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A warm breeze settled down slowly on the shores of the earth. The eerie howl of the surroundings was silenced in the upcoming showers of happiness. The day had finally arrived which would not only change one, but many lives as all held their breath... Waiting.
I could feel my heart beating wildly as I stared at the sky; hoping and praying for an answer. Unsure of the deep void digging inside of me.
The fiery red mixed with dark pink, created a mesmerising colour as the sun slowly rose from its deep slumber. The winds that were once icy now turned warm and bright. Welcoming a new dawn upon everyone at sight.
The rising of the sun had always fascinated me; but no more than the twinkling stars at night.
I wasn't sure whether it was the number of romance movies I had watched or the books that held me awake all night; but the stars above, high in the skies each held an ancient secret tied tight in its eyes. I always wondered, the events they had seen. What secrets they possed and the tears they had shed.
It was quite wondrous to see such a beautiful creation be casted in to the pits of darkness; but then again hope is given when light is shined in the tunnel of darkness. It was amazing how Allah created everything. A partner for all. An answer for every living. If it wasn't for the darkness of the nights, we wouldn't know the happiness of light. If it wasn't for the twinkling stars we wouldn't know the beauty of the rain.
Everything had an answer.
Everything happened for a reason but sometimes to see the reason, one needs to pay extra attention. Give extra time and extra care to see the secrets held within.
The sudden opening of the door had me snapping out my dazed thoughts as I slowly turned around, my eyes landing on Hana. I could feel them widening as I stared in awe at the woman in front of me.
Hana at the age of Twenty-One had been married to her University sweetheart but along the way, problems appeared and she couldn't cope having to look after herself whilst she was pregnant and waiting on her husband who was always abroad.
Imran loved Hana with all his heart and till this day he does but the events that happened between his family and Hana had shattered her. Although they aren't divorced; Hana does everything in her will to forget about him. Just sometimes she does a terrible job at it like right now, as I stared at her wedding ring on her finger.
The red dress she had worn made her large brown eyes stand out more as she brushed her fingers through her hair; the long golden earrings appearing in sight. Being a makeup artist as well as a lawyer you'd think, Hana had applied a lot of make up, but hard for contrary beliefs Hana wasn't a big fan of make-up. She puts it on others but on herself she only applied eyeliner and lipstick, and if in a good mood she would put blusher on but that was it. That was Hana yet, she still looked flawless as I looked at her smiling softly.
I could see the hesitant look in her eyes as she walked forward and leaned against the balcony. Nothing was said yet everything was said as she gazed at the sunrise ahead of her; the large brown of her eyes reflecting the fiery red and pink.
" Imran is here" She whispered quietly that if it wasn't for me standing so closely next to her. I would've have hardly heard it.
I could see the inner battle she was waging as she sighed softly her eyes looking vulnerable and dare I say weak. " Did you see him?" I asked cautiously as she shrugged turning towards me.
"No Yusuf told me" she breathed out as I nodded understanding.
Yusuf Khan was her older brother and being the over protective man he is, he refused Imran to ever see Hana again, unless she willed it and Hana being the stubborn woman she is, says it wasn't time yet. I think Four years later would be plenty of time but then again this is Hana we're talking about.
The Mehndi night last night was a huge success. After aunt Farah finished the customs and rituals everyone had made their way and had something to drink and eat before dancing and celebrating.
Hana had hired a woman with marvellous skills of Henna designs as I sat down on the Charpoy bed with two women doing my henna.
By the time it struck twelve in the morning I was shattered and wanted nothing more than the comfort of my bed. Hana insisted she applied oil on the dried henna so the colour would come out bright and fiery.
I forgot to ask the lady what colour she had applied though it depends on the cones. Some come out dark red maroonish whilst some come out slightly orange. I secretly wished it came out dark red and maroon.
" Did you pray?" Hana asked making me shake my head as I stared at my henna designs. Some of them had peeled of but some hadn't as I saw Hana's curious face making me sigh.
" I'm on" I spoke seeing her grin at me before shaking her head " Well take some medicine because I don't want you complaining Of period cramps when the Imaam does your nikah."
The Imaam was a very respected man. He was a scholar and had great knowledge about Islam. Just hearing about the Nikah which was the marriage ceremony- had me feeling a whirlwind of emotions.
The Nikah was the consent of the bride and groom saying they wish to get married to each other with free will. Hana had explained that the Imaam asks the bride and groom three times if they wish to get married, and each three times the bride and groom at turns would say yes but being the dramatic person she is. She did give me a heads up by saying they give you three chances and if at any point in those chances you get cold feet; get up and run and when she had said that she earned a smack on the head from her mother.
At times as I think about everything. It feels like I'm trapped in some kind of a fan at any dream. I didn't Imagine myself getting married at Nineteen.
It wasn't something I thought of but reality is very different from our imaginations. " Well I'd say that's a shame but then I'd be lying" Hana grinned all of a sudden. Her once damp mood now bright as she grinned at me before walking towards the wardrobe.
When my wedding was announced with Saif, uncle Huzaifah - Saif father, insisted that we all hire a section of a hotel and have the reception there.
However my older brother Arman said there was no point hiring the hotel and we can do the reception at home but of course uncle Huzaifah argument won the case.
Uncle Huzaifah was a very stern looking man in his early sixties. When one sees him they immediately assume his intimidating features would reflect his character but that wasn't the case.
Uncle Huzaifah was one of the funniest man I had ever come across. He alongside with my father Abdullah, had been at the Qatari Army and created a strong friendship amongs them, that had lasted over Twenty-Five years.
Although we weren't related by blood, we all called him Uncle Huzaifah out of respect. He was also from Pakistan originating from the districts of Swat and Abbotabad, whereas we originated from villages further down Peshawar City in Pakistan.
Sometimes when uncle Huzaifah comes to Canada or when we visit Qatar the two families would come together, as we all sit down and listen to the tales of my father and uncle Huzaifah childhood in Pakistan.
" Usmaan and Isaac were asking for you" Hana said as she opened a large duffel bag placing it on the bed making me perch up. Walking towards Hana I could see her searching through the bag for something as I spoke, my voice curious.
"Where are they? I haven't seen them in two days time" I spoke, longing evident in my voice as Hana sighed placing her hands on her hips. " I can't find it" she muttered completely ignoring me, making me sigh.
Turning around I closed the balcony doors that over looked a mesmerising pool, surrounded by palms tress with children running around. I could feel the warm breeze wash past me making me smile. The lack of sleep last night had me slightly in a damp mood yet I didn't let that affect me as I searched for my phone.
I remembered putting it under my pillow but then again I was really sleepy. I mentally thought pulling the pillow up to see my precious baby laying there with a blue light constantly flashing.
" Hey Naina the beauticians texted me saying they're going to be here in a bit.. so hurry please. It's Half six and the guests start coming at one". She spoke rubbing her temples as the door opened and Rahema followed by Elena walked inside the room casually.
Rahema was a year older than me and was studying business economics in college whereas I was studying childcare. Rahema who lives in Manchester in the UK, had slightly different school and college routine than us in Canada.
" What's up Naina? You look tired babes" she spoke pulling my cheeks making me smack her hand. Last night I had the displeasure of sharing a bed with Rahema and I swear this woman snores louder than a bear; for a very elegant looking person Rahema had awful sleeping positions and at one point. I found myself pushing her off the bed.
I thought as I saw Elena walk around the large room her eyes glancing at the mirror in front of us.
" Guys do I need to wear a headscarf or something when the men come in the Nikah thing" she asked making Rahema roll her eyes.
" Yes Elena you do though, I don't know If you have to it's up to you, but just saying. All the men from the family will be there; thats like all the elders so you know" she spoke casually making my face pale as I saw Elena give me a pointed look.
Everyone's going to be there. My dad, my uncles, my cousins, Uncle Huzaifah, his brothers and their sons.
It was as if a bucket of water was splashed on me making me tense.
I could feel my throat tightening as a soft hand was placed on my shoulders squeezing it slightly. " Naina it'll be okay, relax besides Uncle Abdullah said not many people will come inside the room expect your brothers and a few elders" Hana spoke crouching down in front of me as I felt my eyes closing slightly.
I don't know why but something inside of me told me to stop and think. Something bad was going to happen. I thought as I heard Hana tell me to take a deep breath and exhale slowly.
" Elena get her water... Naina I'm calling Arman okay. I need you to relax honey" Hana spoke as she yelled for someone to call Arman on her phone.
I didn't know why I was behaving like this. I'm never like this. " Here Naina" Elena spoke handing me a glass of water as she sat down next to me her hand squeezing mine reassuringly.
" Naina it's okay... Look they're here" she spoke and sure enough she was right as the door opened and in came a very worried looking Arman. His golden brown hair strands fell on his face as his eyes scanned the room before landing on mine.
I could see his green eyes relax slightly as he strided towards me a worried look on his face. Making his handsome features tense.
" Naina what's wrong?" He breathed out crouching down next to me making me shrug my shoulders unable to speak as Elena stood up, moving away.
I could feel my throat tighten as my vision blurred making Arman sigh softly and embrace me.
" Hey Naina it's okay.... Shh please don't cry look Isaac and Usmaan are also here" He spoke as I found myself embracing his hug; my sobs becoming muffled against his chest as he hushed me, stroking my hair gently.
" Naina do you not want to get married?" He asked seriously his voice soft asking making me shake my head. Not knowing what to say, as I gazed up slowly. Staring at his dark green eyes.
" I do .. I just feel a little bit down" I whispered as he nodded releasing the embrace and looking at me. At the age of Twenty- Four Arman acted as though he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. I could see him cup my cheeks stroking it lightly, like he did every time I cried, making my traitorous tears fall on his thumb.
The white shirt he was wearing was now wet as he grinned at me. Shaking his head. " Don't worry I got the boys to buy some chocolates and stuff". He said as he moved away from me making me look up at my two other brothers grinning at me.
A tall young boy with chestnut hair walked toward's me his brown eyes twinkling as he wiggled, his eyebrows.
" You look hideous" he muttered pointing at my puffy eyes and red nose making Arman smack his shoulder. The young boy pulled me in to a hug all of a sudden, his strong cologne drifting off him as he held me tightly making me gasp.
" I-Isaac air" I breathed out hearing him chuckle releasing the hold making Usmaan walk towards him and pull him by the collor. Usmaan now stood infront of me, his green eyes darkening as he wiped my tears, pulling my cheeks.
" Don't cry Naina... It's the beginning of a new life" he whispered as he held my hands that had Mehndi peeling of slightly. " He knows if he so as makes a tear fall from those eyes, he will have more than a limb to lose" He spoke grinning at me making me smile and smack his shoulders slightly, earning loud chuckles from them.
Staring at my three brothers in front of me I couldn't be more happier than I was right now seeing their towering figure shield me. I was lucky to have them.
Armaan was older than me by five years. He wasn't married and wasn't planning on marrying either and said, he had many things to achieve. With a business and Economics degree he was looking after our fathers company.
Arman and I have, always had this strong bond between us, asides from my parents, Arman was the first person I would run to when I had any problems. After Armaan I was born and one year, after my birth I had another brother called Usmaan.
Usmaan was very different. He was a more self reserved young man that didn't talk much but observed a lot. When you'd think Usmaan isn't listening and is lost in his own little world; little do you know that Usmaan has studied every aspect and behaviour that you have as well as the little reactions and words that could tick you off.
Usmaan wasn't a guy you'd want an argument with; for he was a walking dictionary packed with facts. He also happens to beat our father in a game of chess in which resulted my father to be completely gobsmacked for full ten minutes; and it takes a lot to shock our father.
After my mother had Usmaan, she gave birth to my youngest brother Isaac a year later.
He was very different from Usmaan; You see my younger brother Isaac had traits from me and Armaan resulting him to be a walking joyful young man, who seemed to have humour laced in every word of his. He was always joking and messing around. You wouldn't catch him frowning or being in a funny mood; he always saw the brighter side of everything causing him and Usmaan to have an argument about reality every day.
Isaac argued that happiness is found in every little thing where as Usmaan believed his younger brother needs to get his head out of the clouds; though I don't think at the age of Seventeen, Isaac believes in unicorns and farting rainbows but then again this is Isaac we are talking about.
" Alright get out Wallah ( I swear) you're all going to get us late" Hana yelled walking inside the room followed by three ladies carrying black bags in their hands as Usmaan rolled his eyes and patted Isaac on the shoulder.
" Come we're getting late" he spoke sarcastically as Isaac followed him before giving me a quick kiss on the cheek.
I could see that everyone's eyes were trained on Arman who was completely oblivious to the attention from the ladies, as he leaned in whispering in Pashto.
" Ma Jara ( don't cry) it's going to be okay " He spoke ruffling my hair and walking swiftly out of the room as if he hadn't been there. A heavy silence fell on the room as I sat back on the bed staring at Hana who clapped her hands excitedly. Her eyes twinkling.
" Let's get to work ladies"
Time flew like the waters passing down a stream. With every second turning to every minute, we got closer and closer to our time, as I held on to my breath looking at the mirror in front of me.
I couldn't believe my eyes as I stared at the reflection gazing back at me. All words had vanished out of my mind as I looked idly at the mirror not comprehending that the girl staring back was me.
My once large Hazel eyes now looked greyish against silver eyeliner underneath my eyes. The faint blush against my cheekbones made my eyeshadow stand out more matching my long white silvery dress. I could feel the heavy white skirt itch against my skin slightly making me resist a groan.
Small diamonds and beads were decorated all over the skirt with silver embroidery patterns all around. The long white top that reached midway matched the white cream skirt making the pink strip of my veil stand out brightly. My gaze flickered briefly over the gold set that had been gifted from Uncle Huzaifah, as part of the wedding gift, then untoward's the matching chain around my neck.
I could feel the hesitant glance Rahema give me, as I placed the gold necklace back in the case and closing the velvet maroon case. Reaching towards the silver bangles I slowly put them on staring at my henna designs.
A long silence fell on us; Rahema who had been sitting on the bed stated upwards as the beauticians standing next to me glanced at their masterpiece. Awe written on their features.
Hana had gone to see my mother and Arman making me sigh softly and glance at the clock.
Two hours left to go.
I mentally whispered and sat down, ignoring the burbling feeling at the back of my throat.
Inhaling a sharp breath, I glanced at the sunny weather outside. Seeing a soft breeze settle inside, washing against my skin.
The door suddenly opened making us all jump slightly, as I turned to the side seeing Hana walk inside.
I could see a distressed look on her face as loud Pashto music flowed inside the room. Making me tense.
" There's loads of people Naina" Hana breathed out, her eyes training on me as I nodded slightly, unsure. I could see Hana walk towards me as she stared at me her eyes widening.
" You look beautiful Naina" she spoke softly in awe making me look down and blush. Hana wasn't one to express much of emotions unless it was talking about someone she disliked but she didn't show much emotion, making one wonder if she had any. Yet as I stared at my cousin through the vanity mirror I could see she held a huge amount of respect for me.
Respect I didn't know how I gained.
" I'm scared" I blurted out all of a sudden as I saw Hana once neutral face split in to a grin making her shake her head, leaning in next to my shoulders.
" It's okay Naina I know.. I'm sure he will treat your like the princess you are and if he doesn't well we know Arman won't let him live" she snickered slightly pinching my cheeks, making me smack her hand away. I could see the beauticians pack their bags as they looked at me smiling.
" Thank you so much" I whispered turning to Taniya as she nodded smiling at me " You look beautiful and I hope you have a very happy married life" she spoke shaking my hand as I nodded seeing them walk outside, escorted by Rahema.
I could see Hana reach towards her hair before putting it to the side. Her eyes suddenly lit up as she glanced my way. Walking towards me she placed my veil neatly on to my head making sure my jewellery was seen.
The jewellery I had on felt very light considering the necklace I wore was filled with jewels and diamonds. The earrings I had worn weren't too long either as I felt Hana brush loose strands away from my ear.
" Do you think Saif's brother will come to the wedding? I've not seen him in years" Hana spoke slowly adjusting my white veil on to my head, trying her best not to ruin the bun.
I could feel my heart speed up slightly, a reaction I wasn't looking for. I thought as I shrugged my shoulders, not having the words.
Would he come to the wedding?
Would he even care?
I mentally whispered hearing the large white door open as Elena walked inside; her brown hair braided neatly to the side whilst she adjusted her long pink gown on her slim curvy figure.
" What's up smexy ladies? Hey I heard some hottie just entered the building " Elena winked at me as Hana rolled her eyes scoffing at Elena.
My traitorous and deceitful mind couldn't help but ponder back on him. Would he be coming to the wedding?
I wondered slightly hearing Hana behind me place her soft hands on my shoulders squeezing them with reassurance. I could see the small smile on her face, as I returned the gestures staring at her large brown eyes through the mirror.
I could see Hana walk towards Elena her hands on her hips before she reached towards the black bag sitting on the table next to her.
" Hun there's about Five hundred people here, I'm sure there's plenty of ' Hotties' out there" she muttered putting on pink lipstick making her brown eyes stand out more against the dark make up she did.
Hana was gorgeous.
I thought when all of a sudden I felt Elena stiffen beside me " Five hundred people ? I didn't know that many were coming" Elena spoke reaching for the biscuits and tea as she plumped on the white sofa, a loud sigh escaping her lips.
" I don't know Naina but this wedding is huge, there's so many people how do you even know that many?" She muttered exasperated munching on the chocolate chip cookies causing some of the crumbs to fall on to her dress. Rahema came back inside the room holding her phone infront of her face as she texted someone furiously.
" Elena darling welcome to the Pathan Families, we somehow know every single person and I bet you half of them are related to us some way or another" Hana spoke sitting down swiftly next to Elena before grabbing the biscuit she was about to eat causing Elena to mutter a quick annoyance of 'Hey that was mine' making Hana reply ' You wanted to lose some weight'.
The bickering between the two continued as I felt my heart beating wildly all of a sudden. My palms started sweating as I tried closing my eyes taking deep breaths.
It's all going to be okay. It'll all be fine. There's nothing to worry about. I reassured myself yet somehow deep down I knew something was terribly wrong.
" Mhhm No he looked a bit mysterious he came in with some guys dressed in black suits and literally so many people greeted him and did I forget to mention he was hot" Elena muttered, making Hana look at me, her eyes widening.
Opening her mouth, she smirked staring straight at me. " Oh I think I know who that 'Hottie' is" She grinned as the white door was pushed open and aunt Farah stood there, with tears streaming down her face.
" He left... He's gone"
•••
There comes a moment in life where everything you knew comes crashing down. Everything you've ever loved and cherished gets destroyed right before your eyes as you stand there helpless. There is nothing greater in that moment than to just wish everything stops. Everything blackens.
As if the nightmare you are in stops and reality comes back. Deep down you wish. Truly wish that you could wake up but sad truth slaps you on the face screaming this is reality... You are awake.
Everything around me felt numb. As if I couldn't hear and couldn't speak. I was looking yet I wasn't seeing.
This isn't how it was supposed to happen. This shouldn't be happening. I didn't want this. I never wanted this yet here I was sat; as the Imaam spoke up, looking at me and all eyes trained at my words that were about to come out.
I could feel my world spinning as I gripped on to my brothers hand; the White veil covering my face. A heavy silence fell on the room as my arms became weak and my words fell out of my mouth.
With a shaky voice I sucked in a breath staring at my hands that were decorated with various of Henna Patterns. I knew the words that were uttered by me would change everything but I had no choice.
Everything was ruined.
" Yes"
" Yes "
"Yes"
I whispered softly for the final time causing tears to fall down slowly from my eyes but it wasn't seen; nobody could see them as the white veil covered my face. Making me look down and choke back on a sob.
How unfair was life?
Everything was going perfectly. There wasn't anything that could possibly go wrong except. The one I was meant to get married to, ran away with his sweetheart and here I am getting married to his brother to save the family's honor.
This wasn't supposed to happen. This was never going to happen but yet it did.
I thought as I glanced his way through the heavy white veil.
There in front of me sat a towering man with dark grey eyes swarming with anger. His hands were balled in to a fist as he nodded his head, his dark blue Thob ( Men dress) standing out and his dark eyes staring at mine making me look down, avoiding his gaze.
Omar Khan
One of the most successful businessman in society's eyes, and a notorious criminal to others. At that time I knew nothing about him. I was oblivious to everything, all that mattered in those moments were the pain I endured.
The pain of betrayal and rejection. With five hundred people waiting behind the doors there's was nothing more to fear than facing them but little did I know. I shouldn't be fearing them. I should be fearing the man in front of me, for everyone feared the whispers around Omar Khan.
He was the most reserved yet lethal man in the entire room, and for reasons one dared not to say. There was incessant dark cloud that loomed over him, bringing forth a stifling aura everywhere he went.
Just looking at him made me look down in nervousness as he sat there proudly; his dark aura radiating off him all whilst his eyes were trained on me.
As if he was a predator and I was his prey.
" May Allah always keep you both happy" the Imaam spoke as they all raised their hand in prayer before saying a quick ' Ameen' and with that the Imaam stood up and so did all the men, as they escorted him out whilst some stayed inside the large room.
I looked around for Rahema and Elena but they were no where in sight as my eyes landed on my mother's teared stained face. I could see her give me a weak smile reassuringly but I could also see the pain and hurt evident in her green eyes.
The utter heartache and shame was written all over uncle Huzaifah, who sat next to his father Syed Afzal Khan. The most respected and the kindest person I had ever met.
Everyone called him Dada, and on our first meeting he insisted I call him the very same. Yet, as I glanced at him I could see the man face twist in pain as he stood with the other men, his hand running through his white beard. The black waistcoat standing out proudly on his white Pashtun attire.
Nothing in all my life had me prepared for this. Nothing could ever prepare me for this moment. Everything I knew felt like a dark nightmare I was stuck in. Any minute now I'd wake up, but I never did.
" Thank you my baby" Ammi whispered slowly as she kissed my forehead helping me stand up.
I could see my aunts give me a sad smile as they stood next to Ammi waiting for me.
Yet, I knew the biggest challenge was yet to be faced as we all turned towards the hall seeing the door open.
"It's time to go " Ammi spoke softly helping me through the large room. I could hear people whispering and talking, making me stiffen. Everything around me felt as though it would disappear in to oblivion, as the only sign and indication of reality was the squeezing of my mums hand here and there.
As I walked out of the room holding on to my long white dress. I could hear that the men had asked the music to be put on again and, so it was as we reached the magnificent double doors leading towards the hall that everyone cheered and wished me luck for my new life.
Little did they know my life ended the moment I married him.
The moment I got married to,
Omar Khan