Wednesday. Today was the day I was going to see Eleanor again.
Kinda sucked since I wanted to be with Fox today to make sure he was as fine he promised.
Last night was rough, he didn't say anything after his panic attack, not when I asked him anything or tried to get him to say something.
He only hugged me, kept his arms around my waist like his life depended on it. And I let him. I don't know if he slept one blink after that dream because at some point of the night I fell asleep.
I don't sincerely know what to do for him. If I could, I'd take his pain away and let him live the life he deserves.
"Fox, I think you should tell someone. Like, you have grandparents or someone else you could possibly live with?" I start, laying in my comfy bed at six a.m. with his wide awake body.
We haven't talked in hours, so my voice comes out hoarse, but it doesn't seem to have an affect on Fox.
"I don't have any." He surprises me when he actually answers me this time.
"But you can't live like that." I whisper, still pressed against his body. I pull away, but just a few inches so I could see his face.
"I've lived like it for seventeen years." His emerald eyes meet mine.
"I can't even imagine how rough times you had." I say, heart shattering for him. I just wanted to take his pain away. "You need to get out."
"I can't. That dream... it was due to Tod trying to run away. If I leave, underage... you don't know how they're like." He shakes his head. I've never ever seen Fox this serious and sad before.
"How did they punish you...?" I ask cautiously, this part wasn't what I heard from Fox's nightmare. I only gathered the main story, but I didn't quite understand the whole concept.
"You sure you wanna hear?" Fox asks and continues after I nod, "They put hot candle wax on our palms, sometimes whole body, and then locked us to the cellar. Time we spent there, we didn't have proper food. Then they... well, hit us. Until we were crying on the floor. That specific dream, it was a memory and ended at the part where I tried to stop mom from hitting Tod."
I can see how hard it is to Fox to talk about it, the pain in his eyes is raw. "Did it stop when Tod moved out?" I ask quietly.
Based on his face, I immediately know the answer. He doesn't lie, so he stays silent for a while. "It's not always like that, my punishments I mean. Not after Tod left."
"Then what's it like nowadays?" I am genuinely scared of his answer.
"They just hit me. Ban me from food. Sometimes lock me to my room." He speaks very quietly, like it's taking him effort to get the words out.
"What do you mean 'just'? That's a fucking crime, how can anyone do that to their own kids?" I ask, voice breaking from sadness.
"When has this last happened?"
He doesn't answer right away, so I ask again. "Fox? When was the last time?"
"It's not important." He shrugs off.
"Fox." I say and look deep into his eyes.
"A couple hours before the plane took off. That's why I was late." He admits, turning his gaze away.
"What?" I screech, horrified. "For what? Are you hurt now?"
"It wasn't bad, just a couple bruises were left. They heard I god a B on literature and got mad." Fox shakes his head, like it's not a big deal.
"Oh my gosh, you should've told me right away!" I panic, how could I not notice he was hurt? "How bad are the bruises?"
He scrambles up to sit, then lifts his shirt to show me his spine which was covered with purplish blue marks.
"Oh fuck." I whisper, horrified of the damage. "You said it wasn't bad..."
"It wasn't that bad." He corrects me but it does not calm me down. I see old scars on his back, white lines and dots. It looks bad, really bad.
"Maybe you could come live with me?" I suggest, still eyeing the old and not so old marks that should have had medical attention.
Fox turns around, meeting my gaze with a surprised look, pulling his shirt back down. "You really just asked me to live with you?"
"Of fucking course I did, I can't let this happen to you." I shake my head.
"Liv, I'm okay-" he starts but I cut him off quickly.
"No, don't even try to finish that sentence. This-" I touch his bruises very gently, "is not okay. It's awful."
"I can't just move out, they'll kill you if they knew I'd blabber things around!" He says and mindlessly begins to stroke my soft hair, like I was the one he had to take care of.
"I don't care, just don't stay there." I whisper.
"It's only a year and I get to go. Only a year, I'll manage."
"I don't feel good letting you live there, just sleep at my place."
"I'd love to, but I can't." Fox shakes his head and I have to give up.
"Then I'll come sleepover at your place. And I'll make sure that they won't touch you."
"No. Absolutely not." He suddenly turns sturdy.
"Why not? They can't hurt you if I'm there." I ask.
"Still no." He doesn't budge.
I keep quiet to that, knowing I'd probably show up to his house right after this trip to make sure he was alright. And so he would stay alright.
Time passes and we just silently comfort each others, my forehead pressed against his chest and my hand gently drawing circles around his bruises. It seems to calm him down.
***
"Don't tell me you slept together again." We suddenly hear a bang at the door. We had lied back down and fallen asleep at some point of the morning.
"We just like spending the mornings together!" I lie, trying to not let mr. Perry think bad about us.
"This is a school trip and I want you guys to act like it! Youngsters..." he sighs deeply.
"It's not like that!" I yell to him.
"Breakfast is in ten minutes." He only says before leaving with heavy footsteps.
"I don't think I'm his favourite student anymore." I whisper to Fox and he surprises me with a smile.
"You'll survive." He mutters to my hair.
"I hope so." I say to him. "How are you feeling?"
"I'm alright." He mutters.
"Are you sure? Don't the bruises hurt?"
"A bit. But paracetamol make it easier so you don't have to worry."
"I'll still worry until you get out of there. Anywhere would be better. Can't Tod take you to live with him?" I ask, still not wanting to leave him live like that.
"We don't speak much anymore, and he lives in different state. Plus I only have a year to live there." Fox reminds me.
"Still." I mutter.
"Livia, I've been there for seventeen years now, so I'll manage another year. I promise." He says but gives up when I still look unsure. "Come on, let's get ready." He changes the topic.
"Don't change the topic. Can you come sleepover at my house some days?" I ask.
"I think so. Sounds like a good deal." He smiles and nods.
"Good." I smile at him, relieved to get even something done. "I guess I have to tell my mom about you finally."
"You still haven't told her?" Fox looks at me surprised.
"She doesn't know a shit about my life anymore." I shake my head, not willing to talk about my family problems right now. I didn't have problems like him, my family just never really spoke about stuff. But I knew mom probably loved me, and Elijah would never leave me like Tod did. I was lucky to have a somewhat nice family.
"Then there's two of us." Fox smiles. I smile back. "But now we really need to get ready for breakfast."
Ready to cry about calories again. I get a reminder of those shitty calories again.
How I wish I could just forgot about those tiny creatures that had ruined my life and concentrate on getting Fox to safety, but it didn't work like that. He needed comfort more than me, but I just couldn't bring myself to forget calories, since they were all around us.
"I've got to shower quickly, I probably smell bad." I say and begin to tangle myself out of Fox's arms, suddenly afraid that I might actually smell.
"No you smelled good. Vanilla shampoo?" He asks and twirls a bit of my straight hair with his fingers.
"You recognised. But it's actually coffee and vanilla." I smile, heart pounding a bit more than usual.
"I like it." He says.
"Good. Then I'll go put more on." I say and hop out of my bed, leaving him to sleep still. We'd be late from breakfast again, but that wasn't anything new.
***
I needed to get out before noon so I could be early in the cafe me and Eleanor had planned.
But the problem was that today we were supposed to learn about astronomy and planets. I skipped my lessons on Monday which was only two days ago so it'd be suspicious if I skipped today too.
Also Fox, he probably wouldn't really be glad about the plan to go meet a woman twice my age in a random Germany town alone.
I was aware of the risks, yes, but life wasn't fun without little risks. And I trusted Eleanor, at least somehow.
So now I just had to come up with some good explanation before the bus for our class took off.
"Oh shit, I forgot my phone. I'll be quick." I mutter, just before everyone climbs to the bus.
"Didn't you have it in your hand just like five minutes ago?" Fox asks frowning and I cringe for my stupid lie.
"Well, yeah but my phone case, it has my bank card. I'll go get it, just go ahead with your friends." I say and turn around.
"I can pay for what you want, the bus is just about to leave." He takes my hand to stop me from leaving.
"I'll be super quick!" I smile at him before shaking his hand off and wavering off inside the hotel.
That was a pathetic attempt but at least it worked somehow.
I waver off to my room, to get ready for my plans. I felt extremely bad for lying, when he just poured his heart open to me and I calmed him down, but I was too afraid of what he would've said if he knew about my late night walk alone in this big city full of strangers. And now I didn't have the time to explain myself, and that I had actually lied about my will to get better.
When I get to my room, I see that the bus had left already. I'd explain something stupid for mr. Perry, he was already disappointed in me so it didn't matter.
I grab my wallet, room keys, my phone and a note which had the location of the cafe Eleanor and I had planned to meet. I stuff them all to my purse, spray some perfume on and head out, deciding to just grab a taxi from the street. Or a bus, I don't know yet.
When I head out of my room, completely in my own thoughts, I crash into something. Someone, to be exact.
"What the-" I start, but stop mid sentence realising who it was. None other than Fox. Of course he hadn't left with the others, I should've guessed better. It still annoyed me a bit, or made me happy. I wasn't completely sure of what I felt. "What are you doing here?"
"You're not so good at lying as you think." He sounds a bit salty, which is very reasonable.
"I'm sorry, but I really need to go somewhere." I say apologetically.
"Right now? Why?" He asks.
"It's a long story. But I'll be okay, you should just stay here and-" I start but already know from his face that I was not very convincing.
"Where are we going then?" He asks, matching my steps while we head together out of the hotel.
"To a cafe." I give up, knowing he'd never let me leave alone for an unsure location.
"Do you know where it is?"
I hand him the piece of paper Eleanor wrote, and he looks more than confused. "I'll explain on the bus. Or taxi, I'm not sure yet."
"Do you have a single idea where this place is? Or who is the person you're seeing?" Fox turns his gaze at me, but not slowing his steps down.
"Yeah." I lie again.
"Can you stop lying for like five minutes and just answer truthfully for one question?" He sighs sounding like he was finally having enough, and that made me turn to him, angry with myself.
"Okay... I'm sorry, I truly am. I'll try to stop."
"You still didn't answer." He reminds me.
"Well, I don't know exactly where this place is. But she's Eleanor, we've met once. And she's cool." I say, trying to release the tension between us.
"So you decided to meet up with a girl who you've met one time, in an unknown location, in a foreign country, completely alone?" He asks, sounding both disappointed and kind of angry.
"Don't put it like that, it sounds bad." I hiss.
"Livia, that's like the worst plan I've heard in my life. What were you thinking? They could kill you, or do other very bad stuff?" Now he was just sounding worried and made me feel like a helpless stupid girl.
"I'm not stupid. I know what I'm doing." I mutter, annoyed. But I was only annoyed for myself, because I knew he was right. This was indeed a stupid idea but my pride wasn't about to give up. I never gave up.
"I didn't say you were stupid, just that you didn't think this to the end."
"Maybe. But I still want to see Eleanor before we leave the country." I say.
"What if there's no Eleanor? And where did you even meet her?" Fox asks, glancing at me.
"I'll tell you later. Let's just go, or you can stay here." I say and open the hotel doors.
"I'll tag along." He mutters.
"I can protect myself." I say, just to make sure he didn't come because he thought I was helpless. Because I wasn't.
"I know." Fox flashes me a smile, and this time I answer it.
***
We ended up ordering a taxi from the hotel phone, because apparently they weren't just waiting for you at random places like in old European films.
I gave the driver the location, and he told us that we'd be there in thirty minutes.
Meanwhile, I explain Fox the story of Eleanor. I can see his eyes darkening a bit and brows drawing together, probably remembering all of my past lies about how I hurt my ankle.
What I didn't tell however, was that I still didn't want to eat like normally. That detail would not be brought up.
"You do realise you could've gotten kidnapped or murdered? Thank god you are okay but promise me you'll never do anything so stupid anymore." Fox looks serious and I feel a sting in my heart for making him worry.
I look him deeply in the eyes while saying: "I promise."
"And even if you do decide to do something like that again, call me. I don't care if you think I'll be mad, just call me. Just don't be left alone, please." He says and I nod.
"Okay. And I'm sorry, I should've called." I mutter.
"Come here." He gently says and pulls me into a hug, reminding me that I could tell him everything without being judged. Or looked down upon.
"You're not mad?" I ask after a while.
"Just a little. More like worried thinking what could've happened." He mumbles into my hair.
"Luckily Eleanor was the one to pick me up. She drove me to the hotel and sneaked me in." I tell Fox.
"Thank god she found you." He tightens his arms around me protectively.
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Words: 2767
And happy Valentine's Day y'all!!❤️