June 22, 2018
Coming back to London is hard but necessary.
In her teenage years she used to think she was made for the bustle of a city, but age has taken those soft sugar spun dreams and chiseled their edges. She's constantly on alert when she's in London, whether she's doing an engagement or simply running errands. There are people whose jobs revolve around watching her, so the act always has to be up.
Now her home is a city of betrayal, and being back causes her to cling to William more. She's sick whenever he's out, and she cries when she's alone because her mind can't stop with its creative scenarios.
It doesn't help that her kids love the country so dearly that she longs for it for them. They love running through the trees, and playing sports wherever they want without William and her warning them to watch for people. They take to the air like their lungs have been made for just it, and coming back to London they sulk.
But Mia has her recital, and Jaclyn refuses to go into labor while she's not near St. Mary's again. So, coming back is necessary.
It's mostly William that packs them up while she's curled up in their guest bed whimpering. Her stomach fits like a sack of bricks on her body, and even sitting down or bent over she can feel it sagging in her flimsy body threatening to rip apart.
She can sense both Amelia and PJ lingering outside the door, never daring to enter, but she doesn't have the energy to console them. To act like she's not being drained of everything she has left.
The first day back in KP is much the same. William helps her in, and immediately she collapses in their bed. However, her kids are done waiting and minutes later they both crawl into the bed with her.
Their gentle hands and feather light kisses console her in a way the mattress and pillows can't. She holds PJ close to her chest, his head under her chin, and Mia wraps around her back. William sits on the edge of the bed, there with them, but not pushing. Mia still observes him like she's been tasked with solving a great mystery, but for the moment they're all there together.
After an hour or so her leg falls asleep and one of the babies kicks one of her ribs out of place. Her muffled whimper is enough for William to usher the kids out saying she needs to rest. After she clenches the life out of his hand while he pops the rib back in.
Now, a week later and worse for wear, she's watching her dad hang up the clouds her mom made from polyfill stuffing, rocking back and forth in the chair she's had since Mia was born. The motion soothes the aches throbbing up and down her spine and settles the twins in her stomach.
If at all possible she's sure bruises like the inside of her body just yellow and purple marks color her on the outside. The slightest jostle and her skin will shatter anymore.
“I still don't think they need all this,” her dad says. He's precariously balanced on a stool, and it takes all of her willpower not to rush over and help him.
Together they both survey the new nursery, a random room that will finally have a purpose. The walls have been painted a soft blue with stickers of clouds and white stars. The old velvet furniture and familial portraits have been removed, replaced by cribs and changing tables. Jaclyn only hopes they'll have reason to actually use the room for once. That the work won't be wasted.
“I only mean, you and bub would've shared a room if you were still home.” The way he says this, eyes fixed on the fake cloud and string it's dangling from, she can't interpret his meaning.
He could mean it in a morally superior way looking down on the excess that they have, because how do you spend your whole life cursing the rich from under their boot only to have two grandkids born into it? Or, he could be ashamed. Ashamed that there was never enough for any of them to have anything of their own despite how hard he worked.
Jaclyn can't judge him for it when the trait has passed on to her. It's only when she sees him, looking around as if worried something priceless will consume him, that she realizes what she must look like to William and her kids. But, she's trying to be better. Trying to embrace Dr. Ratcliff's words that peace in her life will make her happier. Trying to tell herself that she doesn't have to be ashamed of her kids’ luck as long as they're raised to be good upstanding people.
So she shrugs, hands patting out a gentle waltz rhythm on her stomach as she rocks. “I know, but we have the room. Besides, it'd be cruel to make Amelia and Philip share with two babies.”
Her father is not one for change. He still wears fraying cut offs to work with his camo baseball cap up upon his head. He's worn sunglasses everywhere for as long as she's known him, and kept the same hairstyle his whole life. The papers and people laugh and call him a rugged man, though now it seems to be an admired normal trait, and he still refuses to change.
However, when she says this to him, that the kids deserve their own rooms, he softens and minutely nods in approval.
“Harry and Meghan are coming.”
Jaclyn jerks, jolting so her joints protest under her skin and the rocking chair stutters under her. There's a distant snap, though she knows it is right within her hip, and William's at her side in a second, steadying the rocking chair. After a second of short breaths and squeezing her eyes shut the flares in her pelvis stop.
“You were saying?” She winces as one of the babies kicks the force pulling her forward slightly. Throbbing erupts across the front part of her stomach. The new flaring bruise on top of her dislocated hip turns her vision white, and it doesn't help that at least one twin is pressing down on her pelvis.
It's all consuming, this pain, in a way that's new. She's carried aches and bruises like armor her whole life. As a dancer, as a mother, but this is like being undone over and over again only to be sloppily stitched together.
When her eyes open again, the sun rays wafting through the sheer curtains blind her, but more importantly she feels the wetness on her cheeks.
Her dad is crouched beside her now, sunglasses and hat tossed carelessly aside, and when she looks down it's his hands that hold her own. It's obvious now, the texture of damaged calloused skin is so unlike William's. Through her tears and her fragile bones she leans forward onto her dad's shoulder.
If he thinks it's odd that she's clinging to him instead of William, who's awkwardly waiting behind them, he doesn't say, but she can feel his stare shift.
They never told her parents about the situation. None of it. Operation Westminster, the fighting, his outings, absolutely none of it. But her parents are smart people, they can tell something is wrong, and suddenly she feels so sorry for being so difficult at Christmas.
“Let me help-”
“You were saying?” She asks one more time, turning her leg so her hip pops back in. Both men cringe, but she arches a brow daring William to hold back.
“Harry and Meghan just confirmed that they're coming to Mia's recital.”
“An hour before we leave? How generous.” She scoffs bitterly, but knows she should be happy. Amelia has been asking her constantly if Harry will be coming. Both the kids have missed him dearly, and Mia's gotten it in her head that dancing for her family will bring them together.
-----
“Brad, Michelle, how wonderful to see you again.” Jaclyn, her parents and her brother are all waiting by the ticket office when Charles and Camilla come in. The people still lingering in the hallway, the ones with crazy family members who didn't buy tickets, turn to gawk but the couple waltz right by them.
“I'm glad to see you opted for sleeves, Brad,” Charles laughs, and her father offers up his closed lip grin as he shakes The Prince of Wales' hand.
“You know me, Your Highness,” and somehow her father manages to say this in the most laid back, uncaring tone, “I'm a fancy man.”
Next to him her mother is radiant, dressed in simple slacks and a draped green top that highlights the shape of her eyes. It's not that her dad looks bad, in fact most people are dressed casually, but he still stands out like a sore thumb. Especially now that Caleb has grown into his Hutchinson features, and models his style after his extended family.
“When are the others getting here?” Caleb huffs, crossing his arms and wrinkling his blazer.
“Will is helping Mia get settled backstage-”
Caleb drags out his huff with a stomp off his foot. “Not him.”
“Caleb, behave,” Michelle warns, adjusting his blazer, but he's twitching and only a second away from freaking out when her mother turns to her apologetically. “He really needs to sit down, Jac…”
“It's alright I can wait on Harry and Meghan.”
“We'll wait with you,” Camilla offers. "They'll be here soon I'm sure."
Jaclyn watches with clenched hands as her brother's hands flap rapidly, both of her parents guiding him with a soothing tone to their seats. Her jaw clenches and in this she tries to hold in every frustration she has with her brother and sister in law. The crowd thins, and as more people go inside the longer the confused looks linger.
Jaclyn shifts trying to alleviate the sinking pain coming down on her pelvis, the feeling of her bones being ground into dust. It takes all her self control not to sink over and curl into a ball, but she's not at home in her bed. There are people watching her, people who don't know how fragile her life suddenly is.
In the chaos of the last month she's forgotten how fragile it is. So caught up in covering things up, being mad at William, being sad because of William, that the thoughts of what comes next haven't crossed her mind.
It's only in prolonged moments like this where the pain is all there is, that she remembers. Crowds have gathered outside of St. Mary's anticipating the picturesque scene of William and her on the steps with their babies. Jaclyn thinks it's quite cruel how easily these crowds will be trapped to watch another scene unfold if things go wrong.
The way her body aches she can already feel the casket closing around her.
“Where is he?” Charles huffs glaring down at his watch just as the ten minute warning is issued.
Jaclyn opens her mouth to say she's going to find her seat, she won't miss her daughters first recital especially if it might be the last she gets to see, when the door is thrown open.
“We're here!” Harry exclaims completely out of breath, and Meghan comes teetering in behind him. Her bodycon dress is swathed around her figure, simple and elegant drawing a person's eyes to the off the shoulder draped neckline and diamond earrings.
Jaclyn's so agitated she can't help but blurt, “What on earth are you wearing?”
It's in that moment that Meghan takes in both Camilla and Jaclyn's simple dresses, and horror washes over her radiant complexion. “I don't know… You guys are always dressed so nice…”
"It's a children's dance recital. The dress code is implied." Meghan's face falls, shock melding together with her horror. She feels bad, Jaclyn can tell, but right now she doesn't have it in her to care.
Jaclyn's teeth grind, and she has to pivot her chair to face the ticket counter to not bite someone's head off. Pointing Harry to the correct seats next to theirs is just enough to keep her from screaming. Deep inside she's horrified by this sudden switch in her mood, by how much Meghan's crestfallen pout upsets her.
“It's alright dear, you look very lovely-”
“But what will people say now?” Meghan screeches at Camilla's attempt to soothe her. Jaclyn has to focus on Harry and his hand signing his big sprawling signature, but as the warning bells chime she's doomed to scream either way.
“Once the doors close they won't open until intermission.”
“Okay,” Harry says, putting his card back.
“She's in the first act.”
“Alright, I'm coming-”
“Then come faster,” she snaps, cranking her chair back so quickly her elbow snaps out of place before shooting back in. The crack stops everyone dead in their tracks, but she keeps moving into the theatre.
-----
If people were still doubting the resemblance between Jaclyn and Amelia, watching Mia dance would shut them all up. It's not that she's God's gift to dance or anything, Jaclyn surely wasn't at that age, but she holds herself similarly.
There's the promise of grace in her long boney arms, though Jaclyn never had long legs like Mia's, and the same determination is in her presence. Amelia steps into an arabesque, double jointed arms awkwardly crooked giving her no support, and her foot wobbles back and forth. Still her lips twist and she holds on to the pose as everyone else runs around her.
After the show Jaclyn's parents help guide her through the crowd out into the theatre lobby. Thankfully, the families are all used to seeing Mia in class, and either William or her at pick up so no one causes a fuss.
“Oh my gosh Jackie,” one of the older girls' moms stops her, leaning over to give her a half hug. “Amelia was precious up there! And William was such a help at dress rehearsal this morning.”
Jaclyn thanks her, and bites back her sigh as Meghan awkwardly shuffles into her spot. With Jaclyn sitting down and Meghan in her heels they're at an awkward angle, Jaclyn feeling like a chastised child. They stare but never say anything. Meghan's lips twist like she wants to say something, and Jaclyn can feel her apology pulling its way out, and yet... Nothing.
William and Mia find them in the lobby, Mia still done up in her sparkly pink tutu and stage makeup. The second she spots them she wiggles from William's hand and throws herself at Jaclyn's wheelchair.
“Did you see? Was I good?” She shoots off a million questions a minute with her arms lacing around Jaclyn's neck. The added weight crunches on her spine, but she deals with it to hold her baby girl close.
“Of course I saw!” Jaclyn exclaims, giving Mia a kiss, “You were so good!”
“The best dancer on the stage!” Charles adds, sweeping in to pull her away, and Mia frets about her bun being messed up even though it hasn't moved an inch in hours. “Your mother's daughter to a T.”
Mia swells whipping to face Jaclyn with the biggest grin on her face as if this is the best news ever. It still strikes Jaclyn as odd that she may be the ballerina girls aspire to be. When Mia wants to watch dance videos she always requests to watch hers no matter how much Jaclyn insists that Misty Copeland and Natalia Osipova are just as amazing.
Rose bouquet after rose bouquet are pulled into Amelia's little arms, and she accepts each one with a dancers curtsy that she's been practicing.
“Hey wiggle worm.” Harry bends down offering her a bouquet of yellow carnations that she scoops up happily. It falls to the ground though as Harry picks her up to swing her around, her little ballet slippers kicking behind her as she squeals.
The plastic of the bouquets crackles between, but it doesn't deter Mia from wrapping her arms around Harry's neck and squeezing. "Did you see me on stage?"
"Of course, you had a little solo and everything. Best dancer up there by far." She giggles, and Harry spins then a little more. When they stop Meghan steps up beside them, and as the scene unfolds Jaclyn's chest squeezes.
Mia's bright eyes open fully, wide and innocently soul sucking, and her head tilts. It's not that her smile turns into a frown, but it does fade into something more closed off.
“Hi Meghan," she says softly, turning her head into Harry's neck so only one eye is looking at her new aunt.
Together Jaclyn and William creep closer, and the rest of the family follows. Closing in the scene to curious onlookers. Nervously, Meghan's hands clench together, but her smile is stuck like a light you can't turn off.
“It's Aunt Meghan now," Harry tries to prompt.
“Or Aunt Meg." Meghan's voice while bright and exuberant strains in her throat, and Jaclyn sympathizes as Amelia continues to stare at Meghan with no hint of giving in.
“Alright," she finally says, and she jumps down from Harry's arms before running over to Jaclyn's parents. In a snap her bright demeanor is back as she jokes with her grandparents and other uncle, even trying to prompt Caleb to try some ballet steps with her.
Camilla sets a gentle hand on Meghan's shoulder, but she pulls away, caving in on herself like her crossed arms and down turned chin can hide her.
"I'm trying," she whispers helplessly.
Jaclyn pushes forward, but realizes this is another thing she can never understand. Louise was the only child that had to get used to her, James and Savannah grew up with her in their lives. By the time William and her got married they already considered her family.
Camilla comes forward again tipping Meghan's chin up. "Give her time. It's quite new for her, but she'll come around."
"Not if she thinks I've stolen her uncle."
"She's five, give her a few years and she won't even remember this."
The others have fallen away, but Jaclyn stays. She's not sure why considering how snippy she's been all day, but she does.
-----
William has no problem passing out once they get back home. After spending his afternoon chasing little girls around backstage, trying to diffuse the tension between his family, and everything else, sleep comes easy.
He can sense Jaclyn beside him, though she's not as near as she was once, her breathing is just as comforting as her touch. It lulls him to sleep, soundlessly and without fuss.
That's why it jolts him upright when he's shaken furiously.
The room is dark and still, and he has to run his hands over his eyes to center himself in the space. It's only when nails dig into his wrist that he turns.
Jaclyn is lying down, clutching desperately at her pillow. Her eyes reflect with tears in the moonlight that washes through the windows, and as he leans forward he can see her shaking.
"My water just broke."
-----
Ahh, it's time!
I'm sorry this would've been out sooner, but my friends wrangled into watching all Hazbin Hotel last night. Surprisingly I really liked it, but I'm also a theatre nerd so the songs really did it for me. Would recommend, but it's very very graphic and vulgar, so be warned because I was not and I was scandalized. 😂
As for this, I'm working on the next chapter now. I don't want to leave you guys on a cliffhanger for long, but I do have a lot of really important work that I have to get done so we'll see. Sadly school must come first, I know depressing 😅
Anyways let me know what you guys think, or if you have any predictions. I would love to discuss!!!