I am exhausted after the first hour of walking. We walk through towns, villages or whatever they are, and endless countrysides. Right now we were passing through a moorland full of frost bit naked trees and fragile plants.
My thoughts get the best of me while we stump on the icy rocky trail. At first they curse Eleanor in all the words my imagination can think of.
When my imagination weakens and no new hate words come to mind anymore, the thoughts roll around food.
Then they roll to the boy next to me and how I still don't know if I should tell him about my growing feelings towards him. My main fear is rejection, I can't imagine how awkward it'd be if he knew about my feelings but couldn't respond to them. He cares about me, that's for a fact, but does he care about me like that?
Then they roll to food again. This morning, a great surprise waited for me when the scale pointed at exactly 100 pounds. The happiness from achieving a goal of many many months should have been the best feeling ever. But to my surprise, it wasn't.
I don't know what I'd expected, that after the number pointed at exactly a hundred, my body was transformed into a Malibu princess? I really don't know. But as I looked in the mirror, my stomach still felt too much. It felt as if it wasn't enough.
But that was stupid. I had promised myself numerous times that I would stop at hundred. I promised. But... it wasn't enough.
"How's your head?" Fox suddenly interrupts my depressive thoughts about losing weight.
It wasn't my head that was bothering me. Just the empty stomach that was killing my head.
"It's better." I mutter. But my surroundings were looking misty due to the starving and I knew that if I didn't rest, my body would give up. "But can we sit for a moment?" I ask, a bit embarrassed.
"Of course." He comes to a halt next to me and begins to look around us for a place.
"Is that too creepy?" I ask pointing at an old and decrepit bridge on our left. At our right was just endless moorlands, and they had been for at least fifteen minutes. Not a single soul had walked past us, and the lands seemed to never end.
"Creepy but it's good enough." Fox says.
I take his hand, drawing my body slightly closer to his. Even if Eleanor did just try to sell me, it wouldn't hurt to listen to her ideas about how to test if Fox could like me. She is a psychopath, but the advice was too good to ignore.
I glance at Fox to see his reaction, and notice a smile appear on his lips. "This is nice." I whisper, feeling bolder than usual.
"Indeed." He says and squeezes my hand.
I feel a blush appear on my face so I quickly turn my head to face the ground.
It takes us a solid ten minutes to fight our way through the bumpy snowy land. We laugh every time the other falls down due to the deceptive snow blanket, and when we finally get to the old bridge we're both soaking wet.
"Look, there's running water." I say surprised from the stream paddling beneath the bridge. It wasn't even frozen and I had already forgotten how lovely sound water could make.
"Spring is finally coming." Fox says, and leads me towards the bridge. I can't help the smile on my face, and the little hope tickling in my silly heart.
Spring was my absolute favourite season of all. It was the season that made hopeful dreams come alive, it was the reminder that summer was close again and nature would finally wake up from its hibernation. Spring was the absolute best.
I follow Fox's hand as we step cautiously toward the middle part of the bridge. However old this was, the beauty of it hadn't faded yet. It was made out of stone, and dominating vines lingered alongside the whole thing. When spring would finally come, I just know that this place will look absolute breathtaking and heavenly.
The stream gallops beneath us, keeping the nature sound very alive.
"I forgot how much I like nature." I say, jumping on the bridge edge to sit, facing Fox as he's standing in front of me. Now our faces were on the same level.
"Careful." He mutters and takes my breath away when he places hands down my waist to keep me from falling.
Maybe the gesture wasn't anything. Maybe. But the butterflies in my stomach did not agree.
I wanted to tell Fox that the dizziness had already passed, but I liked his touch too much to say so.
My risky mouth couldn't keep itself shut, and a question I had wanted to ask for a very long time finally came up, "Have you ever liked anyone?"
Fox's brows jumped up in surprise of my sudden burst of a question and he almost looks embarrassed. "I have."
"How about right now?" I ask, heart doing nervous jumps.
He looks me in the eyes, considering what to say before opening his mouth again. "Yeah. I like someone."
But could it be me? I nearly cry from the nervousness building up in me. I like him. I like him too much to even deny it anymore.
He was all I had anymore.
"Someone?" I ask. "You can tell me."
"Well, there's this one girl. She's really pretty," he starts and stares at the stream beneath us and I feel me heart shatter a little. This was not a good start. "She has the ability to understand me, and make me always feel better..." He could not be talking about me, could he? "She is just so, refreshing. Her personality makes me genuinely happy like nobody else ever."
He finally reaches his eyes to my level, and I know he's not talking about me. His big friend group, I had seen him talk to girls there. I saw him once chatting with a very pretty blonde in our school. It must be her. Not me. Now my heart was just completely crushed, and I wanted to do nothing but curl up to a ball and cry alone. He didn't like me. Tears almost formed in my eyes before I shut them down my throat.
"Oh. Nice. She must be really nice." I try to smile but fail miserably, so I end up staring at the view on my left, not being able to face Fox's eyes.
I was so mad. Not at Fox, or maybe just a little. Not intentionally, since he couldn't fight his feelings. I just wasn't the one for him, but it made me mad. I wanted to be the one. Shit.
"What?" Fox asks trying to figure out why I was a moody bitch once again.
"Nothing. You should tell her you like her." I crack a toxic smile, unintentionally.
"So you don't like anyone?" He asks.
"I do actually." I spill out.
"Really? Who?" Fox asks and I finally face his gaze. He knows damn well that I do not have any other people in my life than him. So I let it all go boldly.
"It's a guy, a head taller than me. Really really hot." I swallow my tears quickly and keep going out of pure rage and torturing myself, "he has a funny name and a kind heart. But..." for some reason I feel oddly betrayed. The worst was, I actually had a feeling that he might've liked me. Guess I was wrong.
"But what?" Fox breaths out, a smile on his face. That asshole, was it funny to have a friend to admire you?
"But he likes someone else." I smile toxically.
"And it'd never work out anyways." I finally force myself out of his hands on my waist and move to sit a meter further. I couldn't handle his touch knowing he's attracted to someone else.
But Fox follows me and places his hands back firmly. "Let me go." I huff.
"But I'm afraid you'll fall." He shrugs, looking lighthearted and without a worry in his voice. It annoys me.
"Go worry for your other girl." I snap.
"Why are you so upset?" Fox asks frowning.
"Don't you get it?"
"No?" He just shrugs, but I see a little amusement in his emerald eyes.
"I like you!" I just screech out, bringing my head to my hands and try to forget him holding me. "I've liked for a long time."
At first he says nothing and my cheeks flush with embarrassment. The feeling of humbling and rejection bangs in my head harder than a migraine.
Then, after a hot tense minute he brings one of his hands from my waist to under my chin and lifts my head up so I'm forced into looking at his eyes.
"I know." He says smirking, and I almost lose my mind.
"Don't say that! I-" I finally begin to shed my tears, before I feel his lips crashing into mine.
I'm startled from his perfect feeling lips, his mouth tasting like coffee and sugar. I take a shuddering breath and close my eyes, trying to understand what the fuck was happening.
But as he kisses me, I start to be more comfortable with it. I devour it more. I love it. Maybe more than I should. His mouth is like a magnet that shuts off my brain functions and for a very hot minute, everything around us blurs. Just him and I are here. The time feels like pausing, waiting for us to pull apart.
But instead off pulling apart, his hands cup both of my cheeks, and I wiggle my body closer to him, bringing my arms tight around his neck.
Nothing had ever felt so heavenly, not until this moment. His soft lips, his hands cupping my cheeks and the butterflies flying around my poor stomach. Nothing could've made me more happy.
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