"Here," she holds the reins out for me to take.
Holding them nervously in my hands I can't help but stare up at the large creature standing before me.
"I'm still not sure about this, Mags. I've never been horseback riding."
She steps her foot into the stirrup dangling at her horse's side and pulls herself up, swinging her other leg over its body.
"Come on scaredy-cat, jump on, we'll go slow."
I hesitate, wracking my brain for any excuse not to do this.
"Wolves on horses... it seems...unnatural."
A deep chuckle from behind me makes me turn. Lincoln and Cam are walking toward us.
I slide my foot into the stirrup and shakily pull myself up. Suddenly, the height of the animal seems much less daunting. I want to jump up and gallop away at full speed. Anything to get me away from him.
My horse takes a few steps forward and I resist the urge to panic. This feels really high up.
"Sorry to ruin your riding lesson but we have to go, Maggie," Cam reaches out to pet her horse, "the council wants an update on the Northern border investigation."
"Aww man, bummer," I do my best fake pout as I start to pull myself up to swing my leg back over, eager to be on solid ground.
"I'll take you out," his voice takes me completely by surprise.
"The horses are already saddled and ready."
No, please! Anything but this! After last night I can't bring myself to look at him. I woke up in my bed, with no memory of how I got there. Unfortunately, there are a few things that I do remember, like telling him he looks handsome and wantonly staring at his mouth.
Maggie jumps down and hands him the reins. I want to beg her not to leave me here, not to force me to go riding with him. I'm already terrified of this thing, now he's going to be watching me? Fantastic.
After he explains some basic commands and shows me how to hold on properly we ride slowly down a trail leading away from the residence. I stare at my hands the entire time but I can hear the amusement in his voice. He knows I want to bury myself in a hole and he's laughing at me. Wonderful.
"Loosen up a little bit, your whole body is rigid," he chuckles.
I try to relax, my tightness is only half fear. The other half is due to our close proximity and being utterly alone.
"Stop your horse," he laughs again, bringing himself directly beside me, "let your body move, when she moves, be relaxed enough to move with her."
I watch him as he prompts his horse to move, his hips rolling slightly as it walks.
After several minutes of trying I feel more relaxed. My movements aren't confident and fluid like his but I don't feel like I'm going to fall. After the fear subsides this is actually pleasant. I'm following him down a trail that is outside of my normal access area. It's so untouched and peaceful. We're moving at a slight decline, down into a valley. I notice him slowing slightly, bringing his horse to walk beside mine.
"How are you feeling this morning?"
I sigh, "embarrassed but mostly unscathed." I cringe thinking of last night. I hope the things that I remember are the full extent of my embarrassing moments.
He laughs but doesn't bring it up again.
"When did you start playing the piano?" He asks after several minutes of silence.
I turn to him, shocked that he's making an effort toward small talk.
"I started taking lessons when I was seven."
"You're very good."
"I... thank you," I wonder if it would be too presumptuous of me to ask him a question. I don't want to overstep and put myself back on his shit list.
"Go ahead," he says after a moment, "I can almost hear the wheels turning in your head. Ask. After what you've learned over the last few days, you're bound to have questions."
I bite into my lip and try to think of a tactful way to ask.
"What did you do?"
It spills out of my mouth. That is not how I wanted to ask but I'm frazzled. I know he knows exactly what I'm referring to.
"I became Alpha King at eighteen. Cam and Maggie are childhood friends. They were my first choice for my Beta and Gamma. Luke was one of the top warriors in the country, we meshed well immediately. Everything felt perfect like it was falling into place exactly as it should be," he tightens his hands on the reins, a gesture I'm sure I wasn't meant to notice.
"I looked for my mate but not actively, I didn't feel any huge rush or pressure, I just wanted to focus on being the best King I could be."
He stops for a moment, the clomping of hooves against the ground accentuates the silence.
"When I was nineteen, a seer came with an urgent message. She said I needed to find my mate before I turned twenty or I would lose her forever. After that, I became... obsessed. I started traveling all over the country, visiting every Kingdom, looking for her. I couldn't focus on anything else. A small pack at the edge of the Kingdom reached out for help, they were having trouble with a violent group of rogues. They wanted me to send warriors, they needed protection."
He rubs his hand over his face and lets out a breath.
"I almost don't remember anything from that time. I was so consumed with making sure I found my mate, everything else was irrelevant. Another seer came, sent by the Moon Goddess herself. She warned me to take care of this pack, to do my duty as the Alpha King, and ensure her children's safety. I made arrangements with another small pack nearby, to join them together, but it was too late. I had waited too long."
His voice sounds hoarse, full of pain and regret.
"The rogues attacked and the entire pack was slaughtered. I turned twenty a week later. The seer returned, my punishment for failing to do my job was a curse of the worst kind. She gave them a choice, denounce me and go, but they refused. My entire household was punished for my shortcomings because they wouldn't abandon me. The Goddess cut our bonds like a string, snapping them before we could ever feel them. My mate... she was from the pack I was supposed to save."
I didn't realize I was crying until a tear dripped down my chin onto my hand. The hurt in his voice vibrates through my chest.
"It's been six years and it still feels... fresh, like an open wound that can't heal."
"That's awful," I start but he stops me.
"Being the Alpha King is a gift from the Goddess, it is a privileged responsibility and I failed. For my deficiency, I deserve to be punished. The others don't though if you're going to shed a tear, do so for them, not me."
"You made a mistake, that doesn't mean you deserve misery, Lincoln."
A bitter laugh leaves his throat, "that's exactly what it means, Jo."
I follow him back toward the stables, the rest of the ride is tense and silent.
"I'll brush the horses down," he tells me, taking the reins after I climb down. I nod and turn to leave. "What would you like for dinner?" he asks just before I pass through the door.
"Oh... um," he is so confusing, "could we just have pizza or something?"
His lips twitch, fighting a smile, "sure."
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