If I could be reborn once again, I would want to be someone worthy of being loved.
Shrouded in darkness with zero of my limbs working, I came to a conclusion that perhaps this is where the dead ends up. All the talk about heaven and hell, punishment and reward, good and evil ceased to exist. No one could predict the afterlife because after all, the dead does not live to tell. And here I was, floating like a speck of dust in this boundless vacuum, conscious enough to know that I had transcended the world of the living.
For a moment, I lost the ability to remember who I was, where I lived, my friends, my family and whether I had a lover. All I knew was that this void in my chest had always been there even before I passed on. Seems like this afterlife and the one I had were no different from each other.
'That's not true.'
A voice whispered. Whoever this person was, it sure gave me a sliver of hope that maybe, just maybe, I was loved just as I love them.
'Y/N-san, it's time to wake up. Wake up for me, I need you.'
It was then I registered that it was a child's voice. So soft and calm I could give in to this darkness and sleep on. But something was tugging my heart. Strong enough for me to realise there were things left undone and people I loved left behind. Maybe my heart wasn't a void after all.
'Please!'
A cry so desperate I could not bear to ignore. Someone dear to me was waiting.
I forced every of my limb to move and once I broke free from the invisible chain, I swam my way up. Up and up until light emerged, radiant and ready to take me in.
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"What do you mean the client is unsatisfied? We have gone through the blueprint millions of time and– Huh? They want another meeting? Like now?!"
This wasn't what I wanted to wake up to but unfortunately it was unavoidable and I had no choice but to take in the yells of my mother who was screaming into her phone.
"Ah I get I get. I'll be there in a second so don't start anything yet." She hung up her phone after what seemed like a rejected project. She rubbed her temple and let out a heavy sigh. Clearly my existence was less important than whatever she was facing. As if she felt a pair of eyes staring from her peripheral vision, mother turned to look at me. Her face impassive. "Oh, you're awake?" she said like I just woke up from a slumber.
I let out a derisive laugh. "What? You don't sound too happy."
"Starting out hostile, are we?" She kept her phone in her purse. "Glad you're awake. Shion would be happy to hear this."
'Only him. Not father.'
"I don't know how long you've been awake but just to let you know, I have an important meeting to attend. I'll get the nurse on the way out so just make yourself comfortable."
My attention fell onto the withered Gerbera flowers next to me. Not only did mother ignore my wellbeing, she ignored the flowers' too. It wasn't a shocker she lacked empathy but it didn't hurt to throw out the flowers if she wasn't going to bring a new one. Unless this was her first visit.
Mother looped her handbag around her shoulder before heading towards the exit. Didn't even bat an eye or say goodbye as if she didn't bother to hide her apathy. I should've been accustomed to her contempt but this took the cake.
"I just got stabbed for fuck's sake."
She paused. Something told me that it wasn't guilt that got to her but my profanity. I was surprised I didn't curse at her sooner.
She looked over her shoulder. "And you're alive." Rather than relief, her tone carried disappointment.
"At least pretend to be a good mother. Let me guess, in the course of my hospitalisation, you have only visited me once, is that correct?"
Mother rubbed her temples. "I can't believe I picked the wrong day to see you. Enough with this quarrel."
"There you again. You don't care." Something arose in me but I couldn't stop. "Don't you want to know what happened? How I fought for my life. How I was at the brink of death. I..." Again, I paused.
She sighed. "The police have filled me in with what I needed to know. And if it makes you any better, those criminals were caught."
"Its not just that. During my last moments, I felt pain and there was also loneliness. From the years of neglect simply because I am not your ideal child."
"Did they mess with your head too?"
This time my throat tightened and a stinging sensation in my nasal emerged. "I was so lonely, mother!" The words I never thought I would utter spill out from my mouth. "Why do I have to beg for you to care?!" My throat started to feel raw from screaming.
For a moment I thought my words have gotten into her. She finally turned around to face me, her eyes pierced down condescendingly in what seemed like frustration and disgust.
"I have given you everything you needed to survive. A roof, education, food, water. Hell, I even made sure they admitted you to the top-ranked hospital and a high-grade ward and this how you talk to me?"
Unbelievable. If I hadn't touched my cheeks, I wouldn't have noticed that I was actually crying. To show my vulnerability to my hateful mother was pathetic and shameful.
"You're the worst mother ever. I wish I was never born into this family." I muttered.
My taunt failed to flick her because she was already heading towards the door. Without facing me she said, "I would've been satisfied if Shion was the first-born and only child."
She left as quickly as she entered, leaving me stunned. Agony crept into my unguarded heart to rip it inside out. I could feel the throbbing pulse in my ear accompanied by static noises, further amplifying this overwhelming emotion.
That was actually the first time mother blatantly declared her hate for me.
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A few days passed and I watched different people come and go, none of them were my parents. First it was Shion, the next day was my manager, followed by my two colleagues. Despite all the little chats and their presence to fill the empty room, I felt like a zombie rotting in my bed. From time to time I received occupation therapy to regain my physical strength and motor skills and before I knew it, I was nursed back to health, healthy enough to wander around the hospital at least.
For a week I was disconnected from the outside world. Meaning, I had no information of Eri's wellbeing and whereabouts. It filled me with dread not knowing how she was. And that fuelled my motivation to heal faster.
When I felt my muscles coming back to me, I decided to take a breather from the ward. I stepped out and shut the door behind me but I was cut short when I noticed a man in black suit, talking to a doctor. They stood in front of the ward just three rooms away from mine.
"Understand. We shall move him to your compound where he shall continue his treatment." The bald doctor said before walking away.
The man, who had his back facing me, stood motionlessly for a long time and gazed into the opening window of the ward. Though it was from a difficult angle, I could still see the sharp outline of his nose against his black mask and the stud piercings on his left ear.
'Oh.. its that man. The pomegranate man.'
He walked away before I could take a step. His heels reverberated the hallway with speed. Out of the few encounters we had, this was the most expressive countenance I had seen from him. Though subtle, his brow furrowed into a pensive look and his gaze was soft. It made me even more curious to see what those solemn eyes were gazing at.
After he left, I walked up to the door and peered inside. The room was dim and the curtains were closed but with the help of the bedside monitor and the corridor lights, they illuminated the room just enough for me to adjust my eyes to the surrounding and the patient. There on the bed, lay an old man, unconscious and still connected to a ventilator. My eyes went back to the monitor. His heart rate, blood pressure and oxygen saturation seemed pretty stable yet he looked like he'd been dead for a week.
'Hmm. So he does have a family to care for.'
Somehow the daunting aura that he emitted previously wasn't so daunting at all.
I didn't notice how engrossed I was with that old man because I was clearly unaware of the presence that materialised behind me. Just then, I felt a tight grip around my arm, forcing me to spin around. It sent shockwaves throughout my body when I realised I couldn't detect it's presence when I should've.
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