Book: The God’s Game
Author: Rathilluser
Reviewer: oraclesighter
Chapters read: 29
Title: 5/5
It’s actually very attention-grabbing, intriguing. It eludes the same vibe an epic fantasy would have, it sounds mysterious and mystical (in fact, I just saw right now that you have the epic fantasy tag in your story! So you practically nailed the title).
It makes me curious, as well as stays true to the plot.
Cover: 5/5
I absolutely love the cover! It’s clean, not too complex, but still has enough details to make it pleasing to look at. It has high quality and is overall well made. I also like the crown working as a detail to represent the royalty elements included in the story!
Blurb: 7/10
It’s short and catchy, which is just how a blurb should be, preferably under 200 words. It introduces the protagonist and a fraction of his backstory. I especially found the second line to be eye-catching, being followed by the line of the said god abandoning him.
I also liked the fact that you gave us an introduction, not only to River, but to Raven as well.
However, I would’ve taken the opportunity to be a bit more specific and descriptive, hint at the conflict a bit more. Show the readers what the story is about — what makes this story so different from all the others? What am I missing out on if I don’t read this? WHY should I read it in the first place?
I feel like conflict is missing here, even though you stated River’s main issues he faced since childhood, along with the hook — which is, well, going on the adventure — it lacks conflict, consequence.
Why should the reader care? There has to be some kind of downfall to the adventure, mention it. Don’t hide it. Of course, keep it brief and don’t spoil it, but we need something to really get invested in, a reason for us to want to find out what happens.
Or you can also choose to mention the goal the protagonist has, and what he expects to find in return for going on this journey with Raven, a specific motivation for his actions. Really get the reader hooked in the story, get them invested.
Plot: 18/20
It’s a very interesting premise and story you’ve got going on. I was certainly drawn to the concept of gods interacting with the living and getting to experience their world through the lens of River, who comes from a royal background. The worldbuilding is also an intriguing factor of the plot. It seems to have a vast series of characters to introduce, kingdoms, different places, etc.
I also like the conflict about River being locked away and kept isolated most of his life. But in that case, wouldn’t he be more excited or curious to see the outside world after staying hidden away for so long? It’d be more realistic if we got an actual reaction out of him — but then again, he seems to know quite a lot about the world, considering he already knew who Raven was (or at least had an idea of him). So just how much DOES he know about the outside world?
I’d suggest making either his knowledge or how hidden he’d been a bit clearer, cause this may cause a bit of confusion or even unrealistic characters.
Another good note is that the story is fast paced, full of action, and seems to have things happening all the time. It’s engaging and doesn’t linger around a scene for too long either.
Although I think I grasp the plot being River having to go on this adventure/god’s mission with Raven to uncover a curse, you could have put more emphasis on the actual conflict, the obstacle that comes between them from accomplishing that goal.
I don’t see River specifically having any goal or motive at the start of the story either. He just kinda lets things happen to him. He’s extremely passive with all the things occurring to him. Not that that’s a bad thing. Characters can be passive with the events that take place in a story (if that’s a trait they have), but I feel like River can be developed further. Give him a goal other than completing God's mission.
Hand him a few obstacles, a problem that gets in the way of him reaching his destination, something to keep the readers at the edge of their seat.
Mechanics: 17/20
Considering you mentioned that English isn’t your first language, I’ll take it easy on you for this one. I did catch a handful of punctuation errors, such as misplacement of commas or incorrect grammar.
It didn’t make it difficult to read. However, it may become distracting for a few readers to catch grammatical mistakes like these, especially if they show up quite often.
I do really want to recommend you to check your grammar and spelling with the use of a program called Hemingway Editor, which I’ve recommended to other writers as well.
It serves to fix passive voice and time tenses too, so it’s not exclusive to punctuation.
But do keep an eye out for the program suggesting to simplify your sentences and narrow them down to lower reading grades — do NOT let it re-write your sentences! It weakens your voice as an author and makes your writing seem as if it was made for children’s books, and we don’t want that. I suggest only using this program to see if you’ve made any misspellings or used punctuation incorrectly.
Other than that, I actually really enjoyed reading your writing, concerning mechanics. There were numerous lines that made me laugh out loud, especially Raven’s dialogues (which I’ll get to shortly).
You genuinely have a really good sense of humor and you manage to incorporate it in your writing in various creative and unique ways, whether it be particular phrasing, description, dialogue, or inner monologues.
And now that I’m at it, your descriptions of clothing and actions were very well written.
I especially loved the line you wrote about Raven and Solina, “It was like seeing two very slithery, equally venomous snakes, tangled together.”
You don’t understand how VIVID of an image conjured up in my mind as I read that. I could even feel the texture of the said “snakes,” just by that short simile. I encourage you to use more descriptions as these, include more figurative speech in your writing, such as similes, metaphors, analogies. I didn’t see enough of it, and you write them really well.
Also, I want to mention the way you suddenly interrupt the story with character guides or general information about worldbuilding, like, in the middle of the story.
I’d recommend that you set off a specific section in your table of contents and have all the guides for your world at the beginning of the story. It makes the experience more immersive and higher quality if you keep a certain order for certain topics. Otherwise, it may be rather disruptive for readers getting really captivated in a chapter, eager to flip to the next page to then see a map of the world instead.
Hook: 5/10
I think you have somewhat of a hook in the prologue, but which could use some improvement and strengthening.
It wasn’t until I read further into the story and then went back to re-read the prologue that I understood what was going on.
The prologue could use some context. Make it clearer why River’s birth is so different from the others and why it matters so much. I get that the gods aren’t supposed to ignore you when you’re born, but what happens in that case? What are the consequences of this? Why is this so important? You don’t have to answer that question right in the prologue, it can be in chapter one, or two, even three — as long as it’s at the start of the story to avoid any confusion.
An idea: You could convey this through the King’s reaction right after not getting a response from the deity. Show his fear or his dislike for River starting from then on forward — and it doesn’t even have to be fear (although that’d be the most natural response). It can be temper loss, disgust, anything. Just some type of emotion to invoke a sense of how important this may be. But that’s just a suggestion. I’d assume you as the author can find better ways to portray context, whether it’s through telling or showing.
But then again, I’d suggest you find a way to strengthen the hook in the first few chapters. Have a strong reason as to why the reader should keep on reading. That reason can range from wanting to find the answer to a question they may have, or just simply wanting to find out what happens next. Your hook NEEDS to be stronger.
But beside that, the chapters that go on after River and Raven are on the island are really interesting to me, and I genuinely felt intrigued to read more.
For example: The scenes and twists that occurred, the wide range of locations they were traveling to, the new characters getting introduced, and most importantly, Raven keeping me very entertained throughout the chapters, so kudos for that!
Word choice and author’s voice: 10/10
Your choice of words are chosen very well and adequately for the tone of the scene, including complex and rather advanced words — and as a person who grew up speaking English the majority of the time, there were a few words that even I didn’t know the meaning of!
Your voice really does shine brightly throughout the lines. I could definitely tell your story apart from another just by taking a glance at the words.
Characters and character development: 8/10
The characters must be the best part of the story. I enjoyed reading about them more than I can describe.
Their personalities are well-written with distinct manners of behaving and speaking. I would definitely be able to tell each character apart without the use of any name tags.
They act consistently and according to their character traits, they’re interesting and fun to read about.
Kudos for making them have such different backgrounds as well, with River being locked up most of his life and nobody knowing his name, meanwhile Raven seeming to be known worldwide. It’s an intriguing contrast to have in a relationship and creates an engaging dynamic. They could learn a lot from each other.
One thing I wish I could have seen more would be diversity in race and culture, or introducing more kingdoms that are very different from River’s and Raven’s. I think that would have made a more intriguing cast of characters, as well as make the story more realistic.
Overall enjoyment: 10/10
It was a fun read, I enjoyed the story and the characters a lot! I also appreciate you, as the author, interacting with your audience in the comment sections. You seem to have close relationships with your readers, and that is always a good thing. I’m interested to see where this story leads to, it has a lot of potential.
Total: 85/100
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