evie walked into the backstage lounge at 8:32. Nikki was already sitting there, waiting for her.
"Hey!" He went over to her, wrapping his arm around her waist. "Ready to go?"
Evie smiled and nodded. She let Nikki lead her to the back entrance of the venue, out into the frigid night.
"Did you talk to Mick?"
"I did."
"And? What did he say?"
Evie looked up at him while they waited for the cab. "He said he's sorry for what he said to you. He was just...stressed."
Nikki titled his head to the side. "Don't lie to me. What's going on?"
Evie sighed. "He knows."
"He knows?"
"About the baby." She smiled a sad smile. Being able to talk to Mick about it made it hurt a little less. Finally, the shame was starting to go away. And she had found a new sense of love for Nikki, too.
"You told him?" He wasn't accusatory. He was more surprised because she had been the one that was so adamant about nobody finding out.
Evie shook her head. She hugged Nikki's torso and leaned her head against him. "You told Tommy. And Tommy...is Tommy. Gave my dad a card congratulating him on not being a grandpa."
Nikki stiffed up a bit. "I was really drunk," he said in a low voice.
"I'm not mad." Her tone was reassuring. She wanted to tell him her true feelings: that she was a little sad because he felt like he couldn't cry in front of her. At the same time, she found it endearing that he was trying to put on a brave face for her. She also felt like knowing about it brought them closer together, because it turned out Nikki was just as distraught about the situation as she was. But she knew Nikki didn't like talking about his emotions and might get upset if she told him how much she knew.
"Who else knows?" Nikki asked just as the cab was pulling up. He held a finger up, telling the driver to wait a moment, then turned back to face Evie.
"I don't think anyone else. Tommy, my dad. I think Doc is a little suspicious, too." (She could leave out the part about the newspaper). "But, I don't really care anymore. Really. I was mostly worried about my dad finding out, but now...he was just upset that I didn't tell him."
Nikki looked at her, searched her face for dishonestly. When he didn't find any, he opened the door of the cab.
"You've got really pretty hair, you know that?"
"Are you just noticing that?"
Nikki downed his fourth shot of the night and let go of the lock of hair he was playing with. "Maybe."
Evie, on her third shot (thanks to her new fake ID), giggled. "You know," she turned around on her barstool and gestured to the restaurant around them. "This reminds me of our first date. Only classier."
"Our first date?" Nikki snorted. "On our first date, we couldn't even afford the mozzarella sticks at a place like this."
"No, no, not that one. Our second first date. Don't you remember? It was the first show of the tour, and we were at this bar in England, and a guy beat you up, and then I helped you, and then you came over and sat with me. That was like this, but worse."
Nikki chuckled a little. "I don't know if you could call that a date. I mean, things were still a little...awkward between us."
"You didn't enjoy our time together?" Evie put on a fake pouty-face.
"I really didn't." His eyes wandered as he thought back to the day in question. "I remember going through such a whirlwind of emotions that day. First, I'm on top of the world, playing this show in front of thousands of people right before Ozzy Osbourne performs. I was living my dream. It was like drugs, but without any of the shame. I was still feeling it by the time we got to the bar. I was drinking, people were cheering me on, the girls were loving me. Of course, I have all these girls who are willing or even desperate, but I end up chasing after the one that's unavailable. I barely spoke a word to her before her boyfriend body slammed me. My whole world turned to pain. I just laid on the ground, certain that I had broken every bone in my body. Who knows how long I would've stayed there if it weren't for you."
Nikki paused for a moment, looking at Evie. She thought that was the end of his story, but then he continued: "You took me to the bathroom to help me get cleaned up, and I just remember the relief I felt. I wasn't sure if I really wanted to date anyone again, but I hated the tension between you and me. I tried to keep my distance from you, but it felt great just to be able to talk to you again. It felt almost natural, too. Then, when we were sitting at the bar together on our 'date,' the pain hit me again." He reached behind her shoulder to play with her hair while she looked into his eyes. "Here was this sweet, beautiful girl with the patience of a saint, rubbing my shoulder and comforting me, and I knew full well that I had treated you like shit. I was so ashamed of myself. I thought you'd never take me back, and even if you did, I thought I'd fuck it up again. That's why I was such an asshole to you in those first few weeks of the tour. If I could convince myself that I hated you, I didn't have to worry about what you thought of me."
He sighed. When he went to pull his arm away from her shoulder, Evie caught it and played with his hand. She was being told so many hidden memories and unspoken emotions today that it was getting hard to take it all in. "I don't think I ever stopped wanting you. I agree you can be difficult when drugs are involved, but through it all, there was just something that pulled me toward you. Any sane person probably would have rejected you, but for some reason, I always knew we could make it out to the other side. I always wanted you. My seventeenth birthday, to the time when we were broken up, even the beginning of the tour. It really hurt me to see you be so cold to me, but it never deterred me. Not for long at least. Even that night, when you were all drunk and bloody, I wanted to kiss you and tell you it was alright. And I wanted more than anything for you to ask me out for dinner, or say you were sorry about the way things ended, or even just tell me thank you for helping you. I just didn't understand why you couldn't..."
She shook her head, trying to think of the right way to finish that sentence when Nikki spoke up: "You know why. I couldn't because of the drugs and the ego. You called me out on that on what I would consider to be our first first date."
Evie knew exactly the day he was talking about: the night the band first played Starry Eyes, the night she and Nikki first kissed, the night they had their first fight, and the night they first made up after a fight. That was their first date.
The couple sat in silence for a little while longer and drank a bit more. Finally, Nikki proposed they head in for the night.
"Let's go," Evie agreed. "Are you spending the night in my room?"
"I'll go crazy if I go another night without you."
Evie rolled her eyes. This musician managed to piss off parents across America with his shocking lyrics, but he refused to come up with an original line for her. And he did it on purpose, too.
She leaned against him on the way up to the elevator. In her room they found Diana sitting at the desk, flipping through a magazine. Evie felt the sting of disappointment. Maybe she could drop a hint to Diana, encourage her to leave them alone for an hour or two.
But that wasn't how Nikki did things. He saw the way Evie hesitated in the doorway and grabbed her by the waist. Not saying a word, he pulled her into the bathroom and locked the door behind them.
The fluorescent lighting was sobering to Evie. Her hair was all frizzy from the wind outside, she had a streak of mascara going across her cheek from when she haphazardly took off her makeup, and there were purple bags under her eyes. She looked at herself in the mirror, her hands on the countertop propping her up.
"Why didn't you tell me that I looked like this?" Evie giggled, looking up at Nikki behind her in the mirror.
Nikki responded by kissing her neck. "What do you mean?"
"Look at me!"
Nikki met her eyes in the mirror. Then his eyes traveled downward. His hands did too, finding the waistband of her pants.
Soon, Evie was naked from the waist down. Just as quickly, she was lifted onto the counter and placed down next to the sink.
"I'll look at you, alright," he smiled, pushing one of her thighs to the side. "Every inch of you."
The sudden vulnerability made Evie go silent. She held her hands up, signaling to Nikki that she wanted her shirt off. He pulled it over her head, then reached behind her to undo the clasp of her bra.
Nikki used his right hand to play with her nipples while his left unzipped his pants. Just as quickly as she'd undressed, he stripped down to just his shirt and stood in between her thighs.
"That first night in Leicester," Nikki held her waist. "When you took me into the bathroom, for a moment I thought that we'd end up in a situation kinda like this. How perverted is that? I'm bleeding and every part of my body is aching, and I'm thinking about you taking your clothes off and sitting on the sink for me."
"You know what's even more perverted?" She giggled as he kissed her neck. "I might've actually done it if you asked. That's how desperate I was."
"Desperate then like you're desperate now." He stepped closer to her, until he could feel the heat from between her thighs radiating on his stomach. "I pictured you just like this." He grabbed one thigh at a time, wrapping them around his hips. "Your legs wrapped around me. Looking up at me with those pretty eyes. You'd tell me how much you missed me and how every night you fantasized about me fucking you."
He paused to let himself re-adjust Evie's hips to a more strategic position. He took his cock in his hand and let it tease her. He was rubbing his shaft against her entrance when he spoke again. "And you know what I was going to say? I was going to tell you to shut up and open your legs. I was going to tell you that if you wanted my forgiveness, you needed to be quiet and take it. And I know you, so I know you would've been a good girl for me. Because you never could stand up to me, no matter what I did to you. I would've had you just like this, naked and wet for me, and I would've fucked you like a toy. I would've gone as hard as I could and told you what a dumb and unloveable slut you are. I wanted to make you cry, make you hurt as much as I was hurting. You'd start begging me to stop, but I'd tell you to be quiet because I wasn't done yet. I'd use you until you were full of my cum, then I'd spit on you and walk off without another word. Then," he grabbed her by the throat and lifted her head until she was forced to look at him. "You'd have to see me every single day at every single one of our shows and remember what I did to you. And if that fantasy doesn't make me a sick fucking freak, I don't know what does."
Evie didn't know how to respond. She didn't know that Nikki had that side to him. She didn't know why the idea of being treated like that made her ache to be filled.
That ache was relieved before she had to say something. Nikki suddenly thrust himself inside of her. It felt like her heart stopped for a moment—the pleasure of being fucked roughly and shamelessly, the thrill of unprotected sex, the knowledge that Nikki wanted to degrade her—it sent an indescribable feeling over her. She could do nothing but cling to Nikki's neck.
Her moans making him feel weak in the knees, he grabbed Evie by the waist and lifted her. Sitting on the sink, she was too high for Nikki to go as deep as he needed to. He held her between his body and the counter as he fucked her. Her back was being hit against the cabinets every time he thrusted, but the pain somehow only heightened her pleasure.
Suddenly, Evie became aware that she was nearly screaming. Sex hadn't felt this good since the day they got home from the first leg of the tour. Evie lifted a hand to cover her mouth. Hardly ten seconds passed before Nikki slammed her against the cabinets again, this time letting his hips hold her in place.
He pried her hand away. "What have I told you about covering your mouth?" Nikki slurred.
"You- you don't like it," she whimpered back. Her hand found its new place on his waist.
"That's right." Nikki lifted her chin until she was looking at him. One of his fingers pushed into her mouth, resting on her tongue. "So don't do it," he shook his head. "I wanna be able to hear you."
Evie tried to please him, to let out another groan, but Nikki's hand wrapped around her throat. Her eyes widened. When was the last time he choked her? Why did he stop?
Nikki resumed his fucking, going deep and hard inside of her until the bathroom mirror shook. It was like he needed to fuck her to survive. Evie didn't know what to do with herself. She had never been manhandled like this before. She loved it. She loved it, but it was so overwhelming that she could do nothing but take it. She was half-moaning and half-crying when Nikki ordered her to open her mouth. He spit into it and called her his whore. Evie loved that, too.
Just when she started to struggle for air, Nikki released his grip on her throat. He was groaning now, so loudly that the whole floor could probably hear them. The sound sent waves of ecstasy through Evie, knowing she was bringing him so much pleasure.
Nikki picked her up, placing her back onto the countertop. He didn't want to drop her when his release brought him to his knees. Standing on his toes, he fucked her just as viciously as before. Then he let out a loud moan and stopped. He was penetrating her as deep as he could when Evie felt the warmth inside of her.
Evie stayed sitting on the countertop for a bit afterward. At first, her legs were wrapped around Nikki while he hugged her and bowed his head into her neck. Then she stayed put as Nikki walked (completely naked) out of the bathroom to grab her robe and the soap out of her luggage. Being alone gave Evie plenty of time to think about what he just did to her. It was intense, it was pleasurable, it was humiliating, and it was incredible, all at the same time.
Nikki already knew what she needed after an experience like that. Back in the bathroom, he helped Evie get down from the counter and turned on the water in the tub. They ended the night holding each other under the rush of warm water.