"Ever had the feeling you've been here before?
Drinking down the poison the way you were taught
Every thought from here on in your
Life begins and all you knew was wrong?"
Arriving Somewhere But Not Here - Porcupine Tree
If I'd thought my feet felt heavy walking to Harry's office, that was nothing compared to now. No, now it feels like they're encased in concrete.
With each dragging step my brain conjures up worst case scenarios. What if she is lying to us all? What if she's working for her dad? I feel instant guilt for even thinking that way but I can't shake the feeling of dread that has settled like an immovable block of ice in my stomach.
Navigating the warren of hallways in the back of Fantasia usually annoys the hell out of me but tonight, even with my slow movements, I find myself arriving at Topher's office far too fast for my liking.
I loiter in front of his office for an embarassingly long few minutes trying to work up the courage to knock. Before I even get the chance the door swings open and Topher's confused face pops into view.
"Dude, what the hell are you doing standing out here? You know I can see you, right?" He nods towards a discreet camera above his door and I feel my neck heat up as I realise he's watched me standing out here having an existential crisis.
I let out an annoyed huff and fix my slumped posture. "Can I come in? Harry sent me here with a job to do and apparently neither of us can leave until it's done." Topher just rolls his eyes and flashes me his phone with a text on display from Harry telling him as much as he steps aside to let me through. His office is dimly lit as always; bluish light eminating from the multiple screens almost completely covering one wall and LED lights accenting the contours of the room.
It always surprises me how tidy and clean he keeps his space. I guess I just always bought into the stereotype of messy computer nerds. Topher defies all expectations and preconceptions. Instead of some skinny, pale little man with questionable hygiene he's a hulking, six foot mass of muscle who values a neat, organised work environment. He's a private guy but we've always gotten along - although he won't let me smoke in here. God I could use a joint right now to take the edge off.
Topher gestures to chair and I immediately slump down into it while releasing a deep breath I didn't realise I'd been holding. An awkward silence follows until Topher clearly loses patience with me.
"What are we doing then?" I litany of apologies to Addy run through my brain as I prepare myself to break her trust.
I tell him all the information I was able to assemble and what I think it means we should look into. With Topher's tech skills and my guidance it doesn't take us long to dive into The Way Back Machine; a website that archives the internet so old versions of sites can be accessed. Topher generously provided me with an indepth explantion of the search algorithm he created in order to scour the website for any hint of Addy's existance. None of which I understood.
Honestly I don't even get the impression he's paying me much attention - I think it just helps his process to talk himself through it.
Of course he also had to hack the website in order for it to work. It took him roughly fourty five seconds to do so. That is how we found ourselves reading an article from 2007 that reports a fatal car accident. An accident in which a mother did not survive but the child did - Adaline Faith. However, the most important information was contained in one, short sentence; 'Evangeline Faith was survived by her partner Joseph Page.'
A sense of familiarity tickles my senses; like the barest hint of wind in the baby hairs on the back of my neck.
The sensation causes alarm bells to start ringing in my head - Joseph Page; I've heard that name somewhere before.
Topher is hyper-focused on the screen; a confused, almost angry, look on his face. I don't want to ask and yet I know I have no choice - maybe it's just a false alarm. "Topher? You recognise that name?" Without breaking his gaze from the screen he affirmatively nods as a sour expression contorts his usually pleasant features.
"That name is a ticking bomb - and the second Harry kidnapped that girl -" I grunt in disapproval but Topher just scoffs at me. "Oh come on, no bullshit here. Can you honestly tell me that girl had even an ounce of choice in the whole matter?" I open my mouth to argue and then close it again without saying a word.
I don't know every detail of how everything went down with her ex Evan, his friends and Harry - but I know Evan was thoroughly pissed that Harry took Addy from him. It wasn't exactly kidnapping - but it's wasn't very fucking far from it either. Shit.
"Like I said - the second he kidnapped her he started the timer counting down to an explosion. Seems like Addy is the daughter of Brisbane's biggest drug dealer. He runs over half the city - The Southside, Logan City and Ipswich. It's a shaky hold but he's definitely top dog. Pretty bad rep too." And just like that it all falls into place and the gravity of the situation hits me like a freight train.
As we delve deeper using some incredibly unconventional methods - designed and conceptualised by Topher - we manage to confirm the familial relation without a shadow of a doubt. Even more disturbing, we discover that Evan is the son of William Hart - Joseph's second in command. Despite the puzzle pieces finally fitting together both Topher and I still struggle to see the bigger picture.
For all the answers we've unearthed one remains just out of reach; why the fuck are they here?
I slump back in my chair as I let out a deep, frustrated sigh. I'm used to late nights but it's close to four in the morning and I've heard nothing from Logan and Topher yet. I keep telling myself that no news is good news - that they're taking so long because Logan actually managed to find something of value.
I'd be in a better mood if my gut wasn't roiling with unease at the prospect of finally getting the answers I need. I close my eyes as my head rolls slightly to the side. Before I can even fully relax a loud ping from my phone makes me jolt back up.
Logan Mathwin:
You still in your office boss?
HS:
Yes - come up, bring Topher.
A strange calm settles over me as I compose myself to hear whatever is about to be revealed. I start quoting Frank Herbert in my head; a monologue I memorised as a teen whilst learning to navigate and survive the English criminal underworld. "I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
"Only I will remain." I whisper the last part out loud; the words swallowed up by the hollow, ominous silence of my office. The buzz of the intercom followed by Topher's ever-calm voice shatters the tenuous tranquility I'd achieved and prompts me to unlock the door.
I can instantly tell that something is wrong. A maelstrom of emotions swirl briefly in my chest until I can gain control and suppress them; concern, apprehension and a deep sense of morbid curiosity. Logan looks terrible - he's obviously exhausted and I may have been convinced that was the only reason for his appearance except for the fact that he won't look me in the eye.
His nervous, evasive behaviour tells me that what they've uncovered is bad. Topher, at least, has the fortitude to meet my gaze and hold his ground; but even he looks ruffled. Topher runs a hand through already messy hair as he lowers himself into a chair opposite my desk and Logan shuffles up behind him before finally taking a seat as well.
Topher, not surprisingly, takes the lead; it only takes two words to destroy the inner calm I had achieved a few moments ago. "Joseph Page." It takes every ounce of self-control I posess not to react; when my stoic face does not change Topher continues. "He's your girl's dad - oh and his second in command is Will Hart, Evan's daddy dearest."
I hear the words, I understand their meaning, yet it takes an embarassingly long minute for my brain to fully comprehend just how dangerous this whole situation suddenly is. All my internal processing is severly hampered by my own thoughts - one in particular - that are currently stuck on an infinite loop. Pretty.little.liar. Liar. Addy is a liar. Her father runs his own drug operation. There can be no good reason for her and Evan's little infiltration attempt.
I start mumbling a phrase my father used to tell me on a daily basis when I was in training. "Falsus in uno, falsus in omnibus."
I hear Logan mumble something that sounds like a question, although I miss what it is about until Topher answers. "It's Latin - means 'false in one thing, false in everything.' It's a common assumption people make about others; that if they're lying about one thing then they are probably lying about everything." Of course Topher knows Latin.
"Anything else?" I interrupt before their conversation can continue and finally Logan finds the nerves to speak.
"Well, her parents were never married and she was given her mother's last name at birth which explains how easy it was to digitally hide her. Her mum, Evangeline, died in a car crash when Addy was six - Addy was in the car too but obviously survived. Similar, but not quite the same, issue with Evan. His mum and dad never married - and even though she never added him to the birth certificate, she at least gave him his dad's last name to steer us in the right direction. There is not a single legal document we could find that lists William as Evan's dad so the relation is easy to miss in a basic background check." He's a little breathless as he finishes.
I knew I was right. I fucking knew there was something off about their story from the very beginning. This right here is why I always listen when my gut tells me something isn't adding up. I grit out the question most prominent in my mind; one that has been plaguing me since the night that tone-deaf asshole walked into my club. "Why are they here and what are they trying to achieve?"
Topher and Logan share a significant, nervous glance before turning their heads back to me - their movements disturbingly in sync with one another. "We don't really know." By his tone, Topher has taken personal offence at not being able to uncover their motivations. My irritation flares but I stamp it down. "Keep looking into it - I want to know why the sudden interest in my territory. And double the surveillance on his two side-kicks. I want to know if they're in on this too."
As I lay out my instructions Topher seems to compose himself, unlike Logan who looks one intrusive thought away from a complete mental breakdown. Tink and her Brisbane connections concern me; even though it's been years and I can't imagine them believing her important enough to come at again after all this time. It's worth investigating just in case - it's the thing you don't see coming that kills you.
"Topher - revisit the Arnold issue and make sure past conflict isn't making a reappearance." Topher played a part in helping Tink back when she first stumbled into my life as a troubled teen on the run - he already knows the details so he needs no further information or instruction.
He nods in understanding and I dismiss them both with a sharp hand gesture; Topher looks more than ready to leave but Logan hesitates and it's not hard to guess what, or who, is on his mind. Regardless, I don't have to wait long to find out. "Boss..." He hesistates; his discomfort clear to read. "What about Addy?"
His face pales at my blunt, no room for argument, reply. "I'll deal with her."
Watching the sunrise is meant to be a pleasant experience; but as the sun fights it's way into the sky in a fiery display of natural wonder I can't help but feel numb to its beauty. I'm exhausted and can feel the beginnings of a headache which just further soils my already bad mood.
Somewhere underneath the fatigue, anger and confusion is something entirely new and un-settling; hurt.
Despite the obvious issues with our complex relationship, I've done nothing but protect Addy from the moment I realised she was in danger and potentially innocent in all of this. I've given her every opportunity to come clean with me and shown her that I will keep her safe, even when I'm mad at her.
I hate that I still can't decide if she's just too scared to tell me the truth because of whatever she's been through or if she is playing me for a fool. She's either the best or the worst actress in the damn world.
I could go back and forth with this for hours without getting anywhere but I refuse to let myself spiral like that. Instead I force myself to make a protein shake and head to the gym to kill some time before I inevitably cave and give that damn girl one more chance to explain.
Post-workout clarity often gives me perspective; today is no different. I've been allowing my emotions to fly off the handle whenever I confront Addy and it's never achieved anything of value. I need to maintain focus and allow reason to govern the confrontation.
With that in mind I'm resolved to keep my emotions in check this time and, more importantly, not allow whatever personal feelings I may have dictate my decision making. I've let things spiral out of control more than once and I'd be an idiot to allow myself to keep repeating the same behaviour while expecting different results.
If she really is innocent and in danger then she needs me to be the best version of myself; the version that can protect her and make hard decisions when she can't. Addy might not like me for it, but if she can't meet me half way then I'm taking over completely to protect me and my own. This is bigger than just her and I now.
I can't even begin to consider what I'll do if she is truly a rat.
Every second seems to drag as I wait for the obnoxiously early hours of the morning to give way to more respectable ones. I make it to eight thirty before calling for the day shift building security manager; John has worked for me since almost the beginning, starting out as a bouncer and rising in rank after multiple displays of loyalty. After giving him instructions to politely, but firmly, escort Addy up to the penthouse I busy myself in the kitchen making coffee to give myself something else to focus on while I wait.
I've been avoiding her - not because of what she did to herself; but because I've clearly indentified my growing attachment and the resulting confusion in judgement it causes. No matter my feelings, I need to hit pause until the situation with Evan and her father is resolved.
What might come after that is a future problem.
It isn't long before John returns with a confused Addy in tow. Her dishevelled appearance suggests he dragged her out of bed for this meeting. I let my eyes wander briefly; just to assess her visually and make sure she's alright. Her mouth opens to speak but before she can get a word out I turn from her abruptly and motion with my head for her to follow me. Before she has a chance to question or complain I'm heading to my office; the soft shuffle of her slippered feet tracks my progress through the penthouse.
My home office is pretty basic and is rarely in use. It would be risky and downright stupid of my to store sensitive, illegal documents here on the off chance the law comes snooping around uninvited. The room is impersonal, sparse and obviously neglected; however it feels like the most suitable room to have this conversation - it gives at least the semblance of professionalism.
Once we're seated on opposite sides of my desk I finally allow myself to look at Addy again. Everything about her screams nervousness. 'Fear is the mind-killer.' Emotion is the death of reason and logic. I use the mantras to keep myself on course.
I'm done playing games and dancing around topics so I opt for a less subtle approach. "Addy, I want you to explain to me why your father, Joseph Page, sent you and Evan here to Melbourne." I'm cold, emotionless and calm. Addy is not. The second his name leaves my lips everything about her changes; it's been weeks since I've seen her withdraw in such a physical way.
"H-how -?" I don't have the patience or energy for evasive questions so I interrupt before she can stutter out the rest.
"I asked you a question, and this time I expect an answer. I know who you are, I know who Evan and his father are. Now I need to know why you are both here. This is your last chance, Addy." Her small frame is visibly shaking and I have to violently shove down unwated feelings that keep trying to bubble to the surface.
"I - I don't know." I can feel adrenaline fuelled rage pump through my veins with every beat of my erratic heart but I don't let it show on my countenance.
"We're past that now. If you want to remain under my protection then you tell me everything you know." Silent tears slip from her eyes and stain her perfect cheeks but I refuse to let myself be moved by them.
"I s-swear I don't know anything." I let out a disappointed sigh as she chokes back a sob. "My d-dad and Evan d-don't even know each other t-that well." She can barely talk through her cries but I make out the words well enough to be infuriated by them. I consider the possibility that she honestly knows nothing about her father's business and Evan's relation to it but find that prospect highly unlikely.
Despite my best efforts I can feel my control slipping already and my irritation taking hold; I need to end this conversation before we end up back in the same place we always do; angry, hurt and more confused than ever.
"You know who and what Joseph is though, don't you?" She hesitates and then nods while looking everywhere but at me. "And you didn't find it at all suspicious that he sent Evan here to seek out emplyment in my cartel?" Her eyes widen comically at that - I could almost believe that the information is completely new to her.
"Evan d-doesn't work for him." I scoff at that, unable to hold myself back in the moment.
"If you believe that then maybe you aren't as intelligent as I thought." The hurt in her eyes cuts me like a knife but I ignore it. "You think he came up with the idea to move here and approach me to sell drugs all on his own?" The man is lucky to boast two brain cells to rub together, let alone plan and execute an infiltration plot. His complete inability to do so without detection is a testament to his lack of skill.
"Please, I-I haven't done anything and I d-don't know anything -" I can feel my control and patience slipping and being replaced with the familiar feelings of anger and frustration.
"Enough Adaline. I've given you more chances than I rightfully should have - you either tell me everything now or suffer the consequences." The second her full name leaves my mouth I notice a shift in her breathing pattern; I know it's a low blow but I'm done with all the bullshit niceties at this point.
She does not answer - she's worked herself up into a panic again making further conversation impossible.
I stand up, compose my features and point to the door. "Get out Adaline - if you aren't going to be useful then I have no need for you." My voice is cold and scathing and I instantly hate myself for it. Addy has quietened down but silent tears still stream down her face uninterrupted. She stumbles to her feet and leaves as quickly as her unsteady legs will carry her.
I take a few minutes to compose myself and then follow the path she took back out to the lobby. John is still waiting patiently by the elevator but Addy is gone. I instruct him to organise another guard to keep an eye on Tink's apartment just in case she decides to try and run and then head to my bedroom to get ready to go to Fantasia where a long day of trying to untangle this mess awaits me.
Constructive criticism welcome. Thoughts? Feelings?
- Harry
- Adaline
- Logan
- Topher
I know he's probably not anyone's favourite person at the moment .. but I felt the need for a little Harry appreciation. He's trying lol.
References:
- Dune by Frank Herbert
- Both Plato and Aristotle saw Reason as inherently superior to the Emotions
- The Way Back Machine: https://archive.org/web/